VOTE FOR THE JORU KA GULAM WINNER!

Please vote for 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice 🙂 The question we asked was

“HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE A JKG?”

All the entries received have been published. Some definitions were received via email, and I had requested they be submitted as a comment – in case your entry is missing, please email me.

# Entry Number 1.

I am not gonna nominate my JKG husband for this contest as I knew he would be the best JKG as I had the choice of choosing him for that :razz: The JKG’s I am gonna mention here is not one but a whole set of 26 males whom I call brothers. They made sure my life as a kid was hell in every way. They teased me, pulled my hair, set traps, stole my gifts and what not. Yet they loved me to pieces. When I broke the news to my very large joint family about the man I wish to marry and that he was not only a north Indian but from a different religion, the elders took a unanimous decision to almost keep me under house arrest and get me married off to their choice of groom. It was these brave brothers who stood by me even though none of them ever got a chance to live life as they wished in a brutally orthodox muslim family. With their support and blessings I am leading a happy married life with the cutest JKG I could ever hunt down :mrgreen: I owe all my happiness to the JKG brothers in my life who constantly seeks assurance of my well being and still bears the brunt and rage of the elders in our family for my happiness :sad: Did I ever say how much I love my cousin brothers for giving me a life worth living?

So to me a JKG is one who is not scared to stand up and willing to break all religious customs – just to hear a bubbling joy bursting out through the phone, to see a smile on their beloved sister’s face and bear all the anger and brunt from a society who is conditioned to keep a woman away from choosing her own life.

I love my JKG brothers to death and know for a fact that all my bhabi’s are the luckiest ones. 🙂

# Entry Number 2.

जिसका जीवन हो सिर्फ बीवी के नाम
बिवीके चरणों में हो जिसके चारधाम…
बीवी के कहने पर हो सुबह और शाम
कहते हैं उस्से हम जोरू का गुलाम…

:D

[A rough translation – on request from a reader:

One whose life belongs to his wife/At wife’s feet he finds his pligrimage/It’s day or night for him on his wife’s command/he is called a JKG.]

# Entry Number 3.

The ideal type of the Joru Ka Ghulam:

‘Joru ka Ghulam’ is the folklorish version of the ideal man. Some of the characteristics of a JKG are as follows. The list is only indicative and not exhaustive. The following mostly relates to conjugal role but a JKG can be anybody from a boy in his first childhood to the grandpa in his second childhood.

JKG is the ‘new man’ who laments that women in the country got a raw deal over the centuries thanks to religion, customs, tradition, role stereotyping, orthodoxy and fundamentalism. He does his best to introduce the reforms and begins with his own life and family. He is the socially sensitive, ethical man and his heart bleeds for the society. He has a feminine side to his personality; he is androgynous in many ways.
He hates dowry and can boycott his family and friends and revolt against the society that demands/promotes dowry. He prefers a simple marriage ceremony and does not want to torture the bride’s family by bringing a huge baraat and following other decadent customs of marriage.
He touches his wife’s feet in return when/if she touches his feet on the wedding night. He talks to her all night and is not dying to deflower her like the traditional Indian male.
He wants a baby after marriage and not a son.
He nurses her when she is expecting and prays while she is getting a c-section in the hospital.
He loves kids and spends a lot of time with them. He himself is a kid in more ways than one.
He loves his wife and is often tied to his wife’s apron strings and not to his mother’s. This however should not mean that he ignores his parents.
He loves his parents-in-law and can live with them in the same home.
He can quit his job for her wife and can become a domestic husband. He is never jealous of her progress and loves the fact that she has a higher status. Also, he does not have any problem marrying a woman taller than him.
He loves doing household chores, cooking food, mopping the floor and the like. A JKG is a husband, father, driver, cook, gardener, milkman, her man Friday.
He loves the label ‘Joru Ka Ghulam’. In the slavery of his woman lies his freedom, emancipation and salvation.
Other women are jealous of his wife and suggest their men to emulate her man.
He often shouts from the rooftops, ‘My Wife My Life!’ JKGs are the men for whom it is said, “Behind every great man there lies a woman!”
He loves combing her hair and pillow fighting with her. He is the best friend of his wife.
He writes poems on her and wants to immortalise her.
He is not the typical ‘mard’ and often cries on her bosom. He is her first child in a manner of speaking.
He changes his life, lifestyle for her, quits cigarettes and other vices. Also, he does not snatch the TV remote from her but watches whatever she likes. He loves what she loves and dislikes what she hates.
He often confesses to her that it is she who makes him do what he can.
A JKG despite his enormous love for his woman is not blind to her wrongdoings. He corrects his woman as and when the need arises.
A JKG makes an ideal son, brother, husband, lover, father, employer, neighbour, friend and whatnot. JKG is a real humdinger.

