‘How I am going to manage two toddlers, work, home, chores etc etc without any physical and moral support from my in laws?’

Sharing an email.

Two questions:

1. Do Working Dads share these concerns?

2. Why is this expectation of care-giving from grandparents – (more from paternal grand parents I think), so common? Is it because the paternal grand parents are seen as having more rights on the grand children? Can this be also compared to the higher expectations from sons (from the Shravan Kumars via their wives) than from the Paraya Dhan (daughters)?

And because,

An update: “My friend is having the baby because her mother absolutely refused to support her decision to abort.”

“…and every month if my periods get delayed I am given a weird look and it clearly shows that she is afraid i might get pregnant again.”

An email: “She is considering having an abortion without telling her husband about it.”

Hi IHM,

I am in a dilemma. Pls read my story. I am a working mother of two kids. We live in a joint family (My In laws, husband, myself and two kids). My inlaws take good care of my kids while I go to work.
My kids are very fond of their grand parents.
I have 2 SILs who are married and well settled.
We are generally a happy family and contented with what we have.

Now here comes the life changing decision everyone has made.
My MIL is having a very bad time according to her horoscope and she has to live separately from her son as told by the astrologer.

So it is decided by everyone that we move out of house and settle in a different part of the city !!! I am greatly confused and shocked hearing this. My kids are sooo affectionate toeards their GPs….I donno how they will cope without them….
I am also worried how I am going to manage two toddlers, work, home, chores etc etc without any physical / moral support….
Ladies out there…Kindly advice….

WorkingMother

Related Posts:

How are mothers treated in Indian culture?

Society benefits immensely from childbearing, childrearing, and caregiving work that currently goes unpaid.

Mere consent to conjugal rights does not mean consent to give birth to a child for her husband.

Why I wanted payment for labour and the associated work. – The Bride

How can the society ensure that marriage (and homemaking) does not result in women becoming financially dependent on their husbands?

An email: “I find it very hard to forgive my husband for all that happened at the time of my delivery.”

Brave new Indian family or no Indian family? Why Indians resist social changes.

Here’s an email I would like to share. I know these questions worry many other Indians and are the reason why we see resistance to social changes.
Subject: Brave new Indian Family.
Recent interaction and reading on your blog made me wonder a few things. In the new world order (Hypothetical & in India) some important things that come to my mind are:
- Independence of women – should mean – men & women are treated and respected equally. No one has an edge.
- No patriarchy or matriarchy system. But does this mean nuclear family should be the order of the day without  grandparents?
- Men & Women are different biologically and so certain things have to be worked out differently. Like the way we are talking about abortion.E.g.  End of the the day, the physical endurance still have to be of the lady  – whatever may be the decision.
- Marriage or no marriage? Don’t have an answer – but definitely present model of marriage isn’t really working well, but in want of a better system, probably continue?
What bothers me is: 
1. – Grandparents i.e. old people should stay on their own?
2. – Grandparents shouldn’t have any say in their future grandsons/ daughters?
3. – Like in western society kids should move out of the house?
4. – I have even seen suggestions about young couples moving out of the house right after marriage so that husband-wife get to know each other. Fair enough. Should that be the only way? It could be that the girls’/boys’ parents still need a helping hand.
5. – Are we promoting per-marital sex yet at the same time talk of marriage and then – you should be faithful? Looks like we are just letting what westerns do – without understanding the full repercussion of it.
It means that while grandparents can stay in the house but at your terms! – While I do think the newly married couples should be allowed freedom to explore and understand each other – go out as often as they want etc. But necessarily staying away from parents isn’t the only way. I’m also surprised how some people feel grandparents involvement is with intention – to have a stake in the grand children.
Some of these things I believe happens to us, because we live with per-conceived ideas, don’t we? Aren’t there any really nice parents?
Some random lamentations :))