Provocatively Dressed

To Moral Brigade(s) and their Supporters,
We should know that frivolous terms like Provocative Dressing might make a sexual assaulter feel that the responsibility of preventing sexual assaults lies with the victim.

Violent men are helpless victims of provocation?
Saying women must not dress provocatively makes us sound like Taliban. (Now we wouldn’t want that?)
We also need to keep in mind that we are talking about adult citizens here, they have the right to vote, they can get a driving license, and they can even own property or start an independent business! And often do and very successfully too. (I understand that can make anybody painfully jealous, it does seem wrong that they should do so well despite the major hurdles their gender faces … but women these days are like that, give them a chance and they fly, reach the sky, and even the moon. Accept it.)

Your over enthusiasm and interest in her clothes might lead some to believe that you are looking at women more than you should be. (Most women consider such unwanted attentions very revolting; they might suspect your morals).
Your insistence on deciding the correct code of dressing here is against the law. (I am assuming most of you offenders and supporters have not been to school, so I am simplifying it for you.) Instead we need to ensure that men are guided very firmly about the acceptable code of their own conduct. They need to get it very clear that tight jeans and noodle straps are poor excuses for criminal acts against other equal (even if they are better qualified, they are only equal) citizens. We need to concentrate on providing a secure academic and emotional foundation to create a nation of women who do not hold themselves responsible for any and every atrocity committed against them. Your own mothers, daughters, sisters and wives also will benefit more from this (much more) than from being taught how to dress.
I know of thousands of women who have not benefited in anyway, when they were compelled to cover themselves from head to toe in traditional attire. Their families, specially their children have suffered because these mothers were often made too weak, by such controls, to stand up for them in all so many ways children need their mothers to….so it seems wearing traditional clothing does not automatically make you a better mother, sister, daughter, citizens, wife, woman etc.
Strong mothers and strong women make a strong nation.You think it is only about drinking in the Pub? The drinking in the Pub is just symbolic
(Just like PCC is). You understand symbols? Like bangles for weakness? Like Duryodhan and Duhshsan for … if only you had some education, it would have been simpler to explain. But let me try …When a nation overlooks an act of violence against it’s citizen only because they are women, they are not creating a very confident generation of women. Let me try and speak your language again, …these women are going to raise the future of this nation… Please let us stop treating them like they have no thinking capacity!

And this is a nation where women are anyway having difficulty even being born. We make it tougher for parents to have daughters, and for those daughters who are born to feel safe, let alone feel free.
Women (and men) need to be able to decide for themselves how they dress, what careers they choose, when and to whom, if at all, they marry or live with without marrying. Because we have hungry families, and unemployed men, and no drinking water, and houses which flood every monsoon.

Tomorrow you might find even a girl’s face, eyes, lips or feet provocative? How are you guys going to survive?

I think we need a stricter code of conduct for men like you here.You will benefit from gentlemanly behaviour and discipline. Women are now everywhere. And we will see them as bosses, better drivers, being able to afford better recreation … (I understand the surge of envy, but you really have to work harder, just being born a male is not really important any longer, at least in their circles…). Many of them come from families where success is more important than marriage and children are. (Yes I am aware that this is all too much to digest, it seems these women come from a different planet, well in a way they do.) Many are happily married with children, oh yes and their husbands are aware that they drink, and talk to men in their office and also outside but no, they don’t drag them by their hair for that … (You ask, ‘Why not?’. Let’s just say, self confidence does that to men. And women too. You won’t understand …)

The world has changed too much while you were worrying about which caste or religion or language or region was being victimised.
But it’s never too late. You just need to understand that they are your equal. No matter how much better they earn, what fancy cars they drive, how much more fun they seem to have, how much better they look … they are only your equals.

As for their clothes, for all you know there is probably a future scientist behind that Rakhi-Sawant-dress-alike.

Related Posts:

1. What women ‘choose’ to wear…

2. Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work.

3. What do ‘modest’ women have that their ‘immodest’ sisters don’t?

4. She does not ‘ask for it’.


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92 thoughts on “Provocatively Dressed

  1. First time commenter here. Very well said but I honestly doubt they will understand this. It’s beyond their ken. But maybe their wives and daughters and sisters will get fed up of their behaviour and speak up … and so bring about the change we so desire to see.

