If she was born somewhere else.

Just when I blogged about our attitude towards mothers, in cases of teen pregnancy, here’s another horrifying piece of  news,

To save herself from the ignominy of being a unwed mother, a 16-year-old girl left her two-hour-old baby girl to die at a park… near a water tank wearing minimal clothes. The child was bleeding and even the umbilical cord had not been properly cut. Following pressure from her family members …after the baby was born around midnight, she took her baby from her sector 5 residence and left her near the water tank at sector 9, [Click to read details]

Another news article says,

There were blood stains all the way from the spot till the door of her house,… the girl’s condition was bad as the baby had been delivered at home. She was taken to BK Hospital, where she is currently under treatment. The police said the girl’s mother told them that her daughter had had an affair with a boy in the neighbourhood, who later refused to marry her when she found that she was pregnant” [Click to read more]

A third news article says,

A 16-year-old girl was arrested for allegedly abandoning her day-old baby girl after giving birth on Wednesday nightA case under Section 317 of the IPC has been registered at the Sector 9 police station. [Click to read more]

Why isn’t the father arrested? Isn’t he equally responsible?

This must be traumatic for a 16 year old.  Do we have special laws to handle such cases?

The way I see it, she must have found herself isolated. She needed medical and emotional support. Instead her family let her go out two hours  after the delivery to abandon the baby, bleeding and cold.  The baby had turned blue when she was found. They probably did not know that they could give the baby up for adoption.

What if the trauma, physical and emotional, and the postpartum depression drive her to suicide?

Is that a solution? A  moral lesson to all the other immoral girls perhaps, because the last line in one news article said,

There has been a growing number of such incidents in Faridabad town with five pregnancies out of wedlock reported in the past three months.”

To some Indians that is the biggest concern here.

For anyone who says the 16 year old is at fault, I would say if she knew or understood the consequences of what she was doing, she would have at least used contraception. We do not think a 16 year old can drive, drink, vote, marry or take decisions, but we are ready to arrest her and blame her for being a victim of ignorance and bad judgement.

And what about the father?

Perhaps the parents feel they had no choice. And now who would marry a girl with a baby, bad reputation and a police record?  (And goes without saying, No Marriage No Life, for an Indian woman).

Now would it not have been lucky for this girls if she was born in the West?

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81 thoughts on “If she was born somewhere else.

  1. The only thing I feel when I read this, is disgust.
    And all of it is self directed, at the society we live in.

    That baby could have made the life of a childless couple.

    Yes, the father needs to be arrested. Someone should really work up a storm on that front.

    And I am disgusted at myself in particular as well. Because I don’t see myself doing a lot more than feel disgust.

    Me – Harjee the first step is, always, acknowledging a wrong. You will find many who think this is only right that the girl is being punished for her wrong doings. Some others fear any support to her implies a wish to see Indian teenagers (unmarried teenagers) follow her example.

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  2. our society has to learn lot this clearly shows that how much we are still uneducated .
    This is our custom to throw away child , after birth,
    example is the great warrior Karna.

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  3. The indian parents are so paranoid about preserving their daughter’s virginity till marriage that everything else becomes unimportant. The mental and physical health of their daughter, the human life – everything. They just have to protect their “izzat”! That’s it. That is the reason why rapists roam free in our country and the victim is under house arrest.

    Me – I agree 😦 And even now the last line in one of the newspapers expresses concern over the increase in out of wedlock pregnancies 😦

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  4. Ditto Harjee, I read you. The father should be equally responsible too. Has no one in the police station thought of this as yet?

    Me – I hope he is arrested. I can’t imagine what the girl – and she’s still a kid must be going through!

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    • 16 years old are kids. Period. What would they be in if they had a normal life? Maybe class 1o, or class 11 tops!

      You’d think someone in the Police force, maybe a woman officer would see light?

      That’s what I thought Ramit, class X or XI is how old she is!

