Men Will Be Men :)

Some Joru Ke Gulam, JKG I am proud of : )
[Edited to add: In India it takes a lot of guts for a man to take a stand against customs that oppress women, it’s worst if he is fighting in support of his wife, or his Joru! All such acts of courage are rewarded by labeling them as JKGs i.e. Joru Ka Gulam. Literal meaning: ‘Slave of Wife’]

My grandfather in 1950s-1960s telling his four educated daughters that financial independence came before marriage.

My Dad at 21 in 1960s, traveling ticket-less to break a sister’s engagement – without letting his dad know, just because she didn’t like the boy and wrote to him from her hostel. (She lived a very happily married life, with my late Uncle. None of the horrible things my grandparents foretold happened to her because of the broken engagement.)

The look on my brother’s face when someone suggested he at least finds out if his unborn baby is a girl or a boy.

Also my brother saying, “… let me discuss with my wife before deciding.”

My husband, brothers in law, Dad, friends, friends’ husbands saying the same thing.

My husband putting his foot down when I attempted to serve him hot hot chapatties, the way my mom had been doing. (I really thought he was going too far).

My husband supporting my stand against the ritual of kanyadan.

A friend’s husband wanted to touch his mom in law’s feet, she jumped away, “Sons in law don’t touch feet in our side, they are poojya.” He touched her feet anyway, saying, “But Sons do? Right?”

My brother in law (Husband’s elder brother) asking a gathering of relatives of all backgrounds, “Anyone for tea, I am making masala chai for myself …?” – on my first day at my in laws place. (I nearly swooned.)

Dad rejecting proposals because NO girls in this family will be married into joint families.

Dad making sure all the married daughters and sisters attended all the functions/parties at their parents’ house. And once when he sensed some resistance, he landed there to pick her. (Of course he picked her, with the nicest smile too … )

All those friends’ husbands who pass tea to us while we are gossiping, just because they were making it for themselves anyway.

My son – well, everything about him, I guess. He has no idea he is in anyway privileged because he is a boy. He is a future JKG for sure!

Some favorite bloggers’ families : )

Some favorite bloggers 🙂

My nephew refusing to accept an Air gun as a gift (he was ten then), he wanted a guitar and didn’t care how unmanly the older generation thought it was.

Son sitting on the kitchen counter, passing me shelled peas, talking about this and that while I give tarka

Son making sandwiches.

Shah Rukh khan ; )

Feel free to add more to the list!

Edited to add: Read more about JKGs here 🙂

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133 thoughts on “Men Will Be Men :)

  1. Lovely post IHM. My husband too refuses to eat hot chappattis if he is being served by someone who should be sitting beside him and eating, and this even if his mother is doing it. She gets really angry but has now has given up! I think secretly she is proud of him! 🙂

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  2. Ahem… but why are all the above called JKG??? Aren’t u to blame then when you glorify just another normal act of good behaviour?

    And when a guy glorifies a wife who makes hot chapatis for her husband, it is criminal???

    Though I do all of the above normally without noticing… But I do detest “Dad rejecting proposals because NO girls in this family will be married into joint families”. Why So? We used to live together (and even now live with my elder brother) in a joint family and my wife is so close to my Mom that she tells her things she doesn’t even tell her mom???

    A Joint family is such a wonderful concept. Why does it always have to mean opressing MILs and supressed DILs? Why do you think a joint family can’t be happy together? Yes DILs need to respect MILs and so do we SILs respect our MILs.

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  3. Present JKG’s.. and about to become ones/will become one… in my life..

    My elder brother who knows how to make chappatis na dtea and a sundry other things..(I still don’t..)
    And the most awesome desserts…tiramisu..(yes ,he does..:D)and other ’six –layered cake/dessert ..he calls it something….don’t know what…
    AND he’s a defence officer..which makes me doubly proud at the two sides to him..JAnd yes, he has all the traits of a JKG…(god bless himJ)

    My younger brother…..who asked my Dad…’’What??You are looking for a rishta??Why???’’and he didn’t subside till Dad called me and I told my brother it was okay,I had no boyfriends whom I wanted to marry.:D…
    My bro:-‘’Are you sure Di?’’
    Me:-‘’getting embarrassed about this now…’’’YES.. (with gritted teeth)I HAVE NO BOYFRIEND AS OF NOW.’’
    Bro:-‘’Nobody you want to marry’?’’
    Me:-turning red with embarrassment/anger/at his idiotic queries…’’YES I M SURE..’’
    Meanwhile Dad’s really enjoying this ..coz usually I and my younger brother are the best of pals..
    (This bro who is just 21 btw..:))And I tell you he will give JKG a whole new meaning..:D

