Teacher arrested for raping six year student.

How did a horrific crime like this go unreported for days? What was the first reaction of the school? Did they attempt to deny any responsibility? There is so much to say… I am too outraged to say anything, but would like to extend full support to the parents and to the little girl. Skating teacher arrested for 6-year old girl’s rape in Bangalore school

BANGALORE: A paedophile skating instructor arrested on Sunday for the rape of a six-year-old girl in an east Bangalore school allegedly tried to abuse at least four other children in the past three years. There are also doubts if he was using photos of his victims for pornography. “We have reliable information that he used to click photographs of children and would also show them obscene videos of children in the Whitefield school (where he worked before 2011),” police commissioner Raghavendra H Auradkar said after announcing the arrest of Mustafa alias Munna, 30.

Rape of 6-year-old girl in Bangalore school sparks outrage.

A six-year-old girl, studying in Class I in Vibgyor High school in Bangalore, was raped, allegedly by a teacher, police said on Thursday. Two school staffers have been detained for the crime. The incident took place on July 2 but was reported to police after a medical examination of girl some days ago.

How would you react if you knew your son (or daughter) felt this way?

Sharing an email.

” I wish they just become bad… too bad… too abusive that they start beating me. That would be easy for me then.”

What would you say to him if you were his parents? How would you react if you knew your son (or daughter) felt this way? 

What advice would you give to the email writer?

’24 year old guy: Help needed Desperately’

Hey there,

I am struggling with a challenge which might seem quite ridiculous at first, and may be it is, but I can’t seem to come out of the situation. I live in a traditional Indian family. But through my small rebels, I was able to create a tiny bit of freedom for myself. And, my parents are supportive of me at some level compared to the rest. Though they still are traditional parents, but compared to what I hear and what I read on your blog, they don’t stop me from doing what I want (in most cases). And that is the problem. They are just normal people… good…fine… OK people. Not abusive, not threatening. Nope. Nothing like that. Just common ordinary people of ordinary lives. I am 24 years old and staying with my parents.

I know it is being very destructive for my growth to stay at home and be lazy and continue the living style my parents inherited from their… and continue the same trend. I am big on personal growth, wants to come out of conformity, escape the rat race, living adventurous life and I keep doing what my current level of growth and confidence allows me to. I just can’t live fully at home, and can’t do all these things I desire, that I know for sure. I want to move out. I want to constantly travel, from one place to other. Try new challenges. And living at home is very limiting. My parents may be slight above in par than the traditional Indian society but that shouldn’t make everything OK.

They don’t encourage me. Don’t support my growth plans, even if they are good.

My parents even make fun of my goal of vegan diet. They think it is too impractical in India. They call my decision of leaving meat as “pretentious” and boring. Can you believe that? They don’t allow me to buy good healthy expensive cooking oil from my own money, just because it is expensive and they don’t know why I do such thing. They don’t understand my habit of reading books. They call me “Kitaabi Keera”.

They still constantly ask, not force, but ask politely to take a regular job. Which I have clearly told them I will not. And I am earning myself through a writing job which does not pay that well. But I take care of my own needs. And this discussion of job still come up every single day. But other than that, they are, I guess, nice people. Normal average people. Don’t abuse me. They give me some level of freedom which THEY think is appropriate but not the “real” freedom. So the problem is – I want to move out but parents are blackmailing me emotionally. Which I think is selfish nature. Whenever I talk about moving out they make sad face. Their tone of voice changes. They just WANT me to stay at home and live a mediocre life like they did. They are so bored and afraid of life that they can’t think of anything they could do themselves, without me. This is utterly sad and depressing. The love between mom and dad is totally gone. They are just living and counting days. (And are they expecting me to do the same?) But they never really pressurize me to stay, never really threaten me to stay, which is the problem itself. Because if they did, I would move out that day only. I know that is completely out of line. But they don’t do that. They become sad, helpless, lonely. that is where I get stuck. I wish they just become bad… too bad… too abusive that they start beating me. That would be easy for me then. I don’t know what to do. I can’t live at home anymore. I have a lot to explore and staying at home at 24 years of age is depressing. Don’t tell me I can stay at home and make it worthwhile without knowing about my passion and goals. And this is one of the hardest decision I have faced in my life. Can’t stay… can’t move out. It scares me to even think of a sudden crisis, an unfortunate event at home, which might happen when I am out of city. Will I who be blamed? I know I can not just stop thinking about it and move out with my stuff. That is just not possible. The solution is somewhere inside me, somewhere I have to grow, give a shot at making them understand, something, I don’t know.

