Is your relationship healthy?

I copy pasted this from here. I wish information like this was a part of our Social-Studies syllabus. More than anything it reinforces some simple facts which feel instinctively right and fair, but which our social conditioning, unfortunately makes us see as wrong. So here’s to some healthy unlearning ๐Ÿ™‚

I loved this site, do also take a look at, โ€˜Domestic Violence: Myths and Realities.โ€™ And here are easy to understand tips โ€˜For friends and parents- how you can help.โ€™

โ€˜Recognising Abuseโ€™ is something every young girl person should read. In most cases of sexual violence the attacker might be known to the victim, hereโ€™sย  Resisting Violence, Step Two: Know Your Boundaries. Read more here.

And now read below to find out for yourself (or click to read at the original site)…

Is your relationship healthy?

Healthy relationships donโ€™t just โ€œhappen.โ€ Donโ€™t let yourself be swayed by intense passion, either. Great sex is indeed, wonderful, but itโ€™s even greater when paired with respect, love, and conscious, deliberate care between partners.

What are some characteristics of a healthy relationship?


66 thoughts on “Is your relationship healthy?

  1. Pingback: Is your relationship healthy? ยซ The Life and Times of an Indian … | Indian Today

  2. Hi IHM…long time…
    Yes, those are the perfect ingredients for a healthy relationship. Although, many of us honor some and ignore some of them. All of them would be desirable in a partner all the time, but that’s not true always…and many couples are living together and carrying on their marriages or relationships knowing how many of those rules are being flouted!

    As always, I maintain…falling in love is effortless and just happens…but a relationship has to be always consciously worked upon and mutual respect, honesty, and space are very important for both men and women.


  3. What I liked most about the ‘healthy relationship’ indicators was this : ‘outside support network for both partners’ as opposed to the traditional belief of ‘once married…you don’t look OUTSIDE the relationship for support’. And the ability to accept a ‘No’.. how difficult and important is that!!


  4. Loved this article ๐Ÿ™‚

    Most of the characteristics above talk about feelings or other intangible things except this one: Outside support networks of friends and family for both partners.

    I wish it were possible to make sure that each wife in the world always has such support networks ๐Ÿ˜€


  5. I’ll keep this list in mind when I get married… and hope to goodness that it gets fulfilled ๐Ÿ™‚

    Me – Ashwathy, knowing you, you wouldn’t settle for less than a healthy relationship ๐Ÿ™‚


  6. Excellent. The set of points indicating a healthy relationship is really comprehensive. And the information available on the UVA website is really exhaustive and important.
    This particular list should be internalized by both young men and women before they set sail into the ocean of relationships.


  7. I would like to add another point to the list – “Leave your egos (esp. men) outside the door”…

    Many men (and some women) do not believe in apologizing even though they know they were wrong…This attitude is propagated in movies as well (eg. in a scene in ‘Dil Bole Hadippa’, Shahid Kapur’s character tells Rani M’s arrogantly that she should accept his apology because it was the first time he was apologizing to a woman)…


  8. This is indeed great. I especially love that they included, “Neither partner restricts the other to gender roles”! Most of the other points won’t be possible unless that one is included.


  9. Excellent points! While it would be a great idea to include this as part of our children’s education, I wonder how much it will be of use in our country where even now most people get married to make their families and society happy.


  10. So many things we take for granted. But all these listed and for the availability for all – makes sense. Its high time that Indian Govt too brings out something on similar lines for the benefit of the ppl.

    Makes ppl pause, ponder and think abt their relationships. Gud one.


  11. I genuinely feel that a woman should marry only when she is emotionally mature to make a wise choice. Recently, a friend who is going thru a tough time in an arranged marriage, told me that her mother was upset at the choice she made for her daughter.


