Chetan Bhagat’s Marriage Tips – Only for men. Just for fun, on a lighter note.

“Chetan Bhagat’s Marriage Tips for the CEO of Shaadi.com. Just for fun, on a lighter note :) Share this with your Friends and make a Woman happy!”

Why do you think are these tips (- only for men) expected to ‘make a woman happy’?

If you consider yourself a modern woman, do these tips make you happy? What about them makes you happy?

And if you are a modern man – do you find the tips ‘funny’? What is it that makes these tips ‘funny’?

Link shared by Vidya Vasudevan.

Please watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdzNWcr9ycY&feature=youtu.be

Let me attempt to understand what makes these tips ‘funny’.

Tip#1 roughly states:

1. If she asks a question, you have to figure out what she wants to hear. You better say that, you cannot say the other one… trick is to figure out… No need to apply yourself, doesn’t matter what A or B is…

What this ‘joke’ seems to mean: It’s ‘lighthearted and fun’ to see women as unreasonable and unpredictable people. Women keep husbands guessing about what they might want to hear and it’s kind of unsafe to say what women do not want to hear; but non of this is a serious concern, because women don’t need to be taken seriously.

Why is this a ‘joke’? Because in reality many ‘modern women’ are advised not to give or to have opinions? Or because Indian men are being advised to be afraid of women? (Is that ‘the’ joke because men are not afraid of anybody or anything – least of all their wives?)

Why should this make a modern woman happy? Because she is allowed (only in a joke) to not just have opinions but also force them on other people who are terrified of her? And it should make women happy to have their spouse living in fear? Who believes this? And why?

2. Do not forget anniversaries. … Her parents’ birthdays, yeah I know, I know it seems really far fetched (IHM: Guess it does seem far fetched, a wife’s parents’ birthday – but of course he is joking and that is why it is ‘just a joke’), but you need to know your in laws’ birthdays. You are the one who makes so many mistakes, if you want to be forgiven be the first one to call your mother in law on her birthday. Yeah. Just wake her up… .. that will absolve you of one month of sin.

Why is this a joke? Because generally it’s the women who are expected to take care of all the birthdays, culture-saving, custom-saving, family-name-saving, gifting, festivals and fasts in their spouse’s/boy friends’ extended family, and if they can do it without also changing the way they live, dress, eat, earn, spend and socialise, they are seen as either fortunate or tyrannical like Anoushka Sharma in this Reliance commercial – Hello aunty! Happy Happy Birthday.’ 

Or is it funny because in an average Indian arranged marriage (dowry, caste and horoscope) jamai raja/damaad being expected to remember a spouse’s parents’ birthday is a joke?

3. When it’s a open ended question when you have to give an opinion, specially about her…  it has to be only a positive opinion …she is not asking you for an opinion she is asking for endorsement. Do you understand the difference? Let me give you an example if she says ‘Is this dress nice’ well the dress is very nice, unless it belongs to another girl who is prettier than her in that case the dress is bad. But if she is wearing that dress it’s a nice dress… yes it’s nice, isn’t this awful, yes it’s awful.

Naughty men who see themselves as naughty boys, sometimes seeing themselves as the third child of wives who are ‘do bachchon ki amma‘. (Though mostly the wives are younger)

“Jokes that are anti-women and anti-wives are ad nauseum. When it is pointed out, there is a reaction – it’s only a joke. Yes, it may be a joke, but it creates an ugly atmosphere of trapped husbands, naughty men who would rather be with other women etc. It’s as if marriage is a bore and a chore. Boys learn that, instead of awareness that a fun family life with commitment to each other is the greatest joy. The detached husband and father who openly flirts and has affairs is the learned behaviour of our growing boys.” [We Let This Gen Down - Madhu Trehan]

4. She follows you on twitter. Be careful on twitter. I have been in trouble for this you know I praised some actor for looking very nice or somebody in an ad…

Is this one a joke because in real life modern Indian men can praise all the women they like and compare them to the wife too?

Related Posts:

Cheating on a Good woman is like choosing Trash over Treasure?

About these ads

62 thoughts on “Chetan Bhagat’s Marriage Tips – Only for men. Just for fun, on a lighter note.

  1. well if my future husband took this advise seriously, we would definitely have loads of trouble!
    1. If I ask him a question, it would be because I want to know HIS opinion…If he would continuously guess and answer what I am thinking every time, than I just would not bother to ask him anything.
    2. I am the kind of person who always forgets anniversaries, so y would I expect him to?
    3. If I can’t trust my husband to give honest opinion on my dress, than he is just not worth it.

