Is your relationship healthy?

I copy pasted this from here. I wish information like this was a part of our Social-Studies syllabus. More than anything it reinforces some simple facts which feel instinctively right and fair, but which our social conditioning, unfortunately makes us see as wrong. So here’s to some healthy unlearning ๐Ÿ™‚

I loved this site, do also take a look at, โ€˜Domestic Violence: Myths and Realities.โ€™ And here are easy to understand tips โ€˜For friends and parents- how you can help.โ€™

โ€˜Recognising Abuseโ€™ is something every young girl person should read. In most cases of sexual violence the attacker might be known to the victim, hereโ€™sย  Resisting Violence, Step Two: Know Your Boundaries. Read more here.

And now read below to find out for yourself (or click to read at the original site)…

Is your relationship healthy?

Healthy relationships donโ€™t just โ€œhappen.โ€ Donโ€™t let yourself be swayed by intense passion, either. Great sex is indeed, wonderful, but itโ€™s even greater when paired with respect, love, and conscious, deliberate care between partners.

What are some characteristics of a healthy relationship?

Advertisements

66 thoughts on “Is your relationship healthy?

  1. Pingback: Is your relationship healthy? ยซ The Life and Times of an Indian … | Indian Today

  2. Hi IHM…long time…
    Yes, those are the perfect ingredients for a healthy relationship. Although, many of us honor some and ignore some of them. All of them would be desirable in a partner all the time, but that’s not true always…and many couples are living together and carrying on their marriages or relationships knowing how many of those rules are being flouted!

    As always, I maintain…falling in love is effortless and just happens…but a relationship has to be always consciously worked upon and mutual respect, honesty, and space are very important for both men and women.

    Like

  3. What I liked most about the ‘healthy relationship’ indicators was this : ‘outside support network for both partners’ as opposed to the traditional belief of ‘once married…you don’t look OUTSIDE the relationship for support’. And the ability to accept a ‘No’.. how difficult and important is that!!

    Like

  4. Loved this article ๐Ÿ™‚

    Most of the characteristics above talk about feelings or other intangible things except this one: Outside support networks of friends and family for both partners.

    I wish it were possible to make sure that each wife in the world always has such support networks ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

  5. I’ll keep this list in mind when I get married… and hope to goodness that it gets fulfilled ๐Ÿ™‚

    Me – Ashwathy, knowing you, you wouldn’t settle for less than a healthy relationship ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  6. Excellent. The set of points indicating a healthy relationship is really comprehensive. And the information available on the UVA website is really exhaustive and important.
    This particular list should be internalized by both young men and women before they set sail into the ocean of relationships.

    Like

  7. I would like to add another point to the list – “Leave your egos (esp. men) outside the door”…

    Many men (and some women) do not believe in apologizing even though they know they were wrong…This attitude is propagated in movies as well (eg. in a scene in ‘Dil Bole Hadippa’, Shahid Kapur’s character tells Rani M’s arrogantly that she should accept his apology because it was the first time he was apologizing to a woman)…

    Like

  8. This is indeed great. I especially love that they included, “Neither partner restricts the other to gender roles”! Most of the other points won’t be possible unless that one is included.

    Like

  9. Excellent points! While it would be a great idea to include this as part of our children’s education, I wonder how much it will be of use in our country where even now most people get married to make their families and society happy.

    Like

  10. So many things we take for granted. But all these listed and for the availability for all – makes sense. Its high time that Indian Govt too brings out something on similar lines for the benefit of the ppl.

    Makes ppl pause, ponder and think abt their relationships. Gud one.

    Like

  11. I genuinely feel that a woman should marry only when she is emotionally mature to make a wise choice. Recently, a friend who is going thru a tough time in an arranged marriage, told me that her mother was upset at the choice she made for her daughter.

    Like

  12. This was such a useful article IHM… i wish i had this 5 yrs back… I wudn’t have had to realise in such a hard way what rights I was being revoked, under the label of “sacrifices in a relationship”

    ๐Ÿ˜

    thankfully, we worked our way out. And to my surprise too… i gave up hope!

    am keeping fingers crossed for the future after marriage!!!! ๐Ÿ˜€ for his sake of course! hee haw haw ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

    on a more serious note, what i strongly believe is in personal space! really! its needed in every single relationship…. personal space and comfort level has to be respected… without asking reasons & explanations….

    and its healthy to have a friends & family network outside of the relationship. it’s a pity we have to term it as “openness & trust” to be able to do that… when in reality, we’re only being human… social!

    i guess more ppl need to see this. It’s a brilliant post IHM.

    hugsssssssssss! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  13. a great list….

    nd we do stumble at times… but has reached this stage with much patience and love ๐Ÿ™‚

    nd yes, if this can be taught earlier, things could be much easier for both partners……

    Like

  14. I compare the relationship between the spouses like two wheels on two ends of the axle. Both are bound by the help of the relationship that is the axle, but both are at a distance to give space of movement to each other. There has to be perfect balance between the two for the axle to move ahead. In case the wheel on one of the ends gets bigger, the axle will not move ahead but will circle there itself. At the same time one side should also be able to support the other at the time of need.

