‘The work that should be shared by all members of the family becomes a sole person’s duty.’

A Guest Post from Thewaterspirit@wordpress.com:

I came across this story in Mumbai: A 36-year-old female police constable died of work overload. She suffered from stress and hypertension.

The main report, the allied reports and the husband’s version all highlighted the fact how her taxing office schedule – stretching to 12 hours a day – was the culprit. Doctors’ version on how the work timings in police job are erratic and far too long was taken. However, there was simply no discussion on what her husband too acknowledged: The woman returned home after 12 hours of duty only to tend to the household chores.

Did that not add to her already stressed out life?

I am not suggesting the women should refrain from all household work because she they are employed. However, we all know by experience that the majority of this burden invariably falls on women. The work that should be shared by all members of the family becomes a sole person’s duty.

Surveys have shown how Indian women are the most stressed out in the world.

http://in.reuters.com/article/2011/06/28/idINIndia-57960320110628

Analytical reports in foreign publications have highlighted, often with horror and disbelief, that “it wasn’t at all rare to hear of successful professionals who woke up at 4:30 a.m. to make breakfast and lunch for children and parents-in-law, put in a full day at work, then returned home to clean up after the extended family and prepare dinner”.

http://blogs.hbr.org/2011/08/why-are-indias-women-so-stress/

The reports have added how women, in an attempt to conform to the paradigm of “ideal daughter,” “ideal wife,” and “ideal daughter-in-law,” lose on a personal space altogether.

When women work professionally in India, we feel it is a privilege they must pay for.

Mumbai female police

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41 thoughts on “‘The work that should be shared by all members of the family becomes a sole person’s duty.’

  1. I fear this fate for my maid too. I try to pace out her chores eventually while she works at my place. I make her rest for half an hour everyday and take proper meals. It’s compulsory to take a 5 minute break for every hour of work at my place. But the chores at her own house make up for all that. She’s treated worse than a maid at her own house. No rest, slogging ALL THE TIME, and being yelled at for doing the simplest of things. No respect for her age or the fact that she has a 6-year-old daughter and can manage on her own better than anyone else in the house can. :( I really wish for her to break out of that hell hole. She has so much talent and ambition, but absolutely no support from her family :(

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  2. Sad indeed :(
    The level of education, wealth etc matters only to some extent. I knew a couple who both had PhDs, both worked and lived with the husband’s parents. I saw that even though she didn’t cook herself, she felt it was only her responsibility to supervise the maid and look after domestic affairs. She herself assumed that role.
    Perhaps that is a part of the problem that working women often force themselves into assuming such roles out of some sort of ‘guilt’ of not being a perfect multi-tasker which our media loves to portray them as.
    Men need to come forward, take their share of responsibilities and see household tasks in a different light – it can be a way to diffuse stress after a long day at work. For me, time in the kitchen is therapeutic.
    We need to see that kids learn to take care of themselves by a certain age (12-15 ?) – raising a generation which knows how to take care of itself. Most Indian moms also suffer from this overbearing need to do everything for their kids-overburdening themselves and inhibiting personal growth for the kids.

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    • Education counts for nothing, Malyaj. Some of the most well-read and educated people I know are the ones subscribing to some of these extremely backward ideas about gender roles. This whole crap about mom’s food being tastier because there is love in it is just that – crap. An overworked mom has nothing more than bitterness to add to that hot dinner that she won’t even have the chance to partake in while it is still fresh. But no, her “joy” is in sacrificing for those damned loved ones who don’t even seem to love her enough to sense that this is a woman with a serious health issue and needs to be able to relax after a strenuous day at work(even more crucial for a physically demanding job such as a policewoman).

