Five compliments you get most often…

Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?

Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?

Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?

How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?

Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?

Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?

What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?

What do you get complimented the most about?

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45 thoughts on “Five compliments you get most often…

  1. Compliments is an art form. Giving and recieving them.
    It’s a tactful process of hide and seek, where charm and class are pegged on a gamble of territorial and emotional superiority.

    But there’s an easier way to do this as well.
    Mean it when you say it, and smile when you get it :)

  2. Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?
    – I would go by the second one.

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?
    – Yes, of course!! I know people who are too reluctant to acknowledge what they like!!

    Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?
    – rarely… perhaps in a more formal setup.
    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?
    – Oh I take ALL compliments very very seriously. I refuse to believe that they could have been just a polite gesture and not genuine. ;-)

    Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?
    – Sometimes people camouflage expectations as praises. And without realizing it, give the secret away. That is soooo very irritating!

    Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?
    – hmmmm perhaps yes in certain cases.. I try to be as neutral as possible
    What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?

    What do you get complimented the most about?
    – looks, dressing sense ;-)

  3. I get complimented most about my looks and skin – which puts me off because its just good genetics. When people compliment me about my sense of humor or wit, I love it. When someone tells me I’ve lost weight it puts me on guard … because I dont believe it at all. Hmm may be the person wants me to say “No, it is you that has lost weight, I havent”. Offensive compliments are those false chamcha type ones which loser type co-workers dish out

  4. Wow! Lots of questions. I for one have never been good at receiving compliments…honestly…if I were light-skinned, I would probably visibly go red. I sort of stutter thanks and look down. I am not too good at giving them either unless I really and truly mean it. So for instance, I don’t know if you’ve come across people that tell you how they love your outfit or your hair or how nice you look…I can’t do that most of the time. I tried once and dug my grave when I told someone “You are looking nice today” and they took it as “So I don’t look nice on other days?”

    I tend to get most compliments about my handwriting :P And then the other one I get sometimes is for my intelligence and ability to think deeply & critically about things which I do like but still find it harder to take. I must admit, back in India, the thinking too much was an admonishment by some people (you know…all those zillion well-wishers),

    It was apparently one thing to get good marks (which I didn’t) but to think about things and question them was a bad thing. I guess that’s an example of how girls were not given compliments for thinking deeply and questioning things. My own mum would get frustrated with my questioning of traditions…

  5. Very thought provoking q’s, IHM!

    I think that compliments reflect the giver’s attitudes and hang-ups. But when it’s a compliment that offends, I truly wonder how to gently tell the other person we don’t believe in such stereotypes etc.

    I get damn offended when people praise my skin colour, because I know the thinking behind it…”You’re so lucky to be fair”. I’ve told a few people that I don’t believe darker people are less beautiful than fair ones and gotten looks of disbelief and amusement in return.

    Also being told I’m noble for adopting…gets my goat.

    I don’t compliment men on looks or appearance….somehow guys either get embarrassed or think it’s a come-on :roll: They take compliments about their achievements, career, qualifications much more seriously!

    I always compliment women when I think they’re looking good…and am disturbed by how few women can accept the compliment, they immediately start saying they’re too fat/dark/short etc. I also compliment men and women on good parenting

    …because I think we all get enough flak about the way we bring up our kids! I also make sure my kids’ friends moms always know when their kids have been well-behaved, helpful, funny or creative…again because I think focusing on the positive is important for parents n kids.

    I compliment kids on their clothes or hair, both boys n girls. Also sometimes when they show knowledge about something in Nature, buildings etc.

    I always love compliments about my writing…it makes me feel like I’m flying ;)

  6. Compliments are over-rated if it doesn’t come from the right person for the right thing. True compliments are few and far between. It’s mostly how people percieve us, and some times what we truly are or come across as. The best compliments are from those who matter, those who know the real you. Of course, I personally use it as a socializing tool, by trying to be diplomatic and not hypocritical, bycommentating on the good things only and staying staunchly away from the not-so-good. :P :)

  7. i don’t take compliments well. i always look for hidden agenda ;)
    but the best compliments are those that come from people who are not your friends, and those who have nothing to gain from it.

    what i really enjoy is the subtle, wordless appreciation.
    and what do i get complimented most on? hmmm… my multi-tasking ability, and my focus at work.

  8. “Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?”

