This Shame belongs to Who?

I can’t get over the fifteen year old girl who committed suicide in Mangalore, and I can’t get over some people saying the Pink Chaddi Campaign by Consortium of Pubgoing Loose and Forward Women is not dignified !!

Here are my thoughts on both, because both are linked to the conditioning that led to this thinking.

When I was young, I found and read from a scrap of Rajasthan Patrika (a Hindi Newspaper) and asked my mother,

“What is balaatkaar?’

Where did you read this word? … err.. when someone tries to kill a girl, it is called balaatkaar.”

Of course I sensed it was more, I had seen the sudden horror on her face. I was not expected to hear of such words.

So now what will she do? Will she have to kill herself?”

What? Why will she kill herself? That only happens in the movies! This will be considered a bad accident and she will live a normal life.”

But apart from that first time, whenever we read of any news of any girls being sexually assaulted my mom’s reaction was always, “Now who asked her to go out so late at night!/be in the wrong place/ be with the wrong people? …etc
It was always the girl’s fault.

When we were preparing for our ICSE – just a month or so before the exams a friend and I stepped out of my house, we were discussing some school stuff like all students do, when this man in a white dhoti – decided we needed to be taught a lesson, he looked old, probably was a construction worker, and he decided to let us know that he had not (yet) been bobitted.

I never said a word to anybody. We did not even say anything to each other.

I did not know what I felt. I felt I was made dirty? And basic common sense said it couldn’t possibly be wrong to have stepped out of out our house, and walked till the friend’s house in the same colony, in broad daylight.
I think most women do not know what to feel. Anger? Hurt? Disgust? Loathing? Self-loathing? Our conditioning makes us feel dirty for something someone else did …and our common sense refuses to accept that.

If somebody had said I was at fault then maybe I would have accepted that too.
Nobody tells us what to feel…. and yet they do it all the time. Everything around us tells us to feel guilty.

We should hear voices categorically condemning such acts. I was not yet fifteen, and although we had a Biology chapter on Reproduction, we were told nothing about what really mattered. Somebody should have.

But today I know my daughter would know how to feel.
And one thing I am sure of – that she would feel NO GUILT.
She would feel, ‘B*&^^% pervert, needs to be bobbitted!‘ She would walk home and throw an angry fit, maybe cry if she feels really angry and helpless.
But whatever else she feel she would never, ever feel GUILTY.

She may wish him dead but she would never, ever feel the need to take her own life like this young girl – a year younger than her, somewhere near Mangalore did.

And how I hate everyone who allowed this to happen.

So I say this, even if the whole world pointed a finger at my daughter and said, “But he must have graphically imagined how you looked inside that T shirt/jeans/etc.” She would have no hesitation in couriering a packet of pink chaddis to let him know he does not have the power to humiliate her until she allows him to do that.

How can any passerby on the road make any girl feel shame, for something HE did?
That is what the Pink Chaddis Campaign is about. The message being – ‘Our dignity is ours. No act of hooliganism, no street sexual assault (euphemistically called eve-teasing), no stripping and walking us in the streets of Orissa, no tearing of our clothes in pubs, no filthy acts of yours can SHAME US. THIS SHAME BELONGS TO YOU.’

This is why Pink Chaddis and not Pink Choodis. No bangles could have conveyed this.

And I talk about my daughter because she is not my HONOUR. She is not this family’s, her dad’s, her uncle’s, her brother’s, and her cousins’, and every other man in the family’s izzat/pagdi/honor/dignity… She is our child. And we will never degrade her by calling her our Dignity.

We take full responsibility for our own honors and dignities and this young lady is never going to be anything less than just another family member here.

Get my point?

So let’s please take control of our dignity. Let’s tell Mangalore molesters that they cannot even take our Dignity in their hands.



72 thoughts on “This Shame belongs to Who?

  1. It is all rubbish to blame the women for travelling late or in modern clothes… It is nothing but a way of trying to cover the loop holes of security in our society.

    These animals should deserve capital punishment and nothing less….


  2. Bravo! Bravo! IHM… I feel a sense of deja vu here, for, would you believe, the very very very same thing happened, to me, only I was doing my Pre Univ! And walking in broad daylight, past a construction sight! the feelings are the same, you mention.. so very much of guilt, gosh!