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  2. @Dew drop Dream, There are some commenters who are forever writing in, in support of the molesters teaching the ‘errant’ girls a lesson!! I had to respond to them 🙂

    Like

  3. @Varunavi I have been very busy these past few days …been constantly complaining about how little time I have… 😦
    Enjoyed reading about your recording your husband’s snoring yesterday … will come over just now 🙂

    Like

  4. :):) *Piper takes a bow*

    “Strong mothers and strong women make a strong nation. “
    “I think we need a stricter code of conduct for men like you here.”
    “The world has changed too much while you were worrying about which caste or religion or language or region was being victimised.”

    AMEN TO ALL OF THAT!!

    Like

  5. KICK ASS . BRAVO . You ARE the Queen . This should get a media mention . How wonderfully have articulated . This has to be one of your best . And yes , “give me a good mother and I will give you a good citizen” .

    Like

  6. “ese women are going to raise the future of this nation… Please let us stop treating them like they have no thinking capacity!”

    well said IHM…. and i agree with shobha de’s post though i hate the name seta sene what the heck…. whatever it is

    and i have the same complaint as varunavi too 😦

    Like

  7. For whatevers been happening to women in our country, this letter is very much polite ! I dont think those buffooons would understand anything by being calm and composed.

    There are serious issues in our country that needs attention and its sad that these people, inspite of having a community, waste their time and energy and degrade the rest of the coutrymen by such hideous acts.

    Like

  8. IHM I agree with Kislay,this is your best yet best ever!It IS a kickass post.

    (I understand the surge of envy, but you really have to work harder, just being born a male is not really important any longer, at least in their circles…).

    ”We need to concentrate on providing a secure academic and emotional foundation to create a nation of women who do not hold themselves responsible for any and every atrocity committed against them. ”Yes,yes and yes .This is the crux of the matter.This is what everything eventually boils down to.Thsi is why women are not just equal citizens on paper,but should be treated like one too.

    If we want a nation that surges forward with hope,happiness and prosperity then women will have to be equal partners and nothing less.

    ”Strong mothers and strong women make a strong nation.”
    Amen.

    You rock because you say it all so articulately.

    Like

  9. @Monika Yes and we can have all kinds of senas, “Jhansi ki Rani Sena’ … anything to show people are aware and disapprove of what is happening.

    Also a reminder that women are voters too …

    Will come right now! I have been in a spin this week!! I need bettter time management skills!

    Like

  10. @Kislay Mothers do raise a nation. True.

    These guys forget mothers have brains also, I actually had a comment wondering what’s wrong with beating an ‘errant’ sister or daughter … He did not know that? They end up growing without any self respect… ETC.

    Thanks 🙂

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  11. Very well said, IHM!!! The tragedy is that it’s not just men who try to dictate women’s choice of attire (among many other things), women are equally guilty of it as well. I can recall so many instances when a woman has had to sacrifice what she wants because en elderly woman in the family (mothers/mothers-in-law) don’t want them to dress a certain way or have a certain lifestyle. People should realize that choice of clothes is a personal preference and respoect it. And isn’t provocative a very relative term? what someone finds provocative might be boringly staid by someone else’s standards!

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  12. @Vimmuuu See mockery, and sarcasm maybe difficult for them to understand. (Though I have tried ..) so I thought maybe explaining simply will work.
    You think this could be explained any more simply?

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  13. Lovely post babe! I just received a comment on my blog..will post something on that soon…u’ll see why

    Anyway visit my blog sometime….would love to have u comment there.

    Cheers

    Like

  14. @Indyeah If we want a nation that surges forward with hope, happiness and prosperity then women will have to be equal partners and nothing less.
    Absolutely Indyeah … and just when they (at least some of them)are being acknowledged as equals… we have all this.

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  15. @Mystic Margarita Yes, so sad and so true! Women whole heartedly accept this, and even try to enforce this life style – all starts with (or is symbolised by) the way women dress … you will find the same thoughts echoing here .

