Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

Groom rapes guest on wedding day

“According to the complained filed by the victim, Janak took advantage of the crowd and commotion, slipped into her room and raped her. For next two days, the girl was too terrified and traumatized to share her ordeal with anyone. However, later she told her aunt, who accompanied her to Murar police station to lodge an FIR, sub-inspector Virendra Singh Kushwaha told TOI on Friday.

The victim, Kushwaha said, happens to be a close relative of the bride, who had come specially to attend the wedding from Narsinghpur.” [Link]

Assuming the allegation is correct, do you see something wrong with the rationale in these comments?

1. Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into. …

2. What a maniac , he would have got a v*gina anyhow after marriage ! Now get the dandas of Pandus !!

3. This groom would have waited for couple of nights if he just wanted to enjoy sex which he could have had with his wife. It would have been better if the victim who was raped had gone to the police immediately of at least the following morning.

4. Fool did not wait for few hours to legality enjoy .His urge landed him in jail .Enjoy honeymoon in jail .Wish ten years in jail .

5. ek din wait kar leta dulha toh aaj ye na hota (Roughly translates to: why couldn’t he have waited for one more day)

6. practise ke liye kiya hoga useless fellow (Roughly translates to: He wanted to practice, useless fellow)

I disagree with these three very common, Indian social assumptions:

1. This (and every other) sexual assault is caused by ‘lust’, ‘urge’ or an uncontrolled desire for sex.

2. Marriage is about the groom ‘getting a v*gina’.

3. So it is okay for the groom to sexually assault the bride.

What are the chances that the bride would not stay married to this man and be expected to reform him?

Related Posts:

Denying sex to spouse on first night ground for marriage annulment: Delhi high court

Forcible sex with wife doesn’t amount to marital rape: Court

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

“Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!”

29 thoughts on “Rapist groom should have waited a little to satiate his lusty desires without problems which he has got into.

  1. Sick and perverse. So now the bride will be co-erced to stay and reform him. And submit to his unbridled lust as and when the urge gets to him. The sickness never ends does it?

  2. That’s terrible. They’re pretty much saying that if he waited a few more days, he could have legally raped his wife instead. I think we need to educate the general public here that ‘rape is not about sex–it’s about power.’ If it was about ‘lust’ and ‘practice’ than why not legally hire a prostitute? He didn’t have to force himself on someone else.

  3. Why is it so difficult for people to understand the difference between sex and rape? I think the general mentality expressed here of ‘he would have got a vagina after marrying’ and ‘ek din ruk jata (= raping his wife being ok)’ is exactly why marital rape needs to be criminalised. We need to to make a statement that raping someone is criminally wrong, no matter how you are related to the person. Even that basic concept seems to be questionable at the moment.

    • ..and before people jump in to say ‘rape is about sex too’, I would like to say that it really doesn’t matter. Forcing sex on someone is an assault, no matter what your reasons. Rape is an assault and sex is a mutually agreed upon activity (even mutually enjoyable when done right). Rape is not sex.. people need to stop using the two as synonyms.

  4. “practise ke liye kiya hoga useless fellow (Roughly translates to: He wanted to practice, useless fellow”

    - how can anyone react in this way?!? are we living in such a rude, insensitive country?!

  5. ‘Marriage is about the groom ‘getting a v*gina’.

    Most of the men don’t even marry the girl, they just take it anyways as if it was created for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. I think you are overreacting to comments on an article posted on the internet. Just go to any youtube video about the deadly crash of Air India in Mangalore about 2 years ago. You will find the comments section littered with people making all sorts of racist jokes about Indians. Not even a bare minimum of civility or human empathy for the poor souls who perished.

    I really don’t think that should be considered a symptom of a worldwide attitude that people rejoice in racist delight when Indians become victims of a tragedy. It’s just how the internet is.

    • I wouldn’t say this is over-reacting. These comments show a pattern of despicable attitudes towards marital sex and marital rape, and the fact that the two are often confused. Just because derogatory comments (racist ones, as you point out) are common elsewhere on the internet does not mean they should be tolerated.

