Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

Thanks SR, for this link.

In thousands of ways, our culture has conditioned us to anticipate rape as a natural consequence of violating social norms. Rape myths serve to keep women out of the public sphere, and rape culture wants you to believe that the only safe place for a woman is her kitchen.

Don’t talk to strangers, wear revealing clothing,… take public transportation, travel alone, …because you will get raped… when you think about it, that’s a pretty effective way of maintaining social control over women and…

The list of don’ts goes on and on, each rule wildly impractical, blatantly inconsistent with actual statistics related to sexual assault

The myth is that rapists are strangers who attack because they are provoked and lose all control.

The fact is that in 70% of cases, the rapist is someone known to the victim, including young children and old people. Most attacks are planned. [Link]

Why do we have entire dossiers on How to Not Get Raped and no guidelines for How to Not Rape People? We need a cultural revolution. [click to read the article]

I agree.

Here’s a list of Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work.
“1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident”you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

Lack of sex education could mean that a rapist may not be sure of what rape is. A lot of Indians learn about sex from rape scenes in Indian movies or from pornography, both can be misleading.

I found this site useful.

1. Do not think you have the right to rape a woman.

2. Learn what rape is. Rape is forcing someone to have sex with you when they do not want to.

3. Most rapes are committed by men who know the women they are raping. If the woman you are forcing to have sex with you happens to be your girlfriend, your neighbor, your cousin, your sister, or your wife, it is still RAPE.

4. When someone says no to you, that means you have no right to force yourself on them.

5. When someone pushes you away, or otherwise inclinates, verbally or with physical movement that they do not want to have sex with you, and you force yourself on them, that is rape. [Click to read more]

And here are some more tips for prevention of sexual assaults.

1. While traveling by bus, don’t start moving towards people  to stand close to them. Don’t pinch, grope, stare at, fall on them or push them. Don’t stand in their way, in a way that they would be forced to touch you.

2. Don’t spend your free time standing on street corners staring at people going about their daily lives. Don’t whistle at them. Street sexual harassment is responsible for thousands of Indians not being allowed to study, travel, work or just hang out with friends.

3. Don’t start singing when you see them, don’t push your friends towards them, don’t try to get their attention by laughing, staring, mock-wrestling, falling etc.

3. Don’t assume they want you to approach them because they are smiling at each other.

4. If  people are out after dark, it is not because they want you to rape them. (Fact: Nobody wants to be raped).

5. They wear skinny jeans/tight skirts because they like to, not because they want your attention and not because they are asking to be raped.

6. Fact: When people say ‘No’, they do not mean ‘yes’.

7. Don’t throw acid on them if they turned down your frandship request. Don’t spread stories about how you rejected their offer of frandship.

8. If they ask you the time, help or directions, give them if you can, and then move away. Asking for help does not mean they want you to assault them.

9. If people are not frowning it does not mean they want you to approach them.

10. If they are drunk you still have no right to rape or molest them.

11. You cannot rape them even if they are sleeping with somebody else. Or even if they are sleeping (or have slept) with more than one person.

12. Their morals are not your concern.

Feel free to add more.

I also believe in such reminders. The society needs to hear in no uncertain terms that the criminal, not the victim is responsible for this crime (just like any other crime).

Updated to add:

As recommended by Allytude

FaceBook group created

Please join and add your tips and links to any blog posts that deal with sexual harassment or sexual crimes against women, the right way.

By dealing with the offender.

Let’s say no to Victim Blaming.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

69 thoughts on “Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

  1. Loved it IHM!

    Me – I loved it too. It makes so much sense, I just wish it was a part of education … educated men and women seem to believe that victims ask for it and the poor criminals are helpless offenders.

    Like

  2. lol :D Interesting POV ….giving the to be criminals such “prevention” tips!!

    Me – The first one is angry but the second is serious Reema. You will be amazed to hear the arguments half of India gives, one policeman (wasn’t it?) said (and I had blogged about it) the victim was making such unnecessary fuss. He said if he was a (such a fussy) woman he would have called the police everyday of his life.