    Glad and gladder and prouder that you have ensured that your daughter [or son for that matter, I know:)] will never feel this way, and stand up straight and angry!

    And you are certainly right also in saying that the pink chaddi campaign is far more blatant way of shaming a notion of so called Pseudo Morality and dignity!

    Way to go.. !


  3. I so agree with everything you have said.. I was in a similar incident where I thought it was my mistake! And why? For walking? For talking? No the only crime was that I was a girl…

    Thankfully, I blurted it out to my Dad who made me realise that when dogs bark, it isnt the fault of the passerby rather the dog himself..

    That is something I will always remember!


  4. ‘and he decided to let us know that he had not (yet) been bobitted.’

    well that’s a first for me…a man flashing his private parts and why?? coz two girls were talking down the road.

    That’s unusual and absurd.


  5. U know the people who say girls invite it should look at the stats, the burqa clad women, sari clad, really old women are sexually harassed and raped too and yet again women blame women

    I am proud of u and many more mothers of this era who are teaching their daughters and sons to hold on their dignity and others too


  6. A powerful post!!

    Women have to come out of the contours of the society and react to any injustice. I doubt that at the age of 15 any boy would have silently walked away from the situation. He would have at least laughed at that sight. The laugh would have been enough for the old man to hide up his nakedness for the rest of his life. Women in our societies have been told to be afraid of men and be submissive to his superiority.

    People don’t attempt to throw a stone at a snarling doberman but will at a meek and spiritless dog with his tail between his legs!!

    It’s just my view! Keep Blogging!


  7. ”Our conditioning makes us feel dirty for something someone else did …and our common sense refuses to accept that illogical logic.”

    ”no filthy acts of yours can SHAME US. THIS SHAME BELONGS TO YOU. ”

    ”She will have no hesitation in couriering a packet of pink chaddis to some two bit, semi literate lech, to let him know he does not have the power to humiliate her until she allows him to do that.”

    ”So let’s please take control of our dignity. Let’s tell Mangalore perverts that they can not only not take ‘the law in their own hands’, they cannot even take our Dignity in their hands.”

    I agree with every darn thing here!Bravo IHM!!

    TAke a bow IHM!
    Daughters are not our dignity!
    :)and for that you deserve it all in my book..:)

    Thank you for this post!thank you!


  8. Well said. When I saw how that little girl killed herself and how ‘people’ were saying this will only increase with the Pink Chaddi campaign I was angry and wanted to write but could not put my thoughts in a coherent fashion. Now I need not. You have done it so forcefully and elegantly for me. I still remember how I used to coach my sister who is 6 years younger to me, to shout, scold and generally make a scene whenever some creep felt her up. And she has learnt from me to not take any such nonsense ever. I really wish that we stop taking this everyday sexual harrassment as seriously as it should be, and not like mere eve-teasing.
    Families have always lynched the girl child at the altar of dignity, shame and family pride, when all the girls wanted was to be girls.
    I wish we could just keep talking about these things over and over again so atleast something would make its way through to people who still blame the girl for her misfortunes.


  9. sorry, i was angry and messed up this sentence.
    I really wish that we start taking this everyday sexual harrassment as seriously as it should be, and not like mere eve-teasing.


  10. It seems the more advanced as we are pretending to be in the westerner the more shallow and deceptive we are on the insight, and where the fuck the dignity come into the picture.

    What is dignified. then a girl killing herself over molestation, women roaming the streets in fear, Nuns getting raped over religion.

    Come on, I am an Indian and bloody well know my place in society, this is my India too, so if “sending a pink chaddi” which an expression of my freedom and integrity. why is that not applauded and on an alternate being questioned?

    And I double what IHM, said, Kudos IHM, for have said something like this “She is our child. And we will never degrade her by calling her our Dignity “


  11. Kudos to all women and men who supported all peaceful initiatives. The fact that Ram sene changed their tune in past couple of days and latest being Muthalik under arrest shows how successful PCC was.

    I prefer chaddis to choodis. Why should one send choodis to these goons? In movies the line used ‘choodi pehen kar ghar baith jaa’ means be a woman and sit at home. Isn’t that humiliating for women? Is being a woman so bad? Sending choodis is giving them respect. I prefer chaddis to humiliate them. I would have preferred sanitary pads if I could.