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  5. It is so sad, IHM!

    The father for all practical purposes is blameless.. In all such cases, it is always the woman who is the one with ‘loose morals’ 😦

    The father needs to be arrested and so should the others who made the girl give up the baby. Surely, if she had the support she needed, she would not have abandoned the baby? She acted out of desperation – not out of malice – that difference needs to understood, in cases like this.

    It is heartless the way such girls are treated, and sadly the other person who is equally responsible for the baby – is left to go scot-free. I cannot imagine the condition of that girl – along with the after-effects of having given birth, especially in such conditions, without proper medical treatment,already facing social ostracism, now being arrested too.. What more is required to push such a person over the brink..

    If she had been in the west, she would have been able to sign up for benefits, she would have had extra care by the medical staff, because of her age. if she wanted to keep the baby, she could have had special parenting classes, would have been eligible for social housing, in countries like the UK, education opportunities to suit her… If she wanted to give up the child for adoption, she could have easily done that too. Despite having made a mistake, she could have still turned her life around – if she wanted to. Sadly for this girl, she has no such options..

    Me – And Smitha, did you notice the lines about the increase in out of wedlock pregnancies? 😯

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    • Oh we do need to adopt these measures .. even if she feels it ws a mistake, she hs a chance to rectify it atleast!

      me – I agree Swaram, 16 is too young – she deserves a chance and the way things are right now, she will need a lot of counselling and support 😦

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    • I totally go with smitha… the parents of the girl should be the ones behind the bars. I really can’t imagine what the girl is going through?? the boy rejects her after getting her pregnant, the parents make her delivery the baby in the house…my god what else does a 16 year old needs to make her believe that the world is a better place and her loved ones will always be there for her in times of happiness and distress?? Its sick…this obsession with virginity!!!

      Me – And Sakshi, only the girl’s virginity.

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  6. As I was telling our dear IHM, if he can con a girl into sex, knowing what he’s doing, he needs to be tried equally. Innocence is no excuse for ignorance.

    You think the girl, if so much without a voice, would have agreed to a relationship with the guy without him promising marriage?
    He lied. He cheated. He walked away.

    And just because he is of an age where we perceive innocence and blame the system for not having guided these people better, we let go of idiots who should be made an example of.

    This is also an integeral part of the guidance system.

    Me – Harjee you are right… he must have promised her marriage, otherwise she would have never agreed to a relationship with him. In that case she must be going though the trauma of a broken relationship too.

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    • Promised to marry or not…the moment you unzip your pants and decide to have some fun..YOU are definitely equally responsible for what you deposit in a child’s womb!!

      I hate this when they say the girl should have said no and she is the only one responsible.

      Me – I totally agree. What’s there not to understand in this?

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  7. Its ridiculous that the father is free enuf to father many more such babies which might end up in the same situation 😦 We need to see a an immediate change to move away from this chauvinistic society 😦

    If they feel both of them shud hv taken care .. but then y punish only the girl? Bcoz she bore the brunt 😦

    Me – I wonder if he knows what has happened? Or if he has been questioned yet?

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  8. Perfect! What about the da*n father? Why isn’t he arrested? Indian media LOVES to embarass victims, and protect the ‘honour’ of the perps.

    Me – This father is only mentioned for having refused to marry her 😦

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    • Pal he might as well on his way to some phoren shores for higher studies…suckers the parents who don’t teach their kids to take up responsibilities and protect them from their crimes.

      IHM I can’t find the name of this boy or his mention anywhere in the papers!!! 😯

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      • gosh am so angry and what I meant by phoren shore is not only for rich boys…it happens all the time. When a boy gets a child pregnant the first thing his parents do is send him away from the city on one pretext or other while the girl suffers all the insults.

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  9. Based on what I gather from the article, there isn’t an indication that the father promised to marry the girl. It only says that he refused to marry her afterwards.