    Like


  16. Biju Mathews
    Execellent post as always!! Kudos! You see the depth of the problem.

    “…I think we need to realise that frivolous terms like Provocative Dressing might make sexual assaulters feel that the responsibility of preventing sexual assaults lies with the women…” — This is the most silly thing which can be conjured by MEN in general.

    IHM – Actually Biju Mathews even some women think so, they blame themselves and other women also ..

    Do everyone who go out and eat everything displayed in a 5 star hotel? Just because they are hungry do they eat spiders decorated with snake poison and topped with red, green and white salads?

    Sexual desires without love is an empty experience. Period! I understand that a change is indeed highly significant in generating sexual desire and the regular supply of porn CD’s and Sexual content feeds the imagination of Men and Women in general but raping them with their eyes and declaring that they get provocated just because their Wife’s and love partners don’t believe in wear something comfortable in the hot sun, unware of those sick eyes is too much to fathom. They are simple perverts in the normal sense and even their Sister’s and Mothers are not safe with them!!

    Sexual desire, like hunger and thirst are all emotions. And every emotion needs cognition (an information about the object or the desired person), evaluation (positive or negative), motivation (to do, eat etc), and finally feeling (feelings of pleasure, fun, stimulation etc). One cannot simply feel stimulated just because of some provocative dressing.

    I believe we need to get the unmarried married, encourage the married to permit their wives “provocative dressing” at least for them in their bedrooms or just give them all a holiday package to Hawaii where they get sick of seeing flesh!

    These are just my views. Keep Blogging!!

    IHM – I think many men are very confused between respecting and loving, I have heard one man say he can either love or respect a woman… sad and confused, it’s very common! … will do a post on this.

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  17. @Nita Majorly inspired by your post yesterday, although I saw some people disagree … I do believe general attitudes and economic status are related, and then one thought led to another … I am glad you like it.
    🙂

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  18. Men can’t help being sex hounds and molesters, it’s biological for them…It’s not biological for women to be interested in sex therefore therefore they should cover up…

    If men want a dress and behaviour code for women, they should also have one…The no.1 code should be: No peeing in public…They should also stop wearing tight jeans (you should see some of the drivers in my complex – I wonder how they fit into such tight garments)- they are repulsive!!!

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  19. @Bones The kind of men who think women must dress to avoid provoking men are the most unhappy and confused men. Such men can only like a woman if she disinterested. Makes for great relationships.

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  20. Uhhh who said it isn’t biological for women to be interested in sex???!!! Sex is a biological need for both male AND female so really – wtf???

    Loved this post IHM 😀 A great response…

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  21. First up these people are not moral brigade(s) !!

    we, everyone must not give that title to them… its not at all apt…

    lemme read now and than comment !

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  22. Hard hitting but true.. IHM…

    Equality must be drilled into men … and women too…

    women must think they are equal… and when that thinking is clearly passed on to sons…. it will help !!

    This vigil has to be continued… and all sons must join in this fight for their mother’s rights, the brothers for their sisters rights, the husband’s for their wife’s rights !!

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  23. Surely there is something you must find provocative IHM that say you may not like your daughter to wear while going out and she may find nothing wrong with it…no..no..i’m not condoning the ‘violent men who are helpess victims of provocation’.

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  24. @Solilo Youmust take a look at these FAQs, you’ll love this 🙂


    FAQ

    @Rakesh LOL :))
    But how did you like the post?

    @Monika,Ansh Education is the problem, until these kind of people are educated, their problems will be difficult to solve, these anti-social elements, they can’t get jobs either…
    They know very well, Monika,Ansh women are not interested in them, that’s why all this frustration.

    @Silvara I am doing a post on this, I just watched Dev D and intend to write a review, .. have been very busy, but this should be talked about!
    Nice to see you here 🙂

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  25. hey! thanks for the compliments and you must see the ‘not-so-cool’ headed reply i got to my comment on cape of good hope 😀

    loved your post.. I usually fizz out in the middle of long posts, but I dint on yours! 🙂

    I was thinking if they will beat us up for drinking, we will beat them up for scratching their crotch in public. Imagine the mass beating up that will happen every single minute! hahahahaha 😀

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  26. @Abhishek Haven’t faced this problem yet, either because I do not take upon myself the right to choose what a matured, sensible, well brought up (even if I say so myself) or even a totally spoilt brat wears – or I don’t believe that men on the streets decide what we women wear.

