‘Your future is standing next to you. One of these girls will be cooking for you in the future.’

It’s strange how little it is understood that an environment that disrespects and belittles women as either ‘beautiful creations’ or future roti makers (Or else what use are women?) is the environment that nurtures violent crimes against women.

Because in this environment a girl is being seen only as being ‘useful’ or ‘useless’ to men. And hence she must strive for the approval of men, their neighbours, colleagues and extended families – this mindset has created a society where everybody knows what every woman must do or not do.

Where is the humour in girls being denied education and opportunity, or Life, or being permitted each only if they adhere to patriarchal roles and their place at the bottom of the family hierarchy? (which such mindsets lead to)

Why is it funny that education and engineering degrees do not really empower women the way they empower everybody else?

Why is it a ‘joke’ to address only the male IIT B students, and then to reassure them that marrying an IIT B student did not mean they would be denied home cooked meals because their female class mates were not going to be spared their primary patriarchal responsibilities. Because an Indian girl, no matter what she achieves, is ‘of no use’ if she is not found beautiful by a man and his family, and if she doesn’t make a good future chapatti makers.

‘Your future is standing next to you. One of these girls will be cooking for you in the future.’

Fakeindianbbahu shared this link.

… the most pressing concern of IIT boys on campus- do boys have enough good looking girls to look at and hit on? So he asked, “Are there good-looking girls in IIT-B?” Men both inside and outside IIT-B rose their hands in solidarity to signal no. So he asked again, “Are there good-looking girls in IIT-B?” The hands rose again. The couple of boos from the IIT-women of course went unheard. 
Of course, all boys shared the inside joke. After all, the world was made to please them, their sensibilities, and their sexual fantasies. So they rightfully claim their space to let girls know that they are not good looking, and definitely as publicly as possible! They definitely claimed their right in unison to make women in IIT feel small.

And then when in anger I spoke to some of the Mood Indigo team members, I was told that it was all done in good humor. So while the joke is on, let’s then share one more laugh with more details of what followed.

Read more here, Sexism in Mood Indigo, or on facebook: Arpita Phukan Biswas

Related Posts:

Marriage counseling: “You are working, it does not mean you can talk this way.”

‘I have grown up and gotten used to the fact that my parents are considered less fortunate since they did not have a son.’

“A Hindu woman derives immense pleasure in sacrifice for her husband. The white man will never ever understand this.”

“I am glad that my parents never thought of raising us as ‘future daughters-in-law’.”

Indian family values are good for Indian daughters?

These lines sum up the biggest reason for male child preference and skewed gender ratio in India.

Dheeyaan dee maa rani, bhudhaapey bharey paani

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

42 thoughts on “‘Your future is standing next to you. One of these girls will be cooking for you in the future.’

  1. Didnt you know? Making perfect round chapatis can regularize a woman’s periods because of the way her hands move which is somehow connected to the uterus. Its science. If you don’t believe, punch into the Google!

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  2. Ah ! IITians… I hav a long history with them. They r most sexist, male chuvinists men.My ex bf was an IITian.I was too young and naive to understand his male chuvinist attitude… IITian girls were branded as “NON males” Aparently all girls in IIT are unattractive hence they were branded non males.
    He had a bet with his frns tht whoever got the prettiest wife others will sponser a switzerland trip for them !! (How childish !!)
    Anyways Thanks god we broke up…..then during the groom hunting…which is fav pastime of all indian parents…I met few IITians afterall they r most sought after in marriage market….Al they wanted was an arm candy. They r least bothered abt girl’s intelligence or profession….infcat dumber the better…They life their whole college and school lives buried in book with zero social skills. They idea of marriage is based on porn which they lap up during their college days.Marriage is a way of fulfilling those fantasies.
    IIT degrees makes them feel like a king for whom there wld be line of pretty girls to chose from. Alas thts the way it works in India….I am not surprised by this article…

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    • I don’t think all IIT guys are the same, there are bad apples definitely but please don’t generalize. I do agree that lack of social skills is a big problem among engineering students and one of the major reason is lack of interaction with the opposite sex.

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      • If you’re more concerned with the fact that she’s “generalizing” rather than the fact that there are men out there who speak such words and perform such actions, then you need to reevaluate where you stand on the issue.