    If he did give a promise to marry her and then renege on it, he should be held liable for breach of promise – but for that I guess the girl would have to take him up on it which she may not be willing to do.

    I quite understand the need to blame people for this, but IMHO the only people who should be legally blamed for abandoning the child are the girl’s parents who forced her to abandon the baby.

    It’s true that the father has an ethical and legal responsibility towards the upkeep of the child, but from what I read, we don’t know if he was complicit in the decision to abandon the kid. My guess is he didn’t know anything about it apart from the girl being pregnant.

    I’m curious to understand why so much hatred is being directed towards a party who most likely had no clue that the baby was being abandoned. Or is it assumed that he knew this was happening or had a hand in it?

    True, he was callous with the poor girl – but being cold hearted isn’t a crime. The most that can be said is that he should now take his responsibility in providing for the child – but I don’t think anyone has asked him to do that till now…

    Me – I think Bhagwad, all men need to know that even though they do not get pregnant, they are equally responsible for the consequences of a pregnancy they are responsible for.

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    • Basically, if the father was married to the mother of the baby, wouldn’t he be held responsible for the baby’s abandonment and death? So why let him off scot-free only because he wasn’t married, he’s still the father. We’re not directing hatred. We’re horrified at the lack of responsibility by various people and by society, which has resulted in one and many more infant deaths and the total messing up of a young girl’s life and health.

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    • The implication of refusing to marry the girl is same as saying ‘yes’ to abandon the child. Would the parents and the girl try further discussion with the guy about the future of the child after he said no to marriage?

      I agree Charakan. I wish we had a law to support something as simple as this. (maybe there is… I am not aware of it)

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      • oh yes, the father has the legal responsibility of the child, marriage or not.

        come on which world are we living ? – marriage does not produce a child. SEX does.

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  10. The ways in which our young girls AND boys are failed:
    1. Not educating them about sex and contraception, thinking they don’t have sex
    2. Not being aware of what their children are doing and guiding them gently and non-judgmentally
    3. Shaming the girl about the pregnancy when it is also the boy’s responsibility
    4. Not being aware of the options available to save the baby’s life, only because of the supposed shame and taboo
    5. Letting a brand new innocent human being die for no fault of their own

    6. And you are right, this girl will probably commit suicide at some time, or will have a lousy life, and it will all be made out to be her fault.

    And IHM, this is one case that made it to the papers. Like I said in a previous comment, there are thousands of women separated from their babies every year, only because of the shame of it all.

    It’s her parents and the boy and HIS parents who should be arrested.
    Parents of girls especially think their parental duties extend only to keeping their daughter a virgin, findign a suitable boy at the lowest price and then washing their hands of her.

    Me – I agree! Your comment could be a post – should be read by all.
    And what I find the saddest, “there are thousands of women separated from their babies every year, only because of the shame of it all” 😦

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  11. These examples only point to the urgent need for sex and AID education. Instead of fearing sex, parents and society need to recognize that it exists among teens and so they need to be aware of consequences and know how to protect themselves.

    As for the arrest of the girl who gave birth, this is beyond any reasonableness. If the father is also a minor, arresting him will also not resolve the problem. If an adult, he needs to be taken to task. The police should leave the matter to the social service providers to find a caring home for the newborn and should focus on safety of the girl.

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  12. girl has proof in hand in form of baby for her mistake…father is free to move coz he can easily deny that he is father of baby….In india it takes lot of time if you go for dna test and all..
    Its even tough to imagine what 16yr old girl must be going through when she has to move out only2hr after giving birth..

    Me – Rashmi that is what I found most saddening! And she was still bleeding! And even the umbilical cord wasn’t cut properly 😦 This is worst than how animals are treated 😦

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  13. This makes me feel that our society has not become more sensitive with time :-/

    First of all, I can safely say that awareness about contraceptives is a less in India than the western countries. Sex education could have helped her.

    And, isn’t India a country where mothers are said to be worshipped like goddesses? Or is that just a myth?