Please give me some advice.

Thank for you reading the whole rant.

Related Posts:

An email: I am 18 year old male from a traditional (read:backward) Indian family.

“You can listen to your parents and be unhappy or you can go against them and feel guilty – those are your choices?”

“When the time comes to support them, they back out and and blame the children for misusing their trust and freedom.”

Against your child’s happiness

An email: I want my parents to know the real me, why do I have to lie?

Why do we hear concerned voices about ‘misuse of freedom’ the moment we talk about Freedom?

‘We grew up in a very liberal family. We knew what our limits were and our focus was our education. We never betrayed our parents.’

An email from an Indian Husband… and a Good Indian Son.

What kind of sons do Feminists raise?

Why are mothers ignored, asks SC

While we claim to ‘worship’ mothers ( well, atleast the mothers of male children) do we really respect mothers or motherhood? 

How does the society ensure that motherhood does not come in the way of self reliance and basic human rights for women? (Do we give this a thought?)

Instead, it seems, many of us expect some parents (only women) to look upon parenting as a sacrifice, social obligation and duty.

Rights? Few.

Responsibilities? 

But here is a small ray of hope. 

Why are mothers ignored, asks SC

Link shared by K

Mothers hardly match the authority a father commands in official documents necessary to prove a person’s identity. While the father’s name prominently figures in government documents, the mother is usually given the go-by.

 

The Supreme Court is all set to change that.

….

The petition, filed by journalist Madhav Kant Mishra from Allahabad, says ignoring the parenthood of the mother in government documents is in gross violation of the Fundamental Right to Equality under Article 14 of the Constitution. It sought an ordinance making the mother’s name compulsory in documents.

Do we really respect mothers? 

How are mothers treated in Indian culture?

Mommy Guilt: A Western Influence.

An email: “I find it very hard to forgive my husband for all that happened at the time of my delivery.”

How can the society ensure that marriage (and homemaking and motherhood) does not result in women becoming financially dependent on their husbands?

Society benefits immensely from childbearing, childrearing, and caregiving work that currently goes unpaid.

‘How I am going to manage two toddlers, work, home, chores etc etc without any physical and moral support from my in laws?’

Why Scandinavian women make the rest of the world jealous.

An email: “She is considering having an abortion without telling her husband about it.”

“…and every month if my periods get delayed I am given a weird look and it clearly shows that she is afraid i might get pregnant again.”

How are mothers treated in Indian culture?

Would Indra Nooyi like to be the kind of mother to her daughters that her mother has been to her?

An update: “My friend is having the baby because her mother absolutely refused to support her decision to abort.”

Sometimes also used to control women’s freedom and choices:

New scare for urban women: Menopause in 20s

“I waited for maternal love to overcome me – it didn’t… After my baby was born, I didn’t feel anything…”

Mere consent to conjugal rights does not mean consent to give birth to a child for her husband.

An email: Is it selfish to not want to be parents yet?

Woman you are not doing anybody a favour…

An email: “I find it very hard to forgive my husband for all that happened at the time of my delivery.”

Some other points that SC has raised in the past:

Daughter-in-law should not be treated as domestic help, says Supreme Court

Marry Or Live With Anyone Of Your Choice.

Plain-clothed police officers, warning signboards, cancellation of permits, helplines: SC directs States to take serious steps to curb Street Sexual Harassment.

Don’t let off rapists on flimsy grounds, SC tells courts.

Why does Gender Sensitivity in Legal Language matter.

10 Things to say to everybody else, but never to a woman.

Gender stereotypes, combined with gender segregation and misogyny seems to have convinced many that some of us (mainly women) are mysterious beings – illogical, unpredictable, and thus difficult to understand.

Wordssetmefree shared this link: 10 Things never to say to a woman

Such articles seem to indicate that basic courtesy, respect, personal space and good manners are special favours – mainly when extended to women.

And that it is not manipulative to monitor, comment upon and control the personal choices of other people (specially women).

Take a look at some of the tips.

Tip number 1:

Tip number 1 seems to assume that men and women are obsessed with how much women weigh and that women’s happiness depends on men’s approval of women’s body-weight.

Who created this definition?