      My pregnant friend’s husband gets so many kudos because he started doing cleaning in the house because she can’t stand the smell of cleaners. These are two professionals working equally stressful jobs with long hours. But the husband gets specifically credited for things that somehow got magically done before she fell pregnant :) I sympathize with such families because they’re setting an example for the kids. When the kids learn that a man who comes home from work gets to chill while the woman returning later gets to slave away in the kitchen, they internalize these ideas. This becomes their “ideal family”. We are going to end up raising a generation full of sheep that know no better if we don’t break away from this mould. Saddest part of this story? My friend doesn’t blink an eyelid before she admits that she goes home 45 minutes after her husband does and makes tea for both of them. So much compassion :|

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      • Agree with you 100%. I am filled with disgust when I see my professional friends post pics of their husband in kitchen with slogans like ‘chamatkaar’ and ‘humbling feelings’ .What kind of role model do these parents are for their kids?

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        • My single friends asked me a few times how I “trained my husband” to do household chores. I wonder if they think he’s a dog that needs training as opposed to a moral human being who feels naturally responsible towards his home and family :) Sad.

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      • “When the kids learn that a man who comes home from work gets to chill while the woman returning (at the same time also ) or later gets to slave away in the kitchen, they internalize these ideas. This becomes their “ideal family”. ” — Totally Agree ..
        This mindset will only change if we specifically change them within our families first ..”Be the change you want to see” ..

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  3. Indian women should absolutely stop being nice and endless sacrificing sati savitri, all she is giving up is her self. I would rather be a selfish bitch who puts her well being ahead of every damn ass in the world including husband, children and in-laws. Do hell with the in-laws and cooking breakfast at 4:30 am and then going to work. No way am I ever doing that while the pampered hubby gets his 8 hours of sleep. Especially women who are working in well paid professional jobs, why not just refuse to be the endless maid and cook for the family, who cares if they don’t like you. 8 hours of sleep, mental rest and fresh mind so I can focus at my work assignments is more important than pleasing the in-laws and keeping them happy, I don’t care if they live or die either way. Nobody ever died of starvation because they did not get fresh cooked warm breakfast while nicely sitting on their ass, they have two hands and feet,in-laws can pour their own milk and cereal or whatever. If not, hire a cook, no way in hell I am cooking for them before and after work when the husband has no such expecatations and gets to relax after work, I DESERVE the same and would settle for nothing for less. The family can eat pizza delivery every day until they come to their senses. Honestly sick and tired of the social conditioning Indian women are raised with despite all the modernity and education. If I have a daugther, above message is exactly what I would teach her and be proud of her if she ever has to put it in action.

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    • proud of you and for the brief period I was married .. I did same .. U love eating fresh food , go ahead and prepare one ..and I am happy with cooking in 2 hours on sunday for rest of week for me . I can boil pasta , buy rotis , boil rice or make dosa or just eat break with them for dinner most of the time .. Hell with fresh breakfast at 4.30 am ..

      once my dad was visiting me , I cooked a meal and when we were done eating at 3 pm he said ..what are we cooking for dinner .. I said ” here i cook once in 3 days , not 3 times a day ” his options were order / cook himself or travel with mom next time .. and of course who so ever cooks does the dishes as well ..:):)

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    • This doesn’t seem like a great description, just because in-laws are dysfunctional doesn’t mean you should let the entire family fall into dysfunction. If I were you, I would take up leadership and set things right. I’ve seen the worst of parents bend over when the son/DIL can sort issues out. I doubt there are too many parents these days who try to listen. If you aren’t willing to do what it takes to get a family up and running, I don’t think getting married is a good idea.

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      • Hmm, so if a working woman seems to demand the same privileges that are so automatically accorded to ‘breadwinner’ husbands, it’s not a good idea for her to get married? Because she needs to get her family up and running? And where exactly is the husband in this narrative? I gather it is an excellent idea for HIM to get married, and to someone who is willing to do what it takes to ‘assume leadership and set things right’ too!

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      • ” If I were you, I would take up leadership and set things right. ”

        Why should the onus of taking the leadership fall to her? It’s a family right? The onus of fixing things when they are dysfunctional should fall to everyone, not simply one person. And quite frankly, nobody is required to help others “fix” themselves anyway.