    Me – And Haresh to be arrested when she must be in a terrible state emotionally and physically?! And the other person responsible is in no way affected.

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    • the thing is, mothers are worshipped in india, but the worship comes with its own set of provisos.

      provided she is married (preferably within her own caste, and regardless of the happiness or otherwise within the marriage), self sacrificing, all tolerating, lip zipping, abuse taking, epitome of bharatiya nareee……yeah sure…we’ll worship her maybe.

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  14. Where do I even start on this?! The girl’s parents need to be apprehended given that they were the ones that put pressure…they forced her to take the measures she did! It’s appalling that this girl is arrested. If she is charged, it will be the height of hypocrisy. You are right…if she was in the west, the baby would most likely not have been left in a park. She would have had more support. And if everyone is so ‘concerned’ about young girls getting pregnant, they should seriously consider sex education (I’m not saying it’s foolproof…but it’s a start)

    me – I agree Psych Babbler. But I feel the boy(father) should also be questioned and made to provide child support, to set an example for other such irresponsible fathers.

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  15. Really shocking! I can’t imagine that a mother let her own daughter go through something like this!

    Me – Indians parents talk about ma ki mamta but it is a very selfish and calculated mamta. That is why sons are loved more, so they can be blackmailed into reciprocating by ensuring care in old age, dowry etc.

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  17. If the girl does commit suicide, I have a feeling her family will be extremely happy – good riddance…I mean, they’ve already abandoned her in a way & if she takes the final step, they wouldn’t have to see the-girl-who-brought-shame-to-them walking around in front of them…They can get on with their lives as if nothing happened…I may sound harsh here, but my feeling is that any parent who abandons his/her child because of pregnancy wants her dead anyway

    As for the father, well, he is a stud and studs can’t be held accountable, right?

    Me – I agree Sraboney, they have abandoned her in every way. They have failed her as parents. Indian culture is so full of children doing everything for parents and there is such little questioning of parent’s responsibilities and duties towards their children, specially their girl-children 😦

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  18. See this goes back to what we all were saying in the last post, that a girl who became a mother after she got married even if she is 16 is not troubled, unlike the unmarried girl, all because the act of sex before marriage is something out holier than thou society cannot digest.

    Besides, isn’t this 16 year old in question a minor? Then shouldn’t her parents be arrested for forcing her to give up her baby?

    Me – Shilpa she has no rights 😦 Her family’s attitude is not unusual but still it is difficult to believe that any parent can send their daughter out hours after she has delivered! What kind of family would do that? Imagine the umbilical cord was not cut properly… The instinct should have been to make her comfortable!! We are an inhuman society!

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  19. To be fair, abandoning the baby to die wasn’t the baby’s father’s choice. The girl did have about 9 months to think about aborting, if she didn’t want to bring up the baby, or give it up for adoption.

    What were the parents of the girl thinking? They are the only adults in this incident – if anything, the case should be lodged against them.

    me – Lekhni the girl had no choice, no rights, no support (-not even from the male friend), no guidance – she was abandoned by everybody. The male partner couldn’t be unaware of what happened to unwed, pregnant teens in our society. When he refused to marry her he knew what other options she had.
    … and what she did was just mad, desperation… she was just sixteen!! Picture a girl who has just delivered trying to hide her ‘sin’ from the world and filled with guilt for that terrible ‘sin’. I feel fathers in such cases should know they are equally responsible. Which they are. If they don’t support her then whatever she does – the father should be considered a part of it.

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    • Consider this – the father could have been a minor teen too (and just as immature and ignorant). Yes, he was wrong to not have used a condom or checked to see if she was on birth control. I wonder if either of them had any sex education.

      Having said that, I don’t see why he should be forced to marry her. Child support, yes, he is definitely responsible for that, but I don’t think it’ll help to force them to marry if either one is not mentally ready. That marriage is doomed to fail too.