    Compliments, of course, convey what the person likes about us, at least part of us he/she gets to know. Like teachers will compliment us about our studies/intelligence etc and rarely about what we are wearing. Acquaintance usually compliment on what we are wearing or how we are looking. Friends, cover the looks as well as a trait in our personality that they like (and it usually gets expressed in a birthday card). But again they can only compliment the part of our personality they get exposed to, depending on what kind of friend they are.

    So I think, the compliments may say more about our relationship with the person more than the person themselves.

    “Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?

    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?”

    Now you embarked on the issue of honesty of a compliment. I think that entirely depends on the person giving the compliment as well as the situation in which compliments are given. When the courtesy and manners demand a compliment, then these compliments usually are dishonest and fall in the category of “what the other person thinks we would like to hear”. For example, the guests will always compliment the host/hostess for the food, its common courtesy, and in that situation we often compliment what we think the other person would like to hear.

    But not all compliments are that way. The impromptu compliments also exists and often are very honest: simply telling us what the other person liked and said. Yet again, compliments also signify your relation with the complimenter.

    You now know what kind of compliments would take seriously. Obviously the one given as a formality is always discarded. The impromptu ones are the one I go for..

    “Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?”

    Depends on the personality and relation with complimenter. Jealousy often ruins a compliment. sarcasm is another culprit.

    “Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?”

    I have been told off a lot of times for not giving gender-appropriate compliments and yet, I am clueless about what did I say wrong. If my friend is looking good, I would say so, never mind their gender. Guess being in male dominant field have made me slightly insensitive to gender bias..

    “What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?”

    My maths tutor (retired head of department from IIT Kanpur): “You are simply teacher’s delight. Pleasure to teach. Its so easy to teach you, just drop some hints and you will catch the topic. Koi mehnat hi nahi karni padti.” Said on my face. :D

    “What do you get complimented the most about?”

    That how I look so young for my age. My hair: how they shine. My photography. My achievements: for some reason doing a phd from Stanford is counted as one. Being athletic: at least thats where I catalog the ones about how not-fat I am..

  9. I love compliments only when it comes straight from the heart and not from the mouth or fingers :D :D :D and I get suffocated when someone keeps complimenting at whatever I do ;)

    I am not known to pass compliments to people and thats because for some reason, I really donno how to compliment someone on their face :D :D :D Its very evident here in the blogosphere itself; my comments on good works will be more with sarcasms/idiotism than compliments. I may have good regard for what that person has done; but it rarely comes out of me. and if it did, then thats because either I had nothing else to write or its because I was so impressed that I have no words !

    • You don’t like compliments from the fingers? :???: Ohh you mean to say you don’t like the comments we put on your blog? :mad: :evil:

      “…my comments on good works will be more with sarcasms/idiotism than compliments…..” Jeejaas IHM, in that case this is the best compliment I have ever got coz the devil puts only these at my place :razz: *in heaven mode smiley*

  10. I love getting compliments and usually it is for my culinary skills,that’s the only thing i do without any mess.

    I hate compliments when they are given for the heck of giving it.We have a family friend who always says to everyone that they have reduced and they are looking slim,initially i used to think it is a good compliment but then realised that he gives that compliments to everyone even the person is on the fatter side.

  11. Compliments seem to show how people see us,and also what seems to catch their attention!

    I’m not very sure when people give compliments about whether it’s just small talk or an ice breaker,and usually take them with a pinch of salt!

    The one that used to offend me a lot was when people would keep saying I was too innocent,overly patient with nonsense that is done to me, and could not find back…which just made me feel ashamed of myself, and useless, although they seemed to think it was complimentary! The more heard this…the more I knocked myself on the head to change!

    the best compliment that I’ve so far and touched me was from my cousin’s husband, who syaed with us after a particularly difficult time in his life, and he had said that my husband and I had cared for him like we were his mother and father,although he is elder than me! this was very touching!

    The compliment I hear most often are ahem…that I am preeetteee, and don’t looK like I have such big kids…I used to find it hard to accept earlier with my horrible level of self esteem, now I just try my bets to look them in the eye and smile, without any of the embarrassment showing! I wish they’d say I am a strong woman instead! :)

  12. Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?

    I think compliments tell us what they like in what they see us to be.

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?

    A compliment given at the right time, and in the right manner shows great tact.

    Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?

    At times, compliments are said to just make us feel better, these I believe are uplifters and not compliments. ( I hate these kind,/i>)

    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?

    I take compliments seriously, but after careful consideration as to who its coming from.

    Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?

    A false compliment, or an uplifter offends me.

    Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?

