Do women want something different from what all other humans want?

Richa, Unmana, The Restless Quill, Shail and Pixie have answered this one and I agree with them.

And here are some answers I disagree with.

(I am not linking – but this is an unedited quote. No offense to the writer. I have heard and read this hundreds of times before.)

‘They are confident to rub their shoulders against men’s in their professions but at the same time could easily sacrifice their career for a sweet secured family. They understand male ego, and never intend to have a status of a bread earner but always feel satiated by just being jam on that bread.”

#Don’t call such expectations ‘their’ choices.

Accept gracefully when their choices are more human than divine. That ego can chain you, why not take an unbiased look at these expectations?

And don’t use arguments like,
“It’s always been done that way 🙄
You must give up your dreams for mine.
Don’t forget you are divine!”

They are beautiful. All in all they are the most divine and miraculous creation of nature, and deserve and want only the best for themselves and their loved ones.”

There’s more to a woman than her beauty and err…’divinity’.

# Let everybody take their share of responsibility in wanting only the best for the loved ones.

#Accept that women are human. Like all humans they come in all shapes and sizes. Like all humans they lie, love, hate and have thoughts that are generally described as ‘impure’.

Being divine hasn’t helped women. (another unedited quote)

“Female foeticide is not supported by bharatiya samskriti, which actually worships feminine shakti. Kali devi, Durga devi, Saraswati devi, Shiva in Ardhanareeshwara form, Manasadevi, Lakshmi devi, all exemplify the greatest respect that bharatiya parampara gives to shakti.”

It’s easier being human.

‘Some want a domineering guy with an attitude and some want a simple sober one, but all want who could stand with them in kitchen when they cook. “Can’t you stand with me instead of watching football,” my gal used to say when we were together.’

#Do not claim to know what other people want or think, not even women.

“Clubbing, partying, flirting around, fagging, boozing, et al they want to experience, but unlike men, they mostly know their limits.”

Unlike the rest of the population, women who do not ‘know their limits’ in how they party, dress, dance, walk, talk, drink, work, love … they ask for it.

“They are born gorgeous, and always want to look their best.”

Would they remain equal citizens if they weren’t considered gorgeous?

“They are very sensitive and always needs an emotional support.”

Doesn’t everybody benefit from emotional support? Maybe they express it better? Maybe some of them need to get out and make friends who are not related to them through their spouse?

“However tough they might seem, they all are dolls inside.”

Are we talking about equal adult citizens here?

‘But the most important of all, women want utter respect and immense love.’

#A lot of women are content with respecting themselves. And if the society does not expect them to live to be ‘loved and married’, many may prefer to live happily, with or without it.

‘Trust by their partner is what women demand and fidelity for them is what they inherit.’

#Reminder : Women are humans. Such unrealistic expectations result in honor killing of women who do not ‘inherit’ fidelity. And many, many living with infidelity.

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48 thoughts on “Do women want something different from what all other humans want?

  1. But those presumptions about women are still going strong !!! Its the shift from a patriarchal society to one of equal rights !!! But the whole thing is made more difficult by those men soaked in the patriarchal system and the women too make it difficult sometimes. These women who still think that pati is devata and everyday morning she needs to touch his toes and get his blessings !!!

    And when a woman breaks out of this system, she is killed – termed honor killing !!! By those same men and women, who want the patriarchy to continue…

    Thank God, we have such strong support systems at home, both at parents and at in-laws, that we are able to discuss so much about it. Let the awareness spread that women wanting different things is as normal a requirement as their counterparts.

    Me – Uma I so agree… support system can make such a lot of difference!! All the difference.

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  2. I simply love this post IHM. I have been reading a lot of posts on ‘what women want’ and it has been making me really sick, rather too sweet and cloying for my taste! 😉 Really, what is with this women are divine and they want the best for others, they are dolls inside… and what not. The less said about the ‘bharatiya sanskriti’ that worships woman as Devi, the better. Those who repeat it ad nausem will do well to

    remember that BOTH men and women are worshipped in temples in India but in real life the story is different. All the worship in temples is NOT going to do ANY good to women in real life. It is how she is treated in real life that matters and THAT would be REAL worship.

