Would you stay with a cheating spouse — for cash?

When such emails first came I was troubled, I thought somebody had hacked into my account πŸ˜‰ Today I realise one can send such articles by writing the Receiver’s email address in the column for Sender’s email. Some of these emails inspire posts –Β  by shocking with their outrageousness, some others are thoughtprovoking, and this one I realised was a blog post in itself.

indianhomemaker@gmail.com has shared an article from The Daily Beast with you! Click here to subscribe to The Daily Beast’s morning email and breaking news alerts.

Message from sender:

Would you stay with a cheating spouse — for cash? Could any amount of money erase the pain caused by infidelity?

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SmartSpending/blog/page.aspx?post=1412090&_blg=1,1412090

TMZ.com reports that Rachel Uchitel, the first of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses, has reportedly been in talks with the golfer, and had a half-hour chat with him before canceling the presser. According to TMZ, Uchitel and Woods had also been speaking just before Friday’s mysterious car accident. While TMZ says no monetary exchange has been made, the site does assert that Woods, as well as his representation, knew of her plan to deny the alleged sexual relationship. Meanwhile, The Daily Beast’s Gerald Posner has learned exclusively that the beleaguered golfer is negotiating an immediate $5 million payout to his wifeβ€”and revising her prenup to give her as much as $55 million more to stay with him two more years.

Traditionally it’s a divorce that makes a financial dent for a wealthy athlete like Tiger Woods. But it appears that in Tiger’s case, it’s going to cost him to stay with his wife, Elin Nordegren, the mother of their two children.

Read Full Article Β»

“Would you stay with a cheating spouse — for cash? Could any amount of money erase the pain caused by infidelity?”

My answer? If there are no emotions involved it would be easier. If one is in love (i.e. emotional) one might want to leave the guy and find the offer painful or humiliating. The woman might feel she would be respected more (by the cheating spouse) if she throws the cash on his face with womanly dignity.Β  But do you think accepting the cash might make it easier for her to walk out on a future date (if required or desired).

In Indian context the offer of the cash might be indicative of how much the unfaithful husband wants her to stay. Don’t forget Indian men are used to being paid (dowry) for getting married.

From what I have seen, when Indian men cheat they can afford to take it for granted that the woman would stay (and even take care of their parents, and fulfil her wifely duties). The wife loses all confidence, she feels she failed as a wife and as a woman. She acts desperate in an attempt to win the cheating spouse’s love and respect. (She fails to see that this has nothing to do with how good or bad a wife she has been). I know of a woman who now fears her husband might abandon her for the other woman, and might even get the custody of their only child. He realises this obviously. So apart from feeling unloved, and being hurt that he is cheating, the cheated woman in India is also insecure about her future.

In such a scenario, I wonder if one could put all emotions and hurt feelings aside and think of the whole thing as an ‘arrangement’ or a ‘contract’ and make the best of the situation?

Do you agree?

Why not?

66 thoughts on “Would you stay with a cheating spouse — for cash?

  1. A friend of mine just emailed me one of your articles from a while back. I read that one a few more. Really enjoy your blog. Thanks

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  2. When I saw the news yday and read the related news – the whole thing was shocking !!!!

    Payment by cash – can it equate the turbulent emotions ?????

    But the moment the woman realises that she is being cheated by her spouse, it’s better make herself financially independent by taking up some job, so that she really throw the money he offers in his face.

    I would never agree to take the money from a man who has no love and has cheated upon her.

    The recent Femina Miss India’s Pooja Chopra’s Mother is a great example – she left home (of course, the man didnt offer her money), became financially independent to take care of her daughters. Woman are stronger mentally and they can do it – there is no need to be dependent on that money.

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  3. I would agree with you on this. ‘Why not?’ For one, children suffer the most when the parents are separated. Social stigma, emotional turbulence, etc. Second, it is more difficult for the woman herself to live the life of a single mom. Again, for the same reasons. So, life is short anyway. Why not try to kill emotions and be practical?

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  4. Question is not even think-worthy. I will walk out, I know that. Even if it was hard to be away from him.

    But at the same time, it is sad to know there are many women who find themselves in such situation. I wish they can be helped.