    I can not comment generally, but I do not… if I think someone is dressed well, or speaks well, it shall be duly informed irrespective of gender.

    What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?

    Some one told me that I am so approachable, and people would not think twice before coming to be to lighten their heart, she also told me I was very trustworthy.

    What do you get complimented the most about?

    Dressing sense and my hair.,/b>

  13. Very thought-provoking. I’ve always been very ungraceful about receiving compliments, simply because I’ve just always been compared to my sis, and ‘let down’ in front of everyone. So I don’t actually believe it when someone compliments me. I do like compliments from my closest friends and my sis though – as I trust only them :-)

    The compliment I like most is when a blogger/reader says he/she likes what I’ve written and it has made a change to his/her day/life/whatever. And the compliment I DISLIKE is when a non-reader says I’m a good blogger. How does he/she know if he/she never reads?!!

  14. Quite an interesting set of questions there :)
    Frankly, I won’t deny that I love being complimented. But I know my limits and I can easily smell when someone compliments me for the sake of flattery. :) Infact I get irritated with useless compliments.
    I can also give genuine compliments to people. Its criticism which I can’t do on face. I am a bad receiver of criticism too :( it stays on my mind and takes time to leave me alone.
    The compliments I get most are for my humor and how I keep laughing and making others laugh. The most recent compliment which I cherish was from my Veenai teacher who praised my ability to remember and grasp a song even at this age ;)

  15. I think it is combination of all first three things you listed. I am not really comfortable accepting compliments. One can always differentiate between the genuine compliments and those passed on for the sake of it. It always makes me smile when I can catch that betrayal between the words passed on and the expressions in the eyes.

  16. Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?

    Both are certain ways. Depends what the person is complementing you about and how well u know the person. If its by an acquaintance then it may just mean they compliment what strikes them first about us.

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?

    Again maybe, generosity and jealousy both can be detected.

    Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?

    Again depending on how well do u know a person. Like a husband may compliment a wife about what she wants to hear. He knows her that well and wants to make her happy.

    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?

    Depends from where it is coming from, if its a person I care about I will keep in mind what I was complemented about and work on improving constantly.

    Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?

    Hmmmm I dont let lame complements get to me.

    Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?

    If i want to compliment someone I will. Maybe the approach and language would change depending on the gender and age.

    What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?

    Wow, I am a working woman. One day my husband spoke to some friends of his and said I am the best wife in the world because of the way I balance work, home and life beyond. I think that was my best compliment. He has never said that to me in so many words. He said that to his friends who told me later.

    What do you get complimented the most about?

    Eyes, dancing, cooking, personality

  17. I think compliments say a lot about the person who gives them. For example they let you know what a person looks for in you, how perceptive/ shallow they are. Some people think it is absolutely essential to say something complimentary about another person. This shows their own insecurity – may be a need to be liked or accepted.
    The best compliments I have received have been made behind my back. Somehow that sounded genuine when it was reported back. Or may be this has to do with my own inability to handle compliments when they are made to my face.

  18. What I get complimented most about is… oh well, you know what it is. I have heard it almost all my life and still do. It’s not the result of my effort and I usually end up offending those who give the complement by giving them noncommittal looks. But now I hear more about my writing skills. :P :)
    I think complements mean more of what the other person thinks about you (in most cases) rather than your own worth.

    My MIL once said, “Hmmmmmmmmmm….. she knows to make tapioca and fish curry!” Coming from her, OMG that was a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG compliment. She thought I only knew to make non-traditional dishes. So the perfectly turned out tapioca and fish curry jolted her (from her assumption that her DIL knew nothing worthwhile) enough to make that statement, though grudgingly. :lol:

    I take compliments in my stride, not letting it go to my head. Insincere ones are promptly discarded.

  19. Oh btw, the best compliment, an indirect one, came from a classmate (an IAS officer) who met my cousin and family decades after we all had left college. He asked them about me and when he heard that I was a homemaker, he was incredulous. “You mean she stays at home???!!! That’s not what we expected of her!” When this story got around my standing with my extended family, especially my husband’s side, increased manifold. ;)

  20. Compliments only convey what the other person likes about us…if he/she is sincere with praise :-) It could, as you say, also be what he/she thinks I want to hear about me.

    I always feel slightly shy/embarrassed first. I tend to take compliments seriously if someone knows me well enough – so I know if he/she is being sincere, and not just trying to flatter. It’s a kind of comfort zone – I’m uncomfortable receiving compliments from random acquaintances/strangers, because I start wondering if they want something out of me.

