Ruchi’s husband may not like to live in a Joint Family.

Ruchi’s mother in law tells her that the matar paneer she cooked was good. Ruchi smiles.

Speaking slowly and dramatically Ruchi’s husband confesses that he had something to tell her, which he should have told her earlier…

What’s he going to tell her? 😉

My sister watching with me wondered if he would confess that he cooked the meal. That would have been great. But no such hopes. He tells his wife  she cooks better than his mother.

Their little girl witnesses this most important moment in her mother’s life – her cooking skills being acknowledged by her father, as being better than her grandmother’s. I am sure this is just one of her many lessons in social conditioning.

One must appreciate a good meal. Cooking is an important skill– all men and women should be able to feed themselves.

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But this man never really gave her a compliment; he simply made an unnecessary comparison and attempted to start a competition of which he made himself the judge. They must now go all out to impress him.

He might next judge the best gajar ka halwa, the whitest shirt, the cleanest bathrooms, and who accepts the challenge of keeping his heart safe with Safola Gold. 🙄

He seems to believe that their happiness depends on who he thinks is a good cook the better cook. What else do these women live for?

He takes it for granted that these family members will continue to wish to live in the same house and compete for his compliments.

He will think it’s radical to suggest that the Joint Family system is biased in favour of some citizens.

But he will understand why some of those who support the tradition of Joint Family, do not like to live in joint families if they have to live with their wife’s families.

101 thoughts on “Ruchi’s husband may not like to live in a Joint Family.

  1. Wow great post. Never really thought from this point of view but this is exactly how the social conditioning works i guess.

    Me – I like the idea of picturing him with his father in law competing in who does the dishes better or cleans the car shinier.

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    • In fact the media could play a big role in changing the attitude of our society this way.
      This reminds of the ad of some underwear in which a man is sick of being a son, brother, husband etc and desperately wants liberation…which ofcourse he gets by wearing a particular brand of underwear!!!
      If ads could deviate from the stereotypical to a more liberal attitude condemning gender bias, it could go a log way in reshaping the ideas of already evolving modern Indian society.

      Me – Absolutely. And there are some great ads too… I liked one where this girl defies all challenges.. let me get a link.

      Like

    • I am sure his mother too is tired of slogging in the kitchen for years. It is time for her to retire. They claim that a joint family system is taken forward by the sons of the house so now her son can continue the legacy.

      Ruchi Gold….Ek Tel jo har maa ke LAL ko sikha dega acha khaana banana

      Me – Love this thought Sol.

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      • Awesome… I think this Ad ( if made) shall maybe make sons think once more before opting for a joint family against wifey’s wishes!

        me – Aathira also men who support Joint family and love Indian family values are taking it for granted that they would live with would be their own parents, and their wife would come and live with them and take care of everybody. Vice versa is not considered an option. Basically it’s very easy to talk about family values and adjustments when somebody else has has to make them.

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  2. haha.. so easy to make a marriage work/impress husband and rub with the mother in law..one just has to but ruchi gold! Now every mother is going to secretly pack ruchi gold oil in her daughter’s luggage before she goes to the in law’s! 😛

    Me – Perplexed, no she will gift her son Ruchi Gold, as Solilo suggested, so he can also get some compliments from his wife etc.

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  3. Have u watch the movie Peranmai (tamil). It’s an excellent movie about a Forest officer with 5 NCC girls fight against the anti-indian forces to save indian rocket launch.

    Must Watch movie….

    Me – Sounds like Chak De🙂

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  4. This is a very interesting post IHM!! I did a degree project on how advertising and media reinforce gender stereotypes just to click with the masses. The advertising industry thrives on all sorts of stereotypes, especially of beauty and gender !! They attract people’s attention by reinforcing hackneyed and retrogressive beliefs !!

    Me – Liveonimpulse you should do a post on your observations, it will be information for all of us! These ads can do so much good, instead they do this 😦

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    • Nice blog. While I agree that the ruchi ad reinforced stereotypes I don’t think the air hostess ad was any better either. It simply brings back notions of how a woman must use beauty to advance themselves. As someone said why not show the woman actually drive a plane and use her head for a change?

      Me – Rags the girl asks in the beginning “I like glamour, you have a problem with that?” The ad simply highlights how we set rules for which careers are good for girls and which aren’t. I feel being a pilot is great and being an Air Hostess is great too. Just like being a nurse or a teacher or a model are all equally great careers for anybody who chooses them.

      Also girls seem to face a lot of stigma for being in careers where they use their looks, I feel we all are not born brainy, if it is ok to use your brains, and other talents why not use one’s beauty to make a living. So long there is no forcing or exploitation, it should be absolutely fine. Basically trust her to make a choice.

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  5. ohhhoo… If only I knew this earlier – I have just accepted the fact that my mother-in-law cooks better than me (and no, I decided that on my own. My husband NEVER compared two of us…. Perhaps thats the reason why we both get along so well!)…
    Wait Maa, Let me just try this new trick(using RUCHI oil) out and force hubby to CHOOSE the better cook!

    Me – Comparisons create rivalry no doubt, but also in real life there is a lot of mutual concern. Men also remind their wives to take vitamin tablets (and not just when they are pregnant).

