Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Some fresh examples showing how sexual assaults are seen by those who we expect to work towards controlling them.

Rapists are raised, encouraged, supported, justified and excused by mindsets like these.

1. Vibha Rao, chairperson of Chhattisgarh State Women Commission.

“Women display their bodies and indulge in various obscene activities. Women are unaware of the kind of message [their actions] generate,”… she believes excessive “display of body” by women influenced by western culture is the key. Ms. Rao, an advocate by profession and a prominent BJP leader in the State…

Regarding alleged rape of the tribal women by erstwhile vigilante gang members in south Chhattisgarh,

Ms. Rao said she cannot comment on ‘sub judice’ matters. [Link: ‘Women equally responsible for crimes against them’]

I agree with this comment below the news report, by Anita Badami:

After reading Ms Vibha Rao’s ridiculous comments, it is not at all hard to understand why so many Indian males behave as atrociously as they do with women. Obviously they were brought up by women (like Ms Rao) who
inculcate ignorant and deeply misogynistic attitudes in their sons.

2. Education Minister T. Thiagarajan and college Principals in Puducherry

Separate buses for schoolboys and schoolgirls, overcoats for girls, ban on mobile phones on campuses and restricted interaction of girls and boys…

— these are the steps the Puducherry government has decided on to enforce to prevent harassment of girl students.

The measures came after a meeting between Education Minister T. Thiagarajan…

By reducing contact between boys and girls, it was possible to prevent basic misbehaviour and it would also reduce “temptation,” said an Education Department official.

Instead of ‘dupatta,’ a student should wear an overcoat. Squads would be formed [IHM: Not to check sexual harassment but] to check use of mobile phones by students, Secretary of Education G. Ragesh Chandra told The Hindu. These guidelines were for both private and government schools and a similar meeting with college principals would be held next week, he said.

Principals’ suggestions

During the meeting, the principals emphasised need for greater interaction [IHM: Not between students so male students see women students as humans, but] of parents and teachers, advanced intimation to parents if special classes were conducted and maintenance of a record of the mobile phones of parents and guardians so that they could be informed if their wards were not present.

The move for separate buses came after several principals voiced concern that “when boys and girls travel together, they often did not get off the bus even when their stop arrived,” Mr. Chandra said.

“Many principals also observed that boys and girls sat inside the bus even before classes were over for the day, as the buses are parked on school premises. By having separate buses, these activities could be prevented.”

The measures drew flak from academicians and activists. [Link:Puducherry prescription: separate buses, overcoats for girls]

Are they trying to prevent social interactions that could lead to ‘love marriages’ or consensual sex between young adults or are they trying to prevent sexual assaults against women, babies and girls?

Do they even know the difference?

Many Indians (including the Khaps) seem to see any sex outside marriage as Rape; and sex, forced or not within marriage, as ‘consensual sex’.   The fact that Marital Rape is not seen as a crime encourages this thinking.  If Marital Rape was seen as a crime (that it is) – it would be difficult to excuse women’s clothing and lifestyles for rapes.

Many Indians see rapes not as a violent crime, but as loss of honor, ‘purity’ and virginity of the victim. Making Marital Rapes a legal offence is the fastest way to make Indian women and men understand that Rape means forced sex, not lost virginity or honor. It would also become clearer that women actually own their bodies and men actually can (and a majority does, only a percentage of men are rapist despite the licences and impunity that Patriarchy gives to men) ‘control their urges’.

3. RSS Chief, Mohan Bhagwad

A husband and a wife are bound by a contract which says – you (woman) look after the household chores and satisfy me, I (man) will take care of your needs and will protect you. (RSS Chief, Mohan Bhagwad)

Five questions worth asking here: 1.) So there would be no rapes, if women were not working earning? 2.) Non working married women do not get raped or husbands are to be blamed if they are raped? (This alleged rapist would like this)  3.) Marital Rape is not rape? 4.) Women are not sexual beings and sex is about women satisfying men and not a mutual experience?

Making Marital Rape a legal offence will address some of the above Rape Myths. 

But is there any hope for that with mindsets like below? 

Mumbai Police Commissioner Satyapal Singh says there is a direct link between school and college education and murders and suicides, and students who study in English-medium institutions are especially vulnerable. [English education triggers suicides, murders, says Mumbai top cop Satyapal Singh]

Some of the above might like to discuss their conclusions with Haryana Khaps.

 Jitender Chhataar, “Poverty and intoxication are the main reasons for rape as well as young people sitting together the wrong way. But also eating chowmein causes a hormonal imbalance which is a big reason for rapes.” [The rape of reason]

Each of the above would find Marital Rape difficult to understand. They are unlikely to ask: “What purpose does protecting any rapist, married to the rape victim or not, serve?” But if the law recognises the crime, eventually the society would do too.

Do you agree?

Related Posts:

Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.

Early and arranged marriages within the community prevent social ills.

Four kinds of marriages in modern India. Which ones would you ban?

“Wonder how I survived for 4 years in this college!!”

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

Parents should choose the boy for a girl aged below 21, as it is they who bear the brunt of an unsuccessful marriage – Karnataka HC

An email: Is it fair for parents to say that their happiness depends on who their kids marry?

38 thoughts on “Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

  1. It would certainly help.

    There would always be monumentally stupid ideas such as this one:

    A husband and a wife are bound by a contract which says – you (woman) look after the household chores and satisfy me, I (man) will take care of your needs and will protect you

    In this case, I do believe that the law ought to lead society.