    I get complimented about my looks, dressing sense, for my skills & hard work. All except the first one make me feel real nice – My looks? Well, that’s debatable and no credit to me in any case :P

    Let me think about the other Qs and get back!

  21. I get complimented on my height a lot. I figure that’s because I’m not fair or particularly pretty and now that I’ve cut all my hair off, there’s nothing else left to compliment! To be fair relatives think nothing of telling me how tired/run down I look all the time. I get more of those remarks than the complimentary ones.

    The FIL called me a good mother. I’ve always treasured that compliment.

  22. Great post IHM!
    There is no such thing as a bad compliment. A compliment is an expression of admiration or praise. I try not to read a lot into them because I know who I am and it really doesnt matter if someone compliments me or not.
    I usually get complimented on my fitness and healthy and active lifestyle and I have to admit that I love to hear those things ;-) At the same time I feel its equally important to give a compliment especially to someone you care about!

  23. Hmm…IHM you sound like SRK in Kaun Banega Compliment Ke Prati :roll: So many questions with options.

    I don’t know much about compliments coz most of the time people tell me either I am mad, extremely naughty etc etc….and you know that is not what I am; isn’t it? :

    Ohh people up there, on top of my comment has given all the explanations very well :smile:

  24. Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?

    A person compliments when he/she observes something that is of value to himself.

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?
    If the compliment is sincere, then yes and what it says is this thing is of importance to her/him as well. If its insincere, then it says even more :-)

    Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?

    Yes, some people just say those things to be in someone “good books” or just being plain nice!

    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?

    I take compliments seriously from people I know wouldn’t say if they don’t think like that.

    Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?

    Yes, jealousy is often expressed as compliments but it always fails to stay disguised. such compliments offend me. Praise is offensive to me when it’s “chaplusi” , when its used as a bait.

    Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?

    Hmmmm, not really, not me!

    What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?

    Nicest thing said about me was “I talk too much :-)) but every word is applaud worthy” Said to me on my face.

    What do you get complimented the most about?

    Intelligence, parenting skills, friendship with husband, looks, cooking. All the compliments are usually intertwined together!!!

  25. Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?

    I believe compliments show us what the other person likes about us, not necessarily how we are seen in general .

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?

    I think so, shows gentleness, caring, and of course tact.

    Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?

    Absolutely!

    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?

    Not usually seriously. I’m learning how to accept them as gifts from other people, but if someone I have never met gives me a compliment, I take it seriously.

    Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?

    Empty praise offends me when I can tell the other person is insincere.

    Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?

    As a society I believe we do, but I try to be consistent with praise I give to people.

    What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?

    My personal trainer told me the other day that I had beautiful eyes. I’ve never really considered that before.

    What do you get complimented the most about?

    Probably my work ethic, being able to multi-task and get things done, being focussed on personal and work goals.

  26. I had get compliments for my diversion towards cinema and philosophy. I get compliments for my views on politics, culture, ethics and history untill it is not controversial to the person’s belief system. Due to my open war to hurt religious and caste sentiments, I am getting alienated in the social system. That you can say is my biggest compliment. I have get good compliments on the blog only. In the real life, only few are there whose understands me.

  27. Very thought provoking and me, I thought about this post for a day!
    I love receiving compliments since the genuine ones are few!
    But, I am sincere when I give compliments, but it hurts when the other person doesn’t receive the compliment well…

    The most frequent compliment I have received is – I have expressive eyes (How a person can observe my eyes beyond my thick glasses still remains a mystery to me!!) and about my cooking, my work….
    But, any other compliment received is always treasured with great pleasure :)

  28. I dont know how to accept compliments! I get rather uncomfortable and babble out excuses for whatever I`m being complimented on. If someone says I sang a song well, I immediately start telling him/her about where all I went wrong! And so it goes.. :) However, when I know I`ve done something I`m really proud of and if no one compliments or appreciates the effort, I actually get pretty mad! :)
    I am however pretty generous about complimenting others – but only when I mean it. I remember my mom actually getting annoyed because I simply kept shut when all others were complimenting a cousin on her wedding day! I just didnt like her dress or the way she looked! I wont say anything nasty but I will keep shut! :)
    You`ve asked some pretty interesting questions. I`ll take it up as a tag someday :)

    Me – Please do that Piper! I would love to read it!! :)

  29. Compliments have a lot of power in them. Whether it is telling someone that you like what they are wearing or that you think they’re an inspiration. I think compliments work wonders when they are paid with sincerity.