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  6. If this woman gets cholesterol, will her husband control her rotis? In all Indian advts. it is always men who eats, burps, farts and gets cholesterol. Women are there to provide hajmola, apply balm and make healthy food. What are women? Some super alien species?

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    • Good one Solilo!!
      And in real life couples go for walks together, buy safola, ariel and Ruchi gold together, and adult males are not infantilised and ‘looked after’ by their wives and mothers, they have brains of their own too.

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      • Even I went “yuck” when I saw this ad. But you know other than in urban areas this is what still happens in a lot of homes. I guess, it is because majority of Indian males are still looked after by their wives/moms, that ad agencies come up with such ideas. Someone who worked in the ad industry once told me that most ads are made only taking into consideration the target audience. Maybe they have good reason to believe that that’s what happens in most households.That the ‘master of the house’ is waited upon hand and foot by the women.

        Me – True Dreamer, I am sure this does happen!! And then they further reinforce it with such ads😦

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    • well said Solilo🙂 Women are these picture perfect Superwomen in most ads who manage to look like a million bucks after washing dishes, cooking for an entire clan and scrubbing their floor till its spotless ( They appear to be Obsessive Compulsive Disorder victims !!)

      Me – Lol Absolutely the super women!! Love the bit about OCD victims Ha ha🙂

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    • My poor husband must be wondering why he’s not living an ‘ad’ life? Why does he have to go to the wet market in Little India every weekend to buy chicken and fish…

      Me – Sraboney if we believe these ads, men will sound extremely immature. In my family men jog, eat fruit and are aware of what they eat. And although everybody enjoys fried food, men and woman all watch how much oily stuff they eat.

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    • If you go by ads women’s heart is full of love for hubby only and never any clots. Incidence of Obesity is high among Indian middle and upper class women may be because eating too much of left overs or due to lack of time or atmosphere for workouts . Though incidence of heart attack is less in menustrating females when they get it complications are more.

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  7. ohhhoo… If only I knew this earlier – I have just accepted the fact that my mother-in-law cooks better than me (and no, I decided that on my own. My husband NEVER compared two of us…. Perhaps thats the reason why we both get along so well!)…
    Wait Maa, Let me just try this new trick(using RUCHI oil) out and force hubby to CHOOSE the better cook!..

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  8. These ads are always misleading or the cause of unwanted probs.

    What is the lady and the chimpanzee doing in men’s underwear ad ?????

    Washing clothes, washing dishes, pest control, general household cleanliness – everything is depicted as a woman’s job – and the man comes into the pic to enjoy everything that is clean. Why ?????

    Me – And Uma such ads do reinforce stereotypes.😡

    Gud IHM, for pointing that ad out. I am yet to see it.

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  9. hahha..thats a very stupid ad ..i saw thatjust now🙂
    But i agree with solilo , why dont any women saffola challenge for herself ..why its hamesha “unke dil ke liye”, even though indian women are more prone to heart diseases than men. Why do all the ads that are related to health are men oriented and woman just have to look lovely and fair ??

    Me – Absolutely! A woman’s health is as important for the family as any other member’s, but we never see any ads showing the family concerned about her health – unless she is pregnant.

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  10. Luckily , in our household, it’s the hubby that cooks better than all of us, and any chance of a competition is squashed!🙂 Nice post!

    But of course Indy! He is a JKG Award Winner!😆 Proud of him!

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  11. I havent seen this ad before.Saw it just now. Have to say couldnt help but notice the ‘is-din-ke-lie-paal-pos-kar-bada-kiya-tha-beta-expression on the MIL’s face😆

    Yes some of the ads are so stereotypical. I loved the discussion between you and Sols.Its so true that most of the stay-healthy ads depict men being in need of good health.why cant such ads be aimed at women who need to be as much in good health as any human being? Why is it that its only when fairness creams,age-defying lotions lipsticks, diamonds or pearls or even garbh-nirodh pills come into picture that us women are thought about? C’mon we’re much more than all that!

    Me – Real men care for themselves and their families including their wives. In my family it’s my husband who buys fruit and who introduced us to eating four walnuts and five almonds every morning🙂

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  12. ok. the ad as of now is blocked at work.
    So, will go home and check it out!
    But, I am trying to remember it and I’m not able to!!!😐

    But, stereotyping is rampant in our ad world and they play up on people’s mindsets instead of trying to change it in any way!
    The power they have, the accessibility is huge, but very few ads go on to make an impact.

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  13. I think it’s a sick ad and the expression on that guy’s face is sick. I guess it’s exaggerated, but even then I don’t like it! Our media is full of such ads, sexist and ofcourse they tell lies. As in this case! Ruchi Gold!! So it is not the talent of the woman which counts, it’s their stupid oil!
    This one was a nice pick IHM.

    Me – He seems to believe in divide and rule.

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  14. As always, the same old wine in another post IHM. You enjoy dragging the most irrelevant things into a man-woman issue under the pretext of ‘social conditioning’.

    Me – Rakesh don’t underestimate social conditioning. Social Conditioning is what makes us see these as irrelevant issues. The little girl in this ad sees that it’s okay for women in the family (her first role models) to compete (instead of bonding) and be compared and perhaps end up scheming like saas bahu serials to impress some other members in the family.
    Do you think some family members should depend so much on other family members’ approval? Most women have, (and should have) other interests also, and also a large majority works outside the house. But still they are so conditioned that although we call them the weaker ones, we still expect them to come home from work and ‘look after’ their husbands, who have come back around the same time.