    My father( who is a defence officer too.). who enjoys all the jokes I and mom crack at his ..err..at male expense..
    Me:-’’MALES!!..I tell you mom..they are good for nothing…!..’’
    Mom:-‘’Absolutely…!’’
    Dad usually ignores these efforts to goad him:D
    Dad who will deliberately say things to make me rant…
    Dad:_’’ladkiyon ko chai vai banana aana chahiye..’’
    (Then waits for my reaction which comes barely a second later…)
    Me:-What???what about A(elder bro)?and A junior(younger bro)?why can’t they learn it.??
    Dad(with an innocent face..’’But they already do know how to…you don’t’’
    Me:-a pause.’’.oh!……but that’s still no reason for this generalisation…’’and then I realize he loves seeing the feminist in me all outraged..and aware..
    I think he doesn’t want me to forget who I am ever and remember that I am a woman. First and foremost…
    And so, this debate goes on and on in the house at the dining table and in the kitchen..and all the time…
    My dad absolutely OUTRAGED on watching a documentary on a Pakistani woman in a tribal area whose nose had been chopped off for ’honour’
    My dad wanted to kill someone that day….
    Most of all my mom who has ensured that dad is a feminist…
    Though in all honesty I have to say that dad does not do certain things coz he has never seen them being done by his father..(also dad,n both bros are just plain lazy at times..:D)…but he’s come a long way..
    And my brothers…have come the whole way I think…:)
    BY THE WAY I EMPHASIZED ‘DEFENCE OFFICER’ TO ENSURE THAT ONE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER.
    THAT A MAN CAN BE SENSITIVE ..DO SO CALLED ‘WOMAN’s WORK’ AND ALSO BE A SOLDIER..JUST AS WOMEN CAN DO BOTH…..SO THERE.!!!.:P(for the trolls)

    And if I have understood correctly you are using the term ‘Joru ka ghulam’ to make a point right?You are using the word that so many men use as an excuse to taunt/tease other more aware and sensitive men….and you are giving that word a whole new definition..GOOD!I hope people understand ‘a thing well understood is half done..already..’’So some of you , please take this word in the spirit in which it is offered……
    Maybe people may not like this word…but this is the reality ..
    People use this word as a taunt when they see a guy helping out…
    See ,the very fact that many people get offended by this… word( men and women both…) speaks volumes about the power of this word..and the grip it has over the Indian minds…/psyche.

    Will need a lot of time to write about JKG’s in my life…maybe a post sometime..:)

    So I end with…MORE POWER TO THE JKG’s in our lives!!!!…:Dand to you IHM!

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  4. @ Goofy mamma most of these ordinary gestures are frowned upon! In India it takes a lot of guts for a man to take a stand specially in favour of his wife!

    @ mammamia me a mamma Thanks 🙂 These guys need a lot of cheering, because they are generally labeled by disagreeing men and women as JKGs!

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  5. And oh yes!…it was amazing and touching to hear about the men in your family…specially your dad ,a brother who was looking out for his sister…..truly touching….and your son..?thats the scene in my family since I have been a kid…both my brothers chatting with mom and dad both…and how we all used to have garam chapatis made by mom and served by dad with just butter in the kitchen itself on a ‘dari’ in winters…..coz mom was there so no dining table pe khana..:)

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  6. IHM, Wonderful post! As you rightly said, all these would easily be classified by people as ‘JKG’s. The reason, we need to glorify such acts is because, in India, even today, consideration towards a woman is, unfortunately an ‘alien’ concept! Here’s to more JKG’s!

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  7. @Rakesh Hey, No!…I will never do that!!! I replied to your comment in the last post, then realised I should explain that the purpose of this post would be lost if I don’t explain the reason why these men need to be appreciated, now back to answering comments on the earlier post, then inner in between … will be back here soon 🙂

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  8. Glad you did this post. I know a few of the likes of the men you talked about in this post. But for their presence around us, we would be left thinking only women manage the entire world.

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  9. @Rakesh – LOL @ Ahem 🙂
    … the above are called JKG by those who do not agree with them, you will see from the comments we do really appreciate them, I wish we could take this behaviour for granted, but no not yet!

    Women waiting to eat until everybody has eaten benefits nobody, and they are not even glorified, they are deprived most of the time their deprivation is considered a sacrifice, a willing sacrifice and taken for granted.

    About joint families, Please do read this.. I would like to know what you think.

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  10. You have a great family . And who said a guitar is unmanly ? May be those people do not know of Rock N Roll . If what you wrote is a JKG , then three cheers to them , and I wish I join their club when the time comes .

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  11. Hats off to all such JKG’s 🙂
    Also, I liked your take on kanyadaan…its something women nowadays should put some thought into before agreeing to all the rituals blindly!

    Your post reminds me of my dadaji who was the first one to support my mom to pursue further studies after marriage. Not only that, he completed the application process and didn’t hesitate a bit when my mom had to be enrolled in a hostel after marriage!

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  12. Indyeah You are right! I am trying to use a word, which is generally used to taunt/tease those who show consideration towards women, specially towards their wives or ‘joru’.

    Such taunts try to imply that being ungentlemanly is a macho quality! I loved your mentioning your dad being in the army, I have seen the services guys, who definitely don’t lack courage, are also the most gentlemanly 🙂
    Thanks for your brilliant comment!

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  13. Dont think I will add my dad to the list my Brother for sure who has restricted eating nonveg stating that he needs to diet (he is married to a pureveg). My Hubby dear who during silly times has cheered me when I say “who is henpecked?-goes me me.
    And he hangs his wet towel at the right place. I forget mine sometimes. Uff.. going all mush right now;-))

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  14. @Smitha Absolutely, ‘Here’s to more JKG’s!!’
    They are the real reformers and nonconformists who do what their own heart says, and not care for any social pressures.