“Your girlfriend is, by definition, as light as a feather and nimble as a ballerina. To so much as whisper a hint of the notion that she might be, you know, otherwise, is to risk paying a price as heavy as you suspect her to be.”

So, according to this tip, women can’t be happy unless they have won men’s approval (and succeeded in pleasing them).

The men deserve sympathy, advice and support, because they bear the burden of assuring women of their success in making them (the men) happy. And this is the biggest challenge for men in relationship with women.

This tip also assumes being ‘light as a ballerina’ is the ideal for women to work for (while the rest of the world can be themselves, or healthy or fit or strong etc).

So men are advised not to ask, “Are you really going to eat all that?”

Please consider, why would we say this to anybody – man or woman?

Unless,

1. Maybe we wanted to eat some of it?

2. Because we are paying for it and can’t afford the quantity?

3. Because we are the person’s personal dietician, paid to monitor their portions?

4. Because we just say things that make no sense even to our own selves?

5. Because we are raised to believe that women are supposed to eat the last and the least?

6. Because we believe a woman’s body is everybody’s business. And she lets everybody down by eating in ways that might not help her fit into their expectations?

Would men find such questions offensive? Why, or why not?

Maybe men are more likely to be asked to eat well and to be stronger than all the other men in their social circle.

Tip number 3: 

“My ex used to … “

‘Anything you say with the words “my ex” in it will be held against you… Of course it’s natural to compare your girlfriends, but keep it to yourself.’

Would you say this is something that should not be said specifically to women?

Are non-women more amenable to being compared to exes?

This stereotype is even more ironical in a culture where jealous, entitled and insecure men are known to honor kill, sexually assault, burn alive, or attack with acid, blade, MMS clips.

Tip number 6:

“Yeah, she’s hot”

Chances are she lured you in with an innocent question, like, “Do you think she’s cute?” … You must lie quickly and reflexively. … In fact, you win extra points for casually finding fault in her the closer you look. Watch your girlfriend light up as you say, “Is it me, or is her nose a bit weird?”

Same as Point 3 above.

Also, Jealousies and one-upmanship are sometimes seen as machismo.

Tip number 7:

“What’s up with your hair?”

“She’s allowed to have a bad hair day, but you’re not allowed to notice. For girls, hair isn’t just hair.”

Sounds like: She is ‘allowed’ to sometimes fail to win your approval. For women hair isn’t just hair, it’s failure to please you!

Tip number 9:

“Is this your time of the month?”

This advice is blatantly sexist.

It amounts to: Women tend to ‘shriek and stamp and then burst into tears for no reason’.  And when this happens it is only because they are ‘deranged by hormones’. (While, when men ‘shriek and stamp’ – they have been provoked into natural manly anger.)

Tip number 10:

“I love you”

This is supposed to be the magic pill, the cure-all, the instant fix. But the thing about the L word is that it sends women into a heightened sense of awareness. As soon as they hear it, they can tell whether or not you mean it.

Again, is this a women-specific trait? How would the rest of the world react to this?

Related Posts:

Weird, funny facts about Misogynists.

This encourages double standards.

Boy friends are new parents

Why We Laugh With Kapil at Things That Are Not Funny at All

“For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.”

A light hearted take on the way future is dear to the girls and present to the boys?

 

“These people saw my jeans. What they did not see was how much I fought everyday to assert my right to wear them.”

Sharing an email from The Vamp.

Dear IHM,

I am writing to you today, just to say thanks.

I wrote to you because I find a kindred spirit in you; reading this blog has saved my happiness and life.

Earlier, being a part of the patriarchal system as a DIL married into an orthodox household, I was upset without realizing what exactly I was upset for. Like I said earlier, I unsuccessfully tried to kill myself. Although I had been suffering from these suicidal bouts ever since I was in my pre-teens, the depression exacerbated itself after marriage when things got more real.

In your blog, I found some rationale for a lot of thoughts that were going on in my mind.

My parents were the best. Still, why was it that many of their thoughts upset me?

Why was I angry with so many people who were fat-shaming me? After all it happened to everyone else.

Why was I constantly pushed by a need to prove myself the best everywhere and constantly worrying about it, be it academically or professionally?

Why was it an ultimate feat for me to pass two SSC exams, one CLRI interview, and one public service commission exam, topping two university entrance tests, but without being really interested in them?

Why did I want to slap everyone who had ridiculed me for a totally unrelated thing (my being fat) with my academic and professional achievement?