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      • Being a non-male from an IIT I can tell you that one *can* generalise unfortunately. Most of my now grown-up pals from IIT are reformed men by their own admittance. Real life taught them that the ability to crack problems on paper is sadly not what one needs in the work force. You have to shove your super-sized ego down your throat and realise that you are not god’s gift to humankind. Of course there are some upon whom this has not yet dawned.

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    • How true I agree and there is one a close family I know whose mother kept all his report card from class 1 and would show them to parents of future dil but would want just a beautiful paesae !!! Wali for her son . And the son would keep smiling and shuffle thru photos . For all of them girls are mere sex toys

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    • Dear Neha,

      I feel sorry for your bad experience. Still, I would like to state that you cannot generalize it to all IITian guys. I have spent 5 years in an IIT and have interacted with a lot of guys- IITians and non-IITians. A few of those IITian guys are my closest friends and mentors now and one of them is my boyfriend.

      There are more than enough sensible guys in IITs to be called the good exceptions. Probably you happened to interact with the wrong set.

      Personally, I get treated as an equal always by the IITian guys (friends or new faces) vs my non-IITian colleagues (male, female alike) at an MNC who keep advising about how its time for me to settle and infinite other issues..

      This does not mean by any chance that I am trying to defend the entire group. The point is- it is similar ratio as rest of the patriarchal Indian mentality. I have observed that it has become a trend in society these days to use every chance to bash IITians and IITs, just like the parents of IITians use every chance to show their sons off.

      I would rather blame the society for the hype that IITians are given- specially during JEE prep and on entrance. The 17-18 olds are told by the society that the world is in their feet. Stupid websites like dowry calculators further add to that hype. Girls go crazy as soon as a guy utters the word IIT! If only I got a cent every time any of my friends told me his story of how suddenly everyone in a room wanted to talk to him because he is from IIT.

      In summary, so that “A” doesn’t misunderstand my stand and get offended, I totally condemn what happened at Mood-I. I am extremely happy and supportive that Arpita decided to write an open letter and from what I have heard some people complained, which resulted in the band apologizing towards the end. At the same time, I do not agree to this targeted bashing of IITians as they aren’t any worse or better than rest of the Indian society. They are a product of that same society.

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      • I would like to start my comment that I’m not bashing you either, you make a lot of valid points, points that I definitely agree with. I hope there’s no misunderstanding with this reply, but a few things caught my eye. :)

        “Still, I would like to state that you cannot generalize it to all IITian guys.”

        People keep going on and on about “generalizing IITian guys.” Let me ask you a question–pray tell me what the consequences of generalizing all IITian guys is? What is the absolute, minimum, WORST thing that can happen when an IIT gentleman is unfairly labelled? Especially in a society that exalts them to practically superhuman status?

        Will they face workplace discrimination? Will they lose their jobs as a result of discrimination? Will they have to live in a world that is unfairly weighted against their favour, that this type of stereotyping helps perpetuate? Will they have to face systematic oppression as a result of these stereotypes against them?

        At worst, what will wind up happening are a few stinging feelings. Of course, that is to be expected, after all, someone IS assuming things about you unfairly. However, I do not see or understand why this stereotyping needs to be highlighted at the expense of the real issue here, which is misogyny and discrimination. Two things that have far, far worse consequences for the people who suffer from them than the ones who face “generalizing against IITian guys” will ever suffer from.

        So, to me, if you are more outraged by the fact that someone is stereotyping against you, rather than the fact that it is an accepted practice in your profession to be cruel to women, and trivialize violence and violent crimes towards women, then yes, you certainly need to think twice about what position you’re taking. If your absolute FIRST response is to say, “Not all IITian men are like that.” rather than to say, “The type of language and behaviour a lot of IITian men exhibit towards women is horrible and disgusting.”, then yes, you definitely need to look a lot deeper and see what your actual stance on these positions are. Things like order of response may seem trivial to you, but they are not at all trivial. Such things are very, very telling about our society, because they tell us what we prioritize and what we don’t.

        I’m not saying this to point accusatory fingers at anyone. I’m saying this because I think that people need to be introspective about the type of language that they use, even the ones that seem harmless. People think that things are meaningless, but they’re not. All our actions have meaning. The way we use language has meaning, because the world as we know it has been constructed around the basis of patriarchal practices.

