Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

How do verdicts and laws like this one influence the way sexual assaults are seen by most Indians?

Forced intercourse in marriage not rape: Delhi court

A Delhi court has acquitted a man accused of raping his wife, stating that forced intercourse with a woman does not amount to rape if she is married to the accused.

“The parties being husband and wife, the sexual intercourse between the two does not come within the ambit of the offence of rape, even if the same was against the will and consent of the victim,”

So do sexual criminals feel safe when they are married to the people they assault? Is that why Five rapists in Patna wanted to marry gangrape survivor?

Is this how legalising marital rape prevents the Institution of Marriage from being destroyed? [link]

Since sexual assaults are not legally permitted to live in partners, then aren’t women safer from sexual assaults (and other things, like threats of divorce, dowry demands, pressure to bear male children etc) in Live in Relationships than in marriages?

But while the rest might be true – sexual assaults in Live in Relationships continue to be defined in Patriarchal terms. Meaning – a sexual assault in a Live-in Relationship continues to be seen, not as an assault on the person but as an attack on the rights of the future husband [link].

Which is why, Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Related Posts:

Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

For Victims and Survivors of Marital Rapes.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

 

Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court

Why do we see contradictory judgments on issues of denial of sex by wife or the wife being forbidden from wearing what she likes to wear?

Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court 

 

But earlier in another case in Delhi,

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

[“…the wife’s cruel act of denying sex to the husband especially on the very first night and then not to actively participate in it”]

I think because it is impossible to completely ignore the unfairness in situations that so clearly deny human rights to those being judged. And while, for many, it does raise “…the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!” [Do click and read]

And maybe while some of us may have never really given it a serious thought, we do sense something wrong with any adults being controlled by other equal adults?

Maybe we sense that women’s sexuality and women’s clothing are both used as means to control women’s lives and choices?

Maybe we do see the sense of entitlement in forbidding anybody from wearing clothes of their choice, or from from socializing or making friends of their own choice (let alone having consensual sex)? And then being grateful for opportunities to serve their lords and masters.

Maybe we sense there is more to it? Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Maybe we see slavery in the tradition of some people being kept in dependence so that they can be expected to serve, obey and adjust?

Maybe we do sense it’s wrong (even though many of us never question) how the above is made possible with use of force, violence, threats of murder, social boycott, moral policing, by denial of opportunities to form any preferences/opinions of their own.

So we actually have adults who think controlling what other people wear is not cruelty, wearing what is found comfortable is cruelty.

The spouse here felt it was cruel to deny him the right to control what the wife wore,

The court also ruled that a wife donning shirts and pants to office occasionally and going out of town for office work soon after marriage also would not amount to cruelty towards her husband.

More examples of this same sense of entitlement.

… the wife cited several instances of cruelty…. One of her grievances was that she was forced to wear sari by her in-laws.

“… the wife’s cruel act of denying sex to the husband especially on the very first night and then not to actively participate in it”

So some of us think controlling other people’s lives is not cruelty, while their not being controlled is cruelty.

Related Posts:

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

His mother filed an affidavit that she works 8 am to 8 30 pm, but does ‘no additional work’ at home.”

Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

Karishma shared this link and message:

Hi IHM,
I read this today and though what the young lady went through was really sad, I also it reflected a welcome change in personal and societal outlook because she not only filed a police case, but her family too stands by her. Hope this will give other wives silently suffering and other husbands doing similiar things something to think about!

There is no doubt that more and more survivors of sexual assaults in India are finding support in refusing to be silenced. But I also  wonder if this crime would have been reported, because would this even have been, legally a ‘crime’, if he had mercilessly raped but not sodomised the wife?

Delhi woman raped, sodomised and made to drink urine by husband on honeymoon

She was taken to Deen Dayal Upadhyay Hospital where sodomy was confirmed in her medical examination. She was also given medical assistance there, police said.
The woman shared her ordeal with her parents after returning home, following which the family decided to approach police alleging that she was confined, mercilessly raped and sodomised by her husband during their honeymoon trip.
Sometimes, she was also forced to drink urine.