    @Pixie YES!!! The real courage is the courage to go against the norm, not follow the herd!

    @Mampi Yes, ‘But for their presence around us, we would be left thinking only women manage the entire world’… 🙂

    @kislay The men in my grandfather’s time did… they thought shooting, horse riding, athletics, tree climbing, even eating non veg were all manly qualities. Seen that Haywards 5000 ad? (I find it dumb)
    NO QUALITIES ARE MANLY OR FEMININE. Talents, skills, sensitivity and prejudices have no gender. There are people who love to cook, there are people who are great shots; And then are those who love to cook and are also great shots …

    @Khushi But for all those who heeded only their own minds, and ignored regressive norms, like your Dadaji we would still not be educated!! Hats off to him!

    @D Yes! And we do have so many of them – in real life and in virtual life too 🙂

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  15. @Vikram It isn’t!
    it was just the way men of that generation, categorize everything and gave gender to talents and arts, characteristics ….they thought he should take horse riding or football, some outdoors and strength building activity I guess!
    My son and two nephews love music and two of them also love football …
    These things change with times, and a smart person will not care for such prejudices. That courage would be considered very masculine! LOL 🙂

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  16. Well, then i guess my father was extreme JKG. He ALWAYS made the tea. and the marrying the daghter part, well he once lectured a bank officer for proposing a “save for your daughter’s wedding” scheme. Oh he also insisted that neither Mum nor I do any ironing. And would insist on cooking when Maa was unwell or sick( though he sucked so much at it- it was better with her around). And used to lecture “We got married on our own, we would expect our daughter to be mature enougt to find someone to marry, if she does not she is not grown up enough to be married anyhow”. Totally wimpy ( in the desi sense ) I guess, he was.

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  17. Wonderful post. I was going thru some of you older male bashing posts and felt sad for some men who are nowhere closer to what was described there. I guess we should write often about how we value men who dont mind doing all of the things listed in your post above.

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  18. Love this post! Then there are men like my DH.. who comes off a typical desi husband, but in reality will do anything to make my life better 🙂 Cooking unfortunately is out.. but everything else, he’ll gladly do 🙂 I’m glad you reminded me to recognize this more often.

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  19. I cook for my family and in fact i insist my mother/wife sit with us when we eat. i dont want them to make hot chappatis for us while they eat the cold and soggy ones.

    Does that make me a joru ka ghulam? 😉

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  20. Nice post as always.Today my hubby folded all the washed clothes laying in the balcony before i got up, so sweet.He knows i hate doing that job

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  21. i knew i had married a ‘ keeper’ the day when he replied to the MIL’s ” friendly comment”:
    dont you wish you were back home and there was someone to wash up after you rather than being up to your elbows with suds.
    He replied matter of factly:
    If you had a daughter and your son-in-law was helping out you would have been raving about your good luck…so yeh bhee kissi ke beti hai. And I think you would have been much happier with my dad if he helped out more.

    Anyways IHM, I am just looking forward to the day when these Joru Ka Ghulam’s are the norm rather than the exception.

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  22. IHM, You got me. I am a hopeless JKG.

    1) Left my job @ IBM just to spend 20 Days with her.(They were against me taking 20 Days off)
    2) Got an internship in the same city
    3) Give her bed tea every morning(except: Sat and Sun), for some Strange she’s not lazy on sat and sun and I am.
    4) Stated eating Chinese food.
    5) She get all my clothes
    6) All money matter are guided by her…except gadgets

    Ahh..its a long list and you must have guessed how hopelessly you I can be a JKG.

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  23. I stumbled your blog on stumble-upon.
    It was already being discovered on stumbleupon by some other fellow, so my stumbling counted as a thumbs up.
    Well that’s nothing new, we stumble any page we like about. But the thing is, the person who stumbled it up on stumbleupon, mentioned your blog in the humor category.
    While I was predicting it should be in political category, or in Indian category, or may be women’s liberalization category or feminism, society category.
    Although it is true that your posts are full of positive sense of humor,I never thought I will find it in humor category.
    Anyways, your blog will be gathering a new range of readers now! And i know they will also like and enjoy it well.

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  24. @Spontaneous Mini It is really sweet of him, we know Indian men can get away with doing nothing! And for making Spontaneous Mini go mush we declare him a Certified JKG 🙂 Your brother too 🙂

    @Ajit You a future JKG too 🙂 ??

    @Alankrita Any attempts at cooking and making tea earn any Indian man the title of JKG 🙂

    @Enchanted I hope I have not generalized men as deserving of male-bashing!! Because we are all a part of and victims of this gender bias. Did you feel there is any male bashing in any post ..? Which one? … I would like to know what made you think this … 😦
    And I totally agree, we should write often about how we value men who dont mind doing all of the things listed in your post above. Absolutely.

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  25. what a list!!! loved it…

    adding…

    dad handling all the morning work like making us ready, making breakfast etc as mom had to leave at 7am

    dad making pakoras for us on a rainy day just because he likes too and doing that even now and now with a son-in-law along

    dad being teased as joru ka gulam by friends and relatives and smiling proudly to that

    Hubby doing dishes when the maid doesnt come because I hate doing them…

    hubby and me coming back from work and both entering the kitchen to get the dinner ready

    hubby telling his mom that what is right for him is right for me and that proudly and ditto for my mom 😉

    u know what the men of this generation are growing up and what i loved was ur grandfather… amazing of him

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  26. Oh lovely! I cando a 100 page article on just the boy and the little things he does that makes him a lifetime member of this society..ot to even begin mentioning my dad, who’s my hero!