        ” If you aren’t willing to do what it takes to get a family up and running”

        And once again, why does the responsibility of getting “a family up and running” fall on her? There are at least two people at a time in any family. Why can’t this responsibility be shared by both people?

        One single person can only bring attention and shed light on any of the flaws and dysfunctionalities in a family. The rest of the work of actually fixing it (and the subsequent blame for this not happening), should not fall to just the shoulders of one person, especially the daughter-in-law.

        And yes, you can definitely let the entire family fall into dysfunction if the in-laws are dysfunctional. It’s called a strike, when you refuse to service the proverbial powers-that-be for their every demand. Quite effective in helping people wake up and fixing dysfunctional behaviour. If nobody will do it, then guess who’s going to have to use their two hands to get things done?

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      • You can try and drag all the weight you want. I only have so much patience to take care of myself, Not every adult-child around me, other than giving them space to grown at their own time.

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  4. I’m glad to see this topic being discussed here. Household chores are chores which have to be shared by the entire ‘household’ and not by the woman alone, regardless of whether she is working or not. And there is no need to glorify these chores. I’ve actually heard women say rather proudly that they wake up at godforsaken hours to cook meals for the family, clean up the house, then slog it out at a demanding job, only to come home late and cook again. This is seen as an ‘ideal’ other women have to emulate.
    My MIL used to tell me, Lady X’s bahu manages EVERYTHING on her own. She hasn’t hired any help around the house. she wakes up early on the weekends to dust the house. She even manages to visit the temple daily.
    My reaction? But why??
    :D :D :D

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  5. This is tragic. :(

    But it seems what’s happening is while women are getting their education and careers, they’re still expected to perform their traditional roles. This is one of those aspects in the pursuit of gender equality that’s crucial. Getting more women into the workforce and universities is just one part of the fight. Changing family dynamics is another part.

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    • Often, when a woman has a job, it is viewed by the in laws as a concession granted by them, and for which she is expected to feel grateful about. In many cases women are made to leave their jobs after marriage, or situations are created that cause women to leave their jobs. Indian families prefer that their DILs do not work outside home, but instead slog it out at home. This way the DIL stays un empowered and they get a slave as well.

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  6. My mom gave up her career after her second child and became a full time stay at home mom. I’m the third child so I’ve never really known her as a career woman. She never did everything herself. We helped her in little ways – setting the table, putting groceries away, cleaning up after dinner. My dad did his share as well – grocery shopping, getting us ready in the morning for school. Along with our grandma, we were 6 people, and that created plenty of work – enough for everyone to help in some way. Even my grandma helped – she insisted on being active unti her last days.
    Now, in my own home, we follow the same model. I’ve been a stay at hoe mom, part time, and full time working mom at different stages in my life. We cook healthy meals because both my husband and I are into health and nutrition. But it has never been my job alone. I will not be a martyr. Everyone doing a fair share of the work it takes to run a family – this is one of the earliest lessons children learn in responsibility, fairness, and team work. If, as parents, we share the work and take care of each other’s changing needs, our children will learn to do the same. What’s more, they will develop a keen awareness of other people’s feelings, an appreciation for their efforts, and a genuine desire to help others. My kids quickly sense if I’m having a hard day. “Mom, are you tired?” they ask and I’ll be offered hugs from my younger one and a cup of tea from my older one. Now that’s just not possible if “mothers do everything” and raise selfish brats.