# Entry Number 4.

1.) For contest no 2 I can give you my photo to use as a badge for JKG. !!!!

lol :lol:

2.) What is a JKG !!

I really dont know… but well… lets give it a try… A JKG is not a joru ka ghulam literally…

A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.

He may make mistakes but he must be alive to situations and be ready to acknowledge his mistakes when he does make them and not hesitate if he has to apologise to his wife or make up.

Over the years many things have just become a tradition… we dont even realise how and where the female is being given a raw deal… many times even the female doesnt know….

But when this point is raised the JKG should be able to reaffirm the equality part everywhere…

Let me cite an example :

When we guys have a night out… and we all stay out till the cows go home… but there are all kinds here…. some have to go early… maybe their parents dont like… maybe their wives dont like… or something else….

But to stop them from going home we normally always say… Baap Gharme Ghusne nahi dega… (tats fine) The guys ego doesnt get hurt when this is said…. so to take some more leverage another cliche is used Biwi ghar me ghusne nahi degi… (suddenly the male ego becomes a lil dodgy.) Some just stay a lil longer to prove that he isnt a JKG

the real JKG as we have learnt actually come and tell us… ghar ka problem nahi hai yaar…. par bahar biwi sofe pe sulayengi… lol !!!! 😀 😀 😀

Please edit the last part if you dont want to publish… but I have heard it… from some one… who doesnt mind being called scared of his wife… coz he isnt… and he doesnt need to prove to us… !!!!

Joru Ka Ghulam is just a taunt… nothing else… but amazing effects it has on the male ego !!!

# Entry Number 5.

JKG defined strictly for married men:
A JKG is someone who believes in a woman even when she doesn’t believe in herself. He is the person who undoes the damage caused by years of social conditioning that makes her doubt herself. He is the one who makes sure that the woman in his life reaches her full potential..someone who instead of just letting her be ,makes sure that she reaches where she could be (again assuming inequalities took away some opportunities)Someone who rather than insisting on providing for her makes sure that she can provide for herself if there is a need. Someone who instead of driving her around teaches her how to drive (assuming society didnt give her that chance), someone who instead of giving her cash to spend tells her to go and withdraw from the bank, someone who refuses to even answer stuff such as ‘what should I wear at the party’ because she is grown up enough to decide for herself but always answers ‘How do I look’ with ‘ as good as ever’ :-) .

You talked about how a JKG fights inequality and thats what shaped my answer. A husband has the greatest chance to undo the damage caused by social conditioning, to wipe out traces of inequality and doubts from social conditioning without really fighting with anyone, just constantly pushing his wife to do better. Husbands can either reinforce the inequalities or do all of the above to shatter the ceiling that requires the joint force of men and women.

# Entry Number 6.

My definition :
JKG is a man who is madly in love with his wife and thinks of her as his best friend.
& Whose favorite sentence is : Duniya gai tail lene!!

# Entry Number 7.

Earlier a JKG was the one who used to say, “TUM DIN KO AGAR RAAT RAAT “>KAHOGE, RAAT KAHENGE” ” baith ja– baith gaya, khada ho jaa khada ho gaya”

even now a JKG is still the same
a man who fights against the injustice meted out to women ( wife), who stands for his wife may be called as JKG by his family members. but in my eyes he is a person who is aware of his duties and responsibilities as a husband and who takes his marriage vows seriously

# Entry Number 8.

For this contest, you will have to visit us at our Dahisar residence!