    As for that flashing incident you mentioned. Almost all the women I know, including me, have experienced it not once but several times. We can flashers ‘Showman’. Yes! there are some sickos who flash young girls and you can mostly see them around ladies hostels, near lanes etc. where ever they can flash young girls coming from tuitions, going to colleges/school. Shameless creatures!

    There can never be any dialogue with abusive people. Someone comes and hurt your women and you ask to go talk to them? What kind of logic is that?

    Let me draw a parallel..

    What is our take on plagiarism? When you first see a plagiarized post, you mail the person and when he still doesn’t listen to you, you tell your friends and then everyone decides to go spam the comment section of the one who plagiarized your post.

    Same way first the goons attack and then they show no remorse and vow to keep attacking women if they go against their “culture”. So what do we do? Humiliate them peacefully.

    Muthalik never knew what he was getting himself into. He is pinked forever.


  12. I got into a debate with friends last night over the pink chaddi thing. Some of them felt that its pbly not the best thing to do, because it might add fuel to fire. The perverts might just use it to their advantage by propagating the fact that the women who send them these chaddis and who go to pubs,have no shame and that this is what they are fighting against. One said that freedom isnt about going to pubs or doing as you please. Agreed. But then again, freedom does mean ‘having the choice to’ if one wishes. Tomorrow I might wanna go have a drink at a pub. I should have the choice to do so. Ofcourse, it comes with responsibility.To quote you on this:
    “We take full responsibility for our own honors and dignities “

    Yes, not only that. We, as grown up adults, take full responsibility for our actions. But we also need to have the choice to decide what those actions shall be.
    phew! I`ve taken up more space than i wanted to! Very well said IHM!


  13. I know! I totally agree with what you have written…

    Just a couple of days back I had mixed feelings about this campaign and how effective it would be.. but, you are right… your post sums it up perfectly well and that’s exactly how it is..

    Daughters are not the “Family dignity”…
    It’s so sad that some blame the girl for this…

    in some good news – Mutalik is in police custody. it’s “preventive custody” it seems.


  14. This just in. On National Public Radio here in USA, Nisha Susan is being compared to Indira Gandhi. They are praising Indian women of their boldness. They said that PCC is so successful and all praise for Indian women for speaking up against fanatic goons


  15. Mam .. i know you will not feel comfortable with me asking wrong questions … and u have NOT posted some of my comments in past as well … :-))
    But i will still go ahead and ask it

    Tell me how will this pink campaign help .. will it really make Mutalik feel ashamed of what he has done?? if you think that then you are giving credibility to his intelligence.

    Was Mutalik a known name before mangalore inciedent .. and isn’t he a much bigger name now after pink campaign .. certainly he is getting is claim to fame on prime time now ..

    Mark my words same Mutalik will be preaching virtues few years down the line as our acts have ensured that he is a known face now rather than being wisked away like a petty criminal which he really is

    so whom is this pink campaign helping??


  16. IHM:
    I’m too choked to say much, what with this beautiful post and my current mood (courtesy my latest blog-post series). So I’ll only say this – that I hope when I have a daughter, I can be a mother to her like you are to your daughter. If I can be another IHM, I’ll feel I’ve given my girl the happiness and freedom she truly deserves, and which so many will be ready to take from her.
    So so proud of you! And so glad I met you!


  17. The Pink Chaddi campaign is revolutionary in the sense that this is the first time in history of India that a woman’s under garment [usually considered by the society as something ‘immoral’] was made the tool of protest against oppression of Women. Whether Muthalik feels shame or not, the campaign is powerful enough to convey to him the power of women when they come together.From now on the ‘moral brigade’ will think twice before attempting to do such things again.


  18. The way I see it – women are conditioned to fit into several ideals/fantasies of womanhood which are defined not by women themselves, but by men. Like you say, we have to shake off these burdens that we, sometimes, unknowingly bear.

    The only thing, like I posted before, is that I feel pink chaddis, like choodis of yore, play into men’s sexual stereotyping of women. it’s not about being undignified or lack of humility, but about highlighing a distinctly feminine side of womanhood, rather than the entire woman, who’s often the ‘man’ of the family.

    But the fact that it has got so much coverage and the fact the goernment seems to be taking steps to stop further outrages is indeed a huge victory for PCC and definitely a big step forward in the right direction.


  19. IHM, I so agree with you. The whole dignity thing because one is female crap is so irritating, I feel like saying, you know what I don’t want that burden ever- I just want to be. AM so with you on this.


