Sharing an anonymous email.
Please do not dismiss this mail as its really long but I needed to write it in detail. request you to please read it carefully and kindly do not neglect it.
This is a tale of 3 friends and one among them is me. Let me call them A, B and C.
A is a girl from a very well educated and extremely rich and well to do family. Her parents are the best set of parents that any body especially a girl can ask for. Both her parents are working and her mother is a fiercely independent woman who has been able to work and do whatever she wants to with full support from her father. A has a younger brother and both the kids were treated equally by everyone in the family. A is a happy go lucky girl, has never seen any kind of violence in her life except in movies and is very friendly and open. The only problem is that she has always been attracted to wrong men and was molested as a teenager for many days and she did not tell her parents about this until much later reasons which she herself does not understand till today (A is 27 yrs as of today) she later told her parents and they dealt with it in a very matured manner and gave the girl all the confidence in the world and she moved ahead in life, went on to complete Engineering and then MBA and worked in a reputed MNC. Despite the past A’s family never restricted her movement with boys or stopped her from interacting with men because both her parents believed in deleting the wrong impression about men from her head and thus encouraged healthy friendships and relations. When A was in her 3rd year of graduation, she met a guy at a place where she was doing her internship. The guy started calling her up and played the hide n seek game of telling her to find out who he is and she being the silly 19 year old fell for this “mysterious man” and she was curious to find out who he was. They ultimately met at the internship office and slowly started going out.
Lets call the guy D. When A and D met, A told him everything about her family and her background, D on the other hand lied about everything right from his name to his family background to his birthday and also education details. D told him that he was from a business family and despite A repeatedly asking the nature of the business never told her. He could not even talk in English whereas A was from a convent background. But still A fell fro him and within 15 days he said that he wants to marry her and that she should decide and immediately tell him her feelings. A said yes (the stupid 19 yr old) and then he started insisting on physical contact like kissing etc, but they never had sex. He would insist that she come to a local park everyday almost from her college which was 30 kms away from his office only so that they could make out. When A would hesitate he would tell her this is what couples do. He lied to her about his birthday and when that “lied day” arrived he insisted on meeting her. She said that she cannot as her there was a family function at home and there was no way she could get out. She apologized to him and said that she would make it up. Guess what he did; not answer her calls for the rest of the day and finally at 11.00 pm in the answers and when she asked whim why he did not answer this was in response” I went out with my very good girlfriend from college since you did not come and she is better than you, she gifted me a marble tajmahal and took me out for dinner”. A was shocked but she left it at that.
Then after a few months randomly during a conversation he blurted out the truth that his name is not what he told and that it was his wrong birthday and the reason he gave was that he thought she might not like his name and wanted to test how she will react if its his birthday….
Then on another day when they went for a movie and while waiting outside she saw a handsome man and commented saying how handsome he looks and that sparked off a fight. Throughout he movie they did not talk and then finally after she reached home he calls her and tell her she is so cheap to stare at other men and that she does not have character and that girls with character do not do that. He did not like the fact that she had guy friends and he would always dictate to her whom she should talk to and whom she should not talk to. In his words” Cut off with your friends because I do not like them” this included both boys and girls because as friends we used to have arguments and so he would ask me to cut off. All this was while A was doing MBA and was staying in a hostel but in the same city as the college was very far from home. While in hostel she had to call him after every class, during every break and he actually convinced her that all her friends are bad ppl, so much so that every time she made friends with some one in college or hostel he demanded an explanation and warned her that these friendships should not continue once married. He would not allow her to interact with friends or go to the canteen for more than 30 minutes and the reason he gave was that she should concentrate and study and get good marks. A thought he was concerned for her and eventually started neglecting her friends in college and hostel so much so that she started eating alone in the mess because he would always be on the phone with her when she would go to eat and A thought he was so concerned about her that he was actually spending so much time with her neglecting his activities.
One day when he called A was watching Dostana movie and she him that, his response” How cheap can you be that you are watching a gay movie, I never thought you are like that” and cut the call, she had to apologize later.
According to him A’s family was very posh and did not have any values and he called them “Page 3 people” and all the time insulted them in front of her.
A put up with all this because she thought it was all love and he cared for her. He also never cared for her comforts. This because A and D went on a trip and during the trip he had not booked accommodation, to her shock she called up just-dial siting on the railway station platform and found out about hotels in that city and finally booked one. Then took her around the city in crowded city bus because he felt there is no need to hire cab. A again put up with this nonsense because when she complained he told her that her father had spoilt her by providing her comfortable life and that she must get used to hardships as life is not always easy.