  12. This was such a useful article IHM… i wish i had this 5 yrs back… I wudn’t have had to realise in such a hard way what rights I was being revoked, under the label of “sacrifices in a relationship”


    thankfully, we worked our way out. And to my surprise too… i gave up hope!

    am keeping fingers crossed for the future after marriage!!!! ๐Ÿ˜€ for his sake of course! hee haw haw ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

    on a more serious note, what i strongly believe is in personal space! really! its needed in every single relationship…. personal space and comfort level has to be respected… without asking reasons & explanations….

    and its healthy to have a friends & family network outside of the relationship. it’s a pity we have to term it as “openness & trust” to be able to do that… when in reality, we’re only being human… social!

    i guess more ppl need to see this. It’s a brilliant post IHM.

    hugsssssssssss! ๐Ÿ™‚


  13. a great list….

    nd we do stumble at times… but has reached this stage with much patience and love ๐Ÿ™‚

    nd yes, if this can be taught earlier, things could be much easier for both partners……


  14. I compare the relationship between the spouses like two wheels on two ends of the axle. Both are bound by the help of the relationship that is the axle, but both are at a distance to give space of movement to each other. There has to be perfect balance between the two for the axle to move ahead. In case the wheel on one of the ends gets bigger, the axle will not move ahead but will circle there itself. At the same time one side should also be able to support the other at the time of need.


  15. All relevant points. May be print outs of this should be handed out to newly weds esp. the ones who have the responsibility to protect the culture.

    “Great sex is indeed, wonderful, but itโ€™s even greater when paired with respect, love, and conscious, deliberate care between partners. ”

    Well said!


  16. Hi IHM, this is so so true. I did a post on something similar when I shifted to B’lore and was all philosophical about what kind of a home I wanted Hubby and me to have ๐Ÿ™‚ I found some similar points! So maybe I was on the right track after all!


  17. isn’t all these things come naturally in a relationship???
    i feel pity seeing this needed to be published and the worse part is in real world all these points are needed to be spoon fed. *sigh*


  18. “Partners use respectful language and gestures, even in disagreement”

    This is a very important point. Most of the abuses happen in anger and disagreement. Men end up verbally abusing their wives, using physical force or hitting. They come back and apologise later when they calm down but the damage is done.


  19. in a healthy one:)
    LOVE the list:) even though we all think we know these points somehow reading see them being pout into words makes them more tangible somehow…
    (hugs)for a great post:)


  20. hey.. this is a fantastic post for me personally.. bcs i read it and realised that … well… one is in a fantastic reln! (The Other gets a treat today) ๐Ÿ™‚

    Me – LOL Yes, I thought the same thing when I read the list ๐Ÿ™‚

    But seriously, i think that of all the points here, the one that can make the max difference is – a support network outside ur marriage.. an abusive marriage is likely to depend on a choked oxygen supply to the woman.. and in our culture, the woman is expressly told to never discuss her marital life with anyone else, thus choking her even further..


  21. Simply wonderful!
    Excellent list, though am not sure how much good it’ll do as a part of the syllabus books, but being a part of awareness campaign, it is a must read list for sure.

    Thanks for sharing it IHM ๐Ÿ˜€



  22. i think all of us should print these pointers and distribute (or better email ) to all we know ..and sit back and reflect relaionships ….i have hardly seen healthy relationship…. respect is the main factor missing , and gender roles are soo defined ..parents and support system missing …

    IHM its really difficult to talk abt your fears with ur partner …and i have seen many skeltons in the closet in most of the relationship …ppl say they are in healthy rlationship cos there is lot of unknown ๐Ÿ™‚ ironic isnt it ??

    loved your post …as always !!


  23. Great article once again IHM !! Very happy to read it .. will promote it with my friends.. hope it helps some people :)I think there are fewer people who would reinforce their relationship this way. Yes. relationships, don’t just happen.. they are made ๐Ÿ™‚


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  26. I have decided to behave myself and not trouble the husband (for a day) after reading this list! As someone said above, he deserves a treat ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I do wish they include this kind of useful stuff in the social studies in the school curriculum. The earlier the kids know about ‘equality’ in its true sense the better it is.


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