    Like

  3. Great points. Someone needs to bring about this change in the minds of the people!

    Me – Seriously. I am not being sarcastic, the focus should move from how victim should prevent to how the offender should not offend. I heard on a TV show some educated office colleagues arguing that they couldn’t be held responsible for their behaviour because fo the way their colleagues dressed. They need to know they can and are responsible for their own actions.

    Like

  4. LOL

    Hopefully this will help out many molestation addicts who want to stay, um, clean.

    Me – Seriously Sue, it would. I heard on a TV show some educated office going men complaining about the way the female colleagues ‘dressed and then they complain if they are harassed’… with a huge majority that thinks like this, wish they were given this basic gyaan.

    Like

  5. this is fantastic. send it to the newspapers and magazines as well. brilliant. should also circulate this to colleges and universities.

    Me – Such ‘information’ should be a part of Sex Education everywhere.

    Like

  6. Loved it, IHM. I hope every darn rapist reads this :)
    Totally brilliant, I say!

    Me – I loved it too – I hope we see this as a part of education – because the offenders get a lot of the other side of the argument. (that some women are too adventurous for their own good).

    Like

  7. omg!! we so seriously need a manual like this!!!

    Me – We really do!! And not just as a joke Ashwathy, a lot of offfenders might need to hear it because they are so used to hearing how some women ‘ask for it’…

    Like

  8. Simple, obvious and yet effective! :-)

    Me – Haresh don’t you think such information should be a part of school curriculum? And didn’t the bus point remind you of the post you wrote?

    Like

  9. I think these are the guidelines that need to be put out. Not stuff about how women should be careful. Great job IHM. Maybe you should make a facebook group on how to prevent rape adn post these up.

    Like

  10. This is the need of the hour!! Educating boys and men about women!! Fantabulous post. This should be translated in all Indian languages, printed into pamphlets and distributed on every road!

    Like

  11. It is high time such lessons are imparted. This occurred to me while I was still a school going kid, when I encountered all those restrictions imposed on a girl and the explanation given for them:
    Instead of teaching preventive measures to girls over and over again, how about the parents and society spending one fourth of that time to teach boys how to behave and curtailing their ‘wild’ behavior?? If they did, this world would be a better place for all.

    I still repeat the above to whoever cares to listen.

    Who is the danger here?? So why are the victims being locked up and covered up?? How about tying up the hands of the boys because they are the ones tempted to grope girls?? Shouldn’t society make a rule whereby boys can go out of their homes only with hands tied behind their backs. Isn’t that what we should do?? Why cover girls in ghunghats?? They are not harming anyone. If men are tempted by their existence, is it not they who should be given self-help lessons

    Lots of hungry people in this world. Do we hide food from them?? Food is displayed openly in all its drool-worthy splendor and if a hungry man so much as touches it, he is punished. No one gives excuses like ‘he was hungry’ so he was tempted. Can their be anything more basic then hunger??

    And yet we expect people to control it, even little children. But grown men cannot control themselves when it comes to women, however they may be dressed??!! I find that ridiculous. If they cannot it is their business to go learn how to, not ask women to cover up. >

    An excellent post as usual IHM.

    Like

    • I agree 100 % ..next time some one will talk about dressing and asking for it bull shit …I am going to give this food example …:)

      I love my mom for never letting my bro stand there in streets to whistle and look at girls while asking me to stay home ..we were both told to come back home by dark unless its important to go out . no diffrent rules , no diffrent lectures on morality. And moreover I was never affraid of scraching the guys with my big sharp nails if they ever try to touch me in pblic transport .
      I am going to send this to all by emails ..high time we stop circulating Jokes about rape ( it cant be funny at any condition) and circulate these …most of the time men dont realise that women have a right to say no.. they think women enjoy being touched .. yes they do but by a man they choose ..not any ramdom asshole in the street.

      IHM ..your articles make me all angry at this system …i’ll send you an email ..sometimes even I cant fight wth it ..and I feel helpless then :)

      Like

      • Your comments encourage and motivate Preetidutta. Thanks. I also feel very angry with this system – I can’t understand why don’t people make an effort to make lives better for so many people… how is it possible that they don’t see the blatant bias?! I would love to hear from you – my email address is indianhomemaker@gmail.com

        Like

      • @preetidutta,

        Men think women enjoy there touch because they are made to believe that. Look at all those songs in hindi movies. Men think women just say NO for the sake of saying no because bollywood is working over time to prove that.