    This post is about trying to explain to such men that CLOTHES A WOMAN WEARS DO NOT PROVOKE MEN TO ABUSE/MOLEST THEM.
    A sick mind needs help.

    have seen women in faded sarees, construction workers in old, faded clothes, little girls in frocks, teenagers in dupattas pinned ‘modestly’ etc being harassed by men who have not been taught how to behave themselves.

    I have also seen that men get more provoked when they are in a group, then when a girl is ‘provocatively dressed’.

    The upbringing makes a difference to their getting provoked, unemployment increases(aggravates it), a tight slap and a kick in the right place cures all desire to get provoked.

    Men do not get provoked if the mother who raised them was respected by their father.
    Or if the family did not raise them like ghar-ka-chirag, while aborting baby girls, it helps to have a mother who did not tell their sisters to not provoke any good-for-nothing-sex-assaulters while neglecting to tell her growing son to remember that no matter how PROVOCATIVELY a girl appears to be dressed, they do not get any automatic right to assault them.

    Read my post on the side bar, “SHE DOES NOT INVITE IT”.

    If after reading this post you still ask this question …I will need to simplify it still further, Will try.

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  27. Absolute rubbish to say noodle straps and jeans are provocative and invite molestation. How about individuals taking some responsibility for their own actions not blaming everything on the way a woman is dressed??
    Why is the robber who robs a rich man arrested?? Does any one justify that by ‘the rich man deserved it because he flaunted his wealth!’?? If a kidnapping happens and ransom is asked, is the rich man blamed for being what he is or is assistance given to find the culprits and book them?? But when women are molested, they are blamed for provoking the men!! Besides, how is it that like you rightly ask, the demurely clad girls with dupattas pinned, shabbily dressed women, school children in uniform, tiny tots in frocks and even babies are molested??

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  28. I suppose this post is aimed at improving or transforming the minds of those who believe that provocative dressing is something wrong in our society. I feel most of the comments, including the post, simply rule out the possibility of existence of anything Provocative Dressing.

    Let me make clear, i am immune to so called provocation to a very reasonable extent. I would neither comment, nor discuss on its existence. But for me, it exists, but in a relative form, and only in some magazines, and media, not in daily lives. The people might have access to this kind of stuff to pre-provocate them.

    Overnight transformation is impossible, i think its not even necessary for us who are blogging here, for we all seem mature enough.

    As a practical application, it all starts with commenting on dresses at perhaps school or college level. Let i explain how i handle this act by someone i know ( I dont live in an ideal world, face it !!)

    I simply say ” I don’t care for her dress, its her own decision; she might be comfortable in her choice of attire. Who am I, or you, to interfere in someone’s life ?”

    For those whom i feel i can communicate, i feel that nobody can impose anything on anybody. Even i don’t listen to anybody, why should others do, for making their decisions.

    I feel such things happen because there are people of different maturity levels in our society, no one is born mature. But the foremost thing that should be taught and learned is that “You are responsible for your own life. Take your own decisions. Take suggestions, not impositions. And understand the same for others.”

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  29. @Rakesh I agree 🙂

    @Shail I think people are just convinced, they do not even think, just repeat what has been said and fed all along.

    @RK Absolutely, that was the aim, to try to explain to those have been conditioned to believe that sexual assaults only happen to women because of their choice of clothing or life style.

    We really need to repeat it to all men, just like every other crime, here also nobody but we ourselves are responsible for our own actions.

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  30. @Jinu P I read the reply 🙂

    @Vishesh They are not of the same intellectual level. A debate is not possible, and more than anything, this issue is not debatable.
    The very idea that someone could ask to debate whether hooligans and perverts can abuse, molest or assault with some, with any excuse is preposterous. They cannot even assault sex workers, so all the excuses about any woman’s life style are quashed right there.