    I mean, what is wrong if a husband appreciates his wife’s cooking? At times, I think my wife cooks better than my mom a few dishes and I tell her that. Is that sexist?

    Me – Rakesh this man did not need to put down one person’s efforts, to appreciate another’s, today he chose to put down the mother, tomorrow it will be the wife. It’s gestures like these that make dear ones insecure and ruin relationships.

    I believe, my family functions reasonably well because I and my wife have divided responsibilities. I am responsible for bringing home the moolah while she is responsible for taking care of the house. What is so sexist in this arrangement? When you work in a team, don’t you share jobs so that there is no duplication of effort? This is what we do.

    Me – Rakesh, a man’s job generally ends when he comes home? And working men have holidays too? How many make sure the wives get some days off too? The general attitude is a woman, if she is a home maker, is not working, and then we wonder why women feel the need to work to prove themselves!
    It is common to hear, “He has come back home after a hard days work, take care of him.” Nobody says this for working women – whether they are working outside or working at home.
    Also some families have partners living in different cities, each manages everything on their own while they are away, but the moment they are together, the wife runs home and work both, she even feels guilty if the husband helps her – that IS social conditioning.

    And since she has the job of cooking, which is generally the case, advertisements for cooking oil are targeted towards her. I don’t think there’s anything sexist in this.

    Me – Rakesh also consider women who are working full time. And there is no mention of women’s cholesterol levels.
    Also these advertisements make men look unrealistically immature, and are all centred at men’s health. In real life In have seen women feeling guilty if they take care of themselves. I know more than one woman who says very proudly that she never buys anything for herself and she never eats before her family/husband does. Obviously she is made to feel that this is the right thing to do.

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    • IHM, I saw the ad again and not once did the little girl come into the picture. She is just there eating her food. And this advert is not a normal occurrence or a common story. It is a funny depiction of how a husband revolts against his mother. It is meant to be showing the son revolting against his mother in a funny way. It is just an advertisement.

      Usually, when I tell my mom or my wife that this dish is better, this isn’t the way I say it and nobody ever says it in this way. This is an exaggaration because it is an advertisement. That’s what I meant when I said that this is irrelevant.

      This reminds me of the time when u gave that story about the prince’s wife who beheaded herself to remind the prince of his duty, a sexist angle.

      And no, a man’s job doesn’t end when he comes home. I didn’t say that. All I said is that USUALLY, men function outdoors and women at home. And I don’t see anything wrong with women who make a choice to be a housewife. Commonly, more women make this choice and thus, we see advertisements targeted towards them.

      And again – this is just an advertisement. An advertisement usually exaggerates to touch a chord with its target consumers.

      Me – Rakesh advertisements can do a lot of good, and some do. Some ads reinforce stereotypes. This one reminded me of saas-bahu serials… You know the stereotypical insecure women dependent on approval and attention of the male family members, are a result of such comparisons.

      I know in real life most urban men don’t behave like this and I find this ridiculous, all these ads and serials insult men’s maturity levels and women’s confidence levels. While there must be such families in real life, they should not make it seem like it’s okay to be like this.

      Rakesh little children are always listening and imbibing… even when we think they are not listening, the little girl is present. She will pick up the message being subtly conveyed… this is social conditioning.

      For instance, an advertisement of AXE shows women, teachers, neighbours, everybody going nuts over that guy. What angle of the society should we be dragging in here?

      Me – Haven’t you heard about the young man suing the Axe guys after trying their product. by spraying it exactly the way they have advised, for six years? 🙂 I find the ad very interesting, reminds me of our fights over SRK and George Clooney😉

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    • This is like saying there is nothing really sexist or racist in Fair and Lovely ads, since the standard for good looks in Indian society has traditionally been fair women. Too bad about the dark ones.

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      • Allytude, the problem with Fair and Lovely is that the product itself is offensive. But I don’t know what is sexist in women cooking good food or men praising their wives for good food. Now this has been exaggarated into something that looks offensive but obviously that has been done to add some punch and get the point across. So, Oil is not similar to fair and lovely.

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        • The point of objection in this ad is the “comparison” and not the compliment. He doesn’t say to his wife that the dish is really good, he says it’s better than mom’s. If I am given such a remark, I would be fuming!! These are two different people, why can’t they both cook, be different but both good?? Why one’s dish has to better than the other and then will be considered good??

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        • So your point is, there can never be any comparison between two people doing the same thing? Sachin cannot be better than Ponting, I cannot be better than my colleague etc. etc.

          This advert is supposed to be humorous while the F&L advert purports to be a serious advert. There cannot be a comparison between the two.

          I’m not denying the fact that if this happens actually, it paints a very ugly picture but all I’m saying is that this is humorous and it needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. If at all anything, it may even be sarcastic towards MIL attitudes. We can’t start taking funny advertisements seriously and then arrive at conclusions about a person’s feelings towards the joint family system.