  20. Brilliant post! Its a compelling read..really is and I totally agree with the Ghar ki Izzat being total nonsense….its a tool to keep women submissive…that kinda thinking needs to change.


  21. wow…this was straight from the gut to the gut. I love the choice of words. As I read I could picture you delivering this. I am so angry, proud, sad, excited at the same time. bravo IHM.


    seriously… i cant figure out why seociety blames the victim… why teh %^$% would a girl ASK FOR IT???
    its this crazy mentality taht thinks that the moment a women steps out of her purdah she’s laying herself bare..
    why cant those pervert men be thrown away to stifle behind a purda..????


  23. I am so glad you put these emotions into words, as now, I realise what I’ve been feeling all these years, and I will make sure that the women around me never have to feel that way! Kudos to you, IHM for a wonderfully thought-provoking post.


  24. @R I didn’t understand … Would you like to send your underwear (preferably pink) to mister fifth fail? That would be nice πŸ™‚

    OR are you for some reason wishing to send your underwear to some, any random, woman? I have not understood your question.

    I am sure you know why MEN AND WOMEN have been sending their pink chaddis to Mr Fifth Fail ?


  25. @Ki We need to make a noise, be heard and you have hope.
    Be heard where ever. In the news, media, in the blogosphere ..

    @hitchwriter Capital punishment is not the answer I think, quick justice without dissecting her personal life and definitely without wondering about why she was there, or what kind og life she leads …it seems now we are giving even bigger excuses to these people, they can even molest if she is seen with someone from a different community or seen in certain kinds of clothes …
    this must stop… but I fear it isn’t.

    @Usha Pisharody Thanks, I know you understand because you feel the same way! And it is essential that are boys are sensitized to this too …
    worse is it is so easy to convince a young person that she is somehow to be blamed for what happened to her, and then by that logic she assumes if it happens to another girl, it has to be her fault too..

    @RV You are fortunate that you spoke out and that you got the right answer. I wish we had an environment where girls did not blame themselves for such crimes.


  26. @Abhishek it is not at all unusual, you will see in these comments how common it is and just how disgusting …

    @Monika Thank you πŸ™‚
    And I totally agree, if covering up protected you them there should be no crimes against women covered from head to toe, the truth is that there should be immediate punishment without any excuses for the criminal
    … and total condemnation.

    @Biju Mathews Thanks for this wonderful comment. I agree laughing at them or even scorning such criminals is he better way to tackle them. Pink Chaddi Campaign did just that πŸ™‚ I truly appreciate this point of view.

    @Pink Dogwood Thanks for
    This link!
    !!!!! This made my day πŸ™‚ Adding it in the next post …


  27. @Indyeah This post is in response to something that really troubles me, a feeling that some of us do not understand why we needed to send panties and not bangles…

    @Athira And if a daughter is not burdened with this dignity half our problems are solved, we will be able to see all sexual crimes as serious crimes and assaults not as insults!


  28. @Shilpa I went through the same anger and pain when I saw how so many of us are not understanding the reason behind sending Pink Panties … and how much the attack in the pub are related to the attack on the girls all over India all the time, including the saddest one that made a fifteen year old take her own life … that drinking in the Pub was not an isolated incident is even scarier, if they had not attacked in front of the media this would have continued unnoticed .. like it does in villages.

    And we should stop using the term eve-teasing, we should only call it Street sexual harassment….


  29. @Chirag πŸ™‚ Thanks!! I am so grateful for and also proud of what you have said, and I can see it came straight from your heart!
    This support is what keeps us going …. πŸ™‚


  30. @Solilo You explained it so well and I completely agree!
    Thanks you are a blessing … also loved your post on this issue – very much!

    @Piper Please leave long comments.. they make us think! I was also concerned about the was this could be misinterpreted by those who would like to dismiss it … but I think if it is strong enough they will get the message too .. basically “YOU CANNOT SHAME US.” I feel there was no other way to convey this, and at the same time let there be many voices, each fighting in their own way.
    Let no question go unanswered, because these questions and doubts become convictions and traditions …


  31. what can i get you guys ? after the long day of protesting and marching and talking it is time to take a breath..

    it is time to let your hair down and relax


  32. @Anrosh You got us your support from so far πŸ™‚
    It’s still not over, yesterday also there were many incidents of violence, forced marriages and harassment in many parts of India … but I am confident it is a good beginning!
    Thanks :))))

    @Pixie You said it, “It’s so sad that some blame the girl for this…”
    That is all we are still doing … but at least now they are raising their voices. And every such voice whether we like their methods or not needs all our support.


