Is it possible to make a man see his wife as a partner, if he has been socially conditioned to see her as someone who is supposed to obey and serve him?
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Would you give this guy, and this marriage, a chance?
“The guy I am married to is like that. It’s been 2 months now that we got married. I am facing pressure to call him “yevandi” (Telugu name that women used to call their husbands) instead of his name from both his mother and mine.(He wants me to call him that too. But, I told him I will call him by his name and he SAID he was OK with it, but I have a feeling he wants me to call him yevandi too) Till now, have not caved in. He expects me to cook for him and SERVE him the food in his plate, forget him helping me cook. (me asking him to help led to a BIG, HUGE argument) and sleep with him whenever he wants to – whether at that moment I want to or not. And the killer part – If I say no, he will stop talking to me. For DAYS. And it gets funnier… after not talking to me for days…one day when he thought i was asleep, I felt him lift my blanket planning to do God knows what. I turned around in surprise (remember days of not talking to me) and he just looked embarrassed and walked out of the room. Am I just a body to him???!!!!
Once, in revenge for saying No, he pinched me on my thigh – not in a sexual way, but to hurt me. Also, once I told him I was too tired. And his response? What have you done to get tired? Really? What have I done while you sat on your ass watching TV? (!!!!)
He keeps trying to order me around (I say try because till now i haven’t “obeyed” his orders.)
When he asked me to make him coffee, i told him to make it himself. which he did. Then he went and complained to my mother that I asked him to make his own coffee. (I do make coffee for him when I am making it for myself – I just told him that I wouldn’t specifically make it for him)
And his mother – she expects me to cook in the morning breakfast and lunch. then come home from office and cook dinner again – so that her precious son doesn’t eat stale food. What about me coming home tired? What about the days when I have to work late? (Again, he will not do anything) Btw, he KNOWS cooking. He HAS cooked previously. He just wont cook now that he has a “wife”.
I know it’s just been 2 months of marriage, but I am seriously considering divorce.
This has become another big issue. I told me mom and she is threatening to kill herself. (Her favourite dialogue whenever I do something she doesn’t like). Or another of her tactics – she told me the other day “Oh your father and I, we are just like 2 dead people” – I was like “You’ve got to be kidding me! Here I am struggling with this misogynistic, chauvinistic, sadistic guy wondering whether to be with him or leave him! I really can’t deal with this drama right now. I have enough problems in my life.”
But again, 2 months is too soon for divorce isn’t it? I keep telling myself that he has been “socially conditioned” to have certain expectations from his wife. I need to give him some time to unlearn that stuff. But, on the other hand, I am miserable with him. I am not willing to struggle for years while he slowly learns to see me as a human being.
What to do? I know compromise is needed in a relationship, I know we need to make an effort to make a relationship work. But, I can’t even respect this guy! Forget love him.