        ” I have observed that it has become a trend in society these days to use every chance to bash IITians and IITs”

        This is off topic here, but that’s largely because success has a very narrow definition in Indian society. You’re either successful because you’ve gone to an IIT and then on to do your Masters. If you haven’t done these things, then you’re vastly considered average, even though you probably are not. However, society at large is still unwilling to redefine “ultimate success”, but they’re starting to feel uncomfortable with the idea that IITians are given so much exaltation when there are probably others out there who aren’t like them, but could be considered equally successful. It’s a lashing out type of reaction, and it won’t last, the more Indian society looks deeper and reevaluates our definitions of what it means to be successful in life.

        “At the same time, I do not agree to this targeted bashing of IITians as they aren’t any worse or better than rest of the Indian society.”

        I agree with the rest of your comment, except this part. I’m not quite sure how it is targeted if IIT boys are the topic of discussion? If you’re talking about Indian society in general, it would be a general conversation. If you’re talking about med school students and doctors, the conversation would center specifically on the ways in which those two groups are misogynistic. You wouldn’t see someone bringing up the idea that, “Doctors are a product of Indian society.” This is undoubtedly true, but misogyny and patriarchy manifests itself in different ways among different groups. IITians are the topic of discussion now, so obviously the conversation is centered around them.

        It would be targeting if it were a general conversation, and someone brought up IITians. You’re quite correct that the ratios are no better or worse than the rest of Indian society.

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        • “Let me ask you a question–pray tell me what the consequences of generalizing all IITian guys is? ”
          So, because something doesn’t have “obvious” consequences, it is fine to generalize that? How fair is that! A wrong to correct another wrong. I do not want to start listing the consequences of being labeled to extremes- superhumans or misogynists. Just that it makes life tough for a normal human being who is on neither extreme.

          “if you are more outraged by the fact that someone is stereotyping against you, rather than the fact that it is an accepted practice in your profession to be cruel to women, and trivialize violence and violent crimes towards women, then yes, you certainly need to think twice about what position you’re taking.”
          Now, you are assuming that these do not outrage me or that I do not take an action against these. Essentially, we do not want another side’s perspective here on the blog and want everyone to continue singing in the same tone. How is that really going to help the cause?

          Do the readers know or care to know the audience mix at fests at IITs! Mood-I is one of the most famous cultural fests in India and I can bet that at least 50% of the audience present there were non-IITians. But well, it is convenient to target a group.

          The order priority in my response stems from the fact that most of what I can add against the misogynist’s behaviour has already been said by others- probably in better words. Thumbs up and down are tools I use to support those views instead of repeating the same words once again.

          I rest my case.

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        • “So, because something doesn’t have “obvious” consequences, it is fine to generalize that? How fair is that! A wrong to correct another wrong.”

          Ah, but that’s where you’re incorrect. I’m not talking about “obvious” consequences. I’m talking about how damaging the consequences can be. It’s not merely “a wrong to correct another wrong.” Those two types of wrongs, as it were, cannot even be weighed on the same scale here.

          You’re talking about people having a falsified impression of a group of people, an impression that can be easily disproved, to an entire system of oppression that is perpetuated as a result of the type of language that is casually thrown around in an IIT setting. The consequences of generalizing against IIT guys, again, is nowhere near the same as the type of consequences women face from these jokes that generalize against them.

          IIT guys will never hit a glass ceiling in their careers because people unfairly stereotype them as misogynists from the get go. They will never have to face the question of ending their career after marriage because they are unfairly stereotyped as misogynists. IIT guys will never face the threat of honour killings because they are unfairly stereotyped as misogynists. Stereotyping them as misogynists will not feed a system of institutionalized oppression that lives and thrives off such generalizations, a system that strives to keep them from succeeding in life. IIT guys will not be the target of hate crimes specifically committed against them to keep them oppressed because they are unfairly stereotyped as misogynists. They will not have those crimes then trivialized and reduced to cruel jokes. They will not have every one, from the law enforcement to their own families dismiss those crimes.

