Today is International Men’s Day.
Men don’t need a day?
They do.
Men need freedom from being Sperm Donors to be accepted as involved, responsible, committed and loving fathers. And they want respect for fatherhood.
Men also need freedom from being Providers. Many men would prefer to pursue hobbies, be home makers or pick jobs which aren’t a secure source of income. The society misses out on some great authors, photographers, artists, chefs, social activists, great dads, great musicians and scientists, because men have to be Bread Winners.
Freedom from being Protectors, and freedom to be partners and friends.
International Men's Day
Collage created from images from Microsoft Clipart Gallery.
When I was fifteen I heard my granddad was going to let my mother return some cash that she had borrowed from him. I thought he should refuse.
My mother said she would have never accepted the money if it wasn’t a loan. He would not even have offered it because he would need it in the coming years.
My logic: Whenever he needs it, you give him. What’s all this loan and return in a family? Aren’t you his daughter?
My mother: And what if I turn out to be selfish or have my own requirements and find I can’t help him when he needs it? Should he depend on my decency or should he ensure I borrow and return responsibly? And hasn’t he given me an education and ensured I am self reliant?
In ‘Baghban’ Raj Malhotra gives away all his savings to his sons, sure of equal reciprocation. He tells his banker his four sons were his ‘bank balance’. He is disappointed.
The movie should have stressed on planning for one’s old age.
The couple had no real life of their own. Happiness is only found when Raj finds an interest and new friends. Pooja (Hema Malini) his devoted wife remains dependent on him, she would be helpless if he died before her.
In his later years my father often spoke of how glad he was that they had planned well for their old age. He knew his wife would be comfortable if he died first. Every financial decision was planned together so nobody can fool my mother. Dad taught us to talk about death as an unpleasant but unavoidable fact of life.
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His treatment was expensive. He laughed about how much cash he swallowed every morning and how much each day cost him. He could afford to joke about it even if it made us cry. Because he they had planned for it.
A friend’s widowed mother signed papers that allowed the eldest son to sell all property to pay back his unexplained debts. Now they will be moving into a rented apartment. Shouldn’t she have been more aware of their financial situation?
Another friends’ father in law divided all property in his lifetime. His educated, once working wife got a small part. Why did they need everything when they were together but she needed only a small part when she was alone? If the dividing was left to the surviving partner, she would have been able to provide better for herself, and then passed to the children whatever was left. Or the hope for inheritance could have bought her some support.
A society that aborts female babies to avoid dowry expenses should know that we can’t depend on goodness of heart in matters of money.
A friend’s diabetic parents have to request their son to buy them Sugar Free. The son has teenage kids and their career related expenses. My friend is hurt that her parents have to often drink their tea ‘pheeki’ (tasteless). Shouldn’t she and her husband share the responsibility? Some husbands don’t like this, but they are legally and morally responsible too.
In ‘Baghban’ Raj Malhotra and his wife could have been shown turning to a daughter. Legally daughters have same responsibilities (and rights) even if they have brothers. Some girls’ in-laws may not like it, but this should change. When daughters start taking the responsibility of taking care of their parents hopefully they will stop being seen as a burden.
Also parents who have only daughters seem to plan better for their old age, which seems to indicate that sometimes the expectation of living with sons prevents parents from planning. Not everybody can write a super seller like Raj Malhotra, but everybody can make retirement a time to travel, socialise, shop, swim, play cards and visit their children by planning well.
I didn’t include social work, because I see no reason why old age should be associated with service, and not with fun.
Normally three members in the family race each other to the door when the bell rings.
Mr GS is Gabbar Singh, our Lab.
Sher Khan is Mr SK, the cat who owns us… [not ShahRukh Khan I am afraid 
]
Ms Mutt? (Ms M) A dog with a cat’s mind 
SK thinks she is his mother, and she is the only one who can walk away with GS’s bone, although she is half his size.
But this morning they sensed who rang the door bell. The Vet is only the only human they are afraid of… and hence THIS 55 WORD FICTION CONTEST.
THE PRESTIGIOUS POLKA DOTTED CUP
But there are some who not need me to tell them all this! Here’s what our Honorary Judge HRE Hitchwriter has to say in his 364 words judgement
I was pinching myself when I read a DM from IHM !!! She wanted me to judge a contest!! Off late I was in work and wasn’t really scanning the reader but here I am !!!