Why wasn’t this husband afraid of any social or legal consequences? Because he assumed that the wife and her family would not report the crime. It’s also possible that he was not aware that sodomy was not included in the marital rape that an exchange of garlands permits to lawfully wedded Indian husbands. Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

Like Bhagwad Jal Park,

“I’m still astonished at the number of people who feel that a husband is entitled to sex with his wife regardless of her wishes. I think it’s obvious from the language that these individuals view their life partner as a glorified prostitute

I think this arises from a fundamental misunderstanding of what marriage means. Many men seem to think that marriage is a contract where a man takes care of a woman, provides for her needs, shares half of everything he has with her…and in return he gets sex whenever he wants. This is not conjecture on my part. I’ve spoken to many men and heard this argument not just on my blog, but from many people who you expect will know better. If you view marriage this way, then a wife is indeed a prostitute. With the big difference of course that it’s illegal to rape a prostitute! From this perspective, a wife has even fewer legal rights in India in this matter than their sisters who work the streets.”

Do read the entire post by Bhagwad Jal Park here, A Wife is not a Personal Sex Slave – Marriage Myths Debunked

Related Posts:

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Depriving wife of sex is cruelty, Mumbai court rules

“The respondent (husband) has no right to deprive the petitioner (wife) from physical relations or to suspect her character. It can be safely said that such conduct is more than sufficient which amounts to cruelty,” the court said. It directed the 33-year-old man to pay the woman Rs 3 lakh as permanent alimony.

The couple was in a relationship for about two years before getting married in February 2009. In her petition seeking divorce in February 2012, the woman alleged once the marriage ceremony was over she was shocked to see her in-laws had occupied the room her father had arranged for their first night.

She said the man refused to consummate the marriage under the pretext he was stressed as he had lost his job and was unemployed till October 2009. She added the situation persisted till March 2010.

The woman accused her mother-in-law of abusing and constantly asking her to leave their home. Things became worse after her husband suspected her character.

Despite several notices, the husband failed to appear before the court and in March it decided to proceed ex parte.

And here’s a comment:

Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.

Reversing the gender would mean the man asks for divorce on grounds of cruelty for denial of sex. – the law does provide that option to men (and women).

Rape means forced sex or ‘sex without consent’. Marital Rape is when a married person rapes their partner.

Asking for divorce is not rape.

Some more comments:

1. Wat happens wen it’s other way around. … Does the law speak the same. …..???

2. If you forcefully try to have sex with your wife, it is marital r@pe. If wife denies sex, you have to obey and keep quiet.

3. What if wife deprives husband from sex than wat is the justice will the wife pays to husband if not she must be jailed for creating unhealthy society and punish for 3 years ….. for the period of desertion due to her and divorce to be granted and the naturally kids custody willbe his no mater minor or major

Related Posts:

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Here’s why a 6-year-old rape survivor was ordered to marry alleged rapist’s 8 year old son.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

Five rapists in Patna want to marry gangrape victim.

Three thoughts on Bhag Milkha Bhag.

1.

The Marital Rape scene in Bhag Milkha Bhag.

Those who think marital rape should remain legal need to watch this movie. The scene is disturbing, conveys the reluctance, fear, humiliation, disgust, anger and helplessness of those who wouldn’t imagine walking out of the situation.

And that is how watching a sexual crime happen should make you feel.

Brat Three was watching the movie too, and I have no idea what she thought or understood… I will have to talk to her… maybe I should tell her that sometimes some people hurt other people and it’s very wrong and should not be tolerated. No review had mentioned this scene – maybe because it happens behind a make shift curtain.

The movie also touches upon another unrecognised crime – Forced Marriages. And how both the crimes-against-women impact men.

So much is conveyed. Why Indian women might see brothers as saviours. How marital rapists live normal lives and set examples for others who have no other way to learn about sex. Why some people might never respect women except their mothers and sisters, not even the women married into their own families.

