Settled and Secure?
I have always felt that if Indian parents were not too worried about a girl getting and staying married most of their (girls’ and their parents’) problems will be over. From the careers they choose, the clothes they wear, the way they walk, talk everything they do is done keeping in mind the only future the daughter has – being a good wife to some magnanimous guy who will condescend to marry her if he’s bribed with enough dowry.
Indian parents will sacrifice their daughter’s dreams to get her what they consider a dream catch…oops match.
The girl must marry, not necessarily to someone she gets along with, but to someone who will provide her security. This choice, generally from the same community, is not foolproof. But the girl must pay with her happiness, peace of mind and freedom for SECURITY. Sometimes she must risk her life for SECURITY.
Just think how easy our daughters and we will breathe, if we weren’t raising them to be secure wives, if we raised them not as girls but as individuals.
If we raised them to be self reliant, loving, responsible, independent, thinking, caring, dependable, confident, happy individuals.
If we unshackled our daughters from the ‘duty’ of getting and staying married.
If we allowed our daughters to marry as and when they meet the right kind of life partners;
If we supported them when they chose to marry someone who respected them as equals; someone who took it for granted that they will use their own heads to think;
Someone who loved his own family and respected and cared for hers; and accepts that she might do the same;
Someone who was a human before he was a man, not someone who would compete with her, but someone who thought they, made a team.
No pressure to give dowry. No worry that she will not be the proverbial ‘son’ to you. She will proudly be your daughter, and if you wish your Shravan Kumar in your old age.
Can you imagine how a girl’s life would be if her parents were not so worried about her getting married?
Edited to add: If happiness is truly what we want for our children, let’s show them how to be responsible for their own lives, and let’s set them free. Read what Dipali Taneja has to say, here.
Edited again to add: I found this absolutely fantastic post, read it to know how perfect our present day, marriage scenario is.
Added on 13th Sept 2008 : I find Amrutha’s post on arranged marriages simply brilliant, some of the comments discuss marriage and divorce.