The best part about judging a contest is you don’t have to worry about the guessing !!! phew…
When I got the DM I read this post of 55’er from IHM and I gotta seriously admit I had no clue !!!! But since I am the only honest guy going around I guess IHM decided that I am going to be playing judge… and I must confess I have not received a single bribe offer thanks to her not declaring who the judge would be !!! Sigh
: (
The winner.. err… first of all … I must say this…
Smita – she is last !!!!!!! what a guess !!!!!!!!!! seriously even people like me who didn’t guess were better I guess !!!!!!!!!
p.s. had to get vimmmuu involved to get Smita’s eyes off me.. !!! phew !!!
And
Solilo is debarred from all future contests… this lady is seriously bugged with SRK !!! she cant think of anything other than Shahrukh khan so unless we have a contest in which the answer is Shahrukh Khan we wont let her participate !!! sigh !!
The winner well there are too many of them who have their screw loose… I told IHM if anyone guesses it right … they have to be seriously good guessers and the best guessers are ….
Rakesh
Ritu – she was near about there, plus she was willing to give a bribe !!
Suranga
Quirky Indian – boy your aim is too good and precise !
Pins and Ashes – yes your brains are indeed dead !
Shilpadesh
Crafty – yes the polka dotted mug is yours !!!!
Deeps, Parul, Comfortablynam were close but they didn’t spell the VET !!!!
Some were really imaginative… milkman, taxman (I thought that too
), loan shark, insurance agent and what not !!!
Congrats to all the winners and I await some goodies from ya all !!!!
Guessing is my Cup Of Tea
Guess what’s happening in the 55 words fiction below and and win this badge. Judges’ names not to be revealed until announcement of results to avoid allegations of foul play and bribing.
[If you are not reading this at (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/), then you are reading stolen content. The owner of the site you are on has stolen this article and is making money by you reading it. If this article interests you, please go to (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/) to read it on its original site and do not return to this one. Thank you.]
The door bell rang.
Terrified stiffening… followed by chaos.
Mr SK ran past the domestic helpers he trusted, to hide in a wardrobe. Ms M pushed her ageing self under a bed.
Others stood up, a chair fell… breakfast was forgotten.
Startled by the chair, Mr GS was trapped.
The visitor smiled.
Mr GS shivered.
Sindoor, Tali and Mangalsutra on WordPress Homepage
My post ( http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/sindoor-tali-and-mangalsutra/ ) has just been promoted to the homepage of WordPress.com.
Thanks a million, WordPress.com Team!
On the day of my dad’s funeral, somebody pointed out that it was cold and my mother should have a shawl. I got up to get one. A well meaning relative followed me. I picked a maroon shawl. The well meaning relative muttered, “Red won’t be appropriate, take the beige one.” I assured her maroon would be just fine, knowing I was older than her and my mom was in no state to object.
Later mum mentioned how another acquaintance had pointed out one Mrs S, who was so distraught after her husband died that even a year afterwards; she hardly ate unless someone persuaded her to eat. Perhaps she needed a maid for a while. Join Yoga classes. Get out and meet people, anything to lift her spirits, and help her get on with life. Instead she was used as a subtle example of good widowhood.
A friend who is originally from Nainital lost her dad. She was expected to request some male cousins to perform the funeral rites. She was also expected to watch her relatives take away coloured saris and shawls from her mother’s gorgeous collection. She did neither. Some jaws dropped. She performed all rites and her mother still wears sindoor, and is still complimented for her lovely taste in saris.
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When I visited my mum later, she explained, “If I don’t use lipstick, my lips feel dry…” All her life she drank tea or water before applying lipstick, because (unlike her daughters) she hates leaving lipstick marks on teacups. What made her think she needed to justify her use of lipstick now? I reminded her how as a 68 year old grandmother; she could be a role model for the younger women she interacted with. How proud I was when I told well-meaning relatives, “My 68 year old mother wears sleeveless/lipstick/pretty colours/diamonds… ” etc. I didn’t even want to mention how dad never cared for such customs.
Old age can be empowering in our culture. Suddenly the same old opinions become respectable.
I love putting sindoor (vermilion) on the forehead and filling the hair parting with it. We even have jokes about how one can intentionally let some of this gorgeous red powder sprinkle on the nose because that indicates a loving husband. But all this is only for parties and occasions. In daily life I don’t even wear a bindi or a nose pin. Most of my friends don’t either, though some wear mangalsutra inside their shirts. (Inside because they realise that generally these symbols don’t go well with western clothes)
Sometimes a rare well meaning acquaintance would point out ‘bare arms‘ (i.e. no bangles).
Another one once said one should either always wear sindoor or never.
Why?
Because it wasn’t a fashion or a style statement.
No? Then what was it?