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  6. It would be a very difficult decision – to stay or leave. But the bottom line would be that-such a situation presented itself because there is no love. If there is no love in a relationship, there is no point in hanging on it. Now whether I will stay for cash? HA! I would not take one naya paisa – to stay or leave. I have my self respect. If my spouse couldnt respect me enough to be faithful, then I would not touch money he gave me. But then many Indian women do not have the options which I am fortunate to have. Many of them are dependent on their spouses. Financially and emotionally. They lack support systems that will help them take a decision. Her parents are likely ask her to try to make the marriage work. Perhaps “for the children’s sake” – though how an unhappy person will be a good parent is beyond me.

    Me – I think something like this could be a blessing in India… we aren’t very romantic when it comes to arranging marriages, marriages are always seen as arrangements to suit entire families…

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  7. IHM, for many people today, marriage itself is almost a kind of business contract, which covers many eventualities. Why not this? It is merely an extension of how certain people live anyway.

    And, may I add, in the Indian context, it is not only the men who cheat married Indian women cheat as well!

    Cheers,

    Quirky Indian

    Me – QI legally if a woman is unfaithful, the husband can file an FIR against the lover, the woman is seen as husband’s property. Though of course the social stigma is much worse here – and perhaps the consequences more serious.
    But I know of two cases where the couple continues to live together – just the way it happens in many case of the husband cheating. In one case the woman was working and met the man at her work place. Don’t know much about the other case except the angry reaction of a friend who can’t understand how they can still live together. So you are right women also cheat.

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  8. in the first place, pre-nups running into millions shock me.. i read tht tom cruise is ready to hike the pre-nup if katie agrees to get pregnant again..

    yes, dowry system is also a kind of pre-nup..but here, women are at a complete disadvantage if the man is unfaithful.. quite unlike mrs woods..

    Me – I agree prenups don’t put women at disadvantage… Unfortunately Prenups are not recognized in India, I wrote a post on Prenups, … ‘Pre-nuptial Contracts in India’ here,
    https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2008/08/13/pre-nuptial-contracts-in-india/

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  9. This is not an easy question to answer hypothetically. I think it depends on how much you love the other person and whether you can understand the situation which led the partner to cheat and forgive them.
    The question that shabana asks in the film Arth is also relevant:
    would he have forgiven you had the situation been reversed?
    Do you share such a friendship that you can put it behind and move on?

    Otherwise it is more likely that I might want to take the money and move out.

    Me – Usha the money is for staying – to stop her from leaving. I feel if there is no love – but staying is necessary … only then would someone agree. A person in love would be too hurt or pained to stay. But then love sometimes makes people do crazy things!

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  10. Pre-nup agreements, marriage akin to a business contract, an arrangement of convenience.. Such terms used to describe marriage make me a skeptic about the idea of marriage altogether.. The very reason we would want to marry someone is because we trust them enough to share our lives with them.. Dowry started as Streedhan ( gifts usually gold that parents gave their daughters to help them tide over tough times) but over time it turned into business proposition for the groom and his family who turned it into a technique of arm twisting the bride and her family into coughing up money and goods.. As far as putting up with a Unfaithful spouse for the sake of financial security is concerned its a Big NO- NO..why would one kill one’s self respect to put up with the erring ways of a wayward partner ?

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  11. This is not an easy question to answer…Marriage is not always a romantic situation – most people just live together even if there is no cheating involved…Money or no money, the hurt will remain, so why not take it?

    But why is Tiger willing to pay his wife millions to stay on? Has money gone to his head? Does he think he can buy anything? I don’t think he’s serious about saving his marriage – if he were, he would have tried saving it without money…

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  12. Wow! That is a very confusing question.. I guess, I would agree with you – if there is no love involved – it might be easier for the person to accept the cash.. Where one partner is genuinely in love – no amount of money would ever be worth it.. A relationship of that sort would be so hollow, so meaningless, wonder if it would serve any purpose to stay together, when clearly they share nothing..

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  13. To be honest, the idea that struck my mind on reading your article and the comments so far is that a person like me would react emotionally in such a scenario.

    Having said that, I agree with Reema’s reply that I would take the money and simply walk out. But on giving it a deeper thought, I felt, I would be just too hurt emotionally to be able to stay without any very strong reason.

    As Smitha rightly pointed out, that ‘just staying together’ wouldn’t do any good if we can’t forgive and put things behind us. Life would be a punishment for the woman.