      It’s just how the internet is.

      The internet is just a medium. It is the people using it to express their thoughts which is problematic. And just because their thoughts are this way doesn’t mean they ought to be ignored. Because ignorance is NOT bliss – it allows these thoughts to fester, and then translate into actions.

  7. Comments along these very lines of rationale were made by people on an earlier post on this very blog. My objection to those comments wasn’t followed up by any clarification.

    Blog post : http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/student-gang-raped-killed-maratha-etched-on-body/

    Carvaka wrote – “but they were going to be married soon so he didn’t have long to wait.”

    desidaaru12 wrote – “The wedding was on May 20, about three weeks away- doesn’t seem like enough of a motive.”

    My comment – “So, does getting married give anyone the license to have sex with the other person? Hasn’t a lot been discussed about marital rape? Are we presuming that the girl was sure to consent once married to the guy? How do we know the girl was not being asked to marry the guy against her choice? Or are we still being hung up on considering sex before marriage as wrong? Or is sex automatically implied by marriage?”

    http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/student-gang-raped-killed-maratha-etched-on-body/#comment-183085

    Both the above commentators felt that since the guy was going to get married soon, he couldn’t have any other calculated motive for the rape.

    • “Carvaka wrote – “but they were going to be married soon so he didn’t have long to wait.””

      I think you misunderstood what I meant. I was not referring to my feeling about rape and consent about marriage, but to what his likely motive could be.

      I don’t think marriage = consent or that it would be ok for him to force sex on her after marriage. I think the state should absolutely recognise marital rape or any non-consensual sexual activity as a crime, you only have to scroll up to read my comment here on this blog post.

      However, the Indian state does not currently recognise marital rape as a crime. That is why, it would have been very easy for him to wait some days and then rape her with impunity. Why risk being punished by murdering her? I find this motive presented by the police suspicious. They could be making him a scapegoat, especially since the ‘maratha’ thing makes the rape sound political.

      “felt that since the guy was going to get married soon, he couldn’t have any other calculated motive for the rape”
      Yes, because the indian law and society allows him to rape his wife with impunity. This is not how I think it should be, but his motive is not affected by my personal view.

      Just to make my personal views absolutely clear:

      “So, does getting married give anyone the license to have sex with the other person?”
      No.

      “Hasn’t a lot been discussed about marital rape? Are we presuming that the girl was sure to consent once married to the guy?”
      Of course not. Consent cannot be presumed. Marriage does not mean consent.

      “How do we know the girl was not being asked to marry the guy against her choice?”
      She could have been. He still could have raped her with impunity after marriage. So I still don’t see that as a likely motive.

      “Or are we still being hung up on considering sex before marriage as wrong? Or is sex automatically implied by marriage?”
      Not my view at all. I don’t see marriage as a pre-requisite to have sex or live together or have kids or anything really. I mean I personally did lots of those things before marrying.

      • Statement A : “but they were going to be married soon so he didn’t have long to wait.”

        Statement B : “but they were going to be married soon so he didn’t have long to wait, because the indian law and society allows him to rape his wife with impunity.”

        You wanted to make statement B but somehow omitted the latter part of it which made you appearing to endorse statement A. While statement B is correct since it contains the reason for the assertion, statement A is not – and is objectionable. There may be lots of people making statement A while intending to make statement B not realizing that their comment may be taken adversely.

        Though your stand on such issues is well known through your comments on this blog, this was just to draw your attention to the possible different meaning that your comment would convey to some readers. Thanks for clarifying your stand anyways.

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  9. I’m sorry, but am I the only one who saw the comment by Lakshmi?! So if it happens in Africa, no biggie, but in India *shock and terror*. Yes Lakshmi, apparently it happens in India too!
    I’m sorry IHM if I put the comments off track but I’m sick of these kind of comments!

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  11. Sometimes consensual sex may happen due to the agreement between boy and girl to get married at a later stage. But it is wrong when someone break promise and deceive the girl. It should be treated as rape and the culprit should be punished to the maximum extent possible.

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