Patriarchy empowers Parents of Sons, but it controls (not empowers) those Sons (or younger men).
Whether young Indian men are raised like spoiled princes or as obedient Shravan Kumars – they are traditionally valued for being Budhape ka Sahara who provide care givers and dowry for their parents’ old age. That’s our ‘family system’.
Most of Indian culture seems to be about ensuring that young Indians do not choose their own partners because we believe that Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.
Isn’t that why we claim it’s our culture/tradition/values to control the personal lives and choices of young Indian adults?
Sharing an email.
I have been reading your blog for the past few days. I especially liked your posts on the conflict between modern and the orthodox India, and the problems that arise as a result of it. When reading your post “How i spent 4 years in this hell-hole” about the horrors faced at college, I felt as if I was reading a story of my own life…
I am a 18 year old male, from a traditional (read: backward) Indian family. Just to give you an idea, love marriages are considered taboo, and any sort of interaction with members of the opposite sex is frowned upon. You may not believe me but I’ve had instances where I was having a conversation on a mobile phone, suddenly my father walks up to me and demands that I put my phone on loudspeaker mode so that he can listen to the conversation. When I refused, he put his ear to my cellphone’s earpiece trying to eavesdrop.
Enraged, I disconnected the call and told him that he was intruding upon my privacy. This enraged him and he told me that I was getting spoiled and was falling into bad company. Actually there was nothing of that sort, I was just talking to a female friend (mind you, she wasn’t my girlfriend). But I knew that if this was discovered, there would be uproar in my home and my father could even call that girl and tell her not to talk to me after that, he could even have asked to talk to her parents. I didn’t want her to embarrassed because of me, that’s why stopped talking to her, except on Facebook.
Basically, my parents are control freaks. They want each and every aspect of their kids’ (yes, they consider us kids, even my elder brother who is 23 years old and is a banker) lives to be controlled. I have no life of my own. I have never been to a movie. I don’t know what a mall looks like (from inside), I haven’t ever partied with a group of my friends. I can’t even work at my PC for half an hour without someone coming in and standing behind me to see what I am doing.
I don’t know what to do. I have no social life. No girlfriend. No friends. I feel lonely sometimes.
Sorry about the rant. Just felt like telling someone thats all.
Any advice for me how to deal with this situation would be greatly appreciated.
How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.
Boys and girls holding hands.
Don’t fall in love NOW!
Girls these days.
“Wonder how I survived for 4 years in this college!!”