    No point in physically living in one house with no bonding and no love. Having said that, I agree on the point, that if such a situation leads to a separation, it’s the responsibility of the man to help take care of the kids, after all they are his responsibility as well.

    It’s too complex a situation to be able to answer definitively on a hypothetical basis.

    Great article IHM πŸ˜€

    Cheers!!

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  14. why not take?
    let the swine pay for all his misdeeds. why should he go scotfree?
    rather he should be fined to a limit that will teach him a lesson
    take the money, leave him and make your own life
    but the lady in question should have the guts to do it
    most of our Indian women will excuse the man and take him back and also take the blame on themselves that something must be wrong with them only , otherwise why would have the husband drifted? and as they are responsible so instead of making him gulity they will feel ashamed of themselves

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  15. paying money in this context is unfair…. if i can afford than am i allowed to cheat? if i have enough money then should i cheat again? and those who r poor has to be faithful!!! very unfair… why wud rich haz all the fun??? πŸ˜›

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  16. Makes sense actually! If the husband is cheating why should he go scot-free … he should be liable to pay alimony,child support as well as house payments πŸ™‚ Same goes for the wife who cheats!

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  17. Hmm .. don’t know. I don’t even know how you define “cheating spouse”
    – If a spouse is involved in a one-night stand is that cheating?
    – A casual fling (maybe with an ex) – is that cheating?
    – Emotionally involved with someone – but not physically – is that cheating?
    – Spouse is away on work, say for 6 months; is in a bar and drunk .. you know the rest of the story – is that cheating?

    (pardone me – I’m single yet, I wouldn’t know about the emotions that go with a relationship; and hence cannot fully comprehend the term “cheating”)

    I think if the spouse is really intentionally causing me hurt by indulging with another person; then I’d do what Reema suggested! Rich and free. Not a bad idea πŸ™‚

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  18. SO it is clear that theirs was a marriage of convenience, and now that it is out that he has cheated on her, she wants money to stay in. Seems like divorcing her would be much more expensive for Tiger. The lady is smart, the prenup must be worth millions!

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  19. Sigh…honestly IHM I have no idea how people can live together if there is no love. The mere thought brings in tears in the utterly romantic eyes of mine πŸ˜₯ But I know people have different priorities when it comes to marriage and for some love is not that important.

    The only answer I have to your money question…sigh…yup is another song..

    Me – Sakshi in typical Indian arranged marriages where we choose a girl to get along with the mother in law – and also her dowry, height, complexion, education and family background – where is romance? I feel we Indians are a very practical people. In fact traditionally romance is scorned – we hate Valentines Day, we don’t mind peeing, smoking and spitting in public places, but we are prudish about any romantic gestures – forget about hugs and kisses, even an affectionate look or gesture is not approved of.

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  20. For me, Tiger Woods and Roger Federer were the ultimate sportsmen. I’d even done a post on them. On and off the field, they were perfect examples. But this incident has changed it. Though Roger still is scratchless, but this revelation about Woods was shocking. So I am more disappointed to see one of my heroes to come out with a tainted character than anything else.

    About your question, I think a few years back, this was unthinkable. But today, with the newer generations, I think money does hold a lot more importance. Emotions are for sale. And there are plenty of buyers. And its vice versa. I don’t see why a guy would not marry a wealthy girl and remain married to her for the money.

    Me – I agree… 😦 But there are no emotions here Masood, it is just a covenient arrangement for both 😦

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  21. @Shilpadesh,

    The current pre-nup is for $300 million. But if she goes for a divorce now, she’s at a disadvantage because of the fact that she assaulted him with a golf club, and then as he tried to get away, she attacked the car causing him to hit the fire hydrant. (had their genders been reversed, the attacker would have been in jail for domestic physical abuse).

    Accepting an increased pre-nup (which’ll get it to 350 million+) would be her best move. It’s clear that they don’t really have a good relationship now. If she gives it enough time, he’ll mess up again, and when that happens she can get her payout and leave him. That’s standard procedure for women like her who end up marrying super-rich celebs like Woods (it’s not always for love).

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  22. The question is thought provoking IHM. My first answer would be that the cheated wife should not stay. Then thinking about my children, my decision sways a bit. Again going back, I think if the man had genuine care for his wife and children then he would not have cheated. As such she is well off with the current prenup. I would get out.