  33. @Solilo It is successful in making it very clear to all goons that if they do get publicity from beating and molesting any citizens it will not be entirely the kind of publicity they want.
    It gave rise to many other kinds of protests also, it made our politicians see that 50% of their vote bank needs to be respected .. yes that also matter, I heard Uma Bharti on TV promptly backtracking from her moral brigade support when Khushboo asked her, “But aren’t these women above 18 your voters too?” Immidiately Madam Uma says, ‘Yes yes if we ban drinikning it should be banned for men and women both, there should be no disrespect ..” I will try to get the video, Arnav Bhattacharya was the anchor, and they had Shobha De, Khushboo, Asiya Andrabi …


  34. I very well know why men and women are carrying out this campaign and I have no intention of participating in this intellectually bankrupt campaign.

    Men have been held guilty of sexual harassment for sending unsolicited underwear to women.

    So now when in this campaign women and men are sending underwear to this goon( the campaign blog even encourages to send used ones), why should not this be a case of sexual harassment?

    What was so hard to understand?


  35. have u been down south IHM?? the crowded buses, the right on spot place for D**K heads to get a turn on and hump against the backs of poor unsuspecting girls… d first time i went thru this i moved at an alarming pace and got down at next stop eventhough it was far from mine.. i felt so dirty and filthy..
    next time a drunk idiot barred my exit on a bus.. he claimed that i was slut for taking a bus after 10 pm.. wat shud i do?? walk all way home heh?? and worst none came to my support till i kicked his gr**n… then ll came rushing over saying he deserved heck

    i had to talk to my sis wen she eventually joined d coll… the poor lamb was so terrified that she seeks company of her friends and never travels alone…that’s d condition..

    and chaddi was rite on spot.. choodis wont have caused ample effect…


  36. @UI
    Mam .. i know you will not feel comfortable with me asking wrong questions … and u have NOT posted some of my comments in past as well … :-))
    No hard feelings UI πŸ™‚ ….

    But i will still go ahead and ask it
    you are welcome πŸ™‚

    Tell me how will this pink campaign help ..
    UI I also had the same misgivings that you do but then I realised I was reacting in a way we have all been conditioned to react. This man had got all the publicity he could ask for, he was being talked about, supported, criticized and being discussed, he was also being feared … it was not possible to ignore him, for women his actions and the unbelievable nonsense he spoke was worse than any terror attacks, and much worse because there were people (including women) who actually thought it was fine in a free country for women to be beaten for what they considered ‘incorrect behaviour’. It seemed now the goondas had a licence to sexually assault even more brazenly – and don’t forget the CM and the NCW also supported them.

    WE NEEDED A QUICK, SUCCINCT WAY TO CONVEY THAT HE DESERVED RIDICULE AND CONTEMPT NOT FEAR. We could not go on every platform and start explaining and nobody was listening … no political group or authorities were really supporting women … it looked like a NIGTMARE … Believe me, all sensible citizens and specially women were shaken .. we had all along believed our liberty was a Constitutionally given right, we haven’t seen a precedence of this kind.
    And he is still free.

    will it really make Mutalik feel ashamed of what he has done??
    Nobody cares about what Muthalik feels. Anyway I don’t think he is capable of feeling any shame, he is a politician. The idea was to make sure he does not go unanswered. SHARAM, shame, lajja has been used to control women for ages, it was time to tell him, he could not use a woman’s LAJ/HAYA/LAJJA/HONOR/DIGNITY/IZZAT to control her.
    The Pink Chaddis were also a message to the people, to ALL THE OTHER WOMEN like me and many others who weren’t sure how to react at first …

    if you think that then you are giving credibility to his intelligence.

    It has less to do with him, more to do with US. We needed to know that such tactics cannot and should not shame us.
    Do you realise those poor girls have not even dared to complain!

    This message was for many others who use the same method to control women, also to the politicians who were not acting, to all other women, it became like a call to chuck the centuries old restricting hang ups and challenge anyone to shame or punish a woman by stripping/raping/molesting … Please read this post, slowly, really read it once again .., and I am sure you will be able to understand how and why it helped WOMEN. Once we know we should NOT be blamed and we are right to feel anger and to protest, we will also find the strength to fight.