        @IHM,

        People don’t challenge blatant bias because it takes lots of effort to come out of one’s comfort zone. It is so easy to blame the victim than challenging the aggressor. Look how we raise our girls. Most parents and greater number of neighbors keep a watchful eye on the girls but not on the boys. Even when girls live in the hostel wardens and other staff be it watchman, cook or bell boy they make sure they act in-loco parentis.

        People (men) can’t even make their lives comfortable forget they’ll do anything for others (women)they consider less than human. Globalization and desperate standards of masculinity are emasculating greater number of men in the third world. As they cannot challenge Multi National Corporations that are driving them out of jobs and making it hard for them to act as providers of the family they feel emasculated. In order to feel manly and in control they have to control women and especially those woman who do not meet their definition of womanhood. Economies in transition are observing increase in crime against women in the public sphere.

        Thinking is: John Abraham has beautiful girl friend so why can’t I have one…

        Uski GF meri GF se badia kaise?
        Uski shakal akal teri shakal akal se beheter jaise :)

        The problem lies with the whole concept of masculinity. What are the alternatives to be a man?? Can manhood and masculinity exist without aggression, oppression and omissions??

        Peace,

        Desi Girl

        Like

  12. Made me react viscerally. My palms have really gone cold just reading this. It really makes you numb to be at the receiving end of objectification. Great post, and I wish more people would pay heed to it.

    Like

  13. I wish I wish I wish… that this could be part of the curriculum. But just the thought of sex education, and within its framework, the idea of educating all those wannabe “villians”, rapists before they actually start, is still such a threat to a lot of persons in the education system itself. Most often it is the teachers themselves. :(

    Very very pertinent post. Shall just pass the link to a few teachers I know. I dont forsee any way I can take it to my class, given the sheer no. who will oppose, but what the heck :D Let’s see if a few tips can be handed in somewhere between classes :) !

    Thanks IHM!

    Like

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  15. Great post IHM!
    Thank you for the link to Youth ki Awaaz. Agree with Usha that it should be passed on to teachers in schools.Parents should talk to young boys about it and steps should be taken to make it part of sex education in schools.
    Any RJ around???Please talk about these tips on FM,spread the word …..far and wide….

    Me – Can you imagine a lot of people think women are supposed to always say no to sex, that’s ‘normal, womanly modesty and that’s decent’ – so how do they know when a no means no? They don’t?

    Like

  16. Great post IHM! You are so right…we are always told how to protect ourselves but no one ever tells men how not to assault/rape a woman! Good on you!

    Me – When I read that link I loved it too!!! Do add any other tips you can think of to these.

    Like

  17. Loved it. The ‘what were you wearing to provoke’ thought always got me. Like I have to hide so that you can’t molest! If you can’t control yourself, that is your problem, Buddy! Great post, IHM.

    Like

  18. Wao, a long post from IHM. Much needed indeed.

    When I was in Des I was really tired of beating the sexual assaulters (eve teasing is a milder term and it lessens the impact of the deed) and other ogglers in the buses, trains on the side walks, in the bazar, in the school-college, hospital and where not…

    I was tired of fighting everyday for rest of my life… So I moved here. From last two nights I have been going out for walk at 10:30pm all by my self on a secluded river front. Nobody bothers me and I know I am safe from men (not snakes). And they ask me if I miss Des…

    In six years I did not have to beat or yell at even one assaulter. But this does not mean everything is fine here there are sexual assaulters every where but here there is also effective law and fewer law enforcement officers sexually assaulting the women who report assault.

    Long time back I was doing a workshop with teen girls about teen relationships abuse and sexuality. A young girl told me, half the problem is boys are you going to talk them too. :) then we initiated similar workshop for boys.

    S and I did a project on producing similar content for India in Hindi. If anyone interested contact me and we can work on it together to disburse it.

    Peace,

    Desi Girl

    Like

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  20. WOW !!! WOW !!! What a list !!!