Edited to add: The only reason why the man could demand that the victim come to him, to be beaten and raped was because he had the social and legal sanction to do so. He felt no guilt, he was offended because she didn’t come as soon as she was called. Any rapist doing this in any other circumstances is unimaginable, but the witnesses in this crime see it as either unfortunate or titillating.

2.

The movie shows Milkha seeing women (or sex with women) as ‘weakness’ (or vice?!) that men may have. Alcohol and lack of discipline could impact a sportsperson’s performance, but relationships?

3.

As soon as the movie finished Brat Three turned to her brother and said, “You should also run like him!” 

IHM: “What about you? Don’t you want to run like him?”

Brat Three: “No, I am a girl… did you see any girls?”

IHM: “Ofcourse girls also run… I must tell you P T Usha’s story! :) :)” (which I must google and read first :( )

Brat Three: I want pani poorie for lunch!!

I had recorded Chak de India and plan to watch it with her today – without saying anymore about whether or not girls can or should run. And I hope somebody decides to make a movie about PT Usha too.

In the meantime Bhag Milkha Bhag is very much a movie worth watching, even though it does not pass Bechdel Test.

Related Posts:

Marital Rape in Bhaag Milkha Bhaag: Why We Need To Talk About It?l

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

Sex Education has nothing to do with Blue Films.

“In my own company in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the First Night.”

Do take a look at this email with a link – shared by Sharmila.

Tradition, custom and culture can make parents of Indian daughters not just tolerate but enforce all this, and worse, on their daughters. Can you imagine this sort of crimes being tolerated if it wasn’t for tradition? 

Hi IHM

We all know how arranged marriages happen in our country and how marital rapes are condoned. The below is the link to a letter i found in quora.com, written by an anonymous girl who was forcefully married off to her uncle(mom’s younger bro).

http://www.quora.com/Arranged-Marriages/How-does-it-feel-to-have-sex-with-a-stranger-on-your-wedding-night/answers/2400693

I was forced to break off all contact with my boyfriend (mobile, internet snatched away, I don’t think I could even have sent a letter, it was so bad) and forced to dive head-first into the wedding arrangements.

The day of the wedding came, and after a really embarrassing lecture from my mother, about my ‘marital duties’ since I was the eldest daughter and no friends had been allowed to my wedding (my parents believed they would whisk me away from the wedding if they came to know), I got ready for the ‘wedding night’. I was already feeling completely shitty about the whole thing, having been cut off from every person that I wanted to be with, being married to my ‘mama‘ in secrecy, and not even knowing whether to think of him as a husband or my mama, and  just wanted to sleep hoping a new day would bring a new start. I waited for my husband to come and when he entered, we exchanged a few awkward sentences about the whole day being tiresome. I then told him “I’m feeling very tired, I will change and go to sleep now” but I was not prepared for what happened next. He suddenly kissed me, and I was a little taken aback, but I just pulled away slowly, and told him that I was not in the mood, and reiterated that I was very tired. He ignored me completely, and kissed me again, this time with more force, and when I tried to push him away, he slapped me.
This was followed by the most horrible experience of my life, the details of which shake me to this day, and I somehow escaped by locking myself in the bathroom. [link]

Please take out time to read this. Do let me know if the link is not working.
You should share it on your blog so that more young women and men read it. Considering that our law makers are not for now going to make marital rape a crime, the least we can do is make the young men aware that in arranged marriages, how women feel regarding sex(rather forced sex). Somehow arranged marriages are glorified in our country. No one seems to understand that women too have desires which include sexual ones. Why is it that people assume that sex is something women need to give and men only the pleasure? I felt so sad reading this. Atleast she had the courage to run away.

In the same link i sent, if you scroll down, you will notice many more comments about arranged marriage. The thing is, many Indian women don’t know what is sex. Men argue, when women get married they are prepared to have sex with them. But no, they dont. In my own company (which is a big corporate) in a cosmopolitan city, I know women who were horrified on the “First Night”. One female colleague told me seeing movies, she thought it was only kissing, hugging, fondling. She was horrified that someone will touch her down there. Seems she cried so much during the wedding night and her husband was nice enough to be patient. Three months into marriage, she realized that her husband won’t wait any longer and let herself be raped. She came and sobbed to us the next day. I did not know what to even say to her.