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  31. Hats off to you dear lady!!

    The post not only hits home the fact that clothes dont lead to trouble… but men should start taking notice of women around them and paying them some attn and giving them respect they deserve!!!

    🙂

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  32. You know IHM, from my personal experience, I have learn’t that its rather difficult to make someone change his/her opinion, specially an Indian. Most of us don’t even want to hear out the other side, and we have closed minds.

    That is why, I somehow believe that we have to wait for generations to pass by before we become a society where everyone becomes a little more broad minded.

    I personally have little or no hope that the moral police will ever realize what we wanna tell them.

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  33. @Aaarti Thank You :)Yes because the day this country starts respecting it’s other 50% population, a lot of our problems will be solved.

    @Angel’s Flight – Visited, loved and look forward to reading that comment answered!
    🙂

    @Hitwriter Yes, you are right, this has to begin at home.

    And I agree Moral Brigade is a euphemism. Only used this term because I thought this would kind of convey the message, … but no sexual assaults have anything to do with Moral Policing, such attacks are just criminal offenses.

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  34. @Chikki You are right Chikki, but I just can’t ignore some comments (never publish) which talk of how if women dressed ‘properly’ we won’t have such crimes, and I think we need to seriously look at the statistics… to prove that molestations are directly related to the law and order situation, that this is just another crime.

    I realise it is difficult to make people change their minds, but sometimes we just convey that their opinion is not acceptable and also we just can’t give up trying …
    What do you think?

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  35. yes,,,definitely..!!

    I think, you should publish the other comments too unless they are offensive or abusive. Let them have a say. We will tackle their views.
    Plus, I truly wanna know what points do they have!

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  36. Hi IHM,
    Actually, according to traditional Hindu philosophy, (Manusmriti, and some of the Upanishads), female sexuality is thought to be more dangerous and uncontrollable than male sexuality. It is therefore, the husband/ father’s duty to control the sexuality of his wife and daughter. The traditional Hindu view of women sees them as creatures who crave sexual satisfaction far more than men, and whose sexual drive is disruptive and difficult to control. That is why we often find that traditional men are the ones who are anxious about open displays of female sexual desire (interpret noodle straps and tight jeans to mean flagrant displays of female sexuality). This sexual anxiety is what Mutaliks and his ilk suffer from. They honestly believe that women, unless firmly under the control of a male, will indulge their sexual apetites freely, thus endangering, family, society and country.
    How our Hindu ancestors came to this distorted understanding of female sexuality is truly beyond me — after all, down the ages, men, not women, have raped, haraased, assaulted and lusted. And somehow, female sexuality is more dangerous? Gimme a frigging break.

    Preeti

    Like

    • This actually is because women had no birth control, and the men were understandably anxious about having to bring up someone else’s child as their own – vansha was a big deal. Now that women have the economic and reproductive freedom, these things are oppressive and dated. Besides they were scared of women’s sexuality and the multiple orgasms. They wanted control

      Like

  37. Preeti – Late reaction to this post IHM, but I cannot believe that a woman commenter is saying that women don’t have sex drives. Seriously? Does the commenter know that the human female is capable of multiple orgasms? Or that the female orgasm, unlike the male orgasm, lasts longer? Why would Mother Nature give women such powerful orgasms if she wanted women to be asexual? I recommend that you read some books on anthropology and evolutionary biology. In many human cultures, women are allowed to be promiscuous, to sleep with multiple partners both before and after marriage, and to have different children with different fathers. Just because Indian women are sexually repressed does NOT mean that ALL women are biologically asexual. Read this blog post on how much variation there is in human sexual practises:
    http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/lust-in-paradise/200812/traditional-marriage-which-tradition

    Puhleese…

    Preeti

    IHM – Preeti I agree, and I have also published a post about some bits of Manusmriti saying women must be controlled … and interestingly many comments suggested all this crap is not followed anywhere, but the truth is we see it being followed without the text being quoted all the time.
    Read that post here


    http://lifeofanindianhomemaker.blogspot.com/2009/01/some-gems-from-manusmriti.html

    About Indian women and and their non existent sex drive, hopefully my next post will talk about it.