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        • The point to bring home is one can be complimented without bringing down the other. In this ad, MIL also complimented her DIL’s cooking and that’s how we encourage but the way her husband tried to compliment, that ruined the positive feelings the MIL had towards her DIL, what good he achieved??
          I don’t find it funny at all because it does happen in many homes, not only in India but everywhere and it demeans the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law.
          IHM, sorry for taking too much space!!!

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  15. Even Mangalsutra was mostly a marathi ornament, media made it national in India.

    Me – That’s unity in diversity, we pick food, clothing and dance forms and arts from all over India. But any symbols of err.. suhaag are only wrong because they make marriage and husband seem like the all important things in a woman’s life. So they stay in bad marriages and bear abuse or die for their mangal sutra, sindoor and suhaag😦 instead of daring to walk out of non-relationships, and beginning to live.😦

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    • Hmmm… Mangalsutra mostly a Marathi ornament?? I am amazed to read that. Can you tell me more on that or where any such reference can be found??

      me – Kerala has tali? North India has bichiya, sindoor, Bengal too, and many states have sindoor to declare oneself a suhagan. I know we loved red powder bindis during my college days and wore mangalsutra as an ethnic looking neck piece during functions and an unmarried friend was taken to be married at my wedding, and she was very annoyed when somebody asked about her husband.

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      • In the past Kerala didn’t have thali. Its an import from Tamil Nadu. In the past, it was the giving of the ‘pudava’ or the traditional dress of Kerala that was of importance.
        Thali is but a different name for mangalsutra. The design varies in different places. I tried googling Mangalsutra but couldn’t find anything to suggest that it is of Marathi origin.

        Me – Let me try asking some friends.

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        • Taali/Mangalsutra concept even Kerala Christians and Muslims have now. They aren’t required to wear it after marriage though.

          In Kerala we don’t have ‘sindoor’ concept either though now many people are following it. Traditional Kerala marriages still don’t endorse ‘sindoor’ concept.

          From what I have heard and read:

          Taali/mangalsutra (a thread that brings luck) was earlier tied on the wrist of both man and woman as a commitment ritual. Later Black beads were added to it to ward of evil. Now it was NOT so easy to wear beads on the wrist so it was decided that wearing it on the neck would be better. Men didn’t wear neck pieces then (other than some metal ones) so the ritual continued with women wearing it around the neck and then slowly it turned into a one sided affair.

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        • Taali/Mangalsutra concept even Kerala Christians and Muslims have now. They aren’t required to wear it after marriage though…

          Solilo…. I beg to differ.. Christians had their Thali or Minnu since years and it is not now.🙂 nd like Hindus the older generation (most of them) of Christian women wont part with their minnu.. even I dont remove it even if I am wearing another pendant…. the minnu is much smaller than the thali and can be easily lost.. have seen my mother worrying over such an incident and getting my father to replace it immediately….

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        • @Happy Kitten: By ‘now’ I didn’t mean recent times. I should have been more clear.

          I think Muslims (not all) have adopted the tali concept just recently. A Muslim friend of mine had tali ceremony but she doesn’t have to wear it on day to day basis. I know ‘minnu’. It is tiny with a cross. I have seen it on many aunts. I didn’t know that it was necessary. I don’t wear mangalsutra🙂 . I do sometimes just like that.

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        • Solilo hope you are confused not with the new age Christians in Kerala who dont even celebrate Christmas.. instead they fast on that day..

          but the Christians who converted from the Hindus way back when St. Thomas landed in India (some dispute this) never gave up some of the Hindu traditions like Thali, Manthrakodi etc…

          nd guess where I landed upon searching St. Thomas…

          Religion: St. Thomas in India
          Monday, Jan. 12, 1953

          Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,817710,00.html#ixzz0WWwZWT45

          a news from 1953 in Times!

          “In their isolation, the Indians developed surprisingly few originalities of dogma. But they did intersperse their religious rites with local Hindu practices. Like Hindus, Indian Christian women have always worn large gold earrings in the upper part of their ears. The Christians preserve Hindu-style observances for birth, marriage and death, e.g., when a child is born, its father pours into its mouth three drops of honey in which gold has been dipped.” (but this is no longer there and I dont know if even the Hindus still do this)

          Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,817710,00.html#ixzz0WWx4tHV3

          Sorry if I have gone from the main topic…

          Me – Honey drops on the tongue is something we do🙂 Makes us sweet, polite talkers my mom says, she did this for my kids too🙂

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        • @Happy Kitten: Hindus too have that custom of gold and honey but now since Doctors advice against it as Honey shouldn’t be given to a baby below 1 year old because it causes Botulism, it is no longer followed by majority people.

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  16. IHM, Such ads! You know, there is one really irritating ad that comes here in the Indian channels – it is a UK based desi ad – and believe me it about 100 times more regressive than the one you have shown! It is like going back 50 years! I am not able to put it up – my flash player is not working. But it is disgusting to see how they portray the so called roles of men and women!

    What frustrates me is , that these ads can actually make a difference by trying to break stereotypes and trying to bring out the real woman and the real man – instead they just feel the need to focus on the same normal stereotypes..

    As for concentrating on the man’s health – it is ridiculous! All they are doing is reinforcing stereotypes that women’s health is not as important! That, in a country where already so many women do not have access to health care or are forced to put their own health issues on a back burner while sorting out the health of their menfolk.. I so wish we had more responsible advertising..