      In fact, I’d blame society’s hypocrisy – why force them to marry just because she got pregnant? Why blame just the girl for having premarital sex? Isn’t society’s reaction the reason we want them to get married anyway?

      No, I don’t blame the girl at all for trying to abandon the baby – she didn’t know better, and she was probably ordered to do so by her parents. If we are to blame any fathers here, I’d blame her own father for not being supportive or giving her the right advice. Seriously, had the parents never heard of either abortion or adoption?

      Me – I agree Lekhni, child support yes, marriage no… but then she is a domestic helper and unlike him she might find it very difficult to live with the stigma. I hope she finds enough support and employment and training.. no idea if any organisations have come forward yet 😦

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  20. OMG!
    This is horrifying!

    the parents need to be apprehended!! Oh God! She is a small child who had to go thru such pain! that too home-birth! 😯
    *shudder*
    The guy, the girl’s parents need to apprehended! Why or how on earth is this the poor girl’s fault?!! 😡

    Where and how are we progressing? 😦
    These stories, these statisticsa are so damn scary!

    Why has she been arrested?
    now, I ask the question – Where are the women who talk about Women’s Lib now?? the so-called feminists who “strive” for protecting “Indian Women” and “Indian Culture”??
    Instead of protesting against a stupid beauty pageant, why aren’t they doing something to protect this young girl from the police, her parents, the so-called society??!!

    Me – I have all the same thoughts in my mind Pixie… I wish there was something we could do…

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  21. Isn’t there a rule that any guy (minor or older) who has sexual relationship with a girl below 18 is always a culprit? So the first one to get arrested in all these cases is the guy. Second would be her parents.

    Me – Age of consent is 15, she must have been just fifteen ….

    Our society would go to any extend to protect a girl’s virginity. Parents must talk to teens about sex, pregnancy and other problems related to it at young age. Otherwise we will end up with so many abandoned children. It is sad.

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    • If I am not wrong then in US, it is 17 or 18. It looks like the age of consent in India is also to the convenience of men. It is easier to just imprison the girl then.

      Me – I agree. Fifteen is too young. A girl is class X, and every girl at this age should be in school – is still a kid. But since a girl can only marry at 18, does it mean we do allow premarital sex?

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      • Legal age for sexual consent outside marriage is 16 in India but within marriage it is 15. If the girl’s age is correct the guy can be prosecuted for having sex with a minor.

        Me – But Charakan a girl can’t get married till 18, then how can legal age within marriage be 15?

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      • IHM asks: “But since a girl can only marry at 18, does it mean we do allow premarital sex?”

        That is a good question. If marriageable age is 18 then shouldn’t legal age for sexual consent be 18 too? That means govt. approves premarital sex. Then what is the hoopla?

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        • As per my knowledge the law regarding consent for sex is an old British India law . In the new law regarding legal age for marriage nothing is mentioned abt consent to sex So both laws are valid now

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  22. Thats such a traumatic incident…the parents could have saved the little girl the agony of abandoning her child, at least.They could’ve put him in an orphanage etc,something could’ve been done to get out of the situation.The girl would be feeling so guilty for the entire thing and then being forced to throw away a part of her body,what about the rest of her life?Would she be able to erase the scar?

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  23. omg!!! 😐 😐 i dont know what to say…

    I didnt know of this case…
    but u’ve covered every aspect of it so beautifully…

    Yes we are a very hypocritical society per se. The girl can marry, vote, drive, drink at 18 but to have sex before marriage… omg!! what r u talking about? 😛 sheesh! 🙄
    those who scream abt minor girls having sex… shud wonder abt the plight of farmers marrying off 7 year old daughters (or even younger ones) to get money or land… wudnt that fall under minor sex? or is that permitted becoz the parents are ok with it?? jeez!! 😯 shocking, really!