# Entry Number 9.

JKG: A man who has a fair, logical, rational brain of his own (i.e. not influenced by ma, pa, daadi, duniya etc etc), one for whom gender is never the deciding factor in any decision, one who wants to marry an ‘independent’ woman instead of a ‘homely’ one, one who voluntarily shares domestic chores, (and in a lighter vein) one who might hate chick flicks but watches them with her coz she likes them, one who ‘tolerates’ shopping trips with a smile ;-) and hey I forgot the all important chivalry bit ;-)

# Entry Number 10.

According to me in Indian society any man who has the guts to stand up for his wife, take her side, show little bit of concern towards her,appreciate her in front of in-laws, encourage her to find her identity, helps her in household work, takes care of her is definitely a contestant for the award.

# Entry Number 11.

IHM, I’m writing this about my hubby with some trepidation as he is one of those men that , on the face would never admit to being a JKG…but actions speak louder than words! So at the risk of him vehemently and completely denying he is one, I’d say:

A loving JKG may very well be a tough man on the exterior, may mouth slogans against ever becoming a slave to his wife, but his love is so strong that it shines through in his actions!

He instantly held up and offered his palm for me to puke into,when I had a sudden attack of food poisoning on our honeymoon (and we were in the lobby of a hotel)!
When he willing woke up to feed/change the babies for you , in the middle of the night! Willingly donned the role of “mom” when you felt down and out, needed some extra sleep and so helped cook the meals for the day before heading to work! !Rushes to clean the kitchen and wash the dishes if he sees you alone and sighing heavily at the kitchen sink! A habit that comes from helping his own mom when little!
Will fight tooth and nail with anyone that hurts you!
Wants you by his side whenever he is at home, and calls you just to unload and hear how your day is going!
Consults you constantly although he claims his independence loudly!

Dear sir in my life, admit it or not, I can see it and,…Thank you!Masha Allah…!

# Entry Number 12

This was not an entry but a comment on another post,  I think this is the sort a thing a JKG would say.

“Well lets see, to start of with I have never in my life agreed that women are the weaker sex, they are more tolerant, compassionate & definitely more resilient.

Then, comes the stereo type of women being emotionally weak or just simply being emotional which is more to do to empathy as a factor in women psychology plays a major role than in men, so being emotional has nothing to do with mental or physical stability in a woman.

And, also when you get married you are looking for a companion, someone who is intelligent, some one you can relate to, talk to, discuss your kids, you aint looking for a nanny or a nurse to take care of your kids & do the household. And, lastly of the Indian stereotype of men are the financial support and women the household slave is utterly stupid because sub consciously a lot of men know that their wives can earn more than what they can & thus are never allowed to work.”

# Entry Number 13 [ADDED LATER]

I am late…i hope u at least consider publishing this entry for JKG contest

A JKG is…

Someone who is willing to give the same “luxuries” which the Indian society happily gives to men/sons. Someone who treats the joru equal and understands that she had a life and family of her own before marriage and will continue to do so after marriage. Elaborations below-

Case1: Both joru and pati’s in-laws stay in other town/country –
Someone who is willing to share the trip into three equal parts – one where wife stays with him at his parent’s place, second where he stays with wife at her parent’s place and third where they stay separate at their respective places reliving the days when they were single :D

Case2: Hubby and Wife both earn, or one of them earns
Same as above, someone who is willing to financially bear responsibility of three distinct families – one his parents and his side of family, second her parents and her side of family and third their own family

Case3: Same Respect
Someone who does not believe that wife needs to “touch” his feet to please him or IL’s or the society, someone who does not believe in “kanyaadan” or dowry and vehemently opposes such acts

Case4: Household ghulam
Someone who “willingly” loves to help or own household chores, if wife is busy at work, is ready to cook up a meal just as the wife does when he is busy