When will this situation improve?

Regards
Sharmi

Related Posts:

Why did they surrender themselves repeatedly and offer sex to their husbands when…

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

Live in Relationships: The man gets a temporary disposable wife?

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

So when misogynists and rape apologists can’t claim that the rape survivor was at the wrong place at the wrong time, in the wrong clothes, eating and drinking the wrong food and beverage etc – this is how she is provided support. She is asked to marry the sexual criminal who gagged and raped her, because the easiest way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

Link shared by Swarup.

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist

The girl had been alone when her neighbour’s guest entered the house, gagged and raped her.

The victim’s family then approached the police. By then the accused went to the panchayat and asked them to hush up the matter. The panchayat ordered the accused to get married to the girl. They even threatened the girl’s family if they did not follow the diktat.

The family had approached the Bulandshahr SSP Gulab Singh but failed to get any respite. Later, after the matter came into the media, the accused was arrested and an FIR lodged under Section 354 of the IPC.

And how do we deal with misogynists? By sexually assaulting their female relatives? That’s what one of the comments suggests. Is this mindset too different from the mindset of the Khaps?

The Panchayat head should be ordered to marry off his daughter or sister, instead of the assaulted girl, to the rapist

Another link shared by Swarup. How would this Panchayat deal with these rapsits?

3 minors raped, killed in Jharkhand

“Both boy and girl were responsible, who had done marriage without informing their parents.”

I wonder if the law would consider the husband a rapist in this case. How would her marital status affect the Rape Survivor? Does it benefit the man, legally and socially, to deny, or to acknowledge the marriage?

If the marriage is recognized by the law, then the husband probably can’t be convicted of rape (marital rape is not a crime in India), so maybe then the woman has the option of seeking divorce on grounds of cruelty?

What are the chances of her parents and the police being supportive, specially since she had ‘married’ without taking the parents’ permission and blessings, and also because the other two rapists seem to be related to the ‘husband’. (Family matters, family name, honor etc)

New Delhi: 20-year-old woman was raped in a moving car allegedly by her husband and his two relatives in Delhi, police said on Thursday.

The incident came to light on Wednesday evening when the victim was found unconscious in Najafgarh by a passerby.
… a medical examination confirmed the sexual assault. She and Inderjeet got married in a temple without informing their families.

The victim claimed she was served cold-drinks laced with sedatives allegedly by Inderjeet, and his relatives Nitin and Vijender – all in their early 20s – then allegedly raped her. The trio have been arrested.

Inderjeet allegedly asked her to come to Delhi from her house in Jhajjar in Haryana to get their marriage registered.

When she met him, she was taken to a car.
“She told us that after she became unconscious, they allegedly raped her,” a senior police official said. [Woman allegedly raped by husband, kin in a moving car in Delhi]

This response sums up how many others would see this crime.

So the wrong this husband committed is marrying without informing the parents, not planning the rape with two relatives?

oh……..but who is responsible…..is that govt.?…….no…..both boy and girl were responsible,,,who had done marriage without informing their parents. [Anonymous]

Another comment is trying to understand why such crimes are so common.

We are a repressed society.. Have u seen animals raping? Or always sexual.. We need to understand why we are a repressed society and the reasons we indulge in such activities.. It’s just not only rape…  It’s also violence towards women n children.. Especially girl child… The only remedy is to understand why.. Laws will be made, but people’s urges can’t be tamed with mere law.. A deeper reason has to be understood and rectified.. [Akshat Mehrotra]

Related Posts:
Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

Four kinds of marriages in modern India. Which ones would you ban?

Daughter in law locked in cowshed, raped by spouse, neighbours and others.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

This is what Haryana Khaps are not saying.

BJP and Trinamool are objecting to a lower age of consent on the ground that this is in conflict with “conservative norms” of Indian society.