          Women, on the other hand, will face ALL of those things because of generalizations. And the type of language that IIT guys use feeds directly into the systematic oppression that they face, that makes them face such consequences. It is not “a wrong to correct a wrong”. Those two wrongs are not even close to being the same thing. One of those wrongs is the size of the Sun, while the other is the size of Mercury. One of those wrongs has the potential to ruin the life and happiness of somebody, while the other wrong at worst will result in a turned down marriage proposal or a jeer. And again, if you’re far more worried about a falsified impression that people have, an impression that someone can easily be reworked in a few seconds, and not as worried about a generalization that has terrible, life-altering consequences for millions of people, you do need to check your priorities. Sorry.

          Don’t twist my words to say that I condone stereotyping either. I don’t. In a perfect world, nobody would do it. What I’m saying is that certain stereotypes have far worse consequences than other stereotypes. Not all of them are made the same. I face stereotypes, because I’m an engineering student, and people often assume that I don’t have a social life. This stereotype is not going to damage my future prospects. However, the stereotype that as a woman, I will never be as smart as my male colleagues is a stereotype that WILL damage my future prospects. You can’t compare being the center of a joke for a few seconds to potentially being turned away from a job. The consequences are different.

          “Now, you are assuming that these do not outrage me or that I do not take an action against these.”

          I’m not saying that you’re not outraged by such things. Clearly you are. My point was that if your outrage about a relatively harmless stereotype exceeds your outrage about a much more harmful stereotype, then you need to think twice about why that is.

          “Essentially, we do not want another side’s perspective here on the blog and want everyone to continue singing in the same tone. How is that really going to help the cause?”

          What cause are you talking about? Stereotyping against IIT guys, or how violence against women is perpetuated as a result of trivializing that violence? I’m not quite sure how talking about stereotyping against IIT guys is really going to help the cause of stopping violence and discrimination against women. I’m not quite sure how that perspective is going to shed any more light into the solutions for helping people become more educated about how language feeds into oppression.

          “Do the readers know or care to know the audience mix at fests at IITs! Mood-I is one of the most famous cultural fests in India and I can bet that at least 50% of the audience present there were non-IITians. But well, it is convenient to target a group.”

          This isn’t an IIT hate blog, if you haven’t noticed. IIT guys, by and large, are a product of their environment, yes. However, they are the specific target of this conversation because the Mood-I culture fest takes place at IIT. If the topic is about a certain place, then the conversation will undoubtedly turn to a discussion about those who populate that place. Like I said in my comment before, if this blog post were about med schools, then the conversation would be about medical students. If the blog post was about New Delhi, the conversation would be about New Delhi citizens. You’re grasping at the topic for a blog post, and somehow translating that as a crusade against a group of people, when it quite clearly isn’t. But well, it is convenient to be blind in one’s outrage.

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    • Pretty good description of IIT guys and their male chauvinist attitude. No she is not generalizing or stereotyping. This is exactly what I have seen first hand from a group of 5-7 IIT guys who also did their graduate degree from top 5 US universities but are dripping in male entitlement even after living in the US for 5+ years. Nothing changes their mindset. I dated one of them for about a year and got to know his friends quite well. They all joked similarly about female IIT students, it was disgusting to hear them discuss it. Every single one of them either had zero social skills or had flings with American women (and labeled them as sluts behind their back). They then dutifully went back to India and married mommy approved girls after a single meeting and implicit dowry/huge wedding/cash for house down payment in US from girl’s parents. I am not making this up, each one of these guys boasted about it as a matter of social status. Needless to say we broke up, he was good on paper but no way I am tolerating this bullshit. Going forward, I explicitly made a point never to date guys from IIT, no matter how civilized they might appear. Thankfully now I am at an age point where most of them are either married or going home to pick up the next 22-23 year old good girl on the market. I can focus instead on fun, cool and actually interesting guys, guess what that is independent of who printed their college degree. I stick by my very very low and negative opinion of IIT guys as good dating/husband material for a modern, accomplished, smart women and would absolute warn any friend against it. May be there are exceptions to it, but I refuse to believe it until I see one in person.