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  17. I’m really lucky like that I think: The Guy never compares my cooking to his mom’s. And always loves what I cook🙂

    Me – I have seen my dad appreciate some things my grandmom makes but there were no comparisons, also he never put anybody down , I feel that was why my mother had a great relationship with my grandmother. He made nobody feel insecure. I also credit my husband for my good relationship with my in laws.

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  18. IHM…salutes very relevant post.

    advertising really needs to be a little more conscious of the kind of impact it has on people.

    Being from the fraternity i apologize on behalf of everyone.

    Me – You from advertising line?!!! Then also accept my compliments for the awesome Frankfin ad Pinku🙂

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  19. Just today morning we were commenting on this ad.

    I like happy ads like this one, harmless and happy one:

    How to display this in the comments section, IHM? HELP!!

    Me – Ha ha ha Sandhya, it’s displaying🙂 It’s the easiest thing to do on WordPress, you should also move to WordPress, it takes three clicks once you have created to a blog, to transfer all your comments and the entire blog to WP🙂 Think about it!

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  20. Attagirl IHM! Way to go. You asked all the right questions. Why can’t he just say the dish she made was excellent?? Why does he have to say its better than what his mother makes?? And why does a girl HAVE to make anything better than his Momma?? Only a stupid DiL will count that as a compliment. A sensible woman likes to know if what she made is good and be appreciated for that, not because it is better than his Momma dear’s cooking. How silly.

    Me – Shail you explained it so much better!!! Thanks!🙂

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  21. This bad has an extremely bad copy, but it is well-executed. That’s why I felt disgusted about the poor creativity. As for social conditioning, the creative team would’ve never thought about it. Their focus was in creating a funny situation from stereotypes. As some people say, the aim of an ad is to get attention. This one has achieved that. Whether people would buy the product based on this product is not the criteria for them.
    I saw Rakesh’s comment stating that the little girl did not come into the picture in this ad and the ‘social conditioning’ angle is irrelevant. Maybe he should watch the Bajaj Allainz Child Plan ad, where the child (eating food) overhears the parent’s conversation and take up the issue of his future with his father. The ad sounded superfluous to me, but it uses children’s ability to pick up messages from routine conversations.🙂

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  22. I am not able to see the ad but if i am not wrong the ad is about a guy telling his wife that ur cooking is better than what mom cooks in front of his mom.I am sure no men will do that,men doesn’t have guts to accept that wife cooks much better than mom.For them mom is the best cook.I liked that ad.

    Me – Saritha, this is how Shail explained this, “Why does he have to say its better than what his mother makes?? And why does a girl HAVE to make anything better than his Momma?? Only a stupid DiL will count that as a compliment. A sensible woman likes to know if what she made is good and be appreciated for that, not because it is better than his Momma dear’s cooking.”

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  23. Thank you, IHM! Shail has explained in a clear way…this is my opinion too.

    Me – Sandhya it was so simple, and kind of just understood, I didn’t know how to explain it😦
    I am so, so glad Shail could explain it!! Thank You Shail!!

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  24. Ads get worse by the day. All of them show women in very poor light. There is this ultra dumb ad for an SUV which has a woman in a gown traipsing around the desert playing/watching a man play golf. Mindless! But there is the rare ad which doesn’t make you cringe. I like the ICICI ad where a daughter buys her dad a car. I really liked it because they usually show the son as the one who buys stuff for his parents. Here was a welcome change. Oh – and btw, I saw the ad where the kid tells the mom she shouldn’t be working and I was shocked. Women have struggled so hard to be recognised as productive members of the workforce and here you have these numbskull ad guys doing everything they can to reverse the gains of the past 6 decades. Criminal.

    Me – Deepa I have blogged about that ad about the daughter buying her dad a car😆 Loved the concept.

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    • Ya ht ad for some hair-oil where the daughter who has short hair gets upset tht her mother is a working woman and therefore, she can’t have long hair cuz her mother doesn’ have the ime for her.

      I was amazed at this ad. What a sad and pathetic thinking must the person who concpetualised it have?

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  25. I think what is wrong with these advertisements is not that they portray a way of life, but that they try to portray “normal” life. The stereotype is that women all vie for attention and try to make men happy. The regressiveness is that this kind of “competition” is considered good– why else would it be portrayed. This is not funny. Just as every advertisement for a household product shows a woman doing the cooking or cleaning. It is a subliminal way of saying that this kind of things are the ideal. And with this programming which is so subtle, so quiet, is it a wonder people feel compelled to try to make their lives as “normal”.

    Me – I am glad you think this is not funny Allytude! I could only see regressive stereotyping here, no humour.

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  26. Children observe and learn, you made a great point here. These kind of things completely ridicule individual differences, strengths as well as shortcomings. Comparison is the best way to kill the positive spirit, no one ever gain anything. It leads to perpetual negative competition of proving oneself and maintaining the position.

    Me – And what a waste of a life! …trying to prove you are someone you probably are not, and can never be😦

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  27. I did not like the ad, I do not understand the purpose. Why buy Ruchi if it creates family tension!

    Comparison always hurts. Nobody can be same as somebody else, so why compare. It is high time advertisements grew up!!