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  23. It is sad that Tiger lost his dignity for a fling. Sure with a billion in earnings he can throw cash, but he is just buying his way out of controversy. By his own admission he is doing “The Kobe”.

    Stay in a marriage with a cheating spouse ? Understandable if the options are limited — the spouse has no income, is under educated , does not have a support system to help et al.

    Compulsions aside, just for money ? Then why don’t we call it what it is ?

    But it sure has worked wonders for many..

    1.Mrs. Bryant
    2.Mrs. Clinton
    3.Mrs.Sanford
    4.Mrs.Edwards
    5.Mrs.Duhamel(on the fence..)
    ….

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  24. If there’s no love involved, then why not ? They live in big homes, probably in seperate wings anyway. This way, he is just making sure that he doesn’t have to pay the huge pre-nup if they seperate. This arrangement works out cheaper for him. May be she still has feelings for him…

    Hypothetically, in such a situation, I would rather file for divorce, and get rich too (cos of the pre-nup) with my dignity intact.

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    • >> Hypothetically, in such a situation, I would rather file for divorce, and get rich too (cos of the pre-nup) with my dignity intact. <<

      @2Bs mommy

      As I mentioned in a comment above, currently, because she physically assaulted him – she may have disqualified herself from receiving the full pre-nup amount. So from a strategic sense it'd be a bad idea to file for divorce right away. In her best interest (as I am sure her attorneys would have advised her by now), she has to stay on till Tiger makes another provable mistake (which is inevitable). At that time, she can make her divorce move and leave rich.

      Remember that had it been Tiger who hit her with a Golf club, he would have been in jail right now. So while she did get away with physical abuse, she won't be able to match that act during divorce court. The grasshopper must wait, and then strike when the gold-digging is at its peak πŸ™‚

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  25. Regardless of pre-nuptials there was some attraction and emotional attachment. Why would she take up a club ? She was hurt by his infidelity. The trust was broken. Obviously she took the marriage more seriously than he did. I wouldn’t leave empty handed at all. Why should she? She has to live all the same, preferably in the style that she is used to. Why should she drop her standard of living? Women have to be sensible when it comes to leaving a marriage. They cannot live on wind pies. Many women who leave a marriage leave after certain financial arrangements are put in place secretly or not. A wife is not an animal that can be tossed out onto the streets to fend for herself when she has spent the entire life of the marriage taking care of the home and family. She has to be compensated for her work. Many employees are compensated after several years of service. I believe she will eventually leave him when all the dirt is out and there is more to come. She will try and make it work for a time but when she hears how many women there were she will leave, and leave well compensated. Women do not leave in a temper, think things out and make out a survival plan.
    When the time is right implement it with a clear head.

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  26. Celebrity weddings ,I tell, they get weirder and weirder! And these TMZ.com show is one I watch on and off…seems I missed this one!

    Well, basically this is strange that he shd want to “save face” by keeping her with him through bribery, since this does not in anyway reduce his shameful behaviour! I can’t get what he means to achieve, is it that he loves her that much(albeit the cheating) or is it that he is thinking of a “family setup” for the kids? And in all this her feelings must be so cheapened! She must feel so worthless, but if she too feels that the money compensates for his “failings” and that this is better than living without the perks of being his wife or the kids being near their dad or getting the lifestyle only he could offer…maybe she’d be game for the money! In our country, of course, many women have no go, no alternative income source, no security of going back to their parents home, and they do this all the time (except they aren’t pd in millions nor have pre-nups like THIS) but for someone like her…I wonder why she should!If I were her…I wouldn’t!

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  27. I know a family friend, who is in a very prestigeous post, cheated on his wife and had an affair with his secretary. His wife was a very timid woman, taking care of his parents, his sister’s children (sister was living abroad with her husband, leaving the children with these people!) and she was always busy. If at any time she was seen chatting with her husband, her m in law would shout ‘when so much work is here, why are you chatting (!) with him in daytime…do everything at night!’. Whatever the reason, in the end, this man had the guts to bring that pregnant secretary home and the m in law grudgingly allotted a house for her to stay – they are quite rich! Within a year the m in law died leaving just a house in the d in law’s name. Now, the husband is living with the secretary, giving some Rs.20 thousand per month to the wife. He took the responsibility to educate his 3 children and then married them off (the secretary was with him when he conducted the marriage). Now, the wife lives alone going from one temple to another and visiting her chilren who are abroad once in a while.