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    • While all the boys are not like this, I can certify the prevalence of these attitudes among boys trapped in a nearly all male campus.
      I was a student of BITS Pilani during 1967 to 1972.
      Out of the 300 students in our batch, (all engineering disciplines), 288 were boys and 12 were girls.
      Healthy Boy-girl interactions were uncommon and also frowned upon.
      I believe this may have been the cause of some of these sexist attitudes.
      Often it was in inferiority complex. Some of these girls had better merit and had got the branches of their choice. This did not go well with some males who felt that after all these studies they would finally end up rolling out chapaatis and changing diapers. Why waste good engineering seats on them?

      Update:
      25 years later, we had an alumnus meet.
      Most of girls were pursuing rewarding caereers even after being married and having children.
      Most of the boys were doing business far removed from what they had studied.
      One owned and ran a petrol pump.
      One dealt in import and export of spices.
      One owned a flour mill and an oil crushing mill.
      Many had become contractors or suppliers.
      One claimed the only use of his Bits degree was the hefty dowry he got because of it.

      Regards
      GV

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      • “Some of these girls had better merit and had got the branches of their choice. This did not go well with some males who felt that after all these studies they would finally end up rolling out chapaatis and changing diapers.”

        It is unbelievable the inferiority complex that they get. Luckily, the ones I am friends with don’t have this, and the competition is mostly healthy. But, some boys will stop speaking to you and give you the silent treatment (which is an improvement) when they find out you’ve done better or are more successful. Some will come out with it upfront and say, “How on Earth did you even do better?” followed by a look of disbelief that a girl could have done well. And then (this is a new thing I think), they try to dismiss it by saying, “Oh, well I studied for x number of hours, and you studied for y number of hours more, and I still did reasonably well (read: failed not as miserably), so I bet if I studied I’d be smarter.” It’s really hard not to reply, “If you’re not smart enough to know you have to study for your tests, you’re probably not as intelligent as you think.”

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    • No doubt being the elite students in India goes to many IITians’ heads, but I wouldn’t be so quick to single them out. In my experience Indian men in general have senses of entitlement larger than Jupiter. Exceptions exist, as this blog and its community proves, but they are exceptions who have grown up that way DESPITE Indian culture, not BECAUSE of it.

      Indian culture makes assholes out of men, not IIT.

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  3. In my previous comment I forgot to mention abt the Palash’s comment :D…Dr. Sen has been performing in various college campuses for last 15 years,He is aware of the type of jokes or music preffered by the students of respective college….like he wont dare saying sexist jokes in Lady Sriram college….similarly he knows the type os jokes which will be appulded in IITs…He is a performer afterall….He has been saying sexist jokes for years just tht in never came out before.
    Thanks to the technology and woman who have finally decided to speak up this is all over the media.
    I know most men will say it was all in a good fun…and they are surprised by the lashback from women.

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  4. To me, this isn’t just endemic to IIT, although they practice their own special brand of patriarchal BS. It’s very endemic in engineering programs pretty much everywhere, including the one I’m in. I will say this for my colleagues, I’ve never had them underestimate my intelligence, or the intelligence of any other girl in the program. Usually, if you’re willing to go through engineering, you earn respect, regardless of gender.

    However, there are plenty of other ways in which the people I’m in school with disrespect women. One of the conversations I had with one of the less than stellar individuals involved how, “Those effing feminists ruined home cooked meals.” There was also a group project I once did, with a bunch of people who refused to listen to me, and kept shutting me down by jokingly telling me to “get back in the kitchen” whenever I brought up an idea. I was getting irritated by this point, and I snapped at them that telling me to get in the kitchen was a bad idea because I kept knives in there and they didn’t want to go down that road. His response was to stop smiling and say, “I’m a guy. I could so easily take that knife and rape you with it, you have no idea.” When confronted with the stunned silences of four other people, he backtracked and kept repeating that he was, “Just kidding.”

    What sort of lunatic makes light of violence and a violation of human rights? It’s disgusting. And that kind of language is quite rampant too, even if no one ever says it directly to you. The absolute worst part is that you often can’t speak out about it, because if you do, you’ll wind up being ostracized by practically everybody. And in a program that often has a lot of group projects, if you don’t have friends, you’ll wind up having nobody to work with which will affect your grade. So what else do you do except sit tight for a few years until you get out, and then hit the work force where it’s much worse because it’s your job on the line.