    Me – I agree Lakshmi, comparisons make people feel insecure for the same reason.

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  28. I must admit I didn’t agree with you before watching the video. I thought that you were reading too much into a simple off the cuff statement by the hubby.

    But when I watched the clip, it became obvious that it wasn’t just “off the cuff” – it was a big deal and calculated to drive home the competition between the two. The facial expressions of the guy, his voice, etc etc.

    In fact, it seems clear to me that the advert is targeted towards housewives who want to trump their mom in laws. Such an “Indian” ad!

    Me – Bhagwad, quoting from Shail’s comment, ” Why does he have to say its better than what his mother makes?? And why does a girl HAVE to make anything better than his Momma?? …A sensible woman likes to know if what she made is good and be appreciated for that, not because it is better than his Momma dear’s cooking. “

    Like

  29. ha ha ha… i loved this ad. what a hearty laugh i had because of this.🙂

    Everyone in this society is given a case study of comparing the first 25 years of man’s life with the rest of his life. Thankfully some people ignore the study but a majoring try to specialize in this.😦

    Me –😦

    Like

  30. Most ads have portrayed women as providers and they are expected to be the best in everything. Remember those detergent ads where always the mom is worried about the stains on kids’ uniforms, never the dad!

    Me – The whole supermom concept is ridiculous Shilpa.

    Like

  31. it is also what women have conditioned to expect for themselves – taking on house hold chores every day and being proud about it – i am a super woman and you are not WHICH IS WRONG.

    and a man who has married whom he considers as equal will never expect his wife to do something whom he cannot ( barring pregnancy). when the power ratio is 1:1 everything is good.

    Me – I agree!

    Like

  32. Meandered in from Churumuri..

    I’ll have to agree with Bhagwad.

    Given it is just oil and not Amrith from the Gods there’s no way it could make much of a difference to the end product. So IMHO it’s just about getting the name out. Plain advertising.

    Having said that, advertising, though a reflection of our society to a certain extent is aimed at selling the product. While it would be good if they did, social message is hardly in their consideration. There are the likes of ‘New York Life’ that do use positive, good elements to create a market image. But quite a few are just going for the shock factor to get name-value recognition with hyperboles galore — la AXE…

    The need for instant gratification (aka market share..) superseeds all🙂

    Like

    • “Having said that, advertising, though a reflection of our society to a certain extent is aimed at selling the product.” True and that makes it all the more necessary for discussions like these.

      Catch the attention of the targeted audience in whichever way and sell the product is the only aim when it comes to ads. That is why it is regrettable that the average person takes cues from it and have ‘expectations.’ In such a situation it becomes absolutely necessary to talk about, discuss… the ‘ridiculousness’ of such ads. That is the only way to counter the subtle effects of ads on our life. In that way such blogs as these are also doing a good job.

      I have heard quite a few mothers lament about how their children influenced by ads insisted on one or other product. Some little girls who weren’t old enough to know better wanted fairness creams and little boys believed all those ‘strength giving’ drink ads or any number of those that try to get at children. I wondered why it never happened in my home. how come my kids KNEW that these were merely ads and their aim was TO SELL the product and what they said was NOT true to a large extent?? The answer was simple… we, my husband and I talked about it at home, made fun of the ridiculous claims which the children overheard and assimilated (letting them overhear is the best way to teach!)and when they grew up they also joined the fun. We laugh our hearts out at the shaving cream that gets men all the women he wants, we laugh at the mothers who walk to find the truth about whether a drink will make a child grow taller, we laugh at a fairness cream that lets a woman become a TV commentator as if that’s the criterion (hahaha)….!!! it goes on and on…
      Other than asking for some new bubblegum or some such innocuous product advertised they have never been influenced by ads. I think it is a must that we talk about such ads so that awareness spreads. BTW, it is not merely children who are influenced by ads, it affects the perception of adults too not to mention the millions who want to get fair and other even stupider adults who think health drinks can take the place of nutritious food for children!!

      IHM, I don’t know if my comment is relevant here. It’s up to you to post it or not!🙂

      Me – Thanks for this comment Shail!!! Completely agree with you.

      Like

      • Can we have a “Like” icon ala FB here…Nope make it “Love”😛

        I llllove Shail’s comment. And now that I read it, I realise tht my parents also taught us to differentiate b/w mindlss marketting propaganza and the facts

        Like

      • Shail,
        I absolutely heart your comment! My little ones are of that age where they are so terribly influenced by the ads they show in TV. I think your approach of dealing with it is so sensible. Going to take that leaf out of your book. Thank you.

        Like

  33. I for once couldn’t visualize any guy’s skills being compared with his father in law by the wife…

    Joint family by definition in Hindu’s says ‘A daughter ceases to be a member of her father’s family on marriage and becomes a member of her husband’s family.’ — which i refuse to accept.

    all these kind of ads being made and idiotic saas bahu serials, family drama where one person calls the shots etc are so popular.. ppl do find them entertaining even if that doesnt happen at their home each day.. its sad and I am sure young minds get conditioned even if a lil bit, by watching that crap..

    more than anything else, the ad is irrelevant and silly; that way so many of the ads are… I never really think more than this much about them.. which means the ad to me is a failure.