  30. Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?
    –Compliments are regardsed with the utmost mix of emotions ;) Most people are wary; some love it. I don’t think it shows how we are seen. Nor that they convey what they one likes about us.

    Do compliments say something about the person who is giving them?
    –Depends on how/what it is. Very few compliments are sincere. Most of them come fishing for compliments in response ;)

    Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?
    –Not really.

    How seriously do you take a compliment – and what kind of compliments do you take most seriously?
    –I take them all at face value (unless they come from people whom I know are sincere.) If they are about my wit/humour sense/eyes, i take them dead seriously ;) ;)

    Do some compliments offend you? Why? When does praise become an offense?
    They are offensive when there’s a very definitive motive behind them. Like, if I’m planning to leave work a bit early, a boss who walks by and says, “priya’s commitment to work is uncomparable…blahblah” and ten asks you if you can stay back for a while to complete something ‘urgently’.

    Do we give different kind of compliments to men and to women? And to little boys and girls?
    –Ummmm. Personally, I don’t. I compliment everyone the same way.

    What was the nicest thing somebody ever said about you? Was it said to you on your face or to somebody else?
    I’m not very sure. Not being vain, but I’ve got quite a few gooood compliments on totaly unrelated stuff. My eyes, my values, my love for my family… :D

    What do you get complimented the most about?
    My eyes.

  31. I would like to be frank here – most of the compliments are false. Lies. I would rather befriend someone who says ‘Your shoes are not polished’ than someone who says ‘You are the most ideal person I have met’ !! :P

    Destination Infinity

  32. Goodness IHM wht a lot of question on the same subject :-D

    All my life I have struggled with compliments…i just dont believe when people compliment me. Like Piper even I immediately look for excuses to cover my embarrasment. Its only recently & tht too on my blog tht I learnt to accept compliments graciously :-D

    yes compliments do tell something abt the other….most people are quick to find faults but compliment very miserly and even if they do its usually back-handed…very few compliment generously.

    Thought-provoking really IHM!!!! Ummm….how come u just asked the questions, didnt answer any :-P

    p.s: And oh how does praise become offense???? I mean if its offensive its not praise in the 1st place is it?????

  33. “Do compliments show how we are seen? Or do they just convey what the other person likes about us?”- I think its inter-related. I feel people base their opinions on us on how we conduct ourselves or present ourselves and if they like what say or do we take that as a compliment.

    I have confused you, havent I..I’m confused myself :roll: !

    “Do you think compliments could also mean that is what the other person thinks we would like to hear about ourselves?” Oh yes such lot can also be found..the kind who want to be in your good books forever :)

    What do I get complimented the most about? Well its mostly on my singing. Honestly I really like it when people identify me with my singing :)

  34. I have the same grouse as Ritu – I get most compliments for my looks or skin, both of which are not of my making! So it’s boring. But yeah, I love it when people compliment me for my work, my hard work and my efficiency. Or my writing and creativity. That, I totally dig!

  35. The topic of the post is 5 compliments you get most often. So here I go-

    1. Nice article/post Sourav you wrote the other day.
    2. How do you pass exams without studying at all?
    3. Help me with my project!
    4. Your code (computer program) works! Mine doesn’t :(
    5. Girl- Can we study together? Me- :D :D

  36. hmmmm… it depeneds…. when a sales person tells me they love my hair/clothes/purse/rings/whatever i always assume they’re lying :-D

  37. When I get compliments I shred them apart and analyse each syllable for a hidden meaning, but when I dont…… I wonder if I have suddenly acquired supernatural powers of invisibility…

    Gotto vent this out here… I met this ex flame after 5 years, and I took all the trouble to get all “beautified” for the meeting …the $%^$%$% didnt even have the courtsey to say ANYTHING about how I looked, but has the cheek to ask me how HE looks, and went on to tell me how much his designer shirt cost!!!!
    I expected something…you look the same…you look different…you look good..bad..ugly..something. But no. Thank heavens I broke up with him…

    Me -He sounds narcissistic and self obsessed, I agree with you, thank heavens you broke up with him! A guy who discusses his designer shirts when he has met you after ages is not very impressive.

    • Reema you are smart :lol: My daughter’s class teacher told me once, how she had warned her not to tell her she was looking beautiful when she had not finished copying from the black board ;) (Class III)

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