Case5: Surname does (not) matter!
Someone who understands that his wife might not prefer to change her name or last name and lovingly agrees to this. Someone who wants their kids to bear a mixed last names and middle names which involves both mother’s and father’s identity someway

Case6: No Joint family
Someone who does not bully wife or condition his fiancee to live with only his parents after marriage. This JKG understands that the wife needs time with her family, her parents need to be taken care of as nicely as he wants his to be taken care of, her parents wants to spend time with grandkids as much as his parents want. Someone who stands against society and convinces his parents to stay separately, maybe a location which is equally accessible by both of their parents.

# Entry Number 14 [ADDED LATER]

Ok. A guy may grow up under different circumstances. He may grow up with a father who beats up his mother, his father may believe his word should be law…. so many things. Growing up with a father like that, he may think that is normal behaviour. So, I feel a JKG should be anyone who challenges the social conditioning he is brought up with.
This man may not be the kind who’ll give his wife breakfast in bed or even be ok with her wanting to keep her surname after marriage. But, he would still be one, simply for having the courage to question the social conditioning he was brought up with.

I feel there is this other side of India where boys want to get a higher education only to get a better dowry, those who think girls who wear jeans are sluts. When you are surrounded by such an atmosphere, any guy who has the courage to question or argue with such a mentality deserves to be called a JKG.

Please choose the best entry.

Feel free to add comments and best three entries (or all in order of preference).

Comments will not be published.

Results will be published only after polling is over 🙂

IMPORTANT: PLEASE VOTE BY COMMENTING, LEAVE YOUR FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD CHOICES IN THE COMMENT BOX. This is required because a reader commented very wisely, that “Voting by comments only could have been the best option. You know one can clear cookies and vote again and again [or just open the page in different browsers and vote more than once].”

So I removed the Polldaddy.com option. Sorry for the inconvenience caused guys, please do vote in a comment again!!!






What is a JKG !!

I really dont know… but well… lets give it a try… A JKG is not a joru
ka ghulam literally…

A JKG would be some one who would treat himself and his wife EQUALLY.

He may make mistakes but he must be alive to situations and be ready
to acknowledge his mistakes when he does make them and not hesitate if
he has to apologise to his wife or make up.

Over the years many things have just become a tradition… we dont even
realise how and where the female is being given a raw deal… many times
even the female doesnt know….

But when this point is raised the JKG should be able to reaffirm the
equality part everywhere…

Let me cite an example :

When we guys have a night out… and we all stay out till the cows go
home… but there are all kinds here…. some have to go early… maybe
their parents dont like… maybe their wives dont like… or something
else….

But to stop them from going home we normally always say… Baap Gharme
Ghusne nahi dega… (tats fine) The guys ego doesnt get hurt when this
is said…. so to take some more leverage another cliche is used

Biwi ghar me ghusne nahi degi… (suddenly the male ego becomes a lil
dodgy.) Some just stay a lil longer to prove that he isnt a JKG

the real JKG as we have learnt actually come and tell us… ghar ka
problem nahi hai yaar…. par bahar biwi sofe pe sulayengi… lol !!!! 😀
😀 😀

Please edit the last part if you dont want to publish… but I have
heard it… from some one… who doesnt mind being called scared of his
wife… coz he isnt… and he doesnt need to prove to us… !!!!

Joru Ka Ghulam is just a tease… nothing else… but amazing effects it
has on the male ego !!!

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55 thoughts on “VOTE FOR THE JORU KA GULAM WINNER!

    • ah, now i know how i was getting some comments from new faces at mindspace 🙂

      But IHM, on giving it a second thought, i feel every husband(well almost & I hope 🙂 ) would say ‘I love my wife’ but his actions might not show that he is JKG..

      I agree Tara … it can’t be as simple as that!!

      Like

  1. wow.. wat a day to reveal the entries 🙂 i enjoyed the first read.. will have to read again before i put my vote :)..