Why do women wear sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, bichia, tali etc? To show they are married. Why do they need to ’show’ or announce they are married? (Please don’t bring love into it, because evn the most unhappily married women wear these). And then why are they expected to take these symbols off when their spouse dies? Do they stop being married?
Manusmriti has answers? But of course! [will link or write another post later]
Bollywood has answers too!
Those who follow this traditionally should know what the symbols imply. For those who wear sindoor and mangalsutra like they wear lipstick and a pretty neckpiece these become what they should remain – just some pretty ethnic adornments.
Ruchi’s mother in law tells her that the matar paneer she cooked was good. Ruchi smiles.
Speaking slowly and dramatically Ruchi’s husband confesses that he had something to tell her, which he should have told her earlier…
What’s he going to tell her?
My sister watching with me wondered if he would confess that he cooked the meal. That would have been great. But no such hopes. He tells his wife she cooks better than his mother.
Their little girl witnesses this most important moment in her mother’s life – her cooking skills being acknowledged by her father, as being better than her grandmother’s. I am sure this is just one of her many lessons in social conditioning.
One must appreciate a good meal. Cooking is an important skill– all men and women should be able to feed themselves.
[If you are not reading this at (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/), then you are reading stolen content. The owner of the site you are on has stolen this article and is making money by you reading it. If this article interests you, please go to (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/) to read it on its original site and do not return to this one. Thank you.]
But this man never really gave her a compliment; he simply made an unnecessary comparison and attempted to start a competition of which he made himself the judge. They must now go all out to impress him.
He might next judge the best gajar ka halwa, the whitest shirt, the cleanest bathrooms, and who accepts the challenge of keeping his heart safe with Safola Gold. 
He seems to believe that their happiness depends on who he thinks is a good cook the better cook. What else do these women live for?
He takes it for granted that these family members will continue to wish to live in the same house and compete for his compliments.
He will think it’s radical to suggest that the Joint Family system is biased in favour of some citizens.
But he will understand why some of those who support the tradition of Joint Family, do not like to live in joint families if they have to live with their wife’s families.
Nita commented on Smitha’s blog about how she chose to read blogs over responding to every comment on her posts, because there just isn’t time to do everything one wants to do.
I have wondered about this too. I remembered Nita’s poll last year – and decided to try the same to find some answers.
Your vote remains anonymous as WordPress does not give out the IP addresses of those who vote.
What do you like to read on this blog?
Two commenters pointed out last week that I was updating too often. So how much is enough, and when does it become too much? Please choose one option.
I like reading blogs – it’s like hearing the opinions of many people, but I miss some interesting blog updates while hopping from Google Reader to Readomattic to the Blogroll on my Blogger blog. I wonder how others keep track of all the blogs they like to read.
And how do you read this blog?
Why do you read this blog?
Thank You!
If you do not hate comments (and readers),
1.Disable word verification, make it easier (and sometimes possible) for a reader to comment
2. Make it easier for a reader to reach your blog, add blog url to email and twitter profiles.
3. Don’t forget to fill in your blog url (mine is http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/) while commenting on WordPress blogs. (Generally required only once).
4. Leave url-foot prints for readers to follow.
Could it be simpler?
Edited to add: I would like to thank Suranga for creating this badge, we can use this with a change of name whenever this happens to any other blogger -
'Hall Of Shame'- Badge by Suranga.
This morning Dreamer tweeted to inform that my blog was being duplicated here. Horrified, I sent tweets to all friends and to the Blogadda team…
And was overwhelmed by the support… (No words will be enough here – let me just say thanks!)
Saritha has faced this very recently… ( Just days before Shah Rukh Khan’s Bday too )
Chandni who faced this and has successfully got a culprit to take the site down, suggested a post.
Although it’s Shah Rukh Khan’s birthday, Solilo tweeted a link to Copyscape. One click took me to the pages of Shet AlShah…
Since every single post was being duplicated, I wanted to make a prediction about their next post. Crafty Shines thought that was err… wicked! (Read her post below to see who is wicked!)
Solilo Don suggested flowers, Harish K called it Gandhi Giri, Smitha P thought it would be a seriously fun post.
So Gandhi Giri it is!
Shet AlShah
This is to advise you that the entire content by Indian Homemaking at http://www.shetalshah.com/menu/indian-homemaking/ is originally from my blog called ‘The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker’ at http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/. This is original content and I am the author and copyright holder.
Please remove the plagiarized material immediately.
If you don’t believe in Gandhi Giri…
Mandira’s post – ‘Plagiarism at it’s very best’ 
Crafty Shines post- Plagiarists Beware. 
Minal’s post – ‘Down with plagiarism‘