Why did I dress badly and eschew feminine appearance just to prove myself strong, although I really loved delicate, flimsy and hot pink ‘feminine’ clothing?

Why did I take pride in being a tomboy in my teens even though I was quite the opposite internally?

Why was I trying to show off my skill with patriarchal beliefs, customs and traditions after marriage?

But even when being lauded for these efforts, why was I still unhappy and suicidal?

Though counseling helped me calm my mind, your blog answered a lot of these questions.

Today, I am still the same introvert. I am still what you’d call overweight, although pretty. But, I am at peace. I am no poster child for feminism. But, I have found my own comfort zone between conservativeness and liberation. At least I know what liberation looks like.

The most important change, however is, regardless of my beliefs, I am willing to push myself for others’ rights to live the way they want, whether or not I agree with it. I may not wear minis, but I will advocate someone else’s rights to wear them.

Some people say feminism goes too far. They think I have everything anyone would want so what is this whole fuss about? It seems that a woman being a postgraduate, wearing jeans and going to work in a corporate company represent the pinnacle of gender equality. It is not. As in my case, taking things for granted can kill you.

These people saw my post graduation. They never noticed that had I been less inhibited about myself living as a woman with limits, I would have done a doctoral in Scotland. They would have noticed that the very reason I chose Science was not because it was my passion, or I was good at it, or I was intelligent (the latter two, I am, truth be told), but because that was what my brother did and other peers considered smart. I chose this stream because I was ashamed of choosing English literature or History, lest I be looked down upon and teased further for being so benign. I abandoned my real passion and chose a stream that was considered more ‘male oriented’ and therefore, ‘intelligent’.

These people saw my jeans. What they did not see was how much I fought everyday to assert my right to wear them, no matter what others thought. What nobody saw was me walking into a clothing store to get a jeans my size (I’m not that big; I wear 34/36) and the shopkeepers giggling at me as if I had asked for a condom (which too isn’t fair). They did not notice how self-conscious I felt about my not so slim figure and always had reservations walking out, which my parents tried to fix by advising me “not to wear jeans as you don’t have the figure for it”. Nobody cared about all the subtle jibes and stares I was subject to, not because I looked bad in jeans (which is totally false as I know I am pretty and fashionable), but because I defied all those invisible rules set for overweight women, overweight fair women, overweight fair women from a conservative community, overweight fair women from a conservative community who wanted to look ‘respectable’. Finally, nobody stood by me when my in-laws passed diktats against jeans, citing that “married girls must look married” and that “you are not a college student anymore” and “what willchaar log think”. Nobody knew that the very act of wearing jeans was a battle I fought every day.

These people saw me working. They never noticed the compromises I made by moving in to my husband’s home after marriage, thus putting me 10 km further from my workplace. They never cared that after ‘work’, I had a second shift at home. They thought I had a maid so I must be having fun at home because after all that’s what working women do; neglect the home and go mad about their career. They never cared that my in laws have an eating/sleeping schedule which just does not support the wavelength of an average corporate employee. They watched me go to movies with my newlywed husband but never noticed me falling asleep on his shoulder due to severe exhaustion.

Feminists told me to get a divorce. Patriarchs told me to suck it up. Feminists said my husband was a jerk. Patriarchs said I was a loser. Everyone said I and my husband were idiots. But, nobody helped me live. Nobody helped US be. Everyone said we ought not to have married, but nobody guided us, two confused people and victims of Indian culture, on the right path to go about.

Your balanced views, on the other hand, helped me find that right zone where I was happy, being a non-confrontational person, without giving up on my rights. For once, I knew what, considering my strengths and weaknesses, I had to do to protect my rights. Firstly, I got to know what my rights were. With this strength, I got about making my life happy. It’s still in progress, but I can say I and my husband have both found that place where we are happy and respect each other’s differences. We only have to walk up there.

Thank you IHM, for all this.

Regards

Vamp

And then in response to my email:

Yes, of course I am at this stand today because I staunchly believe in feminism, that is to say, the textbook definition of feminism. I don’t however, support radicalism or militancy that many people do in the name of feminism.

 

 

दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया…

For those who don’t understand what’s wrong with sexist jokes. 

The Bride smiled and introduced the Groom’s younger brother, “Meet my Lord’s brother, he is half my Lord and Master.”

