Sharing an email.
‘Boyfriend to Husband – Interesting transformation.’
Hello Dear Indian homemaker,
I had written to you earlier about my fears as I am getting married in 2 weeks. Hope you remember. I just got engaged yesterday and will be getting married in next 10 days.
So now getting to my point. There are always talk on how a girlfriend changes when she becomes a wife. Now changes are required. And some changes are actually not. But being a girl, that too, engaged yesterday, I would like to share the new fresh changes I noticed in my boyfriend. And some changes I’ve started to already expect for future.
I met my in-Laws the first time yesterday. Our parents met when we told them about our relation. There was not much disagreement on our marriage from both families and the discussions atleast were smooth. It’s an inter-caste marriage.
As it was my engagement, me being the bride had to look my best that day. Also, every girl has this aspiration to do all the makeover on herself on her special day. I had booked a parlour to do my make-up and saree fitting that day. Like many girls do. Not very unusual I think. I even shared this with my bf and he pingd me something like “u getting all pretty for me. thats nice.” I had asked them to do the most minimal makeup on me as I myself hate much Gawdy look of brides on wedding functions.
Before the engagement started, I went to my in-laws and fiancee in the hotel rooms we had booked for their temporary stay. All was well, just a 10 min quick meeting and I left. When the customs started, my boyfriend came and sat next to me. and says “baby itna make-up? sabne notice kiya.”
I was like little bit confused and asked him was it much or something serious? He says ” nahi mazaak kar raha hu. Sister said isko bataa de hum itne makeup vaale nahi hain. she was kidding“.
May be it was a joke. May be since I was stressed that day, i took this all seriously. But then he never before gave me a feedback in such a way. Never expected this out of him because although he is frank and never hides anything from me, he has a certain way of saying things.
Also I am confused exactly whom would I have made happy by just coming without any makeup? The family? The sister or him? I never got a feedback on what exactly he thinks of his girl getting decked up for her own function.
I mean do guys loose their own thought/opinions when parents are around. If not, is it really necesary to communicate each and every little feedback he gets from his family about me? I am never going to be perfect for them. Right?
I’ll try my best to change everything I am comfortable in changing. But change my preparation plans/ excitement towards my own marriage too? And make me feel guilty about it? If people were really joking, then how come it was the first thing that comes out after meeting me?
My inlaws had come really late for the rituals/prayers that we had arranged. Priests/organisers there are very particular about their timings and they even scolded (not literally) my mom for not letting them start on time. finally my mom had to go upstairs and have them start the prayers/rituals. she left my uncle to recieve the inlaws when they arrive. I waited downstairs with my uncle. As soon as they arrived (20 mins late), we had to rush them upstairs so that we are present (bride and groom) for atleast remaining 20/25 minutes of the prayers.
My in laws got confused about what was happening since these things were new to them. I understand that, but we had pre informed them about the strict timings. We had already begged the *place of worship* people to delay the prayers by 1.5 hours since there was a flight delay for my in-laws. They had come the same morning. All this happens during marriages. It’s not much of a deal. But I got really stressed when my fiancee said “No body was there to guide my family. They are not very punctual types. why was half of your family upstairs.” He calmed and apologised only when I told him about how we had already changed the timings once with a lot of diffculty. It wasn’t really our decision to go upstairs. It was supposed to be that way so that the priests do not get upset.
Why are families not understanding specially during marriages?
My elder cousin brother in a light mood, told me back home, that, the guy/groom is the most tensed during marriage. Is it really that true? Was all this the outcome of this tension my fiancee had all the time?
Lastly, should I ever share this with him? Discuss my point of view with him? Or will it be like “ghade murde ukhaadna” as they say?