    Like

      • Wondering what his wife will make of these unbelievably cliched, boring, pathetic, 1920s style of utterly mindless comments.. Why am I not surprised that even products of IITs, IIMs are capable of doling out shit like the pan-chewing, women-objectifying politicians? His ‘tips’ don’t make me angry, don’t make me sad, don’t grate on my nerves (not anymore). Just numb.

        Like

  2. Jokes on the subject of wife, husband and marriage in any society is like jokes that mock the government in an authoritarian country. Its a catharsis, a way to have a good laugh in the backdrop of misery that tyranny brings.
     
    Having said that, marriage is an institution of social control. And the ‘joy of commitment and family life’ is one of the biggest lies told, to sell this institution. I have seen what married life is like, for a lot of my friends who can’t find a way to get out, barely 2-3 years into it.

    Like

    • Yep, I feel like I’ve heard/ read them all before. Not funny, not accurate, not original. Chetan Bhagat seems worse to me the more I read from him.

      Like

      • I read a book about his wedding a few years ago (recommended to me by an Indian person in Canada who thought it was very funny) and I was disgusted by the racism (colorism, shadism) and sexism in it. If it was indeed the story of his marriage, he should thank his wife for not murdering his mother.

        Like

        • Gosh yeah! That book was just awful and the fact he thought it was natural of his mother to act in that matter just made me lose respect for the guy! Unfortunately, there are millions of men like him.

          Like

  3. I think you’re being overly sensitive. There are differences in the psychology of men and women. There are gender differences. It’s not the case that it is all just a crude generalization with not even a germ of truth. While a lot of it is exaggerated bullshit i.e. just a joke, I think a lot of it is stuff you do watch out for as a guy. Until you get to know the woman in question better, as she is a unique individual who may not care about any or all of it.

    Like

    • “It’s not the case that it is all just a crude generalization with not even a germ of truth.”

      Please share some peer reviewed papers substantiating these differences. All the recent research suggests that women and men are wired a lot more similarly than we thought. The differences are socialised differences based on cultural pressures. See http://sexnotgender.com/brain-sex-does-not-exist/.

      Coming to the point of the post, stuff that makes any sense here, like ‘remembers her mum’s birthday’, is just stuff that constitutes being nice. Women do this for their partners too.

      Like

  4. Would Chetan Bhagat think his article was as funny if we did a gender swap? Hell no..
    Totally agree with you. This kind of “lighter note” jokes, only help propogate the stereotypes. Along with the “lighter note” eve teasing, you know, just appreciating women.

    Heart of the matter is that neither men, nor women really have good role models for marriage, or simply how to interact with each other. And since their behaviour is governed by what they see around them, this kinda mindless joking (and all the other mindless media) steroetypes just make the situation worse.

    Like

  5. This guy reminds me of that guy who wrote that story about a 2 yr old forgetting her mom in a creche. These are generally goodhearted people who will be shocked if they are called misogynists because they have no idea that they are. Powers of conditioning!
    Even all his protagonists are the same.

    Like

  6. There are too many imbeciles out there who take these and such supposed “jokes” to be gospel truth and behave accordingly. That is where the problem lies.
    Recently I had a young man tell me that some comment fell in the category of “understanding women’ and so was something he wouldn’t take up. meaning it is impossible to understand women. The respect I had for the boy and his views dropped just like that, THUD. He was someone I heard arguing against stereotypes and here he was stereotyping women as the ‘not understandable’ types. Some women themselves take great pride in perpetuating this, ‘women are mysterious’ and ‘it is tough to understand women’ and other such nonsense.

    Like

    • I agree, i get annoyed when women are portrayed as mysterious, what’s so secretive about me, I say what i feel, speak what i think and that’s that. not one iota of mystery to me. I live, laugh , earn, and deal with life just like any other human. and so’s my husband. we know exactly what the other person is ( or most of it anyway)

      Like

      • I was always told men like ‘mysterious women’. Then I am as hell doomed coz I can be very predictable you know ;) I am not very popular with conservatives when I am mystery to them with my liberal values. Why oh why, something went wrong with my mystery ha ha

        Like

    • One time someone was hitting on me, he said I want to know you better. Typical DG response what what do you want to know, spell it and I’ll enumerate for you. I have no tricks up my sleeves, you get what you see.
      Enigma of a woman, what a myth.
      Peace,
      Desi Girl

      Like

  7. Also I feel really sorry for his wife. What she should do is deliver a tight slap and then let him figure out A or B or even C.