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  27. @ Solio ShahRukh Khan is a JKG no doubt! You must read this post 🙂 it’s about WHY exactly do I like him.

    @Sindhu We are lucky, to be surrounded by so many of these wonderful guys … err JKGs 🙂 We must appreciate them!

    @Varunavi The thing is he does it when our archaic, biased system has given him the power to NOT do anything, that is what makes it even more appreciable!!

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  28. Really a beautiful post!

    kind of a post which is doing its part in making the world more beautiful.

    i would be a JKG in some time of life, thou i am afraid that if she would take it seriously and starts treating me like a actual slave. ha ha..

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  29. @Aneela Z That was so sweet!!! If you had a daughter and your son-in-law was helping out you would have been raving about your good luck…so yeh bhee kissi ke beti hai. And I think you would have been much happier with my dad if he helped out more.
    I too look forward to that day Aneela …

    @Chirag ROTFL!!! You are a Hopeless JKG, a certified hopeless JKG 🙂
    btw I knew you were, and when I added that extra line ‘some fav bloggers’ you were very much in mind 🙂

    @Unpretentious Diva Thank You for this information! I would like to see it … how can I see it? You are right only an odd post of mine can fall under humour category! Could you give me a link?

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  30. @Sahaja The name is given by the society to all men who dared to defy custom to support their wives. You must have noticed this … normally it is mean to be an insult, but just give it a thought, do their courageous acts deserve applauding or labeling?
    Guitar, sitar, tanpura, veena, singing, painting, dancing all art forms were considered feminine, and all sports and outdoor activities – riding, hunting, shooting,rowing, camping, hockey, were considered manly by my grandfather’s generation.

    @Hitchwriter 🙂

    @Nita She gets really angry but has now has given up! I think secretly she is proud of him! 🙂 Yes Nita, she must be SO proud of him!!! YOU PUT IT SO WELL!

    @Monika Loved your comment! And I agree, ‘u know what the men of this generation are growing up’

    @Chandni I thought of Boy, (I didn’t know about your dad)… while adding ‘some fav bloggers’ families’ – Boy is the most blogged about member of the JKG Society 🙂

    @Maya LOL No she won’t … the real meaning of JKG is strong men with minds of their own, who care a hoot for public opinion. The fear of being bullied or dominated might make some men loose out on a chance to have healthy relationship with their spouse … we all want to have happy, caring, supportive relationships … Do take a look at this

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  31. Lovely post, IHM.

    Point well brought out and more importantly a nice way of saying a li’l thank you to all the true gentlemen in ur life!!! I think you should share this post with each one of them… even those who do not usually check out ur blogspace.

    I’ve come across quite a few radical men who respect the idea of beautiful co-existence with the women (the plural here meant wifey, mommy, sister, daughter n the likes :P) in their lives! But for the many other biased n stuck up men around… high time they realize they’re being singled out!!!

    Hey btw… did I tell you… I’ve blogrolled you on my space… hope that’s ok 🙂

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  32. Thankfully, I see this species (JKG) increasing in numbers 🙂

    Lately my friends and I have been noticing trends where the husband is more “homely” than the wife.

    My husband is a clean freak like no one, he really scrubs whatever he gets his hands on until he can see his face in it! I joke about his “vacuum cleaner” collection with my friends (what can I do, he has 8 or 9 of them for all different purposes!!)

    Now, I can’t be bothered to be that much of a freak 😀

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  33. thats a lovely list…

    here are a few from my side as well…

    The midnight massage by hubby when my leg muscles pain…

    Bro helping mom wash the heavier stuff (she uses a washing machine but finds pulling out the heavy wet bed covers a chore)

    The home cooked delicious dinner i am assured of when late from work…courtesy hubby.

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  34. yup IHM. till thsi becomes something we take for granted appreciation is the way. i keep saying that Cubby should never think that helping at home is NOT out of the ordinary. that its a done thing!

    M is an awesome JKG! we share our cooking everyday. he makes the subzi, i make the dal. he makes my coffee and i make his chai! he does the gadde dalna while i change Cubby at night. i mean i can go on!

    and he does all this without being asked to.

    and men who call these men JKGs are the kinds who dont even get their own glass of water by moving their asses!

    as for what rakeash says, i think as long as the work is shared and husband-wife are good with the division, neither needs to be glorified or blamed!

    its just a sign of a happy n healthy marriage in that case! 🙂

    lovely post!

    cheers!

    abha

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  35. Oh I loved this post.
    I have a lot of things which my husband did and I thought he was going too far. I once started writing a post about this, you know. About I am a feminist because my husband lets me :-)I mean I am so vocal because he doesnt mind…its confusing when I write it 🙂 I will definitely do a psot abt it.
    And my favourite was when the husband saved a msg on our answering machine saying “you have reached GP and GK” He could have easily used our names without surnames or may be just his family name. But he has a looooooooong way to go to be like my FIL.
    Hey and I replied to your comment on my blog. Do check it out.