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  7. Much of our reactions on household chores are shaped with how we grew up, and the expectations of our family. My husband is definitely more concerned with keeping house than me, a pleasantly shocking experience when we first started living together. On the other hand, he is clueless about managing finances. So, he does the dishes and I make the financial decisions including managing our financial portfolio. This is a reversal of roles compared to what we grew up. I don’t feel bad that I am not considered a good home maker, and he certainly is happy that at least one of us can manage the finances. Over the years we have evolved a system where our chores are split based on our interests, levels of OCD and daily schedule. Sure parents, grandma make comments – but we just ignore them. This is a system that works for us. Every now and then circumstances change and we have to evaluate our chore choices. I find that it is very important here that I trust my partner in his execution of the chore. For e.g., buying veggies. It is a spiritual experience for me, but at one point my schedule simply didn’t allow this indulgence. So my husband bought them. First couple of times, there were strange combinations. Then I made a list for him, and it turned out great. I find it is important not to have a preconceived notion about whose job it should be, but rather a mutually arrived at decision. The nice thing about living in India is that if there is something you find difficult, you can always outsource it!

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  8. Ah yes, another example of society forcing women to “have it all”. And when they fail to “have it all” (an excellent career, a beautiful family, a well-kept home, etc.), then it’s the same society that turns around and condemns them for neglecting their “family duties”, and for being less than perfect, because that’s what every woman should be concerned about.

    I’m so unimaginably sick of being told that I need to “have it all”. I can’t. I’m only human. There are only so many things in my life that I can pay attention to at a time. If there are times when I am too busy to vacuum or cook, then I would expect that the people who are dependent on me would have the capacity to feed and take care of themselves. When I am able, I will help others. When I’m not, I would want that weight to be taken by someone who can.

    See, this is a concept that is known as “teamwork”. There is a misconception in our society that asking for help means you’re a failure, that you’ve failed the family, or whatnot. Well, if you’re part of the family, you have a hand in its success or failure too. To put that weight on just one person is incredibly unfair.

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    • A Woman has it all if
      1. She is married.
      2. Her Husband is Kind and Rich.
      3. Two Children (Well Mannered)
      4. A reputation as a “Good Woman”
      5. Flat Tummy and Perk Breasts and Long Hair and Fair Skin.
      6. Successful Career that gives her slightly less Salary than Hubby’s
      7. In Laws are happy with how much respect she gives them.
      8. Husband is healthy enough that it is unlikely that he’d make her a Widow
      9. Clean House

      A Man has it all if
      1. He has Money.
      2. He has no Major disease
      3. He had friends to booze with

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    • I have commented below and will again comment. In a traditional family a man has the responsibility of earning and the responsibility of managing “outside-home” commitments. The woman has the responsibility of cooking, child-care and “inside-home” commitments. These are committments and must be fulfilled irrespective of whether one is feeling like or not. This is called “teamwork”. A man does not have the option of opting out of earning. A woman does not have the option of not cooking.

      Now when women start earning , they now must take care of themselves financially. i.e. she is now on her own when it comes to money issues. A man can opt out of spending any money on his wife. He only has monetary commitments towards his children and for himself. And now he must share household chores and child-care equally. This whole setup is called teamwork.

      Also remember, whichever job a woman is doing, a man in the very same job is supporting himself, his wife, his children, most likely his parents and a fair chance that some contribution towards his siblings (marrying his sister, education of brother/sister etc) as well. So expecting a woman who is earning to at least be able to support herself financially (irrespective of whether she is a mother or not ) is not outrageous at all but in my view absolutely fair. What is outrageous is to expect that a man to be financially responsible for his wife who is earning, manage all “outside-home” work completely (and not to forget the long commute in cities) and then to do household-chores and child-care half and half.

      What is outrageous is that women expect both chivalry of old-times and equality of the modern-times as and when it suits. A few cases aside, a woman (or a man) can not have it all. No wonder everybody is stressed out and overworked now-a-days.