    coming back to the point, lack of awareness is a huge issue. the girl realyl needs a support system desperately. and of course the boy should not be left free either. in a society where the girl gets blamed always and the boy gets off scot-free… this and more will keep on happening 😐

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  24. I can’t even imagine the trauma the girl must be going through..to walk along pregnant in India society with everyone whispering and pointing at her..an unsporting family..indifferent father of the baby..
    And I can’t even imagine standing up 2 hours after delivering at home with no medical support..let alone walking to leave a baby you carried behind..
    I shudder just thinking about her mental state. Postpartum depression is a give in a case like this..how do you bounce back from it all.
    And then the India (moral) police..who for most part sit and do nothing to go and arrest her..I say arrest her parents..It’s not like she could have been in any state to make the enormous decision of leaving the baby by herself..
    As for the Indian society..we have to understand that the act that results in making a baby is not a one person act. There are two people involved and both need to take responsibility for it..And we definitely need to get our heads out of the sand and realizing these things happen in India too..they are not only a thing of the west. And to get off our moral highchair and educate our kids..protection is important..not only for preventing pregnancies but a myriad of other STDs.

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  25. I agree with Bhagwad to some extent here.

    There is an underlying contradiction in the post, IHM. You ask about the consequence of the girl had she not been in India (and I am thinking that you meant Western European countries or US or Canada or Australia because if she had been in middle east, she would have been murdered by her family, not that Indian parents are any better) and then you ask the father to take the responsibility. In western world (as far as I know), the father don’t have any responsibility (legally) and hence have no rights over the child born out of the wedlock. And then, it was never mentioned that the girl was raped. I agree she was very young and given the amount of sex education we give to our children might have not known of the consequences (though girls in our society think that kissing makes a girl pregnant then sex should have rang the bell). Also, in most probability they must have had sex more than once for her to get pregnant. So legally, you can’t prosecute child’s father (in any country). Morally, may be. But again it all comes down to educating our teens about safe sex practices and letting them know that child is both parent’s responsibility (which is completely against our culture: children are only mother’s responsibility, though she is not allowed to take any decision about their life).

    Honestly, it was her parents and the society’s responsibility to teach her about the safe sex practices. It was his parents and the society’s responsibility to give him morals to own up to his actions and take responsibility.

    But I also completely agree what went down there was completely wrong and arresting her for being forced to throw away her child while they both were bleeding: what kind of justice is that? Her parents should be arrested for such brutality and cruelty. May be it would have been kinder, if they had aborted the baby. Imagine the trauma of leaving your child in garbage while she is bleeding. Even if our society and her parents let her be at peace, this trauma is enough for anyone to commit suicide. Her only fault: she was curious about sex and it’s our fault as a society that we don’t educate our children about sex and don’t talk to them about it.

    I hope, some NGO, some women help society takes her under their wing. A helping hand, that’s what she needs and hope someone gives it to her.

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  26. Why wasn’t an abortion planned in the first place? Secondly, what`s wrong with giving away the child to an adoption center? Thirdly, even if the father wasnt aware of the plans to abandon the child, isnt he legally bound anyway to take care of the child, instead of washing his hands off?
    Too many disturbing questions. But the underlying issue isnt about any of these. These are simply the symptoms. One has to address the cause, rather than the symptoms. And the cause for all this is the growing lack of concern/interest in the non-existent sex education in our society. Children need to to be taught the consequences of unwanted pregnancies, the importance of using contraception, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases etc. No matter how pious the Indians claim to be, the fact remains that abstinence from sex/ or not talking about it, isnt an option. It never was, even in stone age. When will we give up the double standards and get down to the brass tacks?

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  27. This post and the one before it have done well to destroy the veneer of culture and sanskaar in India which is often used to apologize for lack of development. How is it that no one notices the nuances? Sure, teenage pregnancies are heard of more in the US, but has anyone noticed that they happen only in those states in the US where sex-education is not as good, and where sex is treated as a sin and hence never spoken about? In the blue states of the east and west coasts, the teenagers are advised well to be careful. And they are. Demonizing sex leads to unplanned sex because the truth is, at that age, anyone with any opportunity is doing it, and opportunity is aplenty!