    In this case, the wife had to take monetary benefits from him, there is no other option. Women need lots of guts to come out and live alone, IHM! Our society is not yet that forward to treat a single woman, as a normal person with her own feelings.

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  28. principally -Doing anything for MONEY is a strict NO for me….end of the day , dignity and self esteem are more important…

    But i think when we face a real life situation, our principles are tested…..so unless we face those situation personally, i dont think whatever i tell sitting on the fence will not be apt.

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  29. Hi,

    Let me play the Devil’s Advocate about why Woods is obliged to ensure that prospective ex Mrs Woods continues having the same standard of living post divorce

    Case 1: They were married for love

    Action: The SOB cheats

    Expected Result: Thet woman leaves him taking home the $20 mn prenup amount

    Case 2: He wanted a good looking brood mare to help brand Tiger

    Action: The SOB cheats

    Expected Result: She renegotiates her package to stay on and the golden parachute.

    The expectation of the society about the richer spouse to ensure the quality of life for the other spouse is too skewed. Yes, the harmed spouse does play a rrole in the success, but to insinuate that the spouse was the reason for success/ 50% responsible for success is too atavistic an idea that lacks nuance. I hope that we do not forget that in a team there are some players who are more important than the others. The acceptable and fair deal would be that the rich spouse pays the potential loss of earnings for the non working spouse. In the Woods marriage the $80 mn puts Elin in the Gisele, Cindy range. Fair enough as at 21 she was a catalog model( The Salt Lake of the failed catwalak models). But 50% is too unfair. Woods may have needed a beautiful wife to take the Tiger brand forward, not necessarily Elin.

    To take his to another field do we expect the company that lays off people to ensure that the ex employees maintain the same quality and standards of life as before. The same applies to a marriage. What do you say? Would love a post from you about this.

    Terrific blog. Update it at the earlier frequency.

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    • @S

      I don’t think it’s ever 50% in cases like these. I’d say even 30% would be a high estimate. Typically courts grant them enough money to continue living in the exact same life style for the rest of their lives. In cases where the largest financial value is in property such as estates and homes, the divorcing husband may lose out nearly 50% or more, but with super rich dudes like Tiger, they won’t have that problem. (and in this case, it won’t even come into play because of the pre-nup).

      Also if the genders were reversed, as in a rich wife with a divorcing husband, the percentages would be even lower (you will never hear of a woman in debt due to a divorce like you do with divorced men).

      And as to your analysis I don’t think it’s strictly case 1 or case 2, probably somewhere in between though. They hit it off, and Tiger’s counsel must have told him it’d be a very good PR move to marry a Swedish model. And her common sense must have told her to marry the prince before he changes his mind. So in my guess, they were never ever in total love (like us normal humans do once or twice in life), they just felt attracted to each other (like us normal humans do every day with the opposite gender) and decided to get married.

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  30. Umm few more questions actually..

    Since the guy plays around.. can the wife play around too ?

    I mean after all women have needs too!

    I am not sure what I would do in this situation.. infact I would never be in this situation.. coz I would never be financially dependent on my husband

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  31. I instantly said NO when I read the title itself. But as I thought deeper,a lot of things came to my mind.

    IHM,I’ll stay in my marriage even if my husband were to cheat on me, if he accepts what he did with shame and convinces he will not sway again . I say that because I love him. And I believe if your marriage is based on love then you can also forgive(one time only though πŸ˜‰ ) to give him another chance to stay true to himself while you allow yourself to stay in that marriage . For me,those are the criterion to stay in a marriage. Not money. I know I’m sounding very ancient here.Honestly this is how I feel.

    If there were no love,I would not stay.No,not even for the money.Because I know I have enough self-respect,education and wisdom to make the decision to walk out and make a living on my own. But, sadly,like Deepa said,not everyone is as fortunate as me. In many of the households women are so financially dependent on their husbands that they shudder to take an alternate decision. And when there are children involved they are even more willing to over-look their husbands’ sins 😦

    Me – I agree Deeps… all the more reason for women to be self reliant. Marriage should be about sharing not dependency.

