I feel bad to think I will have to stand at her door and ask my wife, “May I come in Madam”

Sharing an email by a husband.

Do hierarchies in relationships make it difficult to celebrate a life partners’ success? Would there be more celebration, if she was working in a different office? What would you say to the email writer?

Hi,
I and my wife have been married for 5 years and we share a very close bond. We never hide anything from each other.
She joined to work in my company last year. Now, she has got a promotion and now has an offer letter that will make her my boss.
I feel uneasy at this situation. I do not know how this will affect our relationship. So far we used to discuss A-Z of all that happens at work with each other. Now I feel that there is a new barrier between us.
I feel she will not tell me what happens at her level to me, because she is my boss now. Also, I am not sure if I can ask her about that. I fear I would lose my status in the relationship. I am not able to bring myself to ask her about that, as I suddenly feel there is a hierarchy between us and doubts such as “Can I ask her?”, “How should I address her”, “How will she take it if I talk?”, “Will I lose my say in household matters”, arise in my mind. I love her dearly, but I have these fears. Changing companies is not a good option now, as the job market is down.
I feel awkward to take orders from her, address her as Madam, wait for her to let me talk to her, facing disciplinary action from her (maybe) and above all, losing the transparency – can I ask her like before what decisions she makes, what went on in her meetings etc…….
What do I do?

How should I behave with her? If I say something that angers her at home, will I have to face the consequences at the office? So, is the free and uninhibited talk a thing of the past? Should I talk every word after thinking twice? I feel ashamed to live as a man…..

I feel bad to think I will have to stand at her door and ask “May I come in Madam”, and obey her orders in front of other people…. I know there may be things I will not know with other bosses, but IT HURTS to know that there are things that my wife will not tell me because I am below her.

I feel the intimacy is lost…… I have to submit to her will, haven’t I?
She has told me that she has got the offer, but she has not asked me whether I’d like her to take it or not…. So far, she’d discuss every thing with me and do only if I am ok with it…..

Are such insecurities the reason why some men don’t want working wives? (Or only want safe careers where there is no chance of her being more successful than they are ). Would anything change if the the wife refuses this promotion offer to save her marriage?

Emotions, Masculinity and Hierarchies in Relationships: Or making men walk alone in the journey of life.

Traditionally men have been discouraged from communicating their feelings (except with anger which was not seen as losing control), not just with their wives, but also their own children. For Indian men showing emotions to their mother was seen as acceptable.

Hierarchy creates distances and loneliness.

Imagine a father who can’t give his son a hug? Should it be so difficult to tell his son he loves him?
In this video, if the son had not taken the picture with him, would it mean he didn’t love his father? In the last part, the man is embarrassed to be ‘emotional’.

Notice the ‘ahem’ (cough) to silence all protests. Would you like to have such a relationship with someone you cared so much for?

Tagline in the ad is apt : ‘Why walk alone in the journey of life?‘

Do keep the men is this ad in mind when you read tomorrow’s post from an anonymous Indian husband whose wife has just got a promotion.

NOTE:  THE POST FROM MR SRAVAN KUMAR HAS BEEN REMOVED.

Related Posts: 

Cynically Engineered: Honor and Masculinity: How Patriarchy Warps Your Thinking

What do men need liberation from.

Boys don’t cry. – Starry Eyed