This is being shared on facebook, and I googled to find the original here: दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया…

दूल्हे ने अपने दोस्तों का परिचय साथ
खड़ी अपनी साली से करवाया
” ये है मेरी साली , आधी घरवाली “
दोस्त ठहाका मारकर हंस दिए !
दुल्हन मुस्कुराई और अपने देवर का परिचय
अपनी सहेलियो से करवाया
” ये हैं मेरे देवर ..आधे पति परमेश्वर “

…..


ये क्या हुआ ….?
अविश्वसनीय …अकल्पनीय!
भाई समान देवर के कान सुन्न हो गए!

दूल्हे , दूल्हे के दोस्तों , रिश्तेदारों सहित सबके
चेहरे से मुस्कान गायब हो गयी!
लक्ष्मन रेखा नाम का एक गमला अचानक स्टेज से
नीचे टपक कर फूट गया!
स्त्री की मर्यादा नाम की हेलोजन लाईट
भक्क से फ्यूज़ हो गयी!

 

Rough Translation:

After the wedding ceremony, the Bride and the Bride groom were both happy. Photo session started. The Groom introduced the Bride’s younger sister, “Please meet, the younger sister of the wife, she is half my wife.”

The Bride smiled and introduced the Groom’s younger brother, “Meet my Lord’s brother, he is half my Lord and Master.” 

Smiles vanished. Indian culture and patriarchy were seen as wounded.

This was seen as women crossing their Laxman Rekha by those who until moments ago were fine with a sexist joke since it was “just a joke!”

Suddenly a sound was heard from the sky. It was all the Indian women joining in laughter together.

What say?

Related Posts:

Adarsh Bhartiya Nari – Ideal Indian Woman… !!!

Why We Laugh With Kapil at Things That Are Not Funny at All

Do Indian women see socially reinforced gender inequality as a problem in the first place?

Chetan Bhagat’s Marriage Tips – Only for men. Just for fun, on a lighter note.

“It is like if you can’t prevent rape, enjoy it” CBI Director argues for legalising betting in sports.

Three Tweets and a 55 Words Response…

 

NGO for victims of domestic violence and abuse in Gurgaon

Dear IHM,

Would you or any of your readers have a reference of an NGO for victims of domestic violence and abuse in Gurgaon. One of staff members from my office’s housekeeping staff is facing some trouble at home.

Any references would be really helpful.

Thanks.

Related Posts:

If you had to to say something to inspire a victim of domestic violence to walk out, what would you say?

Some problems seem to have no solutions…

What advice would you give to a woman whose husband beats her when she does not give him lunch on time?

“What should l be doing? What good is my feminism if l don’t help this woman?”

“Some women harbor sexism and uphold patriarchy even when they have nothing to gain from it.”

Would Indra Nooyi like to be the kind of mother to her daughters that her mother has been to her?

Professional success and financial self reliance does not automatically create an understanding of gender injustice (or any injustice) and the role that plays in perpetuating misogyny (or any prejudice).

What made Indra K. Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo share how her mother treated her sister and her? Why did she want the world to know about this? What was she trying to convey? Is she proud of her mother… ?

Would she like to be the kind of mother to her daughters that her mother was to her?

Whether or not she wants to, in some ways, it seems, she might. Instead of explaining why she (and her husband) couldn’t attend the Class Coffee in their daughter’s school, she asked the school the names of other mothers who missed the meetings and told the daughter,

“ah ha, Mrs. Redd wasn’t there, Mrs. So and So wasn’t there. So I’m not the only bad mother.”

This is what guilt can do to parents, and this is why the dad didn’t need to be so illogical and so on the defensive.

What if the child understood that being a loving mother did not mean giving up something that made her happy? Why are working dads (generally) spared this guilt?

Nooyi said they were two sisters and they a have a much younger brother. Their mother was smart but couldn’t afford higher education and lived vicariously through her daughters. Their mother ‘put them through the paces of these aspirational jobs’, like she made them prepare presidential or prime ministerial speeches – (where she would decide who she would vote for), but she also threatened them with arranged marriages at 18 years of age.

Indra K. Nooyi says the sisters actually feared that this could happen. She did not believe she had a say in this? But isn’t this true for so many Indian women today? (of course it is, or else it wouldn’t be so easy for this minister in the previous post to ‘promise’ ‘wives’ to men in Haryana)

But, did Indra Nooyi see this as wrong? Does she come across as justifying this? Would she like to be the kind of mother to her daughters that her mother was to her?

How common in India are mothers who know their place and would like the daughters to know their place too – somewhere at the bottom of the family-hierarchy, with few rights and freedoms and with predefined duties?