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  36. I tried posting the comment, but couldn’t, so writing again. In case this gets repetitive please bear with me.

    Thanks for the lovely post IHM. Good to know that my husband belongs to such a big group of certified JKGs. I am sure soon the list will grow so long that the term would become obsolete for doing innumerable little things for your wives would be the norm. I am sure, we as mothers, can raise that generation 🙂

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  37. When i read your post about hot hot chapathis, I couldn’t relate to it because I have been born and married into a family of JKGs.

    Touch wood.

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  38. Very nice post,IHM.you’ve mentioned some wonderfully pleasing aspects of MEN.

    “My son – well, everything about him, I guess. He has no idea he is in anyway privileged because he is a boy.” ….so very well put.

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  39. Well, I did read your Joint Family post and there can be no argument about what you said in context of the comment.

    But I think I’m having a problem in relating to your posts. A problem of context – Coz. when you generalise and say that – NO DAUGHTERS SHOULD BE MARRIED IN A JOINT FAMILY??? I don’t get it.

    These days, I see a lot of parents left alone by their children because the new wife did not want to take the burden.

    And yes, earlier, I used to see a lot of DIL’s aggreived by their inlaws.

    So who decides which is a better evil?

    I mean, there’s one thing that I completely believe in no matter whatever you may say and that is – Kids when they grow up need to take care of their parents well. And by well, I mean not by sending them money every month but by living with them. I suppose if my wife’s parents were living alone, I would say the same thing. And I also belive that a husband should respect his wife and her right to some free time and independence. But its not like, this cannot happen in a Joint Family.

    So yes, In the context, I agree but Generally? Nope.

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  40. u so effortlessly write about topics which when read makes one think. We appreciate the increasing number of JKG’s around but nobody ever thought of the PKG’s who spent their entire lives doing things and even thinking the way their pati’s or his family would want her to.. ‘sigh’

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  41. Great one,kudos to you!!
    1.At my home,whoever gets back first from work cooks the dinner..so when I’m late I enter home to the aroma of rice cooking.
    2.Dosas are supposed to be had hot off the tawa….so,when we cook that, hubby first makes for me and my son and later I make for him 🙂

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  42. I add to the list – my boyfriend! Chopping vegetables and cooking at professor’s home while I, having washed up the veggies and given vague directions as to the menu, sit having a scholarly discussion with professor and friends :).
    And my gran’s cousin, who taught me to knit, made my dresses when I was a baby, now cooks for the household, and so much more!

    Yay for the death of “gender roles”! 🙂

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  43. @Rakesh Most of the time when we talk of senior citizens we only think of a boy’s 9a Son’s) parents.
    Our Joint family system where all girls go and live in the boys’ family leaves the girls’ parents unattended if they have no brothers, so now every couple must have sons in India to take care of them in their old age – so they are left with no choice but to kill unborn baby girls …

    “Kids when they grow up need to take care of their parents well.” has to apply to girls’ parents equally, I mean absolutely EQUALLY because if we do not do this now, we will have massive social and law and order problems, already Haryana and Punjab are buying wives from Kerala and North East – one wife for four brothers! What kind of society are we moving towards?!

    The whole problem lies with parents feeling that the girl will have to go and live with the boys family and they will be left alone.
    All senior citizens need equal care – whether they had sons or daughters.
    In India we also have this sad seen where marriages are arranged with money and ‘how will she adjust with the family’ thinking, so the couple is frequently not like ‘Baghban’, they just don’t get along. Women have a lifetime of bitter resentments against their husbands an his not of standing up for them against his often controlling family- they fear, maybe respect, maybe even care, but they are no companions to their husbands- they were never meant to be the Husband’s companions -they adjusted (often meaning simply kept their mouth shut)and accommodated but weren’t HAPPY in the joint families.

    So now in old age do they wish to live alone with their husbands? You will be surprised to find how many Indian old women prefer to stay with their children even while the husbands are alive – doesn’t it tell us something?
    I understand why the children feel protective towards their mothers, they wre not blind they have seen what she has gone through. last to eat, last to sleep, always giving her comforts or her share of for them…
    If the couple had stayed alone in a house of their own -first of all the parents would have been more generous about the kind of wife they ‘choose’ for him, and if he had done the choosing then they would accept more happily his happiness wold be first for them willingly any girl who makes him happy.

    The couple would be most happy to enjoy their senior citizen stage in life. I see my neighbours in their sixties, they are always together , this is the best time of their lives. They visit their kids, their kids visit them, they travel a lot, spend long hours and many evenings at their club … I would like to grow old like that.

    I think we Indian parents are he most selfish of all the parents. they only want children to have someone to take care of themselves in their old age – that is the only reason why they don’t care to have baby girls … might do a post on it. Also now it has become a habit to ask for a hundred sons and not a single daughter. …now I am rambling, will do a post on it.
    I appreciate your comments – they make me think and even more than that your comments are genuinely unbiased – Thank You 🙂

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  44. a good read! The comments too, even though they are way too many for me to read all.
    I always felt so lucky to have had only sisters that no reason for differenciation between brothers and sisiters came ino question. I didn’t like as a teenager the idea to be treated like my other school mates / girl friends from their brothers somestimes.
    My fahter made it a point that the whole family sat together before we started to eat dinner. he never wated to chauffeur us everywhere but expected that we take a bus to get a train ticket (do you know what that means in India) and do that what it takes to become independent. my mom told this whole my life to us. But, right now we are talking about JKGs isn’t it?
    Hubby is one too and sunny boy, well, he was that right from his birth. I just have to make sure tht things don’t go wrong with time. Not that you think that it is a matter of fact out here. It can be as bad as in India, even though in a different way.