    So bleddy patronising and arrogant. Couldn’t watch beyond the first 10 seconds.

    Like

  8. True story. A friend told me earlier she once said to a guy “I really understand why you are sad when your football team loses” (when she didn’t really) and he replied seriously “oh it’s great to meet a woman who understands… you know like we understand that you have your periods each month”. And my friend was upset… :)

    Like

  9. To invoke the great Daffy Duck, “ho,ho, very funny. Ha, ha, it is to laugh.” The three mistakes of Chetan Bhagat’s life are, 1. That he added to population of smug idiots by being born, 2. That, as a child, he was never told by his parents to not give utterance to his thoughts because they would expose him to be an imbecile of the first order, and 3., that he decided to wield a pen, a dangerous weapon in the hands of a moron, that made other morons hail him as a literary God. A regular Forrest Gump, our Mr. Bhagat is. Sadly, his popularity shows that an overwhelming majority thinks stupidity to be an art form.

    Like

    • I strongly suspect that the moment an idea enters his head, his brain is hard-wired to act as an emetic agent, leaving no time for pondering. His brain being a very tiny cavity, there is no room for any thought to stay before being spewed out to make space for another. It’s not his fault.

      Like

    • I strongly suspect that to allow the free and unhindered passage of air between his ears, his brain is hard-wired to act as a strong emetic agent, leaving no processing time. His brain being but a minuscule cavity, as soon as a thought enters, it is unceremoniously nudged out to make space for another. Poor guy cannot help it.

      Like

  10. I have the strange quality of not taking into consideration social realities while reading a joke. So no, I don’t find this insulting any more than I find jokes about men insulting – the “dumb husband”, “dirty husband”, “insensitive husband” etc. If I were to find the jokes about women insulting, I would have to find these insulting as well. I find neither of them are. A joke is by definition almost always an exaggeration. Very often my wife openly admits to asking me a question that has a “sahi javab” and a “galat javab”. That doesn’t mean I disrespect her or don’t take her seriously. I think I’m willing to classify this one in the “oversensitive” category.

    Like

    • I am willing to overlook this as jokes if the majority of the people are liberal but it is scary as to how many ppl take it as the truth. I find such jokes about men also stupid too.

      My gripe is if we have so many jokes about marriage, biwi etc, toh shaadi hi kyon karte ho? Just be single na? Why everyone is obsessed with marriage?

      Like

    • For once, I’m going against the popular opinion here and agreeing with you. If we start disecting each and every joke like this, there would be nothing left to laugh about. Why do we have to take everything so seriously?
      My hubby teases me all the time with “tum typical ladki ho” comments. To give an example of why, we had gone to Tiger Temple in Thailand and were in queue to “walk the tiger”. Basically you get to hold the rein of the tiger and walk beside it. In the photo that is taken it looks like you are walking it. The tiger was walking too fast and I couldn’t keep up. Out of frustation I started screaming at my husband with “itna tez kyu chal raha hain ye, isko dheere chalne boloooo!” (Why is the tiger walking so fast, ask it to walk slower). I am still wondering what my husband could have done at that moment other than looking at me stupified. There are a lot of instances where I do stuff even I can’t understand why. In the same way, my hubby is a typical guy who loves cricket and worships Sachin. He does things typical to a guy, leaving the towel on the bed, worshipping Sachin, and I tease him about it too. Imagine if we didnt have things like these to laugh about. What fun would marriage be then?

      Like

      • I have lot of girl friends who are cricket fans and worship Sachin and I have a brother and lot of male friends who are not interested in cricket at all. So how can such things be typical girl or boy thing. Most guys leave towel on the bed because they are taught at home that household chores like keeping towel in place are girl’s duty and most girls keep the towel in place because they are trained from childhood to be ‘adarsh bahu’ who keeps their ‘typical husband’s’ towel in place.
        Most women have more eye to cleanliness because they are trained from childhood to keep home clean as it is ‘adarsh bahu’s duty’ and most men are indifferent to it because they were never ever asked to clean their own plate, if they do it they will be called ‘unmanly’/’jhoru ka gulam’.
        That is social conditioning not typically ‘male’ or ‘female’ habits.
        I have done a lot of stupid things and my husband has also his share of stupidity. Why is stupidity a ‘typical girl’ thing? This is exactly the problem with these kind of ‘jokes’, they grill ideas in men (like your husband) that ‘typically girls are stupid’ and make girls (like you) believe that ‘we are biologically stupid’ and happily accept being called ‘stupid’ for being a girl, they endorse patriarchy.
        I don’t have a problem being called stupid when I do stupid things and I can laugh it off, but when my stupid actions, gets comments like ‘no wonder, you are a girl’, it irritates me a Lot and I can’t laugh that off.
        I get irritated at my husband when he answers “whatever you like” to my “whether A or B ?” , I would honestly never ask him but tell him I would do ‘A’ or ‘B’, if I don’t need his opinion and am sure of what I want to do.
        The 6 tips can be summarized as “Never be honest with your wife, they are too stupid and self righteous”. If I don’t get an honest opinion from my life partner, from where else can I expect it.
        And it says “share and make women happy”, Which woman would be happy to hear that best way to make wife happy is to be a dishonest husband.
        I have always hated these kind of ‘sexist’ jokes whether they target men or women.