    The sooner that is understood by our society the better.

    This flattery of making women feel special has been and is her downfall. Don’t be flattered by all this sweet talk, ladies. We are mortals just like men.

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  3. IHM,

    see this

    Me – So sad Suranga!! I loved the last lines…
    //”You want to know what I want ?
    Come tomorrow,
    same time,
    same place,
    right now,
    this little chap might wake up…..”//

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  4. ” They understand male ego, and never intend to have a status of a bread earner but always feel satiated by just being jam on that bread.”

    Eeks! I guess as my current role as a SAHM, I’m the jam on the bread my husband earns, but I’m far from being satiated…Yes commentator, even though I chose to stay at home and be with my daughter, it is not something a dreamt of as a child…Please don’t think deep down all women want to stay at home and please their husbands and children…Women are humans too and just like men, they too have desires and needs which do not involve the family and home…

    As usual, well written IHM…

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  5. IHM, I could not agree more!

    This business of deifying women, while denying her the basic rights, has always made me wonder. I once met someone, who was fine with making her daughter-in-laws abort female fetuses, and yet claimed that women were respected in the society, because they used to ‘worship’ little girls, as part of some ritual. The double standard amazes me. Those little girls have no say over their own lives, and yet are made to feel grateful because some grown up women touch their feet once a year?

    As you say, a lot of women are content(and happier) to respect themselves, and live like a human – with all the human failings, rather than as some deity who is not allowed any failings at all.

    I loved Shail’s post about how women, like cattle cannot be treated as one entity. Will hop over to read the others.

    Me – I have seen such attitudes too. I think they know very well, what they are doing, but hope to distract any discussions with such talk.

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  6. Deifying women for being mothers, for being the self sacrificing, self denying dutybound housewife is really another way of binding a woman to duty …. while the men go out and play. You know, once (yeah I live in Haryana where you meet the world’s worst MCPs) a man told me “Arent you ashamed to eat meat? Women are supposed to give good samskaras to their kids and so should not eat meat!” Well I gave him a piece of my mind ~ which I would rather not put down here. Sufficient to say that he avoids me in case we bump into each other in this city. Sadly this is a common problem, most men and families do take us to be custodians of all tradition and virtue which they can happily stop following. We are supposed to, by example, teach the next generation.

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    • Deifying “is really another way of binding a woman to duty …. while the men go out and play.”

      Absolutely agree Ritu … Any woman who is told any such things about her godess-ness must tell the speaker she things they make bigger, better gods and must sacrifice for her instead 😆 I’d like to see how many such speakers would be willing to become gods?!

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  7. ok, I just had to give my opinion on the points listed
    – we don’t “sacrifice” our career to “satisfy” male ego! More often than not we would be coerced,
    brainwashed or simply arm-twisted to give up our careers.
    If we have done it willingly, its because “We wanted to” and not to satisfy male ego!! 🙄

    eh?! Don’t put us on that cursed pedestal! We are NOT divine and we are not a miracle!

    God probably gave us birthing capabilities because we are stronger than men! really.

    I agree with IHM – we are human! Arrgh! Is that so difficult to comprehend?!!
    I hate that quote about the kitchen and the domineering guy thing!
    Honestly – I don’t think anyone wants someone who acts like a prick – men or women!

    I agree with Shail when she says –
    “This flattery of making women feel special has been and is her downfall. Don’t be flattered by all this sweet talk, ladies. We are mortals just like men.

    I repeat myself – leave us alone – we are human first and not Gods/Goddesses!
    Reality isn’t like that!

    And this attitude change is so very much needed not just from the men, but from the women too!!

    ohh! Some of those posts left such a bad taste in my mouth! Some were good though – very hard-hitting
    It’s sad that women think they are divine creatures sent to earth to be all-forgiving, ego-stroking,
    sacrificing robot!!

    ok.. im stopping now before it becomes another mini-post!

    Me – I agree Pixie, an attitude change is needed.

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  8. Quite correct. Any sort of “deification” or attribution of “special qualities” is a double edged sword. They can be used against a woman when convenient.