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  45. hey good one…i agree that it is a big thing for a guy in India to tak eis wife’s side…my H does most of the things you mentioned above and yes I am not allowed to make chapatis while he eats…we make it and then sit together n eat or better still let the maid serve them 🙂

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  46. Thanks a ton for a different kinda post abt men :D..And ho abt the unmarried ones? MKG[momma ka gulam]? The ones I can remember – my grandpa encouraging and making my grandma pursue her graduation way back in 1950s..he used to drive(??) the bullock cart for a pickup n drop service 🙂 and my dad who is cleaning the kitchen attic right now. Cheers.

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  47. I wish IHM my mom didn’t instill this virtue of Empathy in me so deeply. I could’ve laughed off your reply as chauvinistic and would’ve put such arguments as if I’m here to win a debate competetion. Not to be coz., I see your point and understand where you’re coming from… and err… I agree (Damn)

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  48. Hmmm i can c that many lines r quite familiar to wt i hav seen in my family.
    i still remember my father telling,”NO,she is nt yet settled”, whn my relatives came with a proposal for me after i got a job.

    “WHY? WHY cant she go??SHE CAN GO..!! my uncle asked this whn elders qstnd abt sending gal alone to abroad, b4 marriege…

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  49. dad kneading atta in the morning while mom cuts veggies for the sabzi- all in preparation of the lunch boxes to be packed.

    dad carrying mom’s purse for her while she shops and everyone else in the shop oogles at dad. dad not caring a damn.

    oh i cud go on.. but i think i shudnt hog so much space..

    loved this post, btw. 😀

    Like

  50. My brothers [both in the Navy:)] who make tea, the most crispiest and tastiest dosas, chutney to boot, barbecue divinely, and wait till each of us, in the family is settled in comfortably and join us.. 🙂

    My Dad, from whom, for sure they picked this up from. He’s a great cook.. Ex Naval Officer 🙂

    The Elder Offspring [just commissioned in the Navy:)] brings me coffee in bed; makes me sit at the table and wait, just giving him instructions.. 🙂 Makes the most awesomest omelettes.. lol.. 🙂

    The Younger Offspring, three years younger, but still, the one who makes me feel that I matter, that my opinions matter, who has no problem getting the dishes, even at his grandmothers’ .. and she was very traditional about what men should not do around the house:) He actually made her change her opinion 🙂 🙂

    May their tribe increase..:) And salutes to all of them out there:)

    Like

  51. I’ll wear a “Proud to be JKG” tee anyday! I think men who think they’re smarter, more talented, entitled, stronger, more responsible or better than women are just laughably stupid.

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  52. i wonder how i missed this post! This was forwarded to me by a friend today. This is simply superb and I am proud to add 2 more ppl to this esteemed list of JKGs!

    My dad for washing clothes every time since 26 yrs. For not having let my mom go to any sabzi mandi ever in the last 26 yrs. My mom doesn’t even know the rates of aaloo pyaaz because thats something she has never bought! For suppoorting my mom whenever her MIL tries to act smart.

    Then my husband for scolding me because i woke up at 6:30 one morning to cook for him! 😀
    for telling me to tell his mother that he doesnt like it if i sit in the kitchen and cook all the time if she asks me why i did not cook today or probably yesterday! 🙂 For not letting me do the dishes at all. he thinks i have done too much by cooking for dinner and all, so he cleans things and puts them in the dishwasher while i am supposed to just sit and chat on the net. 🙂

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  58. As I was taking dishes out of dishwasher….my 4 years old son (now 4.75… 🙂 ) goes….”mom, you are always in kitechen, or in laudnry room when not at work….let me know what help you need, i will help you…” and with that he started taking dishes out, drying them off as needed and arranging them (he know what goes where..just by observing)

    To my DH…..as i was so loaded at work and at home as well…as my PIL just arrived from India and with lots of sickness…”you need a break. I will take care of everything at home tonight, I will tell everybody that you have late night offsite meetings and you go off to a movie with your girl firends” 🙂

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  59. In my real life, I m JKG……and I have learnt from my boss…..once I found out that why everyday he was coming late? Because he is doing all household work everymorning……and coming to the office in the afternoon……..and his wife commanding him through emails…and I read all of that………oh my god!!!

    But when I got married…I have loved my wife the way she has ordering me…..
    And She has started very small business..and It was growing day by day……and one day the revenue has increased surprisely………..and she told me…leave your job…and help in my business….and I left my job…..and helping her in her business…….But at the office she is always acting like a boss…..and even at the home………….Because she has became very busy…..on phone calls…and emails….and one day she told me to stay at home…..and handle everything from home as I have been handling shipping stuff……..so we are living a very happy marriage life..but I became JKG….hehehehehe…..but I loved her…..my mother in law is also living with us….and she thinks like I am her ‘wahu/vahu/bahu” and also ordering me like that…………………I know, when I saw this post to her today night….she laughs a lot..but she likes it i’m sure…….