    Was Mutalik a known name before mangalore incident ..
    NO. He became well known by molesting and attacking and he was being given an opportunity to make it sound like an act of moral policing, which is equally wrong.

    …and others like him will be joining in such attacks… you watch, even now they will, but not as many, now they know they will be challenged.

    The Pink Chaddi Campaign will make them think twice …

    and isn’t he a much bigger name now after pink campaign .. certainly he is getting is claim to fame on prime time now ..

    Now he will forever be associated with PINK CHADDIS. He has been shamed, his name will never be known as just a molester but also as a man who was given back. Nicely too. In exactly the way he deserved. Since Bobitting is against the law….
    And he can claim to be the future PM of India, even the future President of America, or god, who can stop anybody from claiming anything?

    Mark my words same Mutalik will be preaching virtues few years down the line as our acts have ensured that he is a known face now rather than being whisked away like a petty criminal which he really is
    UI Can’t you see that he was not being whisked away like a petty criminal that he is? He has had 45 criminal cases against him from earlier?
    That the Karnataka CM and governemnt and Nirmala Venkatesh supported him?

    Do you realise if it wasn’t for the PCC, the Newspapers, News channels and even on the Radio, would have only talked about how he managed to frighten the women … I think girls need to know (still have not) … we need not hide any cases of such trauma/humiliation, we should ‘SHAMELESSLY’ come out and take proper action… instead we have a fifteen year old taking her own young life …

    so whom is this pink campaign helping??
    It is helping all the citizens who value their liberty. Now we will see finally the silent women’s activist will speak up.
    Today Women’s Rights Group are speaking against just a suspension, no punishment for the Haryana Policeman who tried a Muthalik-act.

    Now such cases will be brought to lime light like they should be,and the culprit should be made to hide his face behind pink panties. Here we make the victims hide their faces behind LAJJA.

    This case would have never made headlines and there would not even have been any suspension if it wasn’t for the uproar and protests that the Pink Chaddi Campaign created.
    And the campaign needs a lot of support …
    hopefully you will join it too.

    Or maybe you’d like to support in some other way.
    But join you must, because once they gain power they will not stop at harassing just women.


  37. @Anonymous We don’t care about his being embarrassed. The protest resulted in

    1. the violence threats being retracted, and
    2. a new awakening in women which has resulted in
    3. TRP oriented media and
    4. vote hungry politicians realising that women also vote in this country, and
    5. Women’s rights sleepy organisations have also woken up and
    6. we are seeing some action – read my reply to UI comment above your comment, and then if you have something else to ask, I will be glad to answer.


  38. I am ecstatic, I am happy we pulled this off. BTW, pink chaddis was a brilliant inspiration. Cheap ppl like Muthalik need an underwear campaign against them


  39. Telling a girl to wear “proper” clothes because people can harass her is similar to asking a person to wear a bullet proof jacket because he can be shot dead in the market. What is the police for then??


  40. @Surbhi Thanks Surbhi, you make me feel overwhelmed … Yes your post and the Mangalore attacks made me feel the same way … but it wasn’t just anger, and horror but also fear, because it can easily happen here also.

    @Charakan Yes I also think it is revolutionary and like most revolutionary actions it is going to have those who condemn it … the concept should be discussed so we stop finding it so easy for a woman to feel shame and degradation. Right now the easiest thing in this country for a woman to loose is her dignity/honor/izzat, any two bit goon from the road side can make her feel humiliated/dishonored? Who should be feeling dishonored here? I think PCC challenged this deep rooted long accepted concept.


  41. @Mystic margarita The sending of panties, as I see it, is like saying “We take away your power to humiliate us, if you thought a pink panty should have been humiliating for us, we send it to you, in thousands, let this humiliation be yours.

    I am coming over to take a look at your posts πŸ™‚


  42. @Alankrita Yes, it is an unwanted burden and I wish we all could just shake it off …

    @Pretty me Thanks πŸ™‚ It’s always great to meet like mined people!!!

    @Angel’s Flight We all can change this together, let’s talk about it, post about it and trash any notions of a woman being anything LESS than a person …. no woman’s life can be less than her izzat.