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  38. @Chikki Some I do put in between posts, some seem to be just trying to annoy…. and usccessfully also sometimes.

    @Preeti Loved both your comments, I agree this feeling of keeping a female in control could be behind such an attitude, I mentioned a bit of this in the above mentioned manusmriti post.

    Like

  39. Here is my feedback . .

    It’s true that anyone can be of any kinda way they want to be. Every individual has rights to dress whatever they like to, and however they want it to be. But. . .

    India doesn’t have that kinda exposure comapred with the other ‘well developed’ countries like the States or the Eeuropian countries, where there is absolute exposure and understanding among people, that anyone can be as casual as they wanna be.

    But, in India, that is not the case. Will it be possible for an Indian woman to dress up in Bikini and have a casual walk-around at the beach (Of course, leave Goa out, where there is exposure.) or move around?

    The basic reason behind this is poverty and lack of education among people. Almost half the population is poverty stricken and without proper education, and the political parties are using this to their advantage. The mob of these kinda people are brain washed by the parties about the ideals and policies that the party supports, and as a result, it gets driven in to the minds of these people.

    In such a case, among such people, if we talk about liberation and independence, of course it will result in problems, as these people are not broad enough to accept the fact that woman are equivalent to men. For them and many more people living among the rules coming down for centuries, women are to be suppressed and opressed.

    So, the initial step must be to transform the mentality of such people and to bring them out from their dark, gloomy environment and to make them realize the fact that there is nothing wrong in gender equality. Education must fully flow to even the darkest corner of the country, and it must be given to every citizen.

    Without making people realize this factor, if we go on declaring and proclaiming about women freedom and gender equality, it will never be even considered. the political parties which brainwash people must be taught this first, and then the followers.

    I wish the transformation comes as soon as possible. But in reality, I know there is a lot of distance to be travelled, a lot of minds to be conquered, to enable transformation. Until then, we will continue to read and hear news about women becoming victims.

    But , having said that, even inspite of knowing the fact about most of the people’s mentality and that it will take years to transform them, I think ‘provocative dressing’ is a factor which must be atleast considered a bit by women. It’s true that anyone can dress in any sort of way, but it should’nt be a reason for violence. for an ex, I have noted and had given a hard stare to people who’ve commented or looking at the bums of my friends, who come out with me, wearing “tight jeans “. It is unavoidable for other people to stare at such dresses, and sometimes, it ends in commotion. And that’s where the harassment happens.

    I can remember very well. In Chennai, some years ago, a couple were wallking along in a street, and the girl was brutally raped by 12 people! The husband was beaten to the core. Incidents like this happen in every place around the country, eventhough I’m totally against it, my point is, till the change happens, there is nothing wrong in women not going for those ‘provocative’ dressing. Ultimately, they are going to be affected, and there is no use in repenting after the harassment has been done.

    I’m in no way justifying the harassment, but I’m juz mentioning that in a country where people are brainwashed and are uneducated and lack the exposure, we must not give them another reason to act like animals. Until the transformation comes, nothing wrong in going for casual dresses, which don’t make people stare.

    So, this is my feedback.

    Like

  40. hope things get better soon. timely write when the women’s day is around the corner.

    but, as a woman i would like to say that though myself and my girlfriends have also gone through these harrasments and it has terribly hurt us still i must also mention that there have been very civilised men around because of who we have not completely hated the male gender. i know one rotten apple spoils the rest soon. but in this case i would like and pray that the concept contradicts back for good. i really hope that civilised men who are feminists and who are considerate about our emotions breed more and influence the others who are not up to the ethical mark. may men change and may some day the bharathiar kanavu truly come true.

    by da way happy women’s day to all. do wish ur girl and mom and the other dynamic endearing souls of my gender in your life 🙂

    Like

  41. bang on target ..subtly making people aware of the reality ….

    I am happy to have a mom who never differentiated in me and my bro …that meant I doing all the worldly things on my own and my bro helping her in kitchen .