    Me – Tara I agree with everything. You and Shail expressed it much better – I wanted to say the same things. Thank You.

    Like

  34. Is he eligible for your Joru Ka Ghulam thingy ???😀😀😀😀

    Sick ad, and sick actors ! even the food looked yuck !😀

    Me – Ha ha, no Vimmuuu, not at all, I even thought of calling this post, ‘Not a JKG’.

    Like

  35. Good post. Such subtle conditing may not evident to all. I am also guilty of not working in the kitchen. May be I should try to be more active there.

    Me – Charakan – it isn’t about working in the kitchen alone, but about giving oneself the authority to call the shots, and stereotyped gender roles, and being the one around whom the other family members’ lives revolve, about biases, and unfairness … 😦

    Like

  36. Stupid ad, even if it was pun intended (“Ruchi” Gold oil ka banaya hua khana).
    As a consumer, I see nothing in this ad in favour of Ruchi Gold oil that will make me buy it next time in the market. FAIL!!

    I don’t think even most Indian husbands are so dumb and insensitive as the one portrayed here. I mean, look at that sheepish foolish grin he gives his mom once he’s passed his landmark comparative judgment. Makes me want to sock his face!

    And the atmosphere at the dining table is so icy and somber! I can’t imagine a family dinner at my home or at any of my relatives places without some hearty laughter and chatter. Most joint family dinners I have had the pleasure of attending have been like the bonfire dinners in Asterix and Obelix at the end of each story.

    In my opinion, this ad is an aberration, not to be taken seriously at all as a barometer of Indian joint families. However, one can learn a lesson on what not to say to someone and how to praise discreetly.

    Like

  37. and IHM.. it will take a lot more years to un-condition them…. there are many more such advts on the national TV’s…

    but then one has to admit that one gets used to their mother’s cooking since we have been having it since birth..but the problem is that only the Husband gets the honor of complaining after marriage:) can the wife get away with her opinions on her MIL’s cooking?

    nd my Hubby still tells me that my Sambar cannot match my MIL’s and it is the truth while he loves everything else that I try..

    Like

  38. Hi! My first time here🙂

    Courtesy BlogAdda

    Nice read… with a different point of view. However, its more than a herculean task… changing centuries of a prejudiced/conditioned mindset. Ironically we defend the indefensible… and most of our current culture/tradition… are a result of the foreign invasions. And we ‘insist’ them to be our ‘own’.

    All the prudishness we have today are the footprint/contribution of the Mughals and British. We insist that women are the very personification of our ‘honour’ and the only ones who have to uphold our great culture/tradition… by getting married to whoever is chosen by her family/elders as per the dictates of the society/community. Conveniently forgetting the concept of ‘swyamvar’. Selective memory at its best!

    We insist… women are responsible themselves… when their modesty is outraged. That they were wearing ‘inappropriate’ clothing. How on earth are little children including babies as old as 1/2 years subjected to the same treatment, then… ??? There seems to be a ‘conspiracy of silence’ there…

    Welcome Roshni🙂
    I agree.
    And as for ‘women are the very personification of our ‘honour’ and the only ones who have to uphold our great culture/tradition’ I think it is time, we just shrugged as in Atlas Shrugged. Let those who want to save the culture or religion, take the responsibility on their own strong shoulders.

    Like

  39. what comes to my mind is the movie kate and leopold – fake it, fake it – that is what the ads do.

    i once went to a talk show long time ago as a guest and the topic was about – women in advertising and are they being exploited ? i was a young adult, (in my early twenties ) and made the point powerfully – yes women are exploited blah, blah, blah.

    today when i think about it i would say – what empowers is you – your right to make a choice, take a decision, execute it and stick by it – say it /do it with conviction – isn’t that what politicians do ( wrong analogy and i can’t help but bring the humor in it )

    we all know what is seen on media is through ‘ AN ANGLE ‘. different target audiences will pick up different things. if a kid is reinforced with a set of rules by people whom she thinks important ( parents always tell the child that what we see on tv stays on tv – it is not correct) she will become powerful/powerless – as the case may be

    an.

    Me – I agree. More than anything we say the child will see what we do. I think it is easy to raise strong girl-children if we take away our special prejudices and let them be human…

    Like

    • Ashwathy, Sandhya. It’s much more. Let me quote Shail because her comment summed up what I felt,

      Why can’t he just say the dish she made was excellent?? Why does he have to say its better than what his mother makes?? And why does a girl HAVE to make anything better than his Momma?? Only a stupid DiL will count that as a compliment. A sensible woman likes to know if what she made is good and be appreciated for that, not because it is better than his Momma dear’s cooking.

      Like

  40. Joint family has its merits and demerits. Regarding competition, IHM, don’t you think its quite natural and common. It depends on various circumstances. When you say that by saying that the wife cooks better than the mother the husband is encouraging competition what do you have to say about a wife telling her husband that she has never seen her father behaving in a particular manner to her mother like he does to her. I don’t see the need for any gender discrimination in this regard.