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      • Team work is a must and you state that quite correctly however ,What i see nowadays happening is both MAn and woman share the financial burden equally . i.e both pay off the EMI, both help with tuition fees etc., and yet the women still holds primary responsibility adn the majority of household tasks. cooking, cleaning or supervising maid, folding clothes, feeding kids etc.,
        That leaves the man stressed after a long workday + long commute and the women stressed after a long workday + commute+ housework+ childcare and DEAD …
        Again not saying this is in all homes, many homes have good teamwork but many dont.
        Add to this mix taking care of aging parents and the poor kids are done for.
        First we need to strictly work between 9and 5 – what cant be done in 8hrs i doubt can be done in 12.
        this will give both spouses a chance to come home by 6 at the min.
        Will help spend time with the kids, get dinner together and enjoy evenings.

        after all what is life worth if we cant take time t enjoy it.

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      • Somehow you conveniently ignore that a woman could have the same financial responsibilities towards her family as the man does. Those “additional burdens” are not exclusive to men. So yes, it is totally outrageous to expect a woman to take care of her financial responsibilities and her long commute to work and take care of household responsibilities with no help.

        I won’t speak for all women, but a man who does his share of household chores and doesn’t consider it beneath himself is pretty darn attractive compared to the chivalrous kinds that will open doors, buy extravagant gifts but never moves his backside at home.

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      • “These are committments and must be fulfilled irrespective of whether one is feeling like or not. ”

        No they don’t. If a housewife does not like to cook, then she should not be expected to do things that she does not like, especially if she has other alternatives that are available to her. THIS is called teamwork. Teamwork is being willing to play to the strengths of the people in a team, as well as their willingness to contribute. If I lived in a “traditional family”, but I hated doing the cooking, then I will either a) expect my husband to cook, if he has no objections or b) hire a maid. I will not do the things that I do not like to do, if I am not obligated to do them. Period. I do not have to look after my children 24/7, even if I am a housewife, because it takes two people to parent a child. Why is it wrong to expect that the other half of the equation also contribute to the parenting and child-care? It’s their child as well. If you don’t want to parent a child, then don’t have a child. If you don’t want to take care of the house that you share, then don’t live in that house. Simple.

        “Also remember, whichever job a woman is doing, a man in the very same job is supporting himself, his wife, his children, most likely his parents and a fair chance that some contribution towards his siblings (marrying his sister, education of brother/sister etc) as well.”

        What about the women who are also in that same job, supporting herself, her husband, her children, and her parents and also her siblings? I know that I will definitely be supporting my parents some day in the distant future. What about all the other women in this world, who are married, who also continue to support their birth parents and birth family? When you try to divide the world into neat little boxes, you often find that people don’t work in the neat, square ways you expect them to work.

        “What is outrageous is to expect that a man to be financially responsible for his wife who is earning, manage all “outside-home” work completely (and not to forget the long commute in cities) and then to do household-chores and child-care half and half.”

        If a woman is earning, then she has the same outside-home responsibilities as the man. Correct? So if I’m right, then you believe that it’s outrageous to expect men to:

        1) Be financially responsible for his wife and family
        2) Have a job
        2.a) Commute long distances
        3) Partake in HALF (50%) of the household chores

        But you DON’T find it equally outrageous to expect women to:

        1) Be financially responsible for the combined expenses of the family
        2) Have a job
        2.a) Also commute long distances
        3) Assume total, complete, 100% responsibility for all domestic duties

        Again, I’ll reiterate, if you don’t understand. You think it’s outrageous to expect that men have a career as well as take care of half the household duties. But you DON’T think it’s outrageous to ask women THE EXACT SAME THINGS, if not MORE. You expect that women should not just be earning, but ALSO take complete care of the house, because it’s OUTRAGEOUS to expect that men be earning and only take half of the care of the house.

        The extreme lack of cognitive dissonance in your comment is not just astounding, but laughable. Or is it just that you feel a woman’s contribution anywhere else other than the home is worth much less than a man’s? Either way, I would be careful. Your prejudice is showing, and not in a nice way.

        “What is outrageous is that women expect both chivalry of old-times and equality of the modern-times as and when it suits.”