    I feel sad when I see girls not taking decisions , when they always seek permissions …first its the father , then husband and later son …as if they dont have brain on their own …they are always told what to wear …I remember my cousins being told by aunts and all …now she is grown up , let her wear salwars -kameez …WTF …go and get a life guys ..you are no fashion designers and we dont need your opinion ….

    I have a life of freedom( yes . I had to fight with every one , even my parents )and i wish we cud unite and fight against this moral police bullshit ..

    Like

  42. I really like your post. I want to see
    more girls speaking this way. That way
    you know, when guys travel on trains
    or buses, we can have a wonderful time
    and not get bored Ha Ha…..

    Anyway, I hope you realize that, if you
    are wearing something really good and
    attractive, then please don’t ask me to
    close my eyes and meditate in the bus.

    My response: Nikhil Martin girls do not expect meditation, they just expect basic ‘live and let live’. You can look, you cannot harass. Girls in India have to think a hundred times about what to wear to avoid being harassed by men in public transport – don’t you think this is unfair? Is it too much to expect to be left alone to dress comfortably in say shorts and t shirt on a hot summer day? Shocked? SHORTS are too much…? Do you know shorts will not get a second look in most parts Bombay or Pune, or Delhi, are the men in these cities different? No. They have just got used to seeing women dressed in comfortable clothes. It’s all a matter of men getting used to women being treated like PEOPLE. If women keep fearing and following strict dress codes (often very impractical) they will never get out of this purdah imposed by the society and criminals (sex offenders) , because every city and gali mohalla has their own dress codes for women… and that is NO GUARANTEE of safety – infact bolder women are spared harassment because most street sexual harassment is caused by bullies who know they can get away with their criminal activities, because the police and the society will blame the victim. Can’t we change this?

    Like

  43. What a write up….”It’s all a matter of men getting used to women being treated like PEOPLE. ”

    In Delhi you dont have to be molested …Walk on the street and some idiot with paas you by with a mouthful of hardcore x-rated horrible language which will puncture your spirit or whatever you need to start your day. !!!
    It wont be the last of course…It hangs over on all women like the pollution in the air…makeing it difficult for women and even small girls to breathe let alone be nurtured…

    Have scientists yet found a link between male genes and severely sick and perverted thoughts ???!!! Im sure its not a sickness…its in epidemic proportion..

    Like

    • bharathiganapathi – India has so much sexual repression – we refuse to talk about sex, we discourage men and women from meeting each other and seeing each other as ‘people’ and these men have no idea what they are doing is seriously wrong – for them it’s a forgiveable, ‘eve-teasing’ or ‘ched chaad’ – when infact Street Sexual Harassment should be taken very seriously. The society is to be blamed, we keep making them think women should stay at home and men just can’t help responding to sighting a female.

      Like

  44. Pingback: The Art of Not Being Provocative « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  45. Pingback: What women ‘choose’ to wear… « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  46. Pingback: Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work! « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  47. I never thought that anyone seriously assumed that some men had “no choice” but to rape a provocatively dressed woman. What’re they – animals?

    Fine. Let them be animals. But then treat those who rape like animals and have them put down!

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    • Bhagwad I have read that India is a tropical country and Indian male is hot blooded and hence finds it difficult to control himself 🙄 – in a women’s magazine teaching women how to prevent sexual assault by not provoking the above mentioned handicapped male. Start a discussion online somebody will surely provide the same argument, sexual harassment is part of Indian macho-giri. (Term – Macho-giri courtsey Ajay :))

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  48. We must understand that men like pramod muthalik and etc are just a bunch of hypocritic insecure Ba*****s. And they won’t change. We need to learn to stand up for ourselves if we want to be safe.
    It’s sad.

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  49. WOW !!! Loved the last line – the direct hit on the nail. But will they understand the need for a scientist, that too a woman ???