    Me – Wife comparing husband to her father is not right either, and it’s much worse if the man lives with the wife’s family, in the same house.
    Competition with oneself is great and helps one do better.
    Competition like this guy is attempting to create creates insecurity. He seems to suggest that his mother’s cooking is a criteria for good cooking. I don’t think this is likely to create a very harmonious home environment.
    About merits of Joint Family… I guess it’s great for sons and their parents, and totally biased against parents who have no sons, Joint Family also makes daughters a ‘paraya dhan’, to be raised to live with another family and to take care of the spouse’s parents. I have no idea if anyone except a young girl can be forced to do this – the worst part is this kind of forced sacrifice is a thankless job. She has little authority and a lot of responsibility in her spouse’s home, unlike the spouse she needs permission for little pleasures like watching a movie, going out with friends, just going out for fun, shopping, working or not working… everything she does is scrutinised. She has no privacy or personal space and no time or freedom to do her own thing. On top of that the Joint Family System also deprives her of her inheritance from her parents – (this is changing now) – she is literally a second class citizen, and the only living creature who is blamed for wanting freedom.
    I think I should make a post of this.
    I feel strongly about this.
    And Old Monk I have seen on your comments on other blogs (Philips?, Nita’s?) …Welcome to this blog 😆

    Like

    • IHM
      Have you ever come across a family in which the wife is employed and the husband is not? Just give it a thought.

      Me – Old Monk, you will be surprised, there are more such families than we realise.
      Most of the time the man has lost a job and the woman now manages both home and work. They do fine, but they tell everybody he is doing something – our social conditioning makes them uncomfortable about their situation.
      Sometimes this becomes a frustrating situation for the man, because his conditioning makes him (maybe his wife also) see him as a failure – sometimes it makes him abusive. In such cases the man is no help at home either.
      In one case the man never held a fixed job and expected the wife to reach home and get into the kitchen, the way his mother did. Lack of support with house work makes this an unpleasant situation.
      Then there are some admirably happy couples I know, where the woman was earning much better, and eventually the husband (who had been supportive all along) joined her enterprise and in each of these cases – it has become a huge success.
      One of my friends’ husband left his regular job to start a dream enterprise because he knew they could survive on her income while he struggled, it didn’t work, he spent another year helping their child cope with class X exams and now he has taken up a job.
      Another husband plans to start an NGO, they have both always dreamt of, the wife earns more so she keeps the job.
      I think we are moving towards a situation where men will be comfortable being home makers – without caring about what other people might say.

      Like

      • Old Monk, you will be surprised, there are more such families than we realise.
        Most of the time the man has lost a job and the woman now manages both home and work. They do fine, but they tell everybody he is doing something – our social conditioning makes them uncomfortable about their situation.
        Sometimes this becomes a frustrating situation for the man, because his conditioning makes him (maybe his wife also) see him as a failure – sometimes it makes him abusive. In such cases the man is no help at home either.
        In one case the man never held a fixed job and expected the wife to reach home and get into the kitchen, the way his mother did. Lack of support with house work makes this an unpleasant situation.
        Then there are some admirably happy couples I know, where the woman was earning much better, and eventually the husband (who had been supportive all along) joined her enterprise and in each of these cases – it has become a huge success.
        One of my friends’ husband left his regular job to start a dream enterprise because he knew they could survive on her income while he struggled, it didn’t work, he spent another year helping their child cope with class X exams and now he has taken up a job.
        Another husband plans to start an NGO, they have both always dreamt of, the wife earns more so she keeps the job.
        I think we are moving towards a situation where men will be comfortable being home makers – without caring about what other people might say.

        Like

  41. I think such stupid ads will continue so long as we have entire populations glued on to the idiot box, waiting for the regressive serials that follow. Just like those about 7 day magic fairness creams, which seem to be the ultimate solution to the world’s problems..

    I know of someone, C, who was not a great cook or anything, but always tried. Because she was interested, and not because she was aspiring to meet standards set by someone else. Whenever the extended family met for meals, she enjoyed the stuff heartily, joining in the praise for whoever. Occasionally , even herself. Her mother -in-law once commented saying, that C’s “pind” (soul) was not into cooking, to which C answered saying, that her soul was in the eating🙂, and everyone laughed. No one ever bothered to make comparison comments because they didnt affect C. It is another story that C’s inlaws came to stay with C in their old age, enjoyed her cooking, and commented to someone that between someone else’s “dutiful” cooking and C’s heartfelt stuff, the latter was more enjoyed, by them.

    So we need to learn to not take these things so seriously. Husbands can enjoy whichever cooking they want. So must you. And when you end of doing the cooking, its the heart you put in, not the oil, or comments, regardless of who makes them. There may be rules, but you define your standards.

    Like

  42. WOW, great way of telling things. Your blog always makes me think.
    I liked your view about the husband giving rise to competition, in-spite of a genuine praise.

    Hopefully I Cook well. My friends & family are fond of it.🙂

    Like

  43. Absolutely well said, IHM. How would he feel to have to live with the wife’s family, and to listen to tana from the FIL. Men never have to face such problems! All they do is watch TV and eat, and then they ponder about why women keep bitching! Tis unfair, for sure! Liked your post. It was different!

    Like

  44. LOL….this was funny IHM🙂 Loved the comments too. TO tell you the truth it never even occured to me that its not a compliment! We’ve had solid fights in our house too because of this🙂 Now I tell him to go and learn for himself and cook for me😉

    Like

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