A Message From Indian Gal
Hi IHM,
I saw all your great advices in your Blog. I also send my comments but i am new to blogs don’t know whether i did correctly.. So Can you please pass this Message to all of them who replied to my story..
Hi All,
Thanks a lot for all the advice and Suggestions, rightnow i am busy with paper work for my divorce and have to move from my house. looking for a new place to stay and will start a new life. I am not able to negotiate on property distribution since he shouts at me and controls and i just give up.. indirectly i am loosing my house. i still have feelings on him so not able to take any drastic step to fight for property. all i am getting is one and half yr alimony and may help for some studies if i wanna get some education realted to computers. Right now i can’t get back to aviation since i am not confident and from last 2yrs i have been getting pain in my right hand and due to heavy work i had multiple Tendonities. So for now i am on a break and got layed off from my last computer job. so thinking to build some more skills on IT and get back to my new life. I just can’t deal with him or negotiate enough so i am coming out clean with min things and lets see what happens.
Its hard when you love someone, you cannot be smart and tough at the same time with him.
Thanks
Indian gal
this is good news..
she still loves him..? anyway good she’s out of there..
wish you all the best in life.. Indian Gal..
What do you say to that
Good luck Indian gal!!!!
you moved ahead now..
It happens only because she is still attached to him. Love is not blind. Attachment to a person is what blinds a person and makes them soft. I hope she becomes strong.
I liked the last line she wrote, spoken from the heart. Sometimes one just need to step up.
Hope God bless & guide her in overcoming the obstacles.
Glad you’re taking the first step. Salute your courage! Ideally, if you can’t negotiate or need help in fighting your battle on financial/property grounds, take help of some legal advisor. If that’s not feasible because we all know that these sevices come expensive, take the help of some friend or someone you can trust who has some background of finance etc. That may help you.
Way to go, you braveheart!
All the best to you Indian Gal. I’m sorry I did not write to you the last time, I was too shaken to react.
But I am so glad that you are moving on. You have seen the marriage for what it was and taken the necessary steps…not many people are as brave.
I salute your courage and wish you all the best in life. Shine on!
marriage is such an intimate issue, that i am glad Indian gal has finally opened up, that too, through such an open forum as yours.. i feel that just speaking up and seeing the prompt reaction of so many others who are genuinely concerned will give her the support and courage to take the right course of action.
Why does she not get a lawyer to negotiate for her. She is entitled to a lot more. Why is she losing out? She does not have to negotiate with him. And its he who has to look for a new house, not her. This is nonsense. Why is she being so weak? Come on woman, get up, get some self esteem.
Wish you all the good luck Indian Girl..
Wish you all the luck. It must be hard. May God give you the strength.
As Goofy Muuma says, Indian Girl, I am sure that a lawyer would be able to negotiate better terms.. You are indeed losing out..
Anyways, it is a good step, in the right direction.. All the best to you – in whatever you choose to do next.. Hope your share of troubles are truly over…
A women continues to be in her abused marriage is because of lack of education,not financially independent, for children sake and lack of support from the parents.And indian girl you are advantage of all these,you are educated,well placed in a job and don’t have children.The decision you have to taken is worth praising and a example of how women can take a decision for herself and live independently.
“Its hard when you love someone, you cannot be smart and tough at the same time with him”– you still love him and he doesn’t deserve your love.
Best of luck for the bright future ahead
Good news!
It will not be easy, but now that you have set on the path less traveled, it will make all the difference.
Indian Girl!
So so so proud of you to take this step! u go girl!!!
no matter what comes ur way, u know when u have taken the courage to go forward and make ur life better….no one can stop you!
when u help urself with determination, it’s bound to bring u success!
i still have u on my prayers Indian Girl! may god bless you with strength in facing all that comes your way!
someday Indian Girl, u will be an inspiration to many more girls!
hugs & best of luck!
True but then that becomes the weakness and you are reduced to nothing in your own life.
Nothing is worth that.
But IF ( a big if) you think there is at least a ray of hope in this relationship then you can try couples counseling and that is possible only if your husband listens. Incase he agrees to even then don’t bring a baby into it unless you are too sure.
Whatever you decide, goodluck to you. Standing up for herself is what any woman should do in an abusive (physical or verbal) relationship.
i don’t know where you are located indian gal, if you are in bombay and need ‘professional help’ during this time i could send in some info..
i cannot but help writing ..
