Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

Karishma shared this link and message:

Hi IHM,
I read this today and though what the young lady went through was really sad, I also it reflected a welcome change in personal and societal outlook because she not only filed a police case, but her family too stands by her. Hope this will give other wives silently suffering and other husbands doing similiar things something to think about!

There is no doubt that more and more survivors of sexual assaults in India are finding support in refusing to be silenced. But I also  wonder if this crime would have been reported, because would this even have been, legally a ‘crime’, if he had mercilessly raped but not sodomised the wife?

Delhi woman raped, sodomised and made to drink urine by husband on honeymoon

She was taken to Deen Dayal Upadhyay Hospital where sodomy was confirmed in her medical examination. She was also given medical assistance there, police said.
The woman shared her ordeal with her parents after returning home, following which the family decided to approach police alleging that she was confined, mercilessly raped and sodomised by her husband during their honeymoon trip.
Sometimes, she was also forced to drink urine.

Why wasn’t this husband afraid of any social or legal consequences? Because he assumed that the wife and her family would not report the crime. It’s also possible that he was not aware that sodomy was not included in the marital rape that an exchange of garlands permits to lawfully wedded Indian husbands. Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

Like Bhagwad Jal Park,

“I’m still astonished at the number of people who feel that a husband is entitled to sex with his wife regardless of her wishes. I think it’s obvious from the language that these individuals view their life partner as a glorified prostitute

I think this arises from a fundamental misunderstanding of what marriage means. Many men seem to think that marriage is a contract where a man takes care of a woman, provides for her needs, shares half of everything he has with her…and in return he gets sex whenever he wants. This is not conjecture on my part. I’ve spoken to many men and heard this argument not just on my blog, but from many people who you expect will know better. If you view marriage this way, then a wife is indeed a prostitute. With the big difference of course that it’s illegal to rape a prostitute! From this perspective, a wife has even fewer legal rights in India in this matter than their sisters who work the streets.”

Do read the entire post by Bhagwad Jal Park here, A Wife is not a Personal Sex Slave – Marriage Myths Debunked

Related Posts:

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

A comment- ‘Reverse the gender, and it is marital rape.’

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

What do you think of these doubts regarding recognition of marital rape as a crime?

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

22 thoughts on “Would this crime have been reported if he had mercilessly raped her but not sodomised her?

  1. I don’t agree this guy is the regular breed of patriarch. This guy seems like a serious psycho and should likely spend his life in a special facility. He’s abducted her, Gosh!!

    I really wonder why we have this culture of marrying another person without talking to them first. I’ve interacted about a dozen brides during my arranged marriage wedding, and some of them don’t even want to talk more than a week, 2 were forced by parents to marry the boy of their choice, but the rest didn’t want to talk because they wondered ‘what is there to talk’. WTF?

    The worst experience I had was was one girl’s mother from a highly educated/successful and well-connected family saying “these days, boys want to talk for 2-3 months before agreeing to get married, we can’t even see another boy in the same time and try to get her married off in a reasonable time”. It didn’t take me much time to reject this girl solely based on that statement her mom made. This girl was from Bangalore and studied in very progressive schools/colleges.

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    • It isn’t fair to visit the sins of the mother on the daughter – perhaps the daughter didn’t feel the same way? I can see my mother (very intelligent, professor of surgery, not patriarchal, but strangely orthodox) saying something as ridiculous. Sometimes people are not as one-dimensional as people here seem to think (traditional=patriarchal=terrible!)….

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      • I agree with you that the mom and the daughter could have different opinions on the matter. But if it is an arranged marriage, why would you even bother getting into that kind of a family? When you don’t know the girl, and you know in advance that the MIL is a terror, just stay away. Find a family you like.

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      • I think it’s pretty fair :)

        Would the girl be okay living life as a second-grade citizen (or with a psycho in this post) a few months down the line? I don’t think she’d be happy…

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  2. As per the domestic violence act women can report even she was not sodomized. It comes under cruelty but may be they don’t invoke rape charges. And she can even file 498A case on him, because as many people think, it is not a dowry law. It mainly deals with Cruelty by husband and/or his relatives. But, if a man face such situation, having sex that he don’t like, is there any provision in the law for a man to file a case for , if not rape, at least cruelty by wife? I don’t think so.

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  3. This case is so bizarre.
    If she was raped, sodomized, forcibly confined & forced to drink urine in BANGKOK what are the Indian police going to do about it?
    Why weren’t the Thai police filing charges at the Thai hospital & going after ‘husband’ there & then?
    Something just doesn’t add up.
    I’m glad she had medical help & got her injuries documented though – hope she kept a copy of her chart.

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  4. I think this guy was watching a lot of porn. I’m not against porn but from experience guys in India watch a lot of porn and porn added with no sex education and a lack of gender equity can be dangerous.

    There are plenty of kinky people out there that would have liked anal sex and piss drinking but this women obviously did not but in India men think that their wives don’t have the right to say no and he forced her.

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    • In my opinion, alcohol is a hell of a lot more dangerous than porn. It’s crazy that when media reports “they watched porn, got drunk, and did xyz”, everyone always leaps on porn as the culprit. If you’re going to blame something, it makes much more sense to blame alcohol

      Of course, I subscribe to neither. I blame no one but the criminals themselves. Anything else is a scapegoat.