    Me – Oh I thought this would give everybody time to respond in the following days… I am going to be busy 😦

    and Happy Diwali IHM, to you and all your loved ones. Its lovely how you are wishing with a different customized photo to everyone..

    Me – Just overusing a newly found trick 🙂 Happy Diwali to you too Tara….!!!

    Like

  2. Is there a last date for voting? Me need time to decide who I like the best 😛 coz as of now am busy searching for that Tee Tara has put up on her blog to gift someone who needs it badly :mrgreen:

    Happy Diwali to you and ur family IHM 🙂

    Take your time Sakshi !! 🙂 Happy Diwali to you too!!!

    Like

    • well,let me check my diary and let you know if I’m free on Wednesday.I’ll be glad to present the award to winners 😉 😀

      Cant wait to know who the winners would be,IHM!

      BTW,how was Diwali?

      Deeps, Diwali was busy with the brat number one at home 😆 I am dying to see who wins here !!

      Like

  3. A Happy and a prosperous Diwali to you too IHM.. and Thank you for your wishes IHM

    have been waiting for this post for a long time… just read entry 1 and I think I knw who it is… 😛 will go back and read the rest.

    Like

  4. Hallo,
    Please permit a non Indian to take part in this contest.
    Years ago, in London, I visited an exhibition named ” You ‘ ve come a long way, baby”. It was dedicated to the emancipation of women in the U.K, to their efforts for suffrage etc.I think that your blog deserves this title.
    Indian women-as all women- deserve recognition, respect, right to higher education, right to self determination, to independence. I suppose Indian society is ready accept this kind of woman, who can live with dignity either with her loving JKG or without him…

    Me -Thanks Sonia!! I am overwhelmed reading your words of encouragement!
    Love the lines I highlighted!!

    Like

  5. Well i am not voting here..why ? these are my thoughts..

    I think All men except misogynist are JKG in one way or other….comment 3, gives a whole lot of list….if i take this as a perfect example..i am not going to find any perfect human being which fits that description..even GOD is not perfect…we are not living in a perfect world….

    other comments convey that a particular attribute can be fitted to a JKG…

    so as i said , all men are JKG except misogynist…and it varies in percentage ..say a person can be JKG from .01 % to 99.99%…..a person cant be JKG all the time to all the woman….it varies from person to person…

    so trying to fit a single definition of who is JKG is not possible…

    Like

  6. This is not a comment upon the ranking of the definitions but some questions in regards to points made here
    1)Also, he does not have any problem marrying a woman taller than him… statements like these place the whole blame on man’s door. Tell me how many women you know who will like to marry men shorter than them? It is not like you have a rally of women walking down the streets asking for shorter men

    2)Case3: Same Respect. Someone who does not believe that wife needs to “touch” his feet to please him or IL’s or the society? How and when did touching elders feet became wrong? How is asking your spouse to touch feets of elders dis-respectful. I will be willing to touch feet of my wife’s parents and her grand parents and all. And if your issue is inequality,again why blame men only. Is it not like only men want to get their feet touched and the women are all hanky-panky about it.

    3)He loves his wife and is often tied to his wife’s apron strings and not to his mother’s. This however should not mean that he ignores his parents….. But remember this also means that when time comes, you must be ready to let your son go. It is never the case where mother wants son to go away but son doesn’t. Relationships are almost , always, a two way street.

    Me – Now that polling is over, I am publishing some of the comments.

    Like

  7. My ranking would be entry 5, then 9 and then 11. And I may not be JKG today but I will be back one day to claim the gold,silver and the bronze.

    Like

  8. Happy Diwali IHM!

    bit swamped in work, but cudn’t resist voting here when i read it in the reader!!! some awesome entries those are!!! and finally!!!!! the much awaited JKG has set rolling! 😛 😛

    *somewhere in Indore a cotton trader is looking like this – ” :mrgreen: *

    Like

  9. Pingback: Joru ka Gulam at Blogbharti

  10. Pingback: Finally Joru Ka Gulam Redefined. « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  11. Pingback: JKG Badges! :) « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  12. First Choice: Entry 1
    I think that siblings get a raw deal in this whole gender-equality business .. its normally only the husband who is judged; but this particular story was very touching and added the sibling angle to it.