In the process of loving others, start loving yourself first indian gal. You are a courageous soul and a warm person who wants to do right and are doing so. Standing up for yourself and Talking to yourself that you CAN — your courage will inspire many other million souls who are travelling on the same road. We are with you Indian gal.
Wish you all the best Indian Gal…
It indeed is a tough moment for her to move on while she struggles with the emotion that she has for him.
But From what I have read, i believe she will not get a good deal – financially.
Hope she gets over it emotionally. Good luck dear gal.
hi Indian gal..
i did not react the last time i was nit able to understand how you can be in love with a person who does not respect you and because i see this is the reason why so many girls are emotionally tortured…….you can change your life only when you take charge of your life with a positive attitude…………now that you have done it i am so happy for you , thanks to all of those people who encouraged you..
believe me , from now on you are the one who will decide the course of your life n it’s going to be very good….my best wishes are with you.
Indian Gal,
Great to hear that you’re moving on!
Life is worth living – and glad you realise that.
You’ve mentioned that you’re settling for just 1.5 yrs of alimony, and signing off all rights to your property.
There are 2 sides of the coin here:
1. It makes for an easier, cleaner divorce to just walk out with minimum and on the guy’s terms.
2. Get a negotiator / lawyer to work out better alimony terms and/or some part of the property rights.
You’ve mentioned that you’re currently unemployed. And you dont have support from your family. Do you have sufficient finances to see you through the next few years? Or the worsecase scenario where you dont get a job for a while -esp in this economy ? Will you be well provisioned for 3 or 4 years down the line?
I’m sure you’re in emotional turmoil and just want to get out of there as fast as possible. But do spend some time thinking about these questions.
If you walk away in financial mess as well, you’ll always kick yourself for it. You’ll feel short changed and v bitter about it. And you’ll continue to feel like a victim. That the guy cheated you out of the 9 most important years of your life, an aviation career you loved, ‘your’ house …
Pulling together some more strenght and courage and fighting it out, may help you sleep better a few years down the line.
I think its important for your self esteem, as well as for your new life ahead, for you NOT to feel short changed. For you NOT to feel like a victim. For you to fight for alimony & property rights.
I’m not sure about american laws, but I’m sure you’re entitled to a better deal as per the law, and that the Guy is only taking you for a ride. He knows you’re scared and alone, and is taking advantage of that. Like he’s been taking advantage of you all along.
If you get a good lawyer, you should be able to negotiate a better deal. And trust me, whatever you pay the lawyer will be worth it.
- You mentioned you’ve been giving money to him and his family. Would suggest you check up your bank statements and ask him to pay it back.
- You’ve mentioned you’re currently unemployed; and also unable to return to an aviation career. That should also work in your favour to get better alimony.
- You can also ask for a share in the property. You can base a claim on the % you have contributed towards buying that property.
Ok, last bit of advice would be to make sure EVERYTHING, absolutely everything is on paper. From who gets control of what piece of jewelry, to the alimony and study clause etc.
Enough advise here.
Wishing you all the strenght, courage and happiness with your new life!
Nothing is lost Indian Girl. Life always throws up fresh opportunities to rebuild and no knowledge goes waste. Move on ….
I know you must be depressed and have low self esteem but that is a phase.
Rebuild your life, learn from the experience and dont worry
You have a great life ahead
Hang in there, Indian Gal.
Good. She can take some action to have a share in the property after sometime too, right? After she comes out of the shock of leaving him.
Good luck to her.
Wish you all the luck ..hope this works out in your interest..
Hi Indian Gal…
Letting go is difficult,but you have to,when your heart says to..It makes the world of difference…God bless you..
“Its hard when you love someone, you cannot be smart and tough at the same time with him” — that explains everything. So true !
Dear, dear Indian Gal,
I wish you all the luck in the world. May you soon find your path. If you need any kind of help, I`ll be happy to stick around. I`m so glad you had the strength to go through a separation. I hope and pray that you eventually realize that its a step forward in the right direction. Lots of prayers for peace coming your way.
-Piper
IHM,
I read your reply to my comment on this previous post. Heyy, but that is exactly what I meant. That a life alone may not be easy, but it`ll definitely mean a far more peaceful existence. You go out, make new friends, start afresh. Isnt that how life is supposed to be? Shouldnt we be the boss in our own factory of happiness?
And here`s another thought too. I completely second GM. She doesnt have to give up really. If she has a lawyer fighting the case for her, is it not possible to get her back her due??