    Really, its the lack of sex education in this country that is the basis of so many problems…if children are made to feel comfortable with the opposite sex from a very very young age, so many problems can be avoided. Even if the text book has a chapter of sex education, its only for name sake. No teacher takes that lesson in the class. Its omitted for studying. Some children are advised to pin up the pages of the lesson, so that they dont learn anything that is not suited for their age.

    Dont know if it’ll be relevant to talk abt this here….this is totally against what I’ve written above…there are such extreme conditions in our society. Its making it all the more difficult.

    Read this article :

    http://www.tehelka.com/story_main44.asp?filename=Ne240410coverstory.asp

    Like

  21. Great list IHM. Each point is so valid that it’ll be tough to summarize this. Wish we could have some sort of 10 (or maybe 50) commandments in force: Thou shall not…

    Will be sending you a FB request. Please add me to the group

    Like

  22. I was laughing at the first part–use the BUDDY SYSTEM! Such a good take on those cheesy pamphlets!

    But the rest was sobering. Here in the US we are educated about sexual harassment in our schools (if we’re lucky) and our workplaces (because everyone is afraid of being sued), and on TV (when it’s dramatic enough). I was taken aback to see that there are people who genuinely don’t understand what rape is. But it shouldn’t surprise me. If all I had on the subject were old romance novels where the hero rapes the heroine until she enjoys it, I would have a skewed view on the matter, too.

    Joined, and will be promoting.

    Like

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  25. As a black, foreign female in India. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you, I thank you!

    Being fully dressed, wearing NO makeup, even being considered ugly have not helped – Hoping this is the start of what will!

    Like

    • True HC – Nothing helps :( Knowing they might get caught and punished is the only thing that works. And maybe the realisation that it is a serious offense, most offenders pretend it’s just light hearted ‘eve-teasing’.

      Like

  26. IHM You have done a good job, infact lack of creating such sensibilities in the children by Parents and society drives them to do such mistakes. This can be reduced to certain extant by creating awareness. Your blog needs much more bigger platform as it must reach to a wider audience.
    Last: You know why some men dare to do this because the threat factor is minimal in a society where the victim will remain tainted if she exposes the perpetrator, the solution for this is for Parents to give clear and strong willed assurance to their daughters that they will have support and they must report even minor advances by some one out there (it starts with that and must be contained there and then only).

    Like

  27. OMG IHM!! What a fantastic post. I am in 100% agreement. To hell with not wearing shorts and sleeveless tops! How about leaving those legs alone for a change!!!

    I work in the field of women’s rights and as a part of my job I do a lot of trainings on gender sensitization etc. I am very tempted to use this list as a part of at least one training.

    I hope parents read this, boys read this and men read this. Can’t begin to tell you how much I loved this post of yours!

    Me – Paroma I loved it too :) I wish I could translate and give to whoever so desperately needs to read it.

    Like

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  38. It was very refreshing to read that you chose not to dole out tips on how ‘not to get raped’ that most people so easily spout these days. Its so easy and convenient for the men and even MANY women to say, believe and preach that women are supposed to be ‘decent’. Who decides these so-called levels of modesty? Even a salwar-kameez was labeled as provocative. What can be more traditional and modest than that?!

    I am 21 years old and I am ashamed to say that even my own mother never fails to say something like this : “First they wear little, revealing clothes, then when they are teased or molested, they complain and cry about it.” I feel like screaming out at her. Its just so disappointing to hear such views from a woman that I’m supposed to trust at all times. How would a daughter be assured that her mother will be there for her if she undergoes something traumatic or disturbing? AND that’s precisely my dilemma : I was molested by two cousins on a regular basis at the tender age of 9-10 years. Its went on for some time(years) after that and I could never summon up the courage to say it to anyone. When I finally told my best friend about it (at around 18 yrs old)- one who claims to be very modern, open-minded and is very sexually active herself – she said that i should be thankful that at least i wasn’t raped. Does that make it any less traumatic? If so called ‘modern’ women think like that, I don’t really know how the situation can be improved.

    I’m sorry for taking up so much space and offloading like that but I couldn’t help myself after reading your post.

    Thank you and good luck.

    Like

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