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  62. Read your brilliant post again,IHM.Heres to all the JKG’s in the world!They make our lives so much more worthwhile 🙂

    Where are the contributions of the participants from the previous contest?I’m sounding lost,aint I 🙄 ?!! Sorry,please enlighten me,IHM if I’m missing out on anything

    Me – Can’t publish the entries yet, will publish them together on the day of polling 🙂 You are not lost, there was a huge break in between!! Do read the linked post, on CLICK HERE.

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  63. nice post ! reminded me of the time my mom came visiting…
    husband did not want to join us for a spiritual gathering on which mom had set her heart…partly bcos he was working late.
    however, wen mom and i reached home late after the gathering, hoping to get some dinner ready before he came home…we come home to a special dinner …just hot and ready, waiting for us… !!!
    he felt bad he could not join us and so he came home and prepared dinner !
    i think thats the day my mom once n for all switched from her daughter’s side to her son-in-law’s 🙂

    Aww that’s really so sweet, more because it isn’t expected!! Now that’s a JKG no doubt! You could send this as an entry to the contest, you never know your touching story might be the winning definition of what a true JKG is!!

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  64. My husband is a true blue JKG because:

    – He does not even realize that I am “supposed” to do housework
    – Despite chiding from his relatives, he always says he will check with me before he makes plans
    – He is pretty serious when he says that one day, if I am making enough money for the both of us, he will be more than happy to sit back and be the home maker.
    – He knows more about diaper changes than I do – he is infact training me for the baby we are going to have in 3 months time.

    Me – You could make this an entry describing what a JKG is cluelesschick..today’s the last day !!!

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  65. It actually takes lots of guts for a man to say in public that he is a JKG….(Specially for Indians)…..believe it or not it is actually our Indian mentality that makes people think so…..They feel that a husband who does not ever fight with his wife in public …listens to all what she says is a weak person and a JKG…but he does so because he cares for her … cares for her feelings and treats her as an equal….Three cheers to such husbands !!!
    I appreciate my husband for saying this too and I am proud of him.

    Me – Yes it does !! 🙂 We make it so difficult for them Shobha 🙂 It’s so unfair to men … I know if I was a man I would still have hated this bias and I would have 100% been labelled a JKG 😉

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  66. very well written… i really like how u have pointed out small but significant things which not many men ( Indian or not) can actually do without their ego coming in between…:)

    Me – And it’s amazing how much difference men can make in the lives of the women in their lives!! 🙂

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  67. I don’t think helping your wife in the household chores will make you a JKG. You become a JKG when you surrender your freedom to your wife. You want to go out..no money..ask(beg) your wife for some, late from office…come back home..fearing what all your wife would be shouting, want to call home a friend….but have to seek your wife’s permission(not intimation)…so on and so forth.Am I right, IHM?

    That’s what the label is supposed to imply, but the truth is that any man who shows respect and consideration for his wife is taunted and called a JKG to discourage him. We try and make men (specially husbands) fel that caring for their wives in somethinjg only wimps or JKG do. Women on the other hand are free to show respect and care etc to their spouses.

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  70. This showed up again in the reader 😉 I thought there is a sequel 😛

    Me – LOL Swaram, this happened yesterday also!! I updated a link to an older post , earlier it was linked to the same post on my old blog, on Blogspot, I linked it to the same post on WordPress 🙂

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  71. OK u’ve convinced me…! Temme quick… are there any unmarried nice guys in your family or your husbands??? I’m game!! 😀 😀 😀 LOL!

    Jokes apart, I’m truly gladdened 🙂 Good men do exist in this world, contrary to popular belief!!! yay!!! 😀 😀 😀

    Me – Hugs Ashwathy 😆 My sis in law says, always see how the guy’s father treats his wife, eventually he will follow his dad’s example. 🙂

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      • U know what IHM…..you are so right…..
        now I can say confidently….
        My (to-be) dad-in-law is a total family man…..he is unashamed of proclaiming his love for his wife…always hangs around with her in the kitchen helping her ….loves his kids to bits….gets grumpy if he doesn’t see his wife around for awhile….and actually quit his job in the UAE to be back home with his wife in India coz he had to send her back when the Gulf war came…
        My fiance has seen this and grown up…and it has influenced him a lot in the way he sees his partner. Glad to know my hubby closely qualifies for a JKG….. 🙂

        P.S.: I wish I had a daughter more quickly….would have kept her specially to marry off to your son!! :mrgreen:

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  73. Absolutely lovely list..I would add my hubby ..who makes me bed tea on the days I dont want to get up from bed & who never says yes to his parents before discussing with me , if I am affected by the decision is the slightest possible way.

    My son , who is fascinated about cooking to the extent of madness , I am sure his wife wud appreciate it some day 🙂

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  74. Pingback: List of Male Bloggers in Danger… « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

    • Joe Zachs, Women are made to feel their family and their children (basically sons) are the centre of their existence. They are blessed to be mothers of many sons, and they fast for healthy sons, they are treated better if they have sons, and the sons are expected to take care of them in their old age. Often they are closer to the sons than to their spouses – typical arranged marriages might be responsible for this, if they are lucky they click, if there is too much educational difference, tehy never grow close, and see the children as the only support they have.