    Second Choice: Entry 2
    Mainly because I relate to this kind of male (at least majority of these characteristics!)

    Third Choice: Entry 14
    I think it is an enormous step to challenge the conditioning one is brought up with .. so if a person can do that, then he is quite deserving.

    P.S: This post is turning JKG into a very respectable title and not a taunt as it originally is 🙂

    Me – The results were, Entry 5, Entry 1 and Entry 3 and the entries you chose were very popular 🙂 The idea of the contest was to throw the taunt back on the face of those who used the term to label and discourage men who showed respect to women.

    Like

  13. quite interesting and gives me enough dope to write something on this. Watch out durlov.blogspot.com.

    The above comments are nice but really does not satisfy me. The convention of a male and a female staying under one roof for life and the genesis of a term like Joru ka ghulam are much more complicated than mere sarcasm and a mere belief that both genders are equal. I see a herd reaction in all the answers veering toward men-women equality. Whoever believes the women are equal is a JKG. Very shallow.

    We all know ghulam is much more derogatory, and for a meaning so negative, to get associated to marriage and to become a household term requires a hell lot of reasons, circumstances, inequillibrium and chaos.

    Me – But aren’t wives supposed to be pati ke charnon ki daasi? A husband’s slave= gulaam? Pati means lord or swami, patni means a chattel/slave. Such terms should be ignored. Many men and most women do ignore terms like ‘joru ka gulaam’ and charno ki daasi, and live happily, like great friends with their spouse.

    It is more about questioning marriage as a convention. In India (more so), it is largely a one-way ticket convention.

    Also, it is quite an interesting social phenomenon that we guys accept this negative term without a qualm as a prefix to our names.

    me – A lot of guys do not accept it, they hate it so much that they are afraid to show affection or concern for their wives for fear of being labelled JKGs.

    There is a sense of helplessness in this whole phenomenon. Once I was sitting with my uncle (a doctor) and an Italian doctor, who was talking about his late night research work and that he does not get time otherwise. My uncle joked, “Doesnt your wife say anything?” He point blankly non-chalantly said, “No. But if she does, you make her understand. If she doesnt understand, you divorce her for incompatibility and professional reasons”. My uncle was stunned.

    It is lot about men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Opposites do attract but for how long and for what reasons is the question… Are these reasons enough for a one way ticket convention?

    These reason for sure gives rise to terms like Joru Ka Ghulam.

    Me – Durlov, the taunt JKG is used to imply all the things you have mentioned. In real life even if a man is as much as being pleasant to his wife or listening to her opinion, in many families all over India, he will be labelled a JKG.

    Have you heard of a similar word for wives? What are wives who do he same things that JKG by your definition do called? Good wives I think.

    Like

    • (to your first response)I completely agree we need to ignore JKG and CKD completely. But it is not as simple. Evolution of JKG is a natural progression. And CKD is the result of oppression and male domination. CKD may go away as it is gradually in cosmos. JKG is here to stay.

      (to your second response) Shahrukh Khan accepted this title on TV with Farah Khan. !!

      (to your last response) thats what my opposition is towards. Listenning to his wife, loving his wife cannot be termed as JKG. We cannot make this term so easy and omni-present. A good husband cannot be termed JKG. We are effectively discouraging good husband-ism. JKG to me is a spineless man who feigns to listen to his wife or is afraid to not listen. A man with self respect and confidence to give his wife the same pedestal is the real man.
      Like you think about good wives, the good husbands should not be labelled JKG. I know you want to say and believe the same. So we should stop sarcasm equating good husbands to JKG. Lets not allow these sarcasms create social norms or support social norms already so deeply entrenched.
      It is much easier to write and say. It is quite quite a difficult task, as I said JKG more of a natural evolution.

      Like

  14. Pingback: List of Male Bloggers in Danger… « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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