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  32. Nope, I would not be able to do it. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself let alone forgive my husband. As for the kids what sort of lesson would they learn from this? That one should learn to compromise everything for the sake of money?

    Dreamer in India thousands (or more) women live miserable lives, devoid of all self respect – because they feel they can’t cope with life alone 😦

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  33. Stay for the money, once you’re financially secure…flee.
    no one can live without love…
    when a man cheats the thing damaged most [i think] in a woman is her self esteem…only love can repair that…
    one can only imagine what repeated cheating does to a woman…money is small recompense…but knowing hes poorer for it…that may help a bit πŸ™‚

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  34. you know what IHM, time and again when you come up with such kinda posts, it just increases my fear in the whole arrangement called wedding !! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    I agree to whatever you had written. Women cling onto their husbands inspite of all the torture they have to go through, I still dont know why. Is it because of love, or is it because of the fear of rejection by this stoopid society; no idea ? I know a person who is aware of her husband cheating behind her back. when I asked her, she said she loves him too much and is ready to do anything for him ! Guess love is not blind alone; its also dumb !!

    Btw, I also agree to whatever you had written because in that way, I dont have to burn myself answering your next question – ‘Why not ?’ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    Me – Hey Vimmuuu!! Marriage is a wonderful thing , don’t let this make you feel it isn’t!!!

    To be honest I am also not able to understand the kind of love that makes people cling- we can’t and don’t own our spouses, if somebody doesn’t like us, then how does it help to stick to someone?! I think such people think of marriage as an ‘arrangement’ or a business deal – which is also fine but only if both the partners look at it that way… that is why I wanted to hear what others thought… I have no clear opinion here.
    This was email I received and couldn’t resist posting it because of the question it asked.

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  35. “For I don’t care too much for money, for money can’t buy me love.” – The Beatles

    Me – Calvy but what if there is no love left from both sides? Then should one treat a cold cheater with colder calculations?
    Here’s the song you mention, I love Beatles too πŸ™‚

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  36. Tough one but yes sometimes imperatives have to ride over emotions. But if there is an opportunity to give a good kick and leave, it must not be lost!

    Me – I agree Nisha.

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  37. I have wondered why women and even men do that – live with partners who they know are cheating on them. There must be some compelling reasons …

    I accidentally deleted all the spam comments, and looks like your comment went in that too… Sorry about that, I will hence fourth check all the spam comments and delete them afterwards.

    Destination Infinity

    Me – DI my new comments are there.

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  38. The entire arranged marriage (some love marriages too) concept is based on among many other things money too. People looking for alliances of the same status or above, looking for a rich bride to get more dowry, looking for a IIM-MBA boy because of his job title, all this has money as motive. Where does love come in all this arrangement? Of course you love each other after everything is fixed. Money and status definitely comes first in all such marriages.

    Now to your question ‘Would you stay with a cheating spouse β€” for cash?’.

    No. I wouldn’t. I would make his life living hell or get my alimony for the time I invested in such a marriage. I won’t let go easy. Why should I?

    I believe if you truly love your spouse/partner then there is no place for cheating. You are not a teenager high on hormones so when you cheat then it is because you want to. I can’t accept the man back then. Even if I did for other reasons like society or for the sake of children then it would be like two strangers under one roof. I may be old fashioned in this thinking but I believe that you would cheat on a partner/spouse only when you stop loving your her/him. Crushes and liking towards opposite gender is normal but not to the extend to cheat on your spouse.

    Me – Absolutely Solilo, I feel exactly the same way.

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  39. When you have already haggled (or negotiated) a pre-nup and signed on the terms and conditions-and there is a breach of contract/violation of trust/public humiliation-you make sure that the other party pays up big time.

    Whats love got to do with it?

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  40. Marriage is subjective only to Love. If a married couple part ways, it should only involve good wishes for each other, and not money.

    Especially, if the marriage involves an educated lady who can earn a decent living, getting money from the estranged husband will only bring down the lady’s self respect.

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  41. Pingback: I am back « Harish’s Blog

  42. depends on what the premise of the relationship was in the first place. According to Nobel Prize winner Gary Becker Marriage and any other “social” relationship can be explained in pure economic terms. However, it depends on what stipulations people set on their marriages.

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  43. Hi IHM

    What is ‘cheating’? Is it a thought or an action ?