        Like

        • I think the problem comes when people think these jokes are real and form their opinions of men and women based on them. Every reasonable person knows that they’re not serious. And if you conduct yourself in a workplace environment on the basis of what jokes you’ve heard…well, good luck! But even granted there are lots of people who do form their opinions on this flimsy ground, the problem lies with them and not the jokes themselves.

          Whether or not the behavior is socially conditioned is not a question to be considered while making jokes at all. Jokes take an observed phenomena as their base, and then exaggerate it, twist it, or whatever. The reasons for that phenomena are not its sphere. They stand alone as is. And it’s possible that many jokes will be funny abroad but not in India. I personally read every joke as if it’s generally happening on planet earth. Not specifically India or wherever.

          Again if people form serious opinions based on jokes, that’s their problem. The rest of us shouldn’t have to be careful about laughing at ourselves and others because of what these losers do.

          Like

        • I guess it’s not because people are influenced by such jokes (they aren’t) but because these jokes are influenced by people’s attitudes, and if they happen to be discriminatory, it’s not a joke at all. Do you also find sardar jokes, negro jokes, etc. funny? At one point of time, jokes about disabled people was funny – in fact, that’s what Golmaal 1 (the new one) is all about. Funny? You decide. People laugh at a woman lisping on the screen in a popular comedy show because it’s apparently funny because she has trouble talking. Such ‘jokes’ shows insensitivity to people’s problems.

          Like

      • I’m a little disturbed reading about tourists being able to walk tigers in Thailand. That sounds like borderline animal abuse.
        What kicks do people get out of walking a tiger knowing full well that the tiger can’t fight back?
        If they really wanted to strut their stuff, then they should try “walking” a tiger who’s not a captive animal that’sbee

        Like

    • How about it just being very insulting to everyone’s intelligence? That’s what I typically think of all of Chetan Bhagat’s writing (granted this is not writing but still)

      Like

    • Agree with Bhagwad as well. I’ve heard my mom and aunts make many, many ‘man’ jokes as a child and teenager.

      I don’t find these jokes that pit one gender versus the other very funny, but am not offended by them either. It’s just me.
      I personally believe that men and women are not too different anyway. I suspect most people intuitively know this deep down in their hearts as well, but prefer not to admit this for various reasons.

      P.S – as a teen, my girl friends and I had an inside joke running- referring to anyone in our group with messy hair as looking ‘gangraped’.
      I don’t recall how we came up with it, but shockingly, we all thought it was funny.
      Looking back I am appalled that we so casually used such a loaded word- and that’s the kind of joking that bothers me.

      Like

  11. “instead of awareness that a fun family life with commitment to each other is the greatest joy.”
    What kind of bull is that? That’s not true for even 1 % of people. I can vouch its not true for even a single of my male friends. What exactly puts you in a place where you can advise people how they must organize their lives and find “greatest joy”?

    Like

  12. Nothing new about his comments..it’s just a repeatation of what has been said for years as sms ‘jokes’, ‘funny’ emails, ‘hilarious’ Facebook posts and ‘evergreen’ movie one liners.Remember the song from HumTum? He just translated them or put them together….

    Like

  13. What a dreadful series of “jokes”. And from such a young man, too, I’d have thought them tired, boring quips from an old geezer, but this young bloke is…horrifying.

    Can’t remember where I came across the link to you, but I’ll be reading along. Your blog is fascinating, tragic, comic, insightful, and always really easy to read. Hi from slightly north of the opposite side of the world (Canada). :)

    Like

  14. I honestly think his advice is quite immature and idiotic. How about being a kind, supportive, respectful spouse on a daily basis? This Chetan Bhagat has no idea about women. His poor wife…lol.

    Like

  15. Pingback: दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया… | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  16. Pingback: And maybe it is too funny to even imagine the same thing ever happening to a man? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s