  43. The success of the campaign need not be measured by how much Mutalik was hurt. Politicians are known to make opportunities out of worst insults hurled to them. No one can really help that. The campaign was an effective beginning, but a lot needs to be done to ensure that humiliation and attacks on the honour of citizens are dealt with firmly. Hope the movement takes shape to tackle this too with the same fervour.


  44. @Piper thanks for this link!!!!

    @Alankrita Thanks a ton πŸ™‚ This shows the campaign has made a difference. And I have been quoting this as an example ever since you sent it!
    Now such news will be heard and noticed – not brushed aside as just another assault on women.


  45. @Just call me A – We should be angry, sad, proud and excited!!! And we should refuse to be considered anything less than equal humans. We’ll be nobody’s HONORS, well be just US πŸ™‚

    @Aneesha Good question, “why cant those pervert men be thrown away to stifle behind a purda..?????”
    But, we don’t even throw them in jail who will throw them behind purdah! They have not even been arrested for molesting, they were arrested for other minor crimes, to ensure they get bail and and make more threats of molesting more girls …ALL ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, AND STILL THEY ARE FREE.

    @Writerzblock Thank You … I am touched that you could relate to it. I feel terrible that we allow so much and such horrible injustice to go on in the name of dignity and respect, everyday there’s some news of some girl who is killed for such stupid reasons, and obviously this encourages the assaulter… WHAT KIND OF CULTURE ALLOWS THIS?


  46. @Anonymous
    Muthalik was arrested and granted bail by the law. he was also taken into protective custody.
    He was arrested for instigation on mob violence elsewhere, he has never been arrested for molesting .
    Infact he is being supported by
    1. CM Karnataka,
    2. Nirmala Venkatesh, I have blogged about both, and of course
    3. anonymous trollers/spammers like you.

    if you think the protests were taken back due to this campaign you are being naive.

    If citizens join together to fight against two bit criminals they can make a difference, a lot more is needed, I read an appeal on facebook from a girl in Mangalore, they are (obviously) still very terrified…

    this campaign was a publicity grabbing political campaign. nisha susan is a tehelka scribe and guess it got nisha and tehelka their 15 seconds of fame.
    I wish some of our politicians take tips from Nisha Susuan to do something worthwhile and gain some votes and publicity …

    all this campaign has done is that muthalik has got the additional publicity the goon desperately craved

    The goon was getting publicity anyway, now he has some negative publicity.

    also from your comment “once they gain power” who are ‘they’ you refer to?
    SRS will never have political power. they lost all their security deposits in the last assembly elections.
    With people like you defending them, it is not difficult to imagine them coming to power. If Modi can, if others like him can … we don’t wish to sit and wait for that to happen.

    Also Anonymous, please avoid repeating questions already answered, it is tedious to repeat myself, and I am tempted to click delete … Genuine comments welcome, trolls please don’t waste our time.


  47. I agree with all your points about the daughters being individuals in their own right and not just being limited to be labelled as Dignity of a family or of the male members of family.

    No man has any right to touch any woman’s psyche or body without her permission.

    I have read posts about the PCC on various blogs. I understand that it is time to humiliate men like the Mangalore hooligans and the so called Moral saviours. (I would not humiliate Police by labelling these as Moral Police) However, I failed to convince myself into participating in this PCC because I did not see much logic in sending a piece of woman’s underclothing to the lechers like these.With all due respect to the intentions of the participants of the campaign, I wish this leads to some sense. I still see more sense in sending bangles into shaming these men for *they* can understand the bangle language better than the panty language.


  48. @Tha RAT I have traveled in DTC (Delhi Buses) and lived in Kerala also, the harassment is the same in both the places….and I know what you mean. carry some chili, carry safety pins, whatever you do DO NOT stop doing something just because these good for nothing perverts harass you.
    Going in a group is fine if it makes us feel safer, and I guess we learn how to handle (or survive)in a while.
    I think one reason for this is all the segregation that we have. If these men knew women better, they would respect them a little better and maybe then they will also not be such psychos. Please stay safe, but also be brave πŸ™‚ Hugs, IHM


  49. @Mampi I am not sure Mampi, maybe it would have humiliated them … but there is equal chance that they would have preached some more about how the good girls who are sending them bangle do not know what bad girls were doing in the pub …
    After what they did, did not even earn the bangles… and they talked of morals …?