    As for a criminal charge against the girl, well…technically the law recognizes a baby as a separate entity from the mother after birth, and hence criminal charges are warranted. The extenuating circumstances, however, should be considered and in their light, the girl must not be sentenced. Criminal charges should be filed against the girl’s family for abandoning a minor (she is 16!) and also because it was foreseeable that a girl in such a situation might do something stupid like deserting a child.

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  28. Are the rules clear on this case? A lot of the times, the authorities want to catch someone to put the blame on, to save their face. Even though our moral view says that the father of the child and the minor girls’ parents are responsible for this heinous act, who is there to enforce the morality and legality? Nobody wants to get caught, so the blame is all put on the poor girl. In such complicated situations, people wash off their hands once the limelight is on.

    I am sure in the west, the stigma is not there with teen pregnancies, but unless the family is supportive the teen parents are left with no resources to bring up a child. Atleast legalities are more clear and well in place.

    Me – True Lakshmi, I can understand others washing their hands off, but here even her own parents disowned her 😦

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    • I know a case of American woman who got pregnant by her boyfriend at the age of 16 and later dumped her. She went to court and gets child support from this guy for her son for past 12 years.

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  29. Most of such cases arise out of ignorance, The man who committed the crime should be held for rape and the parents should be held for abetment.

    Me – The man’s age is not given anywhere, he could be a minor too…

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  30. Am absolutely horrified by this story.

    I cannot imagine what any of the people in her life were thinking:
    (a) her mother (? and her social circle) when they had her abandon the baby
    (b) the father when he left her to fend for herself, and face family and society alone
    (c) the father’s family (presumably, they knew about the pregnancy since the father seems to have been “from the neighbourhood”) when they failed to ensure that the mother and child were, at the very least, safe
    Shouldn’t any, if not all, of these people be accountable?

    Also, what on earth were the police thinking when they charged her under s. 317 of the IPC?

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  31. It is the orthodox Indian society which is to be blamed for such incidents of abandoning the new born babies. It is the neighbours , the relatives and the friends of the parents of the girl who will be worried more about their honour than the parents themselves. However, there are instances where the unwed mothers have faced the world with grit and determination and have brought up their children with dignity against all the odds.

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  32. Hey, that’s the society where women are deified, girls are incarnations of Durga and Lakshmi, mothers are worshipped by saying “Matrudevo bhava”, and motherhood is the highest and supreme honour for a woman.

    About the obsession to preserve a girl’s virginity till she is married, actually the whole act of a wedding in India is so like a sales deal. The girl is the item, her parents are the sellers and the boy and his family are the customers. Now, we all know the customer is king, so the guy’s family can make n number of irrational and unreasonable demands, treat the shopkeepers (girl’s family) as they deem fit, treat the product (girl) as shabbily or as insensitively they want, and yet the sellers would bow down to their every whim, fancy or perversion. After all, they have to sell the product before its expiry date, right? And the customer has every right to demand that the product be new, properly packaged, untouched, unused and have been properly stored till they buy it. That is the reason why parents in India are so obsessed about their daughters till they are married ‘off’ (I so hate that term). After the sale is complete, which shopkeeper has ever wanted his product to come back, or cared whether the customer used it well or not, or where the product is now.

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  33. The boy’s family should also be exposed in this type of cases. His parents also should be aware of what their son did to a childlike girl. We Indians first think ‘what will happen to her, who will marry her?’. By exposing the boy’s mistake, people might at least think twice before giving this girl to this dirt of a boy.

    If the girl had got support from her parents, she would have told them about her mistake and the parents could have taken action to abort the girl and live normally, like anybody else. They need not even blow it up to the outsiders. Hmm, when will these things change?