    Great post, IHM !!! 🙂

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  50. Gosh this is what happens when you let girls become educated and the give them the right to speak out. They turn back and tell us that they do not dress with the reaction of every man on the street in mind, but for their own comfort? And that we do not have the right to start barking /harassing or even throwing acid?? Kya zammana haa gaya hai

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  51. Pingback: What do ‘Modest’ women have that their ‘Immodest’ sisters don’t… « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  52. Pingback: She does NOT invite it. « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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  54. Pingback: Those charged with our safety should have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise. « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  55. Pingback: Do you think men in regressive societies where women are not respected or valued are more prone to ‘losing control’? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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  57. hi IHM,
    I came across your post only this day. i do not know if you still give a response to the comments, but i would like to share one of my experiences regarding the discussion.
    i was travelling in a bus at noon. in the seat directly in front of me were two women, one of who was wearing a blouse exposing her back. we both were in the window side, she in front of me as i said. i was in XI that time. a guy (a total bastard by his looks) came in and sat beside me. there were two of his friends sitting behind us. a little later, this guy turned around to face his friends at the back, stretched out his arm to rest it directly behind her back. now everyone would have understood the intentions of this guy. i was too scared of his size to protest in the beginning( i was a kid) but i did it anyway noticing the inconvenience.( no one else saw this except me and the woman, and she was also scared i guess). i had to hear his foul mouth for a while, but he took away his hand.
    now from this, i’m assuming you would not categorize me in the group of “men” you were talking about the whole article. what if i wasn’t there, what if no one else was there to help this girl? that guy could have done anything. remember there was a woman right in front of her, even then he went for the girl diagonal to him. this is why we insist on a proper dressing. its not that i tell someone to dress properly or i will rape her. we say it so that you are safe. of course with time it became a social conduct and violation of this became immoral, and that of course is disgusting.
    in this article i only see a feminist trying to show off her intellect. when you are insulting the folk who ask you to do so, you also include guys like me( hope i earn that right by now) who actually think of your safety. this woman was too scared to speak up for such a silly thing, she could just have yelled at him and other people would take care of him. ( i’m from kerala, and antisocial people are not forgiven by the public here.) she didn’t do it! and many of the women “empowerers” here wouldn’t if such a situation or worse comes your way. i respect women, but please be aware of the fact that physical strength is always a disadvantage for women at situations of molestation. if you can beat up a guy who comes to rape you then please do!! if you can do that then i wouldn’t even say anything if you walked around naked! i hope you get my point.
    and if it is about the antisocial element eradication, like you people say men suppress woman, i can also put forward an argument. after all all these men took birth from a woman. don’t their mothers teach them to respect women? if it is being suppressed that makes women unable to protest, then why cant i say that it is the improper bringing up that make these animals? saying this much, i think i earn the right to ask you to shut up and look into the actual problem. please do understand that the people who ask you to dress up properly is only saying that for your own safety. maybe knowingly maybe unknowingly, like i said, the social conduct thing. i am against forcing women to act against their will, but the way you speak, i don’t think you are ready to accept it even if it was a friendly advice.
    for argument sake lets assume you are not restricted by a dressing code. there could be someone, somewhere who could lose his mind and do something which even he might regret later on. assuming you were unwilling, what options do you have? if you can kick his ass then i appreciate your concern for the so called female suppression. but unfortunately you cannot! of course we could find him and beat him to death and set an example, but would that do any good to you? please understand that someone who had any intention to rape you would not ask not wear provoking dress. as of me, i never found any kind of dress provoking enough to go and rape a girl. but still i do advice women to follow a proper dress code. please understand the sentiments and stop whining about human rights. i sincerely do not believe any girl could take care of herself in a horrible situation like that, but at least if the possibility could be reduced by such a wise act, what is wrong in wearing a proper dress. after all no one asks you to wear that purdah thing (the one Muslims wear . sorry do not know the name) to call us Taliban!! hope you get my point. if you find it provocative, then as much do i with your article.

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  58. Pingback: Did the posters threatening acid attacks on women wearing jeans surprize you? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  59. Pingback: All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  60. Crux of the story:

    During summer days, women might chose to stroll naked in public. Guys please keep your eyes shut.

    2. For the sake of arguing, the same thought process, if applied to men should be allowed to walk in inner garments. After all, from the article I understand comfort matters more than decency. 🙂

    – rational female

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