    The only way I can see this type of attitude change is if people make it clear that it’s not acceptable. I hope that all the “arm candy” these IIT guys are hoping for will turn them down after seeing their true colours. Misogyny is not a joke. Violence is not a joke. By making it a joke, all that these people are doing is trivializing such things and fostering attitudes that make them permissible and allow people to turn a blind eye to them.

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    • I can relate to this comment.
      I have experienced some of the contempt some jealous boys had for girls even way back in 1967-72, when I was a student of BITS Pilani.
      Most of us were of course normal and decent boys but there were some ugly specimens.
      One particularly notorious group thought it was fun to have special nick names for the 12 girls in our batch. These were secret and shared only with the naughty circle.
      Some of these nicknames were innocent and harmless enough. One girl was called “chubby cheeks”, for obvious reasons. She was a plump and cheerful looking girl.
      Others received outrageously sexist nicknames and one unfortunate girl received a very nasty nickname. She was called “Lemons”.
      For several months I never understood the significance.
      One day I understood and recoiled in horror at the cruelty of these boys.
      I don’t wish to clarify here what it meant.
      It would cause outrage amongst you.
      Fortunately, the girl never knew about it.
      Regards
      GV

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      • And i thought GV you belonged to pristine,simpler,glorious times of timid love.
        I agree,There is no healthy interaction in Engineering campuses because of skewed sex ratio-another reason why co-ed schools are better.In my college,where a course on women’s writing was on offer,there were no takers among men.

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  5. Do you think men who study literature are more sensitive than those in engineering?
    Are we more offended at the mention of rolling out chapattis or the ‘beautiful women’ waiting to marry such men? If making chapattis speak of conventional roles thrusted on women,the lack of beautiful women in the campus suggests that Mr Palash sees beauty as the limit of a woman’s possibility in life.

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    • “Do you think men who study literature are more sensitive than those in engineering?”

      Pfft, no. They can read poetry, sure, but once you start about the prevalence of male-centric novels and novelists in English courses (which is a problem), they get very defensive. Besides, there was a really charming English professor called David Gilmour from a university in my country who made this lovely comment:

      “I’m not interested in teaching books by women … What I teach is guys. Serious heterosexual guys. F. Scott Fitzgerald, Chekhov, Tolstoy. Real guy-guys. Henry Miller. Philip Roth.”

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  6. People (both men and women) can be dummified easily as long as they become a prey to excessive desires and addictions. Do you think people like Kiran Bedi, Kiran Mazumdar and many more weren’t expected to work in the kitchen full-time? Society may have expected it from them/forced it on them, especially during those times. But they chose not to bow down to other’s wishes because they were not dependent on anyone.

    When a woman wants to establish a career and be independent, there is no point in falling in love and getting married immediately after the 18th birthday. Modern women are given enough opportunities to complete their education and find a job/career. They cannot blame their failure to find the right spousal-family/partner, on society and systems.

    Things maybe difficult for women career-wise, in a patriarchal society. But when we voluntarily surrender our careers in the name of marriage and kids, how can we put the blame on others?

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  7. It’s been a long time since I left IIT. The boys are still boys, sad to note. As a friend sai don FB, which generation will see the change? 9000 folks in the audience cheering this ijjit singer, what if they had booed him instead?

    Sigh.

    – a non-male

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    • Yes. If the boys had boo-ed the singer recognizing his words for what it truly is, then that would have been something. But instead, the singer could easily manipulate the boys to react in a predictable, cheap way favorable to him. I’d call such an audience nothing but stupid, IIT-ians or not.