Then to A’s horror she found about his family again which he blurted by mistake. His father had an ice cream shop which did not do well so they closed it. He has a sister who was married of into a random family because his family believed in early marriages and also they had to choose between educating him and his sister so they chose him. He did a diploma in a local college and then completed graduation through correspondence and was now in a job in a MNC thanks to the software boom. For his parents he was God because everyone in their family are shopkeepers who own kirana stores and only he is educated. Nobody says no to him and his word is final. His sister is married to an idiot who drinks and beats her and so 90% of the time she is at his parents place with her 2 children and he is only breadwinner for the family. Parents and sister have no money, do not know about health insurance and depend on D so they shut their mouth. D despite all this spends lavishly by using his friends credit cards for his clothes and gadgets and goes holidaying with his friends. A can meet people only whom he approves off and she cannot talk about or make friends with anyone he does not approve off. Also according to him A’s parents do not love her because they do not listen to her always like his parents and keep giving her suggestions.
In the background A tells her family about her intentions to marry him and though they did not know all the above details both her parents sensed something wrong and discouraged her. A’s father called up D and told him that this will not work and that we should part.
Instead of coming home and talking to A’s parents he started pressurizing her saying that your family is bad and that its the girls duty to convince her family and that she should threaten them with suicide and then they will yield. D also told her that if parents don’t yield after this also then she should run away from home stay in a working woman’s hostel and then join some random local company and then marry him because according to him anyway a girl leaves her family after marriage and some father at a church had told him that if she truly loves you she will run away and one family is enough, you do not need both parents acceptance for love marriage. A felt all this was stupid and let the matter rest for a while as she was having her final exams.
Then the final jolt came; A had a friend (guy) who liked always from day1 of MBA and had even proposed to her, but knowing that A was already in a relationship he left it at that and they were not in touch. During the last semester in college they both met again as there was a music competition for the farewell and both A and this guy being good singers were approached by common friends to participate. A had never participated in any events thanks to D who never liked but this time she wanted to, it being the final year of college and all her friends including this guy really requested her and so she said yes much to D’s opposition. D hated the fact that she would practice everyday till 12.00 in the night after classes and though A told D she was in a team practice as there was orchestra etc he always suspected her. This led to him checking her gmail account. It so happened that the guy randomly commented on gtalk and told A that she was looking beautiful during practice and that she sung very well to which A said thank you and also said that he was good too.
D called her and started yelling her and suspected of her having an affair with him just because of this. She thought he was just worried and tried to explain to him but he just did not listen and in his words, “Why did you tell him thank you, that means you are dressing up for him and you want to impress him because your parents are not accepting me, they will accept him because he is educated and is talented”. A was shocked as to how could he first of all read her chats and email and then question her like this. That day she got really angry and after fighting for like 1hr she cut the call and went to sleep as the final program was there the next day.
The next day he called her up like some 20 times and left sorry messages and emails to which she did not respond.
On the farewell night their song was a huge hit and the party was going with music and dance and D calls her, she does not answer and cuts the call and messages him saying that she is in the party and it will take time and asks him to go the sleep for today. He insists that he loves her so much that he cannot go to bed without talking to her and that he will wait. Its 12.00 am and the while the party is still on he calls her again and again and this time she answered and he started shouting saying that she does not care for him anymore and that she should be happy he allowed to go to the party which was the mistake he did etc… Then as the argument progressed he suddenly shouted saying that “You are not meant for me, we should just break up as you are partying girl who likes boys and your family also encourages that” Now A got wild at this and told him that its fine if he thinks so and gave him back about all the incidents in the past and ended it then and there. The next day D all of a sudden realizes his mistake and comes to her hostel and starts apologizing and begging, but A clearly tells him that its over for good now and that she does not trust him anymore. D calls up A’s friends and tells them and begs with them to convince A and promises that he will never do anything like that again but A refuses to go back.
D goes away and A reaches home after her exams and tells her mother. A’s mother calls up D’s sister and tells her that her brother should not be troubling and that we should leave this matter here as both the people are very different and will not gel. D’s sister tells him about the call and D gets angry as to how can A’s mother call his sister and so calls up A’s home. The call is answered by A’s brother and D in his anger tells the kid of 17 years (A’s brother) that your sister does not have character, she had physical relationship with me and roamed all over the city with me and other rubbish. A and her family are horrified and A has now resolved to cut off the relationship. D again goes on to write her emails 3 months later telling her how he is spending life now and how he has met a girl who is so highly educated, earns lot of money, is a rank holder in entrance exams and spends half her salary on an orphanage and that this is called a cultured girl and that he thanks God for sending her into his life. He also writes saying that pure love does not have physical relationship and that pure love demands sacrifice.
A is now happily married to another man who is a Doctor and takes very good care of her and has no problems in life.
Now the reason I have written so much in detail is that B and C who are A’s close friends are in relationships with men similar to D and are just not ready to give up. They call it pure love and A being their best friend cannot see them getting into mess like this. What kind of advice should A give to B and C and help them take correct decisions.
Both B and C are 27 years old: B works for a MNC and C is a doctor. Both B and C are also from very well to do families, both the girls’ fathers are big doctors and both the families know about their relationships and are discouraging but the girls are just not ready to listen.
Please help and kindly give suggestion and really sorry for the long mail but there was no other way out, these girls are ruining their lives with their stupid ideas about love.