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  34. IHM,I just read a news item in today’s paper about a man getting sentenced to one year imprisonment for abandoning his week-old daughter. The mother too has been sentenced. How I wish our country too had such stringent laws applicable EQUALLY for both men & women!

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  35. I think,police should trace the guy and arrest him first and her parents second for forcing her to abandon the newborn. Here i think to some extent her parents too are at blame for not provding enough mental and moral support to their daughters..Girl child are still considered as burden in our society !!!

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  36. men have it so easy!!!! play the fool and leave it on the women too take the brunt of it. Have seen it happen way too many times. I am so disgusted and angered by this… What we really need is a good support system, not just frm family but from the government and society as well.. set up stringent laws, support groups…the baby could have been given up for adoption…a childless couple would have happily taken the child in. And both the child and the mother would have been healthy. Till the notion that a girl child is a burden and a boy is revered is removed, sadly, this will continue.

    I just totally hate the hypocrisy of it all, one end we have the woman who is worshiped and the other end she is left to die.

    And totally agree with Surbhi’s comment. And isn’t it statuary rape…the girl is just 16?

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  37. ok, so she is someone with “loose morals” who agreed to have premarital sex. The guy was “pure and pristine” when he decided to not marry “such a girl”.

    Some of the comments say that the girl must have been promised marriage. WHY? why cant a girl want to have premarital sex at 16 and why can a boy want to have it? Do only boys have harmones at 16? Girls are immune to hormones and temptations?

    This is why sex education is REQUIRED in our schools. Because the mothers will not do it. The mothers will not talk to their girls about birds and bees, about proper touch and improper touch, and mothers will blame their daughters for being sexually harassed, as we know very well. Hell, they will blame the girl even if she gets raped. As will the rest of the world. Whether she is eve teased, molested, raped , or abandoned in pregnancy, or even if she gives birth to a female child, it is always the girl’s fault. A bad marriage is the girl’s fault. A meandering, disloyal husband is also the girl’s fault. A dowry death is also the girl’s fault. Domestic violence is also the girl’s fault. Tell me, please, when do we blame the guy?

    My problem is with accepting this basic premise that everything is a girl’s fault unless proved otherwise. We can discuss individual issues, but the basic, underlying thing is this under all those different issues – it is always the girl;s fault. And how can we forget that master quote – Aurat hi aurat ki sab se badi dushman hoti hai..

    Me – “Some of the comments say that the girl must have been promised marriage. WHY? why cant a girl want to have premarital sex at 16 and why can a boy want to have it? Do only boys have harmones at 16? Girls are immune to hormones and temptations?” I agree HDWK, we need not reserve our support for the girl depending on her unwillingness to have premarital sex 😦 She deserves a chance to happiness as much as anybody else does, and definitely as much as the father does 😦

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  38. Right IHM !!! If they think a 16-yr old is not matured enough to Vote, Marry or getting a Driving License, then how can she be held responsible for this act, which she had done under parental pressure ???

    Its sad and I am maddeningly irritated at this kind of ill-treatment to adolescent girls, where a mature and sensitive treatement is required under the situation described.

    Now the million dollar question is – When will the parents grow up ????

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  43. I think she suffered from postpartum depression which leds her to left her baby dying. She lacked of advice from her parents and deliberately ignored by her boyfriend too, that’s why she acted that way.

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  44. The baby would have lived, surely, if in the west, because of a lot of support systems, but even more important than that, i feel, is sex education starting at very early ages, not being ashamed (or making them a big deal) of talking about things related to sex with children when they reach puberty, making boys realise that they are equally responsible in situations like these. And even though having a kid out of wedlock is NOT the end of the world for the girl, guys and girls alike, should me made to understand the seriousness of the situation, before it arises. Because the west surely has a lot of support system for situations like these, but it hardly does anything to “avoid” situations like these, leading to countless children abandoned, in orphanages and without families.

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