My sincere wishes to u Indian Gal.
Trust me taking the first step is the most difficult thing and U’ve done it…
So cheerup ….. may u rise and shine
Indian Gal, Hold on and hang in there. You are much stronger than you think you are. You will get through this. Our prayers always.
Way to go, Indian Gal. hang in there and you will emerge a better and stronger person. All the best.
Wow she still loves him? I hope she finds life a little better and more bearable post the divorce.
BTW love the new header!
courageous act. Hats off to you. I am sure you will be a role model for many who are sailing in the same boat.
I understand it is very difficult for us , the women to get out of a relation and that too of a married relation as we are more involved with our husbands and we try to give our best and our whole to the relation. but we should not do it at the cost of our identity and more so our own being
i applaud your step and wish you all the best
one more thing don’t let him go scot free. take your due and teach him and all others who are like him a lesson so that no one else has to suffer like you did
all the best for your new life
i second that advice – get a tough lawyer to represent you.. and see where it goes..you owe that to yourself.. really you do.
If this helps, i know a girl who went to pick up her stuff from her husband’s house, and he physically bullied her. The girl called up the police control room, and 2 constabled stood around while she packed her stuff.. i thought that was super cool!!
Best of luck and Walk with hope in your heart and you will never walk alone!
Poor thing.
I can’t decide if i should be happy for her that soon enough she will be free…or get worried about what will she do now since in the time of recession it’s damn difficult to get a new job in IT sector..that too without proper qualification. May God bless her and help her to get through with everything.
My first thought after reading the post was “how can she still love him?? “… but may be his bad behavior is not enough a reason for her to stop loving him. I wonder whether he knows this. If he knows how much she loves him and still taking this step and behaving this way… then may be he is a gay :/.
Anyways…. wish you all the best girl… have faith in yourself and don’t look back now. Just concentrate on your new life with a positive attitude and may God bless you with all the happiness that you deserve.
God bless you Indian Gal.
Pick up your life and move on. No one has the right to cause you so much pain, and I think you have been really gutsy to deal with it. It might hurt for a bit, it might be difficult, but it is the right thing to do… the only thing to do.
Realize that you are God’s child too, and have every right to be who YOU chose to be.
Keep the faith!
Belive in yourself and everything will be ok
its better to cry once than crying everyday.
good luck
IHM, kitthe ho?
All week gone by without a post
To be frank, I am surprised at the responses. Nobody even thought it necessary to hear the other side before sending their opinions….all ex-parte decisions. Might be, all Indians have become too forward and I am still lagging….don’t know!
Hey IHM,
Hope things are allright. No new posts since so many days!
Good Luck Indian Girl!
I hope it all works out.
convey all best wishes to her…
that marriage is/was a farce. the sooner she gets out of it, the better it is for her well-being!
IHM, so u are here and i am still wondering that why you are not updating your blog (previous one)
Regarding this post i just wonder that why love and feelings can’t be reciprocal. This girl still has feelings for that man. But i think that should not come in the way of her fight for her rights.
Oh Indian Gal!!! Good Luck And god bless…
U’ve taken a good decision to move on… I knw how it is… u just wanna forget everything, get a divorce as soon as possible and move on… but and I speak from experience… follow richajn’s advice, she’s covered everything…
Have faith in your self and do not ever give up. Good luck lady!
IHM….where are you???? missing u!!
Hey, where have you been? Miss reading you..
hello hello hello Ihm where are you?
coming to IHM’s blog after a very long time.
Read Indian Gal’s post with a lump in my throat. went thru some very similar times three years back.
I too walked out with just my clothes. Got a mutual consent divorce. today I feel i should have asked and insisted on all the things I purchased with my hard earned money and mom gave as gifts in my marriage to be returned.
But the fact remains that I am just glad that its over and i walked out when I did.
Write your vision for yourself. You have a powerful voice. Hey, watch a little SRK!
hey Indian girl. I have lived in several abusive relationships. I too walked away from money and property i was entitled to. My decision was that it was better for me to cut ties asap, rather than drag myself through a bitter and ugly battle. I know you are hurting more than your words can express, but remember the best revenge is living well–which i think you will definitely do. Once you have been out of the situation for a while you will realize that you are now truly free. good luck. I will pray for you.
another cool banner… but where is the lady whose banner this is??when do we see u back IHM??
Hey IHM…
Hope evrythingz fyn…