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      • I don’t think Anonymous was “blaming porn” for anything. Porn, in and of itself, isn’t bad, when you’re well aware of the fact that it’s just fantasy, and that it is not a treatise on how sex and relationships work in the real life. When you have a good idea of how sex works in the real world, then porn isn’t harmful, it’s kind of like one of those Fast and the Furious movies. When you know that cars can’t actually perform stunts like that, watching those movies isn’t going to provoke someone into speeding down the highway at 250 mph.

        However, if you’re generally uneducated about sex and relationships in general, and porn is your sole source of information on the subject, then it’s going to create some very skewed viewpoints about how those two things work in the real world. Which is why Anonymous was pointing out that, “porn added with no sex education and a lack of gender equity can be dangerous.” A lot of men who watch porn, but are otherwise unaware of how sex operates in real life are actually surprised to learn that no, women don’t really enjoy having genitals shoved in their face without warning and that, “No.” actually means, “No.” and is not a prompter for further sexual activity. It’s not porn that’s bad. It’s porn viewed as a substitute for proper education on matters like these that create dangerous and harmful expectations of people.

        And when you have a country like India, where there is no proper sex education in schools, let alone from parents, where else are young men going to turn if not for porn, as a means to educate themselves? You’re right when you say that we shouldn’t blame porn, but as it stands, it definitely behaves as a factor, and that needs to be acknowledged.

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        • @A

          I wrote the original reply and that is exactly what I meant. You explained it better than I could. Porn is not a problem. I watch porn; i don’t think its evil or the problem. The problem is when its combined with the lack of sex education in India and no women’s rights that it can be dangerous.

          Porn is an exaggeration, a fantasy, it is not a real depiction of sex. But if porn is where you learn about sex from and you don’t see women as human beings with their own sexual desires and dislikes it can be a problem.

          I think it was pornhubdotcom, I’m not sure, looked at which kinds of porn was the most popular in different countries. The most popular type of porn viewed on the website by those in India was gang bangs/rape porn. Considering all the gang rapes that have been reported on in India that really scary.

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      • Porn is not the culprit .but indian men do not interact with women and have this disillusioned view of other gender…this is the onky source of their info on sex and other gender..+ (big plus) Our culture of right over wife just like a slave…mix it and shit people are created…

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    • You’re not wrong about the porn. Porn as an industry tends to cater heavily to the male gaze and in general, blurs the line between what is and isn’t consent. Not to mention it’s also heavily exploitative of the people who enter it.

      Porn is alright to watch when you’re 100% aware of the fact that it’s complete fantasy, and that matters of consent operate vastly differently in the real world. But, for porn to be a healthy habit, you need to counter that with strong sex education, that doesn’t just consist of, “Don’t do it.” When you’re looking at porn as though it has basis in reality (which an overwhelming number of Indian people do), then that’s when you run into problems. The real world does not operate the same way porn does, and a lot of people are completely uneducated in that regard, which is why it can foster dangerous habits in people very easily.

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  5. See, here’s the thing. People have different tastes when it comes to sex. It’s all well and good when the people you’re participating in sex with give their enthusiastic consent.

    But in a country that demonizes people for simply wanting to have sex at all, never mind all the add ons, what else do we expect if not a screwed up scenario like the one above? Indian society is one that can’t even have an open, honest and healthy discussion about people having just sex (I refuse to call it “regular” or “normal” sex, because that doesn’t help the conversation). How on earth can we possibly expect people to have healthy viewpoints about varying tastes within sex, when we’re so incapable of acknowledging that sex is a necessary, integral, healthy part of life to start with? Couple that type of attitude, with patriarchy and the expectations people have of women upon marriage (which is basically that she has to pay up the contract, now that her husband has made a “honest woman” out of her), and you’ve got the perfect set up for a spousal abuse case like the one above, where the husband is forcing her to indulge in his tastes.

    But, the question still stands, would society have taken her case seriously if her husband had simply forced her into what they thought was a “normal” sex act? Would they have acted as swiftly if he’d done nothing more than force himself on her? My guess is, probably not. They wouldn’t have batted an eyelid probably, if she’d been raped without all of the supposed “sexual deviancy” attached to it. They would have told her that it was her duty as a wife to keep her husband satisfied, and that she shouldn’t complain and lie back and think of India or some other nonsense.

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  6. This is psycho and a violent one at that . should be locked up adn the keys thrown away, sure try to treat him but no girl should be made to marry ot marry such animals.

    Again goes to raising your child and giving her your all and then handing her to a monster .. sigh!! same story again and again. but then again most monsters dont show their true colors to the world. hopefully the girl is out of this man’s clutches and goes on to lead a happy life.

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  7. No.She would not have reported it if sodomy wasn’t involved.Because she would have been conditioned to think on the lines of ‘pati parameshwar’ and ‘husband has a right sex with wife irrespective of her consent’ and other such patriarchal nonsense.

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  8. Indian Notion of marriage (right over wife as personal prostitute/slave) thanks to our culture and porn effect .mixed togther and absolutely disillusioned about marriage. ..No idea on women and their say… or on what is the meaning or reason of sex…And no idea on other gender…..

    This is nothing mad.this is what they think when pandit blabbers 7 vachan and outlines only women’s part as IHM has mentioned in her second last para….

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  9. Pingback: Refusal to have sex during honeymoon is not cruelty: Bombay high court | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  10. Pingback: 40% of rape charges were filed by parents of girls who had eloped consensually with a boy | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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