I wonder if she ever – politely and respectfully, asked her mother what she thought would make her daughters happy. Was she brought up to ask questions and to seek honest answers? Does she sound like she is proud of the challenges she lives with? Does she seem to want to change the situation – or does she seem to be fine with it – maybe even justifying it (maybe, when she says she is sure her mother is proud of her but in their community they don’t believe in showing they are proud)?

Should she be burdened with the task of being a role model for Indian women, doesn’t that add further to the guilt?

Indra Nooyi explains that the men in the family put their foot down and did not allow the mother to arrange their marriages when they were 18. Why did the men know more about the changing times? Was it more about knowing that the girls could get away with not being married off at 18, or maybe even that careers could improve their marriage prospects – or was it about letting the daughters choose their own futures?

Also, if they were really liberal why didn’t the mother get similar opportunities and encouragement?

How would it have been if her mother was supportive, positive, not-misogynistic? And what if her husband was a little more involved – he did not know that there was no milk…. ?

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/07/why-pepsico-ceo-indra-k-nooyi-cant-have-it-all/373750/

Link shared by Madhavi with this question:

I am wondering how many working men, or all those intellectual male CEOs  need to choose between being a husband or a father and their work every day.

Related Posts:
Mommy Guilt: A Western Influence.

Do Indian women see socially reinforced gender inequality as a problem in the first place?

“Please help! How do I prove to my guy friends that women are equal to men? “

How can the society ensure that marriage (and homemaking) does not result in women becoming financially dependent on their husbands?

Society benefits immensely from childbearing, childrearing, and caregiving work that currently goes unpaid.

And if a woman demands equality, she should behave exactly like a male…?

Were Indian Women Better Off As Homemakers?

Why do men NOT have to choose between being a CEO and a father, but women have to make this choice.

Why do men NOT have to choose between being a CEO and a father, but women have to make this choice.

Guest Post by SK

I found Indra Nooyi’s recent interview disappointing,to say the least. Here’s the link  - Why PepsiCo CEO Indra K. Nooyi Can’t Have It All

Nooyi’s conversation with her mother:

“I had great news for you. I’ve just been told that I’m going to be president on the Board of Directors. And all that you want me to do is go out and get the milk, what kind of a mom are you?” And she said to me, “let me explain something to you. You might be president of PepsiCo. You might be on the board of directors. But when you enter this house, you’re the wife, you’re the daughter, you’re the daughter-in-law, you’re the mother. You’re all of that. Nobody else can take that place. So leave that damned crown in the garage. And don’t bring it into the house. You know I’ve never seen that crown.”

My comment: Agreed. But shouldn’t Nooyi’s husband too held to the same standard. He may be a CEO or have some other successful career, but when he comes home, shouldn’t he be a husband, father, son, son-in-law first? This is so so sad. Her daughter accomplished a great deal against great odds. The mother does not acknowledge this. She responds by insisting her daughter adhere strictly to gender stereotypes. She demands her to be a “mother and daughter first” while Nooyi’s husband doesn’t have to be a “father and son first”.

Nooyi on raising her daughters:

“And every day you have to make a decision about whether you are going to be a wife or a mother, in fact many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom. I’m not sure.”

My comment: Agreed, when we have children, it is our duty to be good parents,involved parents. And when we haven’t been as involved as we like, then the blame and guilt rests with both parents. Again why is the guilt only hers? He attends an important meeting and misses the kids’ performance, that’s understandable, but not when she does it? Actually if her husband shared in the parenting duties, they both would have nothing to feel guilty about. When something urgent comes up at work and one of us can’t keep up an appointment at school, my husband and I covered for each other numerous times. We always made sure one of us is there for the kids at a performance, and preferably both. It is possible for both parents to work and be involved with their kids – but only if both parents pitch in for parenting.

Nooyi on Parent Teacher Coffee meetings:

“Every Wednesday morning they had class coffee with the mothers. Class coffee for a working woman—how is it going to work? How am I going to take off 9 o’clock on Wednesday mornings? So I missed most class coffees. My daughter would come home and she would list off all the mothers that were there and say, “You were not there, mom.”

My comment: This is so outdated! They call these Parent Teacher coffee mornings. Either father or mother or another caregiver (grandma/grandpa) can go. My husband and I have taken turns attending these since my son was in pre-K. Now my
older one is 15, that’s 12 years of meetings, at least 4 per year, times 2 for both kids.
There are lots of dads at these meetings. Whichever parent is available will make it. We also had some families with gay parents. What are you going to say to them?