    Like

  15. All relevant points. May be print outs of this should be handed out to newly weds esp. the ones who have the responsibility to protect the culture.

    “Great sex is indeed, wonderful, but itโ€™s even greater when paired with respect, love, and conscious, deliberate care between partners. ”

    Well said!

    Like

  16. Hi IHM, this is so so true. I did a post on something similar when I shifted to B’lore and was all philosophical about what kind of a home I wanted Hubby and me to have ๐Ÿ™‚ I found some similar points! So maybe I was on the right track after all!

    Like

  17. isn’t all these things come naturally in a relationship???
    i feel pity seeing this needed to be published and the worse part is in real world all these points are needed to be spoon fed. *sigh*

    Like

  18. “Partners use respectful language and gestures, even in disagreement”

    This is a very important point. Most of the abuses happen in anger and disagreement. Men end up verbally abusing their wives, using physical force or hitting. They come back and apologise later when they calm down but the damage is done.

    Like

  19. in a healthy one:)
    LOVE the list:) even though we all think we know these points somehow reading them..to see them being pout into words makes them more tangible somehow…
    (hugs)for a great post:)

    Like

  20. hey.. this is a fantastic post for me personally.. bcs i read it and realised that … well… one is in a fantastic reln! (The Other gets a treat today) ๐Ÿ™‚

    Me – LOL Yes, I thought the same thing when I read the list ๐Ÿ™‚

    But seriously, i think that of all the points here, the one that can make the max difference is – a support network outside ur marriage.. an abusive marriage is likely to depend on a choked oxygen supply to the woman.. and in our culture, the woman is expressly told to never discuss her marital life with anyone else, thus choking her even further..

    Like

  21. Simply wonderful!
    Excellent list, though am not sure how much good it’ll do as a part of the syllabus books, but being a part of awareness campaign, it is a must read list for sure.

    Thanks for sharing it IHM ๐Ÿ˜€

    Cheers!!

    Like

  22. i think all of us should print these pointers and distribute (or better email ) to all we know ..and sit back and reflect relaionships ….i have hardly seen healthy relationship…. respect is the main factor missing , and gender roles are soo defined ..parents and support system missing …

    IHM its really difficult to talk abt your fears with ur partner …and i have seen many skeltons in the closet in most of the relationship …ppl say they are in healthy rlationship cos there is lot of unknown ๐Ÿ™‚ ironic isnt it ??

    loved your post …as always !!

    Like

  23. Great article once again IHM !! Very happy to read it .. will promote it with my friends.. hope it helps some people :)I think there are fewer people who would reinforce their relationship this way. Yes. relationships, don’t just happen.. they are made ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  24. Pingback: Do women want something different from what all other humans want? « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  25. Pingback: What makes some of us resent abuse victims instead of supporting them. « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  26. I have decided to behave myself and not trouble the husband (for a day) after reading this list! As someone said above, he deserves a treat ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I do wish they include this kind of useful stuff in the social studies in the school curriculum. The earlier the kids know about ‘equality’ in its true sense the better it is.

    Like

  27. Pingback: An email: What worries me is, will we be able to find guys who have a similar thinking process? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  28. Pingback: An email: An Old fashioned boy friend and a Liberal girl friend. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  29. Pingback: An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  30. Pingback: An email: I was a person who thought Indian husbands will (and can) dominate their wives and there is nothing unnatural in that. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  31. Pingback: Hey IHM, I love your blog. But all the horrible news is making me a misanthrope… | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  32. Pingback: “I need suggestions – these girls are ruining their lives with their stupid ideas about love.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  33. Pingback: “She is barred from accessing Gtalk, YM, FB, twitter… Her calls and messages are checked every day. He does not want unnecessary tensions.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  34. Pingback: Is it possible that the ones whose disapproval is dreaded the most are those who are most likely to express disapproval (and occasional approval)? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  35. Pingback: “My relation with my ex was dead because he was never available for me in person or over phone… The feel is being repeated.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  36. Pingback: A few words from a happy girlfriend :) | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  37. Pingback: ‘She believes that her husband has got into job troubles since marrying her (he tells her this) and that she has been unlucky for their entire family.’ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  38. Pingback: โ€˜When husbands are jealous, they look so cute, no!?โ€™ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  39. Pingback: “I remember the first time I got slapped was when I bought some pasta home for $2.00 when the similar thing could be bought for 40cents.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  40. Pingback: “I have met aย lot of Indian guys who say their parents have done a lot for them so they can’tย leave them now…” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  41. Pingback: “He became more distant and sometime would verbally abuse me, call me names and then slapping and wrist twisting started happening.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  42. Pingback: An email: “I cannot stay in this marriage for society anymore. But I’m so so scared of what people will say.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  43. Pingback: “I saw my sister was on the first floor and she was locked and she was crying badly with her daughter.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s