    Because once a person says women have special qualities, their moral responsibility to show that they “love” and “respect” women is done and they can now go ahead and impose restrictions on them for that very reason!

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  9. This whole thing about women being different has always struck me as a lot of poppycock. Maybe if women were a separate species that would be a case. but we are human beings- born of men and women- with a fine intermingling of genetic material. Therefore half of what we are we get from a male source. That very thing should make us like men and men like us.
    There are no specials on what women want and what men want!

    Me – Absolutely agree!

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  10. good post IHM. I agree. what pains me about women the most is to see many women put on the hat of “patriarchy” to defend the injustice and unfairness meted out to both women and men who are weaker in social, economic and age parameters as defined by the order.

    take the TV serials for instance- while it started with the hindi ones but today almost all regional languages copy the same formulae where every one of the above quotes about women are hailed and used liberally and command a wide viewership across the country.

    Thinking is what women need to do first and the first question she needs to ask is “who am I” and seek answer not from her lineage, relationships or any other external sources but from within.

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  11. As Shail said: we have both God and Goddesses in our culture but have you noticed how all these all-powerful Goddesses are represented? What are their place in the mythology? In the feet of their husbands, serving them. No matter how powerful each and every one of them are, they are still represented to be serving their man. So don’t you think that the concept of Goddesses in our patriarchal society is to, well, further the cause of patriarchy?

    If those all-powerful Goddesses serve their husbands unquestioningly, accept all the injustice inflected on them (in case of Sita) and still sing praise of their husband, then who are we, the normal humans, to defy the authority of man?

    I would rather have no female divine figures then having the ones that portray subjugation females by their male counterpart. Just my opinion..

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  12. ‘Some want a domineering guy with an attitude and some want a simple sober one, but all want who could stand with them in kitchen when they cook. “Can’t you stand with me instead of watching football,” my gal used to say when we were together.’

    Not every woman is like your “gal.” There are women who don’t cook!!

    “However tough they might seem, they all are dolls inside.”

    Wow! Thanks for liking women to an inanimate object. Really appreciate it.

    #Reminder : Women are humans. Such unrealistic expectations result in honor killing of women who do not ‘inherit’ fidelity. And many, many living with infidelity.

    Agree. 🙂

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  13. Such generalizations are sad and absolutely ridiculous .
    Hey IHM…….is the blogger u quoted male by any chance????
    He wrote:

    ‘They are beautiful. All in all they are the most divine and miraculous creation of nature, and deserve and want only the best for themselves and their loved ones.”

    “They are born gorgeous, and always want to look their best.”

    A very clear attempt to score some brownie points from women.

    Better luck next time.LOL

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    • Do you think he (yes it was male) trying to score brownie points? I thought he would antagonize most women with such righteous expectations! It’s like saying, “look gorgeous all the time or else you are not really a woman’
      or ‘sacrifice all your dreams or else you don’t love your family’ 😦

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  14. Oh I am loving the word Divine. Its so convenient for men to use that word when they feel like it! I wonder if they see the divinity in women when they see them parading half naked on screen in movies, especially Bollywood movies and go ga ga over them. I am more afraid to take my kids for Hindi movies than English movies now. 😀

    On one hand we have TV serials, with women dressed up like devis at all times and some of them meaner than devils. And we have half naked women on the bigger screen, who are there only to beautify the screen.

    I was just wondering how many people think that movies and TV serials do affect our lives in some way or the other! And if they do, then isn’t it time that the feminists organizations do something about it?

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    • You are very right media images and messages do impact social consciousness. All those titelating banters in the form of songs between male and female lead characters in hindi films is every day observed on the streets of India and it is minimized by calling it eve teasing. In the absence of healthy role models in everyday lives some people subscribe to distorted media messages like women ought to be devis or they are whores.

      …then isn’t it time that the feminists organizations do something about it?

      1. Have you researched if they are doing anything or you just shooting an arrow in the dark 🙂 .
      http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=321002

      2. Why does it have to be the responsibility of feminist organizations? Do we pay them to protest on behalf of us? Don’t they have homes to run and jobs to bring bread to the table??