    Chaddis kind of say, we don’t care what the girls were doing ….

    But I would have made a packet and sent bangles also. Two packets instead of one would have been fine too. Basically, whatever it takes …


  50. @Mr Gopinath Thank You for your kind words πŸ™‚
    I agree that a lot more must be done… and thank you for “Politicians are known to make opportunities out of worst insults hurled to them. No one can really help that. The campaign was an effective beginning…”

    @Amit Yes!!! I have been looking for he right example for comparison! Bullet Proof jackets and being fully covered in traditional clothing is the perfect one!

    @Phoenix We are sisters in Sin as one journalist put it (I think Rupa Ghulab) … they have been changing their minds about what to do with the gifts they have received, they thought of gifting them to some prphanage ot returningn them, then now they are burning them .. who cares, they are riled, and they backed off. that’s what matters.
    I saw a note on facebook, requesting some Protests to help those victims come out and complain… some security for them.
    I hope that is done too.


  51. @Anonymous Your last comment is talking about BJP and Congress!!!
    I wrote against dividing and ruling in the next post, I feel we should stick to what we are fighting for, -which is upholding our Constitution, I genuinely fear we are going the taliban way and it is frightening …
    And just see what’s happening in Pakistan? They were cheering the establishment of Shariat … are we any better?

    It makes no difference which party is in power in Karnataka or who is the Minister For Woman and Child Welfare – neither could do anything. Or seem to care to. We need younger, educated leaders, and we should just make it clear we don’t care for religion mixing with politics …

    I don’t want to politics to hijack the topic here please …

    And take the post seriously please. I haven’t deleted your comment, I thought when there’s plenty of time, I’d sit down and reply … it’s a long comment.


  52. Wow amazing. And very true…
    that is very brave of the women in India to start standing up for yourselves. i applaud you. It’s not your shame to feel when others do things to you… it is their shame. and what you should do is far from keep silent. tell everyone who cares, tell all the other women about him and what he did. shame him. otherwise if you feel guilt, you will not tell anyone and burden yourself with this, then alone, you will die. you are not alone, that i hope is the purpose of the pink chaddis – so that no women is ever alone, and thus is less vulnerable to a man. strength in numbers


  53. @Anonymous Thank You !! I agree πŸ™‚
    “tell everyone who cares, tell all the other women about him and what he did. shame him. otherwise if you feel guilt”

    You said it!


  54. @The Stoic You say,
    “It is okay if women want the Ram Sena guys to have their panties. It might be that in these women’s families, if a brother or father lifts the hand against an errant sister or daughter, the victim immediately presents him with her panties in protest. This is is all okay.”

    1. If anybody, I repeat ANYBODY sexually assaults her she must protest in whichever way she deems fit.

    2. She might consider bobbiting also, but that would be a punishable offence.

    3. The fact is if a brother or father lifts the hand against an errant sister or daughter’ he should be locked in jail. Thankfully domestic violence is finally a punishable offence.

    4. I know we have many in India who think it is okay to beat the female family members to get their own way, but that does not make it right. I am also aware that it is not just the slum dwellers and rural men who think this, I am aware that educated men also resort to violence, against female citizens in their families and outside also.

    “But, would these women dare to protest in the same manner to our Moslem clerics like the Sunni leader Kanthapuram of Kerala or the Delhi Imam? If not, why? Is it because the retort would be as ferocious as Shariath laws demand with ‘loose’ women? “

    All fundamentalists are the same. And deserve the same treatment. It is obvious that they are riled.

    There is absolutely no difference between all these men or the men in Indian families who think they can beat their errant sisters, mothers, daughters,wives and any woman who does not think they are worthy of another glance.


  55. Pingback: This is not Democracy but Gundagiri – Muthalik « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  56. Pingback: What is this big problem with Bra Strap Showing? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  57. Pingback: Is it possible to insult someone who doesn’t value your opinion of them? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  58. Since time immemorial….the society’s honour lies in a gals (Daughter/wife/mother)Vagina….!! High time we stop this.. This is as sexist and as offensive when we say- A mans brain is in his ballssss…Both stereotypes sud go and then only we can live in an unbaised society …Fingers crossedZ!!


  59. Pingback: ‘What Shri Yesudas said in public is what most of the parents are telling in private.’ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  60. Pingback: Going to the terrace | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s