        I don’t expect chivalry. Chivalry is built on the belief that I am weaker than men and need to be protected. I expect fairness and equality. I expect that the person I will someday share my living space and child with will be equally responsible for both of those things, since they are not just mine, but also his. I expect that the person I share my life with will try to equalize the amount of responsibilities that we both have, so that we can both enjoy our lives instead of one of us doing more than our share of work. This is not a novel concept, nor is it too much to ask, nor is it “trying to have it all”. This is fairness, in its simplest terms. Pity that you don’t see it that way.

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  9. Wait a minute. The woman was overworked. At work and at home. Could she not simply prioritise? What works you must do/want to do/rather not do/don’t care about? If you really want to drag this argument into the realm of tradition, culture, and family, you shouldn’t be out there being a cop and making your own money. Why do women rant about the lack of space or dignity instead of really doing something about it! Suppose tomorrow you quit cooking a hired a maid instead, and your IL family or hubby opposes that, why won’t you just let that opposition hang – if housework is something you really don’t want to do! (married or not!!!) Which law says that you must do certain things in the house. Yes, there will be repercussions depending upon the family you are in, but does that really matter beyond a point? If someone lacks compassion, do you owe them concern? As adults, and especially as independent adults, can you justify saying that you “have to do household chores to keep peace?” and what’s the use of such independence anyway where you have no space, no standing, no dignity, no rights. Why can’t we women just have a simple discussion with our families and say, “I don’t think I can handle housework and career both”, or rather, I don’t think I want to handle both; I think I need others to pitch in with housework, I need help – either you contribute or hire someone to do it… and so on. Why this banner of tradition! When you are already stepping out of your traditional bastion! Point that out! And if your family refuses to care, I think it’s time to re-evaluate what such a family can give you after all! Do what you want to do. it’s better to go out on a limb, stick your neck out trying to be free rather than be a prisoner of your own desperation in a love-less family/marriage. Sadly, the advancement in thought that should accrue from education and financial independence eludes us even today!

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  10. My only question here is even if the wife is working and earning, why still all the financial responsibilities fall on the husband? In my view, both these aspects aspects are related. Men should not be financially responsible for wives if they are earning, both socially and legally and in such cases, must share the household chores, child-care etc equally. If the arrangement is traditional, man earning and wife homemaker than the traditional arrangement is fine.

    Here it must not be forgotten that a man also does a hell lot of work which is unpaid and which hardly gets any attention like shopping, driving, house-buying and all the trouble that goes in it, dealing with various people and worrying how the process works in each case, making sure that you dont get scammed anywhere, money management , decision making in all aspects like choosing school for kids, health caer etc and the list is endless. The point being a substantial part of a man’s word is also unpaid.

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  11. My dad never helped my mom in cooking. He used to take care of our studies, shopping and other outside works. As according to him he is a very bad cook. But when my brother got married and dad asked bro to help bhabi as that time mom was staying away with sis. After my marraige , my husband helps me in cooking and we both share household works as we both are working. When his parents come he avoids to come to kitchen to cook. But one day as there was a family function we had to make some 40 parathas. Me and mom in law were makin together . I was making parathas and she was frying them. After i finished 20 , she asked me to call hubby . I was not sure why she was calling him. But when he entered kitchen my mom in law was like, come and make parathas. My father in law was like his son is tired after a day’s work. Then came the most astonishing answer from mom in law. She explained even your daughter in law is tired. If you are so worried about your son then come help me making them. FIL understood . I felt very happy that day . Next time when my in laws came my hubby didn’t avoid coming in kitchen.

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  12. I once told my mom that, After I get married I might quit my job and prepare for GMAT exam. The immediate reply I received was “How could that be right, what if the guy marries you considering your salary”. I was like, Why would he consider my salary? for what? Who said I am gonna give him everything I earn?. She was baffled by the idea tat I only want to share the household Expense with him and not a penny more than that..