    Sati was outlawed despite the social contention that it was an honorable act that did not amount to murder. It was outlawed long before it was actually condemned by any substantial section of society.

    The same should be done in the case of marital rape.

    Of course, from a practical perspective, it would be somewhat hard to actually overturn the law on this, and even when the law was overturned, convictions would be hard to obtain.

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    • I’m amazed and did not know that marital rape is not considered rape. The mindset of the society is deplorable when it comes to this issue. People should definitely let go of this ” honor” that they associate with rape and should see it as a forceful act without the person’s consent.

      The methods proposed by Puducherry minister sounds very talibanish. I used to live and went to school and college in Puducherry in the 90’s and to wear an overcoat with that kind of humid climate is torture to say the least. How abt isntead of covering up women, maybe get men act civilized?

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      • ,

        People should definitely let go of this ” honor” that they associate with rape and should see it as a forceful act without the person’s consent.

        Indeed.

        To be fair, the the legal arguments against outlawing marital rape in India aren’t cast in terms of honor, but in terms of such legislation amounting to ‘excessive state interference’ in the marital bond – which is all sorts of ironic in a country where you have to plead and cry and beg before a judge just to get separated from your spouse.

        The immense hypocrisy surrounding the concept of ‘marital sanctity’ is just as bad as the horrible way India deals with rape.

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  2. unfortunately again the same cynical attitudes are coming through… instead of broadening their mind they all are trying to subjugate a female’s freedom more…

    One fearful thing is Rapes happen in all countries around the world… apparently its a problem everywhere… however I wonder if everywhere they feel it was the woman who enticed the man to a rape…

    Is it so so difficult for all to understand that Rape is a crime of forced sex by someone who cannot control his own fallacies !? :|

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    • Victim blaming happens everywhere… :(

      The slut walks around the World began because some Canadian (I think) Police man said women should stop dressing like sluts to avoid being raped.

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      • i found something thought-worthy in a show the other day.. the girl asked: if it is so dangerous for women to go out at night, that means the men are dangerous.. that means that the men should be banned from going out at night!

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    • “Is it so so difficult for all to understand that Rape is a crime of forced sex by someone who cannot control his own fallacies !? :|”
      Most rapes are pathologically pre-mediated and deliberate – intended to hurt the victim. Not a lustful ‘loss of control’.

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      • I think that was meant in the sense of the rapist not being able to control and channelize their own negative emotions in a non-violent manner. That is indeed the case with many (though certainly not all) rapists. For such rapists, the act itself is just a particularly violent expression of intense emotion. It is often premeditated, but the desire to do it arises from a general loss of control over emotional responses.

        In other words, while rape is rarely a lustful act, it is usually not a ‘cold’ act either. It has little to do with the victim, and much to do with the rapist’s own issues.

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  3. Regarding social interaction between the sexes. I think the lack of social interaction between boys and girls is causing many of the problems we are facing today. Boys and girls grow up without knowing how to interact with each other. If they are allowed to intermingle, boys would know what girls like, think etc. and vice-versa. Result: healthier people, healthier society.

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    • I agree. i was lucky to grow up through a co-ed school and a co-ed college.. an i have to say, people who went to segregated institutions are definitey socially handicapped, and they promote the “culture” even in ‘”grown up” life.. they are the ones who raise eyebrows when they see a boy and girl (man and woman) even talk to each other.

      the very idea that men are people too.. and not another species.. simply does not occur to the segregated woman.( and vice versa.)

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  4. Yes! I hope India and many other countries will make marital rape a legal offence soon. It’s a great step forward for mankind. The more gender equality, the more both men and women will gain.

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    • actually, think these attitudes have always existed. just feel that finally we’re finding some opposition to them. that’s my glass-half-full perspective. doesn’t stop the blood boiling though.

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  6. Awful attitude… we are still years back in becoming a civilized society! What I keep wondering is about the people who think rape is about losing virginity and not about a woman’s fundamental right to consensual sex… Are all people who think like that men? I am sure there are many many women who still have the same attitude towards rape!
    Is there nothing that can be done to change this attitude…? It should be relatively easy to atleast make women understand that they are all vulnerable to rape, whether they are virgins or grannies. If all women come to understand this, wont it make it much more easier for them to change the attitude of their own family men.. ? or atleast their family’s younger generation men like their sons and nephews?

    Like

    • No, antiquated notions of sexuality are depressingly common among men and women alike.

      The belief that sex is something that (only) men desire, and that women “provide”. The belief that men always want sex. The belief that women never want sex. The belief that somehow, men are victims of their instincts and unable to “control themselves” if the see an attractive woman. The belief that sex is “dirty” and shameful and that only a virgin is “pure”. The belief that a woman who’s had sex, is less desirable as a wife, or otherwise of lesser worth. The idea that a woman is responsible (atleast partially) for what a man subsequently does if she’s drunk alcohol, wore skimpy clothing, kissed him passionately or all of the above. The idea that a woman is in a sense the property of a father (and later husband), and that thus a married woman does not need to consent.

      All of these ideas, and many more, are sadly common among women and men alike.

      Like

  7. Is there a blog widget that spreads awareness on this issue.. like one that states rape is any sexual assault that happens without the victim’s consent or something like that..? Please share info if there is one.

    Like

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  9. I also did not realize that in India, marital rape is not seen as rape. People need to realize that rape is not an act of sex, it is an act of violence. You so eloquently point that out.

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