Sorry this is for moms only. You are a guy so you can’t attend? What planet is Nooyi living on? She’s the CEO of a Fortune 500 company in 2014 but living in the middle ages?

Nooyi calls herself “bad mother” to her daughter:

“The first few times I would die with guilt. But I developed coping mechanisms.

I called the school and I said, “give me a list of mothers that are not there.” So when she came home in the evening she said, “You were not there, you were not there.”And I said, “ah ha, Mrs. Redd wasn’t there, Mrs. So and So wasn’t there. So I’m not the only bad mother.”

My comment: Again, where’s dad? Is he even in the picture? Oh wait! He’s busy attending an important meeting, so yes we fully understand why he can’t make the coffee morning. So Nooyi is a ‘bad mother’ but he’s not a ‘bad father’? So this
is what a woman who could be a fantastic role model to young girls teaches her daughter? That not being able to make a Coffee morning makes her a ‘bad mother’?

I’ve always admired Indra Nooyi for her business skills and her leadership and how she got there despite the odds against her. Perhaps, this is why I found her responses so disheartening. If educated, highly successful women uphold such regressive ideas, what hope is there for those less privileged?

Why is it misogynistic to promise wives from Bihar to Haryana men who are not able to find wives?

Why is it misogynistic to promise wives from Bihar to Haryana men who are not able to find wives because of the skewed gender ratio in their state?

1. It implies that the biggest problem with the skewed gender ratio in Haryana is the men who are not able to find wives.

2. It implies that bringing wives from Bihar is the answer to the unwillingness of Haryana families/communities to have and to raise daughters.

3. It implies that we can continue to pretend that skewed gender ratio is caused because of Dowry demands alone and can be controlled by banning Sex Selection.

It lets us continue to not-ask -  Why don’t the people of Haryana (India) want to have and to raise daughters? Why does our society see daughters as unwanted burdens? Answers here.

4. But most of all – what about the women they are ‘bringing’?

Do these women have the option of choosing to marry men from elsewhere, or not marrying at all? Do these women feel entitled to freedom, equality, justice, reasonable safety, self reliance and equal opportunities?

How does providing single men with wives from other states help/affect the skewed gender ratio in Haryana?

Why ‘bring’ innocent women into a dangerous, misogynistic, sexist society, where, if they were born there, they would possibly have been killed in the womb or a little later?

Also, where, they would never be as powerful, entitled, self reliant, free, happy or fairly treated as the men are?

So what can be done for these young, unmarried men in Haryana? 

They are adults and they need to be informed that women are people, they are not born to be future-wives for men. That the men are not entitled to ‘wives’.

They should be encouraged to find out, question and challenge the Patriarchal norms that have lead to this unwillingness by an entire society to have girl children.

Maybe they will find out for themselves that banning sex selective abortions is not the answer because - 

But maybe they will not. Because they are being seen as victims and being ‘promised’ wives.

 

“…those youths in many villages who are roaming without brides will get one.”

Addressing a Kisan Mahasammelan (farmers’ meeting) at Narwana in Jind on Friday, Dhankar asked the gathering to strengthen the hands of BJP in the state, saying, “Making BJP strong also means that those youths in many villages who are roaming without brides will get one.”
Dhankar, who is BJP Kisan Morcha president and had lost the Lok Sabha polls to Congress’ Deepinder Hooda from Rohtak, said when he was touring the constituency, he used to hear tales that some youths were bringing brides from Bihar and other places.

“I told them that Sushil Modi (senior BJP leader in Bihar) is a good friend of mine. We will ensure a compatible match and do away with the practice of bringing brides from any other place,” he said.

Related Posts: 

Skewed sex ratio is not caused by sex selective abortions.

So what could make even the average, selfish, money-minded Indian family welcome baby girls?

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

India leads in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study

Response to “Koi Baap Apni Beti Ko Kab Jaane Se Rok Paya Hai”

Can we blame everything on patriarchy?

An email: If I am around people who think that having or giving birth to sons is everything in life how should I behave?

Do you think this video can make Indian parents want to have daughters?

‘I have grown up and gotten used to the fact that my parents are considered less fortunate since they did not have a son.’

“I don’t see the point of forcing parents to give birth to unwanted girl children.”