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    • //She was baffled by the idea tat I only want to share the household Expense with him and not a penny more than that..//

      I am personally more baffled by your stance, which seems to be geared towards a roommate approach and not really a spouse. Why will you not share your earnings with your partner ? As a couple with a shared future ,don’t you think that your earnings should contribute to that future and that your spouse is entitled to use your earnings for building the lifestyle you two want for yourself

      //After I get married I might quit my job and prepare for GMAT exam. The immediate reply I received was “How could that be right, what if the guy marries you considering your salary”. I was like, Why would he consider my salary? for what? //

      He will consider your salary as part of the family income, for the purpose of building the desired lifestyle for the family. I will say that if you have concrete plans of dropping your job after marriage , you should activiely inform the other person of the same before marriage itself, so he can take an informed decision

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      • “Why will you not share your earnings with your partner ?”

        Because they’re her earnings, and she does not have to do what she doesn’t want to do with them? Because SHE worked for them, and not her husband, so it’s her money? Also, you VERY conveniently skipped over the part of her comment where she wrote, “I only want to share the household Expense with him”. If you’re not aware, household expenses include not just paying for the house and its appliances (which are part of that “shared future”), but also living expenses, taxes, childcare expenses, etc.

        Also, what “shared future”, do you speak of? A shared future would be things that her and her husband BOTH want. If they BOTH want something, then likely, they will split the costs, just as OP said. What OP was likely objecting to was having her earnings going to pay for things that just her husband wants, but things that she doesn’t want, under the guise of their money being “shared”. Why does she need to pay for things that are her husband’s sole responsibilities, if they are her earnings, and she doesn’t want to? It applies the other way around as well. Why does the husband need to pay for things that his wife wants, if he doesn’t want to? At the end of the day, they are their own respective earnings, and they are free to do what they like with them.

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  13. If you love somebody ( husband, kids, etc) you should teach them to take care of themself in your absence. Life is strange: today we are here, in a second we are not. People should learn to be independent and to do all that is necessary to survive. Doing all the work in house can give a false sensation of control and power. Making others dependent on you can offer also a false sensation that you are irreplaceable, that you have control and power. Are just fake feelings and best that a woman can do for her family is to take care first of herself and then to teach others to do all she is doing. Same a man should teach woman to do what he is able to do in house and not only. Man should uncourage woman to have a job because in case of something bad happen to him, woman to be able to earn enough money to survive. Is natural that all family members to share the housework. In this way they became responsible, show love for each other and learn to take care of themself. To take care of others is a sign of love but to kill yourself in this process is stupid.

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    • This is how successful corporates function. By not having a single point of failure. What if that one person who alone can operate your systems suddenly falls ill or has to take maternity leave or has to leave the job? This is why companies train multiple people to be able to do the same job. Not saying that a family must be run like a corporate, but when multiple members are able to do the same tasks effectively, you reduce your points of failure and the system runs seamlessly.

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      • You have right. Family by definition is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity (by recognized birth), affinity (by marriage), or co-residence/shared consumption. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. So you can compare the family with a small corporation where each and every person having his own skills, doing his work, but in same time should be able to complete other tasks if one persons is ill, is overload, or missing. No company will be able to run on long term and in an efficient way only with one person doing all work, taking all responsabilities, and solving all problems. Now when two people decide to have a family they should also decide who is the manager and i don’t mean the boss that just give orders and don’t do anything. The persons that have little knowledge about what a good manager is will know what i say.

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  14. I like seeing my Chachu come stumbling down into the kitchen to boil his eggs in the morning now that our help has left for his ‘gaon’.

    I like it better when the couple – Chachu-Chachi – are in the kitchen together, kind of helping each other out. It’s seldom though. Most of the time people are yelling at other people to get their work in the kitchen done.

    Personally, I prefer the American movies model: the couple in the kitchen together. Being in India, once a week we – my wife-to-be and I – are gonna do the dishes for sure.

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