So those who have been harassing young Indians for interacting with the ‘opposite sex’ continue to have support.

What kind of mindsets want the age of consent to be 18 and not 16?

I am curious to know, how do they think would the society benefit from criminalizing consensual sexual activity between sixteen and seventeen year olds? They don’t seem too concerned about women being hurt, since they seem to see nothing wrong with women being raped by their husbands – even if they are 16. Some of them actually recommend they are married at 16. If women are raped by men they are not married to, many make excuses for the  rapists and blame the victims. It seems the only time the man involved is blamed is when the woman has consented i.e. premarital sex or adultery.

Are they then more concerned about Marriage as an Institution than they are about citizen’s rights? Do they see women as people with equal rights and feelings?  Do they think Patriarchal Institutions (any Institution) are more important than the people they were created for? What would happen to children born from these ‘criminal activities’? Would the unwed, teenage mothers be arrested for consenting or would they be asked to claim they were raped?

Do they ever think? Or, they are either trying to say what they think their voters want to hear, or repeating what their great grand fathers probably said.

Govt’s move to lower age of consent to 16 from 18 years runs into opposition

Serious opposition is building up to lowering the age of consent for consensual sex to 16 from 18 years with main opposition BJP expressing reservations to the move – a stance that can force the government to rethink its position.

Trinamool and BJP are objecting to a lower age of consent on the ground that this is in conflict with “conservative norms” of Indian society. “BJP is of the firm view that the bill should be passed in this session itself, but the provision lowering the age of consent to 16 years should be excluded from the present bill,” a senior party leader said.

As apprehended by a section of the government, Muslim organizations too slammed the proposal to lower the age of consent from 18 to 16 arguing premarital sex or sex outside marriage was against social norms and culture.

Abdul Rahim Qureshi, assistant general secretary, All India Muslim Personal Law Board, said, “It is an irony that government proposes to lower the age of consent to 16 when marriageable age for girls is 18. Sex outside marriage is detrimental to society.”

Taking note of the undercurrent in Parliament, official sources said the government may not make reducing the age of consent to 16 a sticking point, arguing that it was for the all-party meeting to indicate if 18 was more acceptable.

Related Posts:

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.
“why not marry them first and then have sex ? What prevents you from doing it ? Deep within YOU WANT JUST SEX and nothing more”
What Khaps need is a strictly implemented law against Forced Marriages.
How does an average Indian define Rape, Child Abuse and Consensual Sex?
Who benefits from criminalizing consensual teenage sex?
Parents should choose the boy for a girl aged below 21, as it is they who bear the brunt of an unsuccessful marriage – Karnataka HC
Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.
Where is the opportunity for Indian men to learn the most natural thing in the world – finding a mate??

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“… recognizing marital rape

– if a marriage is violent, that must be grounds for divorce, but what are we saying when we insist it be treated as a crime? Is it preferable for a woman to have a husband in prison than be divorced? Does the idea of marital rape as a crime in fact protect the institution of marriage?

Rohini put it this way:

But given that marriage is a sexual relationship, should all cases of marital rape be punished with 7 years or more in jail?

Consider the following scenario: A young woman and man are married off, and the same night she comes crying and complaining that her husband raped her. Should he be jailed for what is, from his point of view, merely consummating their marriage?

Unless we are demanding very clearly that the state ensure that all marriages are consensual (are we? in which case, how?), then we can hardly demand that he should be jailed for years – that is simply inconsistent and unfair too.

So we need to make it much clearer what we mean by ‘recognition of marital rape’ before we can argue for it convincingly.” [Link]

From: “The impunity of every citadel is intact” – the taming of the Verma Committee Report, and some troubling doubts

Related Posts:

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.
Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

This is what Haryana Khaps are not saying.

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

Is it possible to make a man see his wife as a partner, if he has been socially conditioned to see her as someone who is supposed to obey and serve him?

An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…

Why did they surrender themselves repeatedly and offer sex to their husbands when…

An email: “But my parents, fearing the society and their reputation begged him to take me back.”