      3. Come let us make it our business because it is bothering us. Let us write letters to the editors of newspapers, to the TV chanels that host such programs, to the writers and directors of such shows and movies, to the actors and actresses who choose to do such portrayals. Let us bycott the things our consciousness do not agree to.

      4. Change begins with me. Let me take a step with you in this direction. Together we can change what ever we want. It is just a matter of first step.

      Peace,

      Desi Girl

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  15. I absolutely loved this post…. so different from the usual “sugar coated: ones!! 🙂

    Just a sad strange world we live in…

    I have a cousin who truly believes its a girls job to cook and take care of the house, while he lazes about and watches tv… he is single, and so today expects his mom/sis/gramm/us cousins to do stuff for him.. keep getting into word battles with him so often that i am tired..

    I wanna know who is the moron who created this rule.. Almost like women “have to” slave over everything and then get no credit /appreciation…. women are the ones who “actually” do more work than the guy[even those who go work] …..

    Me – Such social rules have been made by those who benefit from them… if the one who judges is also the one who abuses, where do you go for justice? Well you make your own rules and be your own judge 🙂

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  16. Excellent article, IHM. Couldn’t have agreed with you more.

    A woman is a human like any other person. How hard is is to understand that? Each one has a mind of her own, needs of her own. People have to understand that while we women have our needs and wants, those are NOT the same. Each one of us have different needs. We can err, we’re not above mistakes so we’ll really appreciate if people stop referring to us as Goddesses or divine and crushing us with their unjust expectations and tags. Just treat us like humans and let us be.

    “It’s easier being human.”-totally echo what you said.

    I read Shails’s post and loved and concurred with each word she had written there, especially this- “I don’t know what women want. But I certainly know what I as a woman want. So if you pause and ask the woman in your life, she may just tell you what she wants. It is up to you whether you have the time and the inclination. ”

    Am yet to read Pixie & others’. Off to read them.

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  17. its just like food and fruits but everyone wants sweetness and happiness only religion and upbringing affects and stops the enjoyment ,thinking of females and even males.

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  18. you know IHM ..the post about stand with me in kitchen instead of watching football is wht i told my ex husband during last world cup …lol ..if its him commenting here ..m glad he is reading all the posts and comments here and may be he will realise that i was no excption but lot of other women (most of them) want to be treated as equal human… i could never understand why it was ok for him to put legs on table , have a glass of vodka and watch football , while I cook food , after an equally tiring day at work ..

    have you seen the serial pratigya ..according to thakur ji ” aurton ko ghar do , kapre do , gehne do , bacha do ..inhe aur kya chahiye” ….

    we are deprived of freedom of thought ..we are conditioned to believe that this is what we want …and no one even wait for an answer ..Everyone just assume that this is what women want !!
    great post IHM..i have been irregular but been reading most of ur posts …:-)

    Me – On one hand women are told they are weaker, on the other they must work for two (or more).

    One commenter said, he had enjoyed his life living in a city away from his home town with his wife, now he owed it to his old mother, that he should give her his wife to pamper her in her old age… GIVE HIS WIFE to his mother as a duty… When a lot of Indians think this way – the only way to handle them is tell them you disagree. Otherwise this will never end.

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    • “give her his wife to pamper her in her old age”

      One of my classmate from IIT (educated and all), didn’t bring his wife to live with him for a year after marriage (the first year of marriage!!). When I asked why, he said, and I quote:

      “She should know where her real home is.”

      Honestly, IHM your posts usually remind me of the scumbags I have ever met in my life and it seems I have met a lot. I didn’t realize that living in India and all, but goodness gracious, how many of them are there? these are the moments I have swept under the bed and its so strange to look at them after so many years…

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  19. All I can say is WELL WRITTEN.

    Women r equal to men n vice versa. No one is superior to the other n no one is a ‘devi’ or ‘the most beautiful creation’. Seriously, wht the hell??? Either it is considered that women are weaker than men or that they are ‘devis’. 😛

    Bullcrap.

    Who is celebratintg WEomens Day this or any other year??? I’m NOT.

    Like

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