      All this makes them feel insecure if the son shows affection to his own spouse.

      Like

  75. Hi,

    I could not understand few things..

    Why the resistance against joint family… what’s wrong in it? Sure, I hated mine…to the point that now when my aunt come ( father’s sisters who later moved out) I can’t tolerate. Yes I don’t want them in my house… not even once…

    But I have no problem with my maternal side… I consider them as perfect example of joint family. My maternal cousins would not have been educated had it not been for my Grandma..

    Individual actions are governed by their mentality, Singling out Joint family is just stereotyping…

    Regarding hot chapatis, leave it up to the individual. You should do your bit…and that does not necessarily include cooking I guess. Mom cooks the best… but I can help by cleaning the utensils, staying with her when she cooks.. help her in odd works. Warming the food when she comes after work. And cook too, but only for dogs. I literally studied in my kitchen during my school days… jus to help a little if I can…I still don’t know to cook ..

    Am I a sexist male if I ask her to cook meal when my whole family is together after more than 2 yrs. And She did serve me hot – hot chapatis. You decide!!

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    • Falcon,

      Cleaning the dishes, staying in the kitchen while she cooks… is great.

      I feel the idea of family being together after years is to ‘be together’, if all are eating and she is standing in the kitchen alone, where is the interaction?

      And about joint family, there’s more to it, I feel our system of raising some of our children to be sent away to live with their spouse’s family makes us value those children less and see where it has landed us today, female foeticide is bad, a preference for a male child is still worse, because that’s what causes all these other problems. And why do we prefer male children? They stay with the parents in their old age, keep their own names, earn, bring dowry and a spouse to care for the family… Nuclear family makes it possible for parents on the sides to be cared for and of course there’s more, take a look,

      https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/joint-family-and-indian-daughters/

      Like

  76. Read yr thots abt men n JKG’s. I think you’ve been exceptionally lucky to have so many “MANLY” men in your life.

    But sadly, as I’m sure u know, India has less than 5% of such men, be it fathers, brothers,
    sons or even husbands of today’s generation. There are mothers also who on donning the character of a Mother-in-law, become “the man” of the house.

    Incidentally, I have a friend, pretty, educated and also from a broken family, how is still not able to find a suitable boy for herself just coz her parents don’t live together.
    It disheartens me tremendously when I see cases of domestic violence being silently covered so that the family’s social picture is unspoiled.

    Like

    • Pooja I agree a lot of men are not like this 😦

      About your friend – I feel marriage in great but the energy and resources spent in getting and staying married should be spent on leading a full, happy life. And I don’t think a happy life is not possible without a partner.

      If a girl is financially self reliant and not looking at marriage as a source of financial security – she is more likely to find a man who is happy doing what he doing – but may or may not be earning as much. With this one expectation out of the way – choosing might become easier. Women are made to feel they must marry a man who has only certain kinds of jobs, and who earn a certain amount (definitely more than the wife) – generally men are NOT made to think that, so they have less expectations – (although some of those expectations are ridiculous, meaningless and nowhere related to their future life together, but that’s another post)…

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  77. I’ve personally never heard the term “Joru ka Gulam.” But I guess my dad’s an ekdum JKG (hahaha) because of all the cooking & cleaning he does.

    Both he and my mom have, for as long as I can remember, shared both financial & household responsibilities. He’s a master cook (fabulous, I tell you) & pitches in with cleaning when he needs to. It still amazes me that all these things are considered abnormal in Indian culture. (Maybe it’s because we live in the U.S. that these things are somewhat OK…but the unequal distribution of household labor & a gender-based pay gap are issues here as well.) Although they wouldn’t call themselves feminists per se, they’ve definitely raised one!

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  82. My list : (as such my whole life is intended to be an example in this direction)

    1. As a young boy going and doing the utensils myself when my mother & specially grandmother thought it was only a girls’ things and how can a son do such a thing.
    2. Making sure I don’t get married (being the eldest) and almost my sisters don’t get married until they were ready for- full academics and job and everything.
    3. Let my wife go as often as she wants to her parents house without she ever having to ask my parents the permission to go. (I always hated that my father wouldn’t allow my mom to go to meet her parents when she wanted to)
    4. Let my sister’s stay alone for her academics even when it was wild thing to do.
    5. To actually make my in-laws to really not make the difference between a son & and son-in-law. So, I don’t get special treatment there.
    6. We always make food together. It is never my wife’s job!
    7. It’s never my wife’s job to baby sit or there is no works that is just for the ladies type! I do & share everything – washing/driving/kitchen/utensils..everything..

    🙂 & I know of atleast some man who would do it and some man who would have done it if they weren’t afraid of society and also some man who would have never done it!

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  87. glad to hear that such guys do exist..I wish I was mature enough to understand and judge when I got married as to what i am getting in..As it is, its too late now ..learning the hard way now… 😦
    For all the women out there facing the same problem but feeling the injustice, if only we all raise our children to be better than their fathers, uncles and grandfathers.

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