    My problem is – When I see a girl in somewhat revealing dress in public, magazines, movies etc; I get attracted and look at her for a second. And of course, I then move ahead.

    Have I cheated my wife ? Perhaps Yes. I have done a cheating of thought.

    The action of cheating – is found more in men than women. Perhaps men dare a little more than women. But whosoever cheats, the other person has every right to walk out of marriage.

    But the thought of cheating – is found equally in men and women. We all are cheats. No ? Should we stay with each other ?

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  44. When money comes in the picture, the relationship itself loses its meaning.

    Offering money is like taking the easy way out, having no regrets for the affairs. I guess Tiger Woods would like to keep the media quiet for now.His wife holds the trigger to snowball it further. Then take a divorce when everything quiets down. Helps him to protect his brand image from further damages.

    Staying for cash completely depends on situation and other reasons.

    Like

  45. Tiger Inc is in bigtime trouble. Serves him fine.

    I read his comments (made to one of his mistresses) in yesterday’s papers. He has dubbed Elin (his wife) a “cold fish” and has also said to the mistress… he’ll leave his wife in a flash if “she” wanted…

    Hmmmm.

    Like

  46. My personal opinion is that we should leave Tiger Woods alone. We only see the outside aspects of what is going on. The reality and the internal dynamics can probably be understood only by him and his wife.

    We don’t know why he cheated, and what the wife wanted, or even why they got married. The reality of the situation could change every opinion. Who are we to feel outraged? It’s really none of our business, though we like talking about it. Imagine the talk if Tendulkar was caught cheating on his wife!

    However, I don’t think a woman who can demand $55 mill in compensation for anything can be classified as helpless.

    While we’re on the topic though, why did Hillary Clinton decide to stay with her husband? The shame for her would have been much much more as she’s a public figure and almost become president. I don’t believe we’ll ever know the real reason, and we shouldn’t either.

    Me – I feel these marriages are an arrangement that suits the two involved, they stay or leave because it is seen as the profitable option. I pass no judgement.

    Like

    • I agree with Bhagwad. Leave Tiger Woods and his family alone.It is their personal matter. I was horrfied to see one Indian news channel,Headlines Today having this sleazy sensationalist news on the top for several days now. I have never seen Tiger Wood’s golfing exploits given so much coverage by Indian news channels.

      No 2 situations are alike and we cannot generalise and many of the things presented as facts by media may be just speculations.

      Me – I agree- you never can be sure how much of what you are hearing is true.

      Like

  47. Well, I was reading on CNN a few months back that of , spouses of 10 high profile American public office holders ( Prez, Senators, Mayors ) who cheated, all 10 spouses chose to stand by their partners !!! Spouses of Rudy Giulani, Bill Clinton …
    I think stakes have to be really high and morals can be thrown to dogs maybe not in Asian societies but possibly in America.
    Another reason could be that cheating and being cheated is more common in US then Asia and therefore at times accomodated as mutual.

    Me – Aditya I agree with the first part πŸ™‚ Not sure about about cheating being less common in India. In India nobody complains if there is cheating – it’s taken as an unfortunate part of generally a woman’s life. (Though women also cheat). Most cases never make it to any reports or statistics, but the neighbourhood, friends and the colleagues know. Most people (including men) are ashamed of their cheating spouses and most people see themselves as failure (in keeping them faithful). They don’t talk about it. 😦

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  48. No. I can’t.
    even though money is extremely important, so is my self-respect.
    So, I can’t stay with a spouse for money even though he has cheated on me…

    Will go back and read the full post and the article now!!

    Like

  49. Liked your article, but their is no way I could see myself staying with a cheating spouse, and accepting money for it would make me just as bad.I think the offer would be pretty humiliating , especially from a woman that I truly loved.

    Like

  50. Unfaithfullness is really hard for any women, the cheating and affairs of the partners gives a lot of emotional pain and hurt. The first thing I feel is to see if the partner still has love for us, then I feel that it will be a lot easier to set things right. A really important thing lot of people miss is to recognize the faults of us. Thanks, Victoria. (Read my latest post on cheating partner)

    Like

  51. Pingback: “This is the worst emotional crisis of my life…Β My question is, why didn’t it hurt him so much?” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  52. Pingback: Monica Lewinsky on Cyber Bullying | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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