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  8. I feel that a lot of this has been the result of the influence of indian movies from time immemorial, which has been having similar such dialogues or scenes (typically a college stage show where women are shown to behave in a hysterical manner when they see a young pop, rock or disco star). Sometimes, the female leads and the other women are also invariably shown either to take such college ‘jokes’ (?) in good humour and go off giggling, as if they completely enjoyed it.
    The n number of songs that shows group of men stalking a good looking woman and teasing other not-so- perfect-barbie-girls have been giving constant messages that women who are beautiful are adored and the other lot is not worthy enough. I have seen at least many movies since 1960s or so. I remember the days when such songs were sung in the bus, (which is a public transport), which used to go via our college and also other colleges. Only a few passengers used to reprimand such boys, whereas the others used to laugh at their songs thinking it as a joke.
    Wherever women are projected, be it in ads, serials or movies, the heroine entry scene is shown,projecting her as beautiful, as if she is devoid of other merits. But a hero’s entry is shown as courage, compassion and so many positive emotions. All these messages are constantly given in big doses, to the society that when the boy becomes a man, his ego is filled with this chauvinism.
    In some places, I find the women also contribute to this by expecting beautiful daughter-in-law for their sons…and some women comment that this girl is pretty, but that girl is unattractive (meaning she is plain). Why this yard stick only for women?
    The solution we can find is to start instilling the value of respecting inherent good nature in every human being and not just praising external beauty or shallow merits alone.
    I am happy that whatever in my and previous generation has been taken for granted is now dealt with assertively…..bravo girls!!

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    • Sorry but I fail to see the ‘other’ side of the story. he made those remarks in front of 9000 people. What he is or was before and after that hardly matters.

      The lady on FB says he is ‘like a father’ – how does that make these comments okay?

      The lady says he has spent a year making a song for an NGO for the girl child – then surely he should be more sensitive to the anti-women statements he has made!

      Ergo, there is no ‘other’ side. He made snide remarks about women both in and outside IIT. The morons in the crowd cheered. That is the only truth.

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  9. Pingback: This girl will probably burn your Rotis. | Peace, Puppies, and Mimoसे (Formerly The Lesser Canine)

  10. The sad part is some things haven’t changed in over 2 decades. 25 years ago, when I was attending college in south India (not an IIT), all of us girls would dread going to the annual function. We wanted to participate in certain talent shows but the crowd was too rowdy, the jokes misogynist, and every girl on stage was dissected with creepy eyes and comments.

    The good part (the part that’s changing) is that we’re now talking about it. This woman wrote about it, and we’re discussing it on blogs and on FB. That gives me hope. I think Indian college women must understand that one, they have a right to a safe, supportive college environment. I don’t think many women understand this. Remember the video where some guy was lecturing at a girls’ college (in Kerala?) about why girls shouldn’t play sports, it affects their chances to have kids, etc. Every girl sat there silently listening, and only one girl (Arya?) walked out in anger.

    And two, those who understand the importance of this basic right MUST demand it at every step, be very vocal about it. Many people are unaware of how these jokes affect someone. When we are vocal about it, at least some people will learn and change.

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  11. Pingback: I just realized I’m a girl…. | SoshiTech

  12. I am appalled at comments by palash sen &the organizers. If any women reacts at their dumbass jokes, they say “they were joking, & we take things too seriously”. Indian colleges need a crash course on gender equity. And people lust after IIT grooms *sigh* I have learnt that the best colleges/uni in India breed the most chauvistic people (often, not always )

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  13. “After all, the world was made to please them, their sensibilities, and their sexual fantasies.”

    The whole damn society (men AND women) and everything it says and does, is geared towards grooming/creating future caretakers/’pleasers’ of men and to an extent, their families. It is always, look good for the man, make good food and get find a way into his heart, please his Mommy and make him happy, be sexy or be left for another etc etc. And women everywhere are dutifully falling over each other to do the same.

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    • Agree totally that society as a whole is responsible, irrespective of gender, religion, caste, language, economic status, educational background, profession, place of residence, etc. .
      Since this incident happened during a high-profile event at an IIT, it was widely reported, and IITians are being damned. However, when it comes to social ills, IITians are no different from the rest of society. For that matter, all sections of Indian society are very similar in their attitudes. It’s just that some sections wear their lousy attitudes on their sleeves, while some sections are ‘smart’ enough to conceal their lousy attitudes from the rest of the world.

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  14. I personally find 99% of the men in my husband’s family to be absolutely useless. Seriously. All they do is “work” and then come home and sit in front of the tv or the computer, not contributing at all to cooking, household chores, or child care. It is absolutely ridiculous.
    Luckily my husband is not like that. Thank god. The black sheep of his family, turned in to my golden sheep :)

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  15. Pingback: Punjabi University locks girls